The Beautiful Widow

by Helen