Empath

by Evans, S. Usher

  Looking up at the moon, she allowed the loneliness that had grown in her chest to flow out. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she let them to fall without wiping them away. It was a relief to allow herself to be sad out here in the quiet forest, not having to drag anyone else down with her mood. No one else would understand anyway. She had just saved a village; what did she have to be sad about?

  She heard a loud cheer from the tavern and made no move to get up.

  Truth be told, she didn't have much to be sad about, she told herself. Sure, she was away from everything she'd ever known, in a strange land with strange powers, but she had Aerona and the twins and Cefin here. They were her new surrogate family. Cefin didn't look at her the way Josh did, but that was okay, wasn't it? He'd come all the way down to the village with her to make sure she was all right. So what if she couldn't touch him…

  Her face scrunched up and she let a sob escape, simultaneously wallowing and wondering why she was wallowing. She knew this was just something she had to deal with by herself. If she could just make it until the morning, she would be fine.

  "Let me take it from you…"

  She sat up again, panic replacing sadness. Her eyes jumped to the sky and her ears strained for the sound of beating wings. Was it here? Why was it here? Was it drawn by the tyllwyllwch?

  Was it drawn by her?

  Barely remembering to breathe, she listened for a few more minutes that stretched out like hours. But all she heard was the quiet chirping of the crickets and other night creatures, and the sky, now clear of the dark fog that had surrounded it, was clear to the moon overhead.

  She wondered, perhaps, if she were simply going insane and had imagined the dark voice in the back of her mind. After all, she'd heard it laughing when she'd been healing Tomos' mother, and she was sure that she'd just imagined it.

  "Here you are," a different voice said behind her.

  "Yeah," Lauren replied, thankful she had already wiped her cheeks. She didn't want Cefin asking about her tears, and she didn't want to worry him with thinking she heard the Anghenfil.

  "You disappear a lot," he replied. "Is that just a habit from your world, or is it a trait only empaths share?"

  She smiled in the darkness. "Just needed some time alone. It can get very overwhelming in there."

  "I am sure," Cefin replied, coming to sit next to her.

  She was comforted by his presence, but wasn't comfortable. She remembered the ease with which she and Josh used to enjoy each other's company, the trust that she could be herself and tell him everything that was on her mind without rejection. There was a wall between her and Cefin, and she wasn't sure how to pull it down.

  She noticed him looking at her through the darkness.

  "What?" Lauren asked.

  "What does it feel like when someone touches you?"

  "It's strange," Lauren said, looking up at the moon.

  Cefin laughed good-naturedly. "Is that all? Just strange?"

  "If I explain it, you'll think I'm nuts," Lauren smiled, before tossing him a curious glance. "What do I look like when it happens?"

  "You go into some kind of fit," Cefin said. Lauren looked over at him as his eyes rolled up into his head and he began convulsing violently.

  "Oh, shut up. I do not look like that."

  "Maybe I overdid the twitching a bit," Cefin replied, sitting back and putting his hands behind his head.

  Lauren laughed, and looked back up at the moon.

  "I won't think you're…what'd you say, nuts?" Cefin asked. "I can only assume that means…"

  "That you'll think I'm crazy."

  "I won't," Cefin promised. "I've seen a lot of strange things today."

  "Like what? Me clearing out a bunch of dark smoke from a village?"

  "I don't know about smoke, but your stone was lighting up all day."

  Lauren played with the amulet for a moment, hoping it would give her a little bit of courage. "When someone touches me, I guess… it feels like jumping into a pool. You're suddenly surrounded by all of these foreign thoughts and feelings. And it's like you're drowning in them."

  "Feelings? How can you drown in feelings?"

  Lauren recalled a quote about men having the emotional range of a teaspoon and smiled. "When they aren't your own, and when someone's struggling with a lot of different feelings…it can be overwhelming to have theirs and yours in your head."

  "You still feel yours, too?"

  Lauren smiled. "No, it's actually kind of nice to get out of my own head for a while."

  After a few moments, Cefin asked, "Does it hurt?"

  "Sometimes."

