I’m sitting on the bench next to Max at the piano, singing the final few lines of Addie’s song. I finished writing it yesterday and asked Max to come in the studio with me to fine-tune, as only he can. The man is amazing when it comes to the melody, and he took my good song and made it fucking perfect.
Tiffany, Cami, and Mia are sitting nearby, watching with matching expressions of wide eyes and surprise as they take in the lyrics and melody. I was surprised when Mia and Cami accepted my invitation to come listen to Addie’s song. They’ve been nice enough to help me out over the past week, giving me a heads-up on where Addie was so I could have the flowers delivered directly to her, but now they’re going above and beyond, and I appreciate them.
Addie has some amazing people in her life.
And having them here is like having a piece of Addie here too, and I don’t give even one fuck about how silly that sounds. I’m desperate these days.
I hope their dropped jaws are a good sign. I know it’s a great song. I feel it in my bones, the way I do when I know that a song is going to be a hit. This song is that good, but will Addie like it? Because that’s the most important thing.
When the last note fades, all three girls stand, applauding. Cami wipes a tear from her cheek.
“Yeah?” I ask, hope surging in my chest.
“Oh yeah,” Cami says with a nod.
“Not just yes, but hell yes,” Mia agrees. “It’s so beautiful, Jake.”
“You know,” Tiffany says as all three girls approach the piano and lean against the side. “I’ve heard your love songs before. You’ve written songs that have won Grammys that were gorgeous love songs—”
“But they never felt like this,” Max finishes for her, smiling at her. “That’s what I told him too.”
“It’s special,” Cami says with a nod. “She’s going to love it, Jake.”
I nod, relieved. “I hope so. This has to work. It’s my last option.” I glance at Mia. “Did you talk to Mike?”
Mia, Cami, and Addie’s friend Mike have agreed to take on the weekend gig at Seduction until they’re able to replace me with someone steady.
“Yep, and he said that he’ll play ‘Drops of Jupiter,’ and you can come up onstage after that. He’ll be ready for you, and you can use his guitar.” Mia grins, then shakes her head. “I can’t believe you roped us into helping you so much this past week.”
“I couldn’t have done it without you,” I reply honestly.
“We’re doing it because we think you’re perfect for her,” Cami says. “And when she finds out, we might all be killed.”
“Let’s hope it doesn’t go that way,” Tiffany says with a laugh.
“I have to warn you,” Mia adds. “Don’t expect a scene out of a romance novel, Jake. This song is awesome, and all of your gestures have been very romantic, but it may take her a little while to process it all.”
“So he shouldn’t expect her to run up on the stage and throw herself into his arms?” Tiffany asks, raising a brow.
God, I should be so lucky.
“Probably not,” Cami says with a cringe. “I mean, we could be wrong, and she might run dramatically up onstage, throw herself into his arms, and pledge her undying love to him.”
“You know her the best. That’s why I asked for your help in the first place.” I look down at the keys and take a deep breath. “I just hope she doesn’t run off screaming in the other direction.”
“Or punch you,” Max suggests. “I mean, this could just piss her off.”
“Thanks, man.” I glare at my best friend. “Thanks for the encouragement.”
“She won’t hit you,” Cami says, but her face doesn’t look too confident. “She’s not usually the violent type.”
“She did hit Robert Valenetti in the fourth grade when he stole her pencil sharpener,” Mia reminds her.
“Well, Robert had it coming.”
I probably have it coming too. “Right now, I’d settle for any kind of communication from her. I haven’t heard one peep from her. How is she?”
Mia and Cami share a glance.
“She’s good,” Cami says with a smile.
“She’s sad,” Mia says with a shrug, earning a glare from Cami. “I won’t lie to you, Jake. She’s sad. But she’s okay. And Jake? You need to know that whether she’s with you, or without you, she will continue to be okay. Because that’s who Addie is.”
“And that’s just one more thing that I love about her, Mia. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I want her to be more than okay. But I hope she chooses to be awesome with me, because we will be so much better together than we would be apart.”