  "What does the tyllwyllwch feel like?"

  "It's cold." Lauren shivered. "When I go into these people's…minds, I guess…it's like being at the bottom of a dark cave."

  "How did you get rid of it? The stone?"

  "I figured that it was kind of like the mist on a river, that if I found some way to heat it up, it would go away. And I just closed my eyes and the stone did the rest."

  "Amazing," Cefin said, reaching a hand over to pluck the amulet off of her chest. His fingers brushed her skin.

  She looks beautiful tonight—

  "Sorry," he winced, the stone dropping to her chest with a dull thud, echoing in the emptiness of her heart.

  Lauren hissed in frustration. "I wish I didn't have these stupid powers. I can't even…"

  "Can't what?"

  "Nothing," she whispered. She wanted to say that she couldn't even touch him, but it would just be too painful to vocalize. And although she could touch him and know exactly what he was thinking and how he felt about her, it would be too awful to have that knowledge and not be able to do anything about it.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  The next morning, Lauren was in much better spirits. It might have had something to do with waking up to find Cefin snoozing in the other bed in the room, or maybe that she had silently cried herself to sleep after he had turned out the lights. Her mother always said that crying made everything feel better.

  "Morning," Cefin yawned and sat up. Lauren tried not to look at his bare chest, reminding herself that touching those chiseled abs would result in a very unwelcome intrusion into his thoughts. And when it came to Cefin, she was happier avoiding those thoughts all together.

  Lauren insisted on wandering through Heulog once or twice more, just to make sure there was no darkness remaining in the village. But it appeared to be completely cleared out. To boot, it felt at least twenty degrees warmer than the day before with the brilliant sun shining on them. Still, she couldn't help but be a little disappointed that there was no one else she could help.

  "You wish for more tyllwyllwch?" Cefin smiled at her as she crossed her arms across her chest.

  Lauren shrugged but followed him as they hoofed it back up the mountain to Rhianu. Although she was starting to get the hang of mountain climbing after almost a week in this land, she was nowhere near as quick as Cefin, who marched upward with no regard to the steep incline.

  "Hey, can we…stop for a moment?" Lauren panted, collapsing on a rock. Her calves and quads burned, and she desperately wished they'd run across a stream so she could quench her thirst.

  "Of course," Cefin said, almost gliding down the mountain to meet her. "Are you all right? Still lightheaded from yesterday?"

  Lauren smiled at his concern. "No, just…out of shape, it appears."

  "You didn't seem to have much trouble when we trekked to see the Anghenfil." Cefin smiled, sitting on the ground next to her. She couldn't help but notice he left a wide space between them.

  "I was on a mission then," Lauren chuckled. Sadness tugged at her, but she refused to give in. Not with Cefin staring at her the way he was. It gave her butterflies, and made her think about his insistence on accompanying her to Heulog.

  "Oh, you look so pitiful," he cooed, nudging her.

  She is so pretty when she smiles at me like this—

  "Sorry. I keep forgetting I can't do that,
" Cefin said, looking forward like she had scolded him.

  "No, it's fine." Lauren shrugged, now curious at the expression on his face. "It doesn't hurt or anything. It's just…shocking."

  He nodded without responding, and Lauren was even more curious about what was going through his mind. She considered just getting the answer for herself, but that would have been huge invasion of privacy.

  Children's laughter interrupted their tense moment and Eddy and Mairwan came barreling down the pathway, their faces alight with happiness at the sight of the two of them.

  "CEFIN!" Mairwan cried, nearly flying into her cousin's arms. "I missed you!"

  "We were gone for only a day!" Cefin said, but cupped her freckly face anyway. Eddy approached Lauren and grabbed her hand before she could react.

  I am going to drop a frog in Siors house to see how long—

  "Eddy," Lauren warned, coming back to herself. "Don't bother Siors."

  His big brown eyes grew wide with realization and he scampered back behind Cefin, who was giving him a similarly stern glance. Mairwan continued gabbing about all that had occurred in the twenty-four hours since Cefin and Lauren been gone.

  "And then the chickens just went mad!" she said, full of life and energy.

  "I didn't mean it!" Eddy said, tossing a look to Lauren as though she could read his mind from ten feet away. "Honest!"

  "I'm sure," Cefin said, winking at Lauren. Mairwan followed his gaze and stopped speaking, a curious look on her face as she watched Lauren.

  "Your necklace…"

  In a panic, Lauren's hand flew to her neck, afraid that back in Heulog she had lost her precious connection to her world. When her hand landed on the rough stone, she let out a sigh of relief. "What about it?"

  Mairwan squinted from Cefin's arms. "It looks darker."

  "D…darker?" Lauren looked down at her chest. To her horror, it was just a shade darker than she remembered it.

  Or was it?

  Were her eyes playing tricks on her?

  They must have been playing tricks on her. There was no way it could be darker.

  And if it was darker, which it wasn't, why did she care?

  Did it have anything to do with the Anghenf—

  "It doesn't look darker to me," Lauren said, forcing conviction into her voice even though she felt none.

  "Perhaps you should get Siors to look at it," Cefin suggested. "You did clear out a lot of tyllwyllwch yesterday. Perhaps it left a lasting impression?"

  "It's fine," Lauren waved him off, wishing that she, herself, believed her own words. "I'm not worried about it."

  "I hope it turns black." Eddy grinned devilishly.

  "Edward, why would you say that?" Cefin asked, spinning around to look at the child, who cowered.

  "I dunno," he shrugged. "I just thought it would be fun to see it turn all black."

  "It's not darker," Lauren said, harsher than she meant to. Cefin raised his eyebrows at her but said nothing as they continued their march up the mountain.

  Lauren fell behind the group, staring at the stone in her hand. Was it darker?

  "Nope," she muttered aloud to herself.

  "What was that?" Cefin asked, tossing a look back to her.

  "Sorry, just thinking to myself." Lauren grinned. "Oh look, it's Owena…"

  Indeed, the old woman was wandering along the path. She looked even crazier than normal, wildly talking to someone that wasn't there before muttering to herself and grasping at her hair.

  "She scares me, Cefin," Mairwan whimpered, burying her head into her cousin's shoulder.

  "She's just…nuts," Cefin said, winking at Lauren.

  But Lauren missed his flirtation, as Owena had locked eyes with her. The soulless, dead eyes suddenly filled with emotion—fear—as if the very sight of Lauren was the most horrifying thing the woman had ever seen.

  She opened her mouth and an ear-splitting scream came from her throat.

  "ANGHENFIL! BLACK!"

  "WHERE?!" Cefin said, dropping Mairwan to the ground and unsheathing his sword in one fluid movement. He stood in front of the children protectively, before he realized that Owena was screaming and pointing at Lauren.

  "You damned fool!" Cefin growled, sheathing his sword. "You had everyone terrified. Lauren, don't—"

  But Lauren was rooted to the spot.

  Owena's ramblings somehow made unnerving sense. She had spoken about the Anghenfil, and she had spoken about darkness—blackness.

  The Anghenfil was turning her stone darker.

  "No, she's crazy." Lauren shook her head, clearing the terrifying thought from her mind. "She's confused. I told her we had seen the Anghenfil a few days ago. She's just confused, that's all."

  "Damn woman," Cefin grunted before turning to comfort Mairwan, who was terrified. "Don't worry, she's just causing a ruckus for nothing. Let's get you back home. Is your mother cooking stew for dinner?"

  Mairwan nodded and clung to him as they continued towards the village, Eddy following close behind. But Lauren stood in the center, watching Owena, and wondering if she were brave enough to ask more questions—like what would happen when her stone turned completely black.

  Instead, Lauren turned on her heel and ran after the other three.

  ***

  Aerona was pleased to see them return and let Lauren off the hook with helping around the house for the rest of the day. Lauren was happy to not have to engage in manual labor, but was a little wanting for distraction as she wandered around the village aimlessly, lost in her own mind. As much as she tried to convince herself Owena was making a fuss for no reason, the truth swam just below the surface, joining the rest of the things she was trying very hard to ignore completely. By mid-afternoon, she was sick with worry and finally decided to take Cefin's advice and seek guidance.