“Wait.” Max grips my shoulder. “Are those feelings coming out of your mouth?”
“I love her.” I shrug. “It’s as simple and as terrifying as that.”
“Well then, win your girl, handsome.” Tiffany smiles and pats her belly. “Because I like her. And I want her to stick around.”
I kiss Tiff’s cheek. “Me too, friend. Me too.”
I’M SO FUCKING nervous I can’t see straight.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this,” Christina says with a frown as she watches me pace in the parking lot of Seduction, pushing my hands through my hair. “I mean, I know that you sometimes get a little nervous, but not like this.”
“Is that sweat on your lip?” Max asks, then breaks out in laughter. He’s going to bust my balls for this. “Mr. Cool and Collected has stage fright.”
“Fuck you.” I glare at Max, then take a deep breath and laugh. “Yeah, you’re right. I do. My palms are sweaty. And for the first time in my life, I think I might need to throw up.”
“The song is awesome,” Tiffany reminds me. “Seriously, Jake, it’s so beautiful. You have no reason to be nervous.”
“I don’t think he’s nervous about the song,” Kevin says. His arm is wrapped around Christina’s shoulders. “It’s the woman he’s singing it for.”
“It’s going to be great.” Christina gives me a smile. The one she used to give me before gigs in our early days, when I still let the nerves take over. “I can’t wait to hear it.”
“We’d better get inside,” Max says, clapping my shoulder as he passes by. “You got this, bro. And if you need it, I’ll ask for an ice bucket so I can pass it to you onstage when you toss your lunch.”
“Very funny, asshole. Thanks.” I nod and watch my friends walk in the front door, then jog around to the back. When I walk into the kitchen, Mia grins and winks at me. “How is she?”
“Grouchier than I expected,” she says thoughtfully.
“Crap. That’s not good.”
“Actually, I think she’s grouchy because you aren’t here.” Her smile widens. “So I’d say it’s a great sign.”
“Did she say anything about me?”
“Not in study hall, but I might see her before choir,” Mia replies, rolling her eyes, then laughs. “No, she didn’t say anything, but I don’t expect her to. She’s in moving-on mode.”
“Let’s see if we can stall moving-on mode and instead kick her into forgiveness gear.”
Mike begins to sing “Drops of Jupiter,” and my heart immediately begins to race. I let out a gusty breath and rub my hands together. When he reaches the bridge, I walk into the dining room, sticking close to the outer edges of the tables where it’s a bit darker so Addie doesn’t see me.
But I can see her. She’s standing at a table, smiling at customers, nodding, one hand on a man’s shoulder. God, she’s gorgeous. I feel like it’s been years since I last saw her, rather than it being two weeks.
Two of the longest weeks of my fucking life.
Her hair is pinned up tonight, with loose curls hanging around her face. She’s wearing those fucking sexy black-rimmed glasses that I learned she only wears when she’s been battling a headache, along with a flowy red dress and black heels that beg for a man to bend her over the closest surface and fuck her blind.
I pray she gives me
the opportunity to do just that later tonight.
Right after I tell her how much I love her and explore every inch of her incredible body.
Mike finishes his song and, without a single word, passes his guitar to me and leaves the stage. The room quiets as customers watch, wondering what I’m doing. I glance up to see Max, Tiff, Chris, and Kevin at a table in the center of the room, but my eyes skim the tables, looking for Addie.
And there she is, at the right side of the room, watching me with a scowl.
“Good evening, folks. Don’t worry, Mike will be back out in just a few minutes. I thought I’d give him a break and sing a song for someone special.” My eyes are pinned to Addie’s. Her hands are clenched at her waist as she watches me. “I hurt someone I care about very much. Okay, I’ll be honest, I fucked up.” I shrug, playing the audience. “But I would regret it the rest of my life if I didn’t sing this song to her. I’ve been writing it since the day we met.”
A woman nearby lets out a loud “Awww!” I laugh and nod. “Yeah, I guess you could say that I felt that click the minute I first saw her. I don’t know that I believe in love at first sight, but boy do I ever believe in that click. So, this is for you, Addie. It’s called ‘If I Had Never Met You.’ ”
My fingers begin to strum the strings as Riley, Cami, Kat, and Mia join Addie, holding her hands and smiling in encouragement. I’m soon swept up in the lyrics, singing just to her as the rest of the room fades away, and I’m just looking into her beautiful face as the song comes pouring out of me.
If I had never met you, what would I be now?
I’d be incomplete and wasted, a man who lived without
I would not have seen the sunrise Monday mornin’
And I would not have smelled your hair as the sun was risin’
You take what’s broken, touch it softly, and make it better
You’re the stream of light that keeps on pushing,
gently breaking through
Into the darkest room
I watch as a single tear rolls down her cheek, and she reaches up mindlessly to brush it away. I want nothing more than to pull her into my arms and apologize. To tell her that everything is going to be okay.
But I’m not so sure that they are.
And if I had never met you, where would I be now?
I’d be searching, lost, and aimless, not knowing when, or how
I’d be looking for my happy ending story
I’d be staring down the broken road before me
You came into my life and saved me
From my wicked self and gave me
A reason to believe that there might be a bigger plan
All my fingers ache to play you
Both my arms have got to hold you
We will make sweet music like this Fender in my hands
What if I had never met you, where would I be now?
The song ends and the audience erupts into applause. I smile and nod, but then sober quickly as my worst nightmare comes true.
Addie says something to Kat, then turns away and runs out of the room, into the kitchen, and I’m sure right out the back door.
Fuck.
I pass Mike his guitar and weave through tables to where my friends are sitting, clapping and smiling.
“It’s over.”
“What happened?”
I don’t answer as I continue out the front door of the restaurant and to my car. I need to get out of here.
“Jake, stop!” Kevin calls. I turn to find not just all four of Addie’s friends but mine as well marching out after me.
“She left,” I say, my heart aching. “It’s over. She doesn’t want me.”
“I was watching her,” Tiffany says, shaking her head. “Jake, that was not the face of a woman who doesn’t want you.”
“She’s right,” Mia says. “I told you it wasn’t going to be pretty, remember?”
“Addie runs,” Cami says with a nod. “You have to go after her.”
“I’m done begging.” I’m so fucking frustrated.
“She doesn’t want you to beg, you idiot,” Kat says, rolling her eyes. “God, artists are so dramatic. Just go after her. Have a real conversation with her. Tell her what you want.”
“Go,” Christina says, nodding emphatically. “You’ve come this far, don’t give up now.”
“COME ON, ADDIE, answer,” I plead through the white door. “I know you’re home.”
I’ve knocked four times and she won’t answer.
“Take a hint, Jake,” her voice comes through the door. I close my eyes in relief and lean against the jamb.
“If you won’t open up, just listen to me. I have no problem talking through this door, Addie. And I don’t give a fuck if the neighbors can hear.” I swallow hard, gathering my thoughts. “God, I miss you, baby. It was so good to see you tonight. And I know that missing you is my fault. I fucked up big-time.”
I shake my head, and I think I hear her say, “No shit.”
“I got scared, Addison. I mean, there are all of these reasons for why I reacted the way I did, like thinking that I would somehow end up ruining your life, or disappointing you, but in the end, I realize that it was just pure fear. When I thought it was you in that accident, well, I didn’t know that I could feel terror like that. It put me in a bad place, sweetness.”
I’m quiet for a moment when she says, “Keep going.”
“Good, you’re still listening.” I grin. “I knew from the minute I first saw you that you were incredible. You’re so fucking beautiful, Addie. But more than that, you’re . . . you. Smart, kind, funny. When you smile, your whole being lights up, and you make everyone around you light up with you.” I lean my forehead on the door. “Open up, Addie.”