  "Lauren, my child," Siors said, coming out from the back room with a pipe in his hand. "Did you find much success in Heulog?"

  "I did." Lauren half-smiled. "I was able to get rid of all the tyllwyllwch. Completely eradicated."

  "Excellent news!" Siors clapped before pausing. "You look troubled?"

  "I just…" Sitting here with him, she found herself unable to tell him the truth. She was worried about what he would say if he knew she had heard the Anghenfil in her mind. Did she really hear it? Maybe she was imagining things. She'd just healed an entire village, so perhaps it was just exhaustion.

  And was it really the Anghenfil that had turned her stone darker? She wasn't even sure that it was. Maybe she was just going crazy. It could have been the tyllwyllwch. She was probably overthinking things, as usual.

  "Yes, child?" Siors prompted in the silence of the room.

  "It's…my necklace," Lauren said. "The kids said the stone in my necklace has gotten darker. I guess I just wanted a second opinion."

  And affirmation that it had nothing to do with the Anghenfil.

  "Let me take a look," Siors said, walking around his living room for his spectacles. Finding them under an open book, he approached Lauren, his old eyes boring into the stone around her neck. She chewed on her lip in nervous anticipation.

  "I mean, I'm not even sure," Lauren stammered, as his eyes conveyed no hint of what he was thinking. "Maybe I'm just being silly."

  "You would second guess your own concerns?" Siors asked, sitting back and surveying her.

  "Yes? I mean…maybe?" Lauren squirmed. Second guessing was second nature to her, and she'd never had anyone ask her about it before. "I mean, when I was…getting rid of the tyllwyllwch, it lit up and got very hot. Maybe I burned it?" Please don't be the Anghenfil.

  "Rubies are known as the fire stone," Siors said. "The myths say that it shines even in the darkest places."

  Lauren looked down at the amulet and remembered how it burned her skin. She still had the mark, hidden underneath her dress.

  "I cannot say for sure whether it has changed color," Siors said, after examining her for a moment. "I am out of my depth when it comes to empaths. Hop
efully soon I will receive a response from my scholar-brother in Traegaron."

  Lauren nodded, but her anxiety did not subside.

  "I would not worry, child," Siors said, making a move to touch her but stopping just before his hand clasped her shoulder. "Do you feel any different?"

  Lauren wondered if she should tell him about the drowning loneliness she felt the night before, but she chalked it up to just being silly. Again, her own voice was in her head, making her feel stupid for making a fuss over nothing.

  "No," she replied.

  "I am sure the stone will heal in time. Perhaps it just needs a few days to finish cleansing itself."

  "Yeah." Lauren nodded, forcing herself to accept what she definitely did not believe. "Yeah, I'm sure that's what it is. Sorry to have bothered you with my stupid problems."

  "Is there anything else you wish to speak to me about?"

  A thousand thoughts exploded in her mind. The Anghenfil, the tyllwyllwch, the voices in her head, being an empath, her growing crush on Cefin, missing home terribly. She was to the brim with misery and worry and wanted nothing more than to release all of it into the open so that she didn't have to worry about it alone.

  But instead:

  "Nope! I'm good. Thanks for the chat!"

  ***

  Nothing that Siors said made her feel any less concerned, but after a few hours with Baltes' animals, she was sufficiently distracted from thinking about it. When she returned for dinner after the sun had set, she was able to completely separate herself from her worries and enjoy the evening entertainment of the twins bouncing around the house. She didn't even flinch when Eddy gave her a mindful of knowledge about his upcoming plan to rearrange Baltes' living room furniture.

  "Yeah, okay, Bart Simpson," Lauren laughed at him when she came back to herself.

  "Who's Bart Simpson?" Eddy asked, as Aerona placed a bowl of stew in front of him. Mairwan settled at the table as well, and began carefully picking out the carrots and chomping on them first.

  "Don't worry about it," Lauren said, breathing in the aroma from Eddy's bowl. "Aerona, it smells amazing. Thank you."