Nothing. So, I keep talking.
“So yes, from that first moment, I had plans, baby. I planned to spend as much time with you as you’d give me. I planned to get to know you, inside and out. And I found more in you than I ever expected to.
“You showed me what I need in a woman, Addison. I need someone who calls me out on my bullshit. I need someone who sees the fire in my eyes and wants to play with it, not try to extinguish it. I need someone who challenges me; in the bedroom, in my career, in my crazy head. And you know what? I found all of that in you.”
Still nothing, and it’s fucking killing me. I want to hold her while I tell her all of this. I don’t want to say it through this fucking door.
“I don’t know how else to say that I’m so sorry for how I acted. I should have come to you, shared my fears with you, rather than run. I should have trusted us as much as you did.”
I swallow hard. God, it really is over. What am I going to do without her?
“You know what, Addie? I learned more about myself in the two months I had with you than I did in my whole life. So, if nothing else, I have to thank you for that. I am so thankful, whether I’m a part of your life or not. And you’re probably right, you do deserve better than me. You deserve so much greatness. Please open this door, Addie. Please let me look you in the eyes so I can tell you how I feel about you.”
There’s a long pause, but finally, finally, she cracks the door, just so I can see her face. She’s not inviting me in.
“Thank you for all of that,” she says quietly. Her eyes are red, but she’s not crying now. “Thank you for the apology.”
“Can I please come inside?”
She chews her lip. “I don’t think so, Jake. I do appreciate your apology. It’s more than I’ve received before, and I didn’t realize how much I needed it until just now.”
“I’ve been apologizing to you all week, sweetheart.”
“No.” She shakes her head, looking resigned. “No, you’ve sent me pretty things and said that you missed me, which was also nice, don’t get me wrong, but that’s very different from an apology.”
I frown, shaking my head. “Addie—”
“No, I’m not saying this to guilt you,” she says. “Did it ever occu
r to you that while you were sending me expensive flowers and cheeseburgers, what I really wanted was you? Just you.” She smiles softly, taking in my hair, face, and chest. “I’ve never cared about the rest, Jake. The money, or the fame, or the cool house. Those are just the extras. I wanted you, because I felt that click too.”
“Addie—” I try again, but she interrupts me.
“I had an amazing time with you. You are a wonderful man, and you deserve so much greatness too. More than you give yourself credit for, I think.”
“I want you.” I lean in close, able to smell her now. “Just you.”
“You had me,” she replies softly. “And you hurt me.”
“I know. I’m so sorry.”
“The thing is, Jake, I’ve forgiven before, and it usually ends up the same in the end anyway. I get tossed aside for something else, whatever that may be. I don’t think I would survive it twice with you.”
“Let me inside, Addison.”
“No.” She swallows. “I want nothing but the best for you, Jake Keller.”
“You’re the best for me.”
“No, I’m not. Goodbye, Jake.”
She closes the door softly, and I’m stunned. What just happened? She’s saying goodbye?
“No. No, Addison, this is not goodbye. Damn it.” I pace away, pushing my hands through my hair, then back again, hoping that I’m wrong, that she’s opened the door and has come to her senses, but it’s shut and dark.
Jesus.
I didn’t realize that it’s true what they say, that when your heart is truly broken you can feel the moment it cracks. Until just now.
I’m pretty sure I’m bleeding out, right here on Addie’s doorstep.
And that’s fucking dramatic. But I don’t care.
No.
Chapter Nineteen
Addison
I can’t stop the tears, and I can’t have him see them. I’m leaning on the door as I hear his footsteps walk away. I push off and begin pacing around my living room, crying.
Damn it, I’ve shed enough tears over Jake Keller! And this mascara is expensive.
Why can’t he just go? I think I’ve made it very clear that I can’t trust him enough to take him back, and I can’t keep doing this. I can’t have constant reminders of him, practically every damn day!
Listen To Me (Fusion #1) Page 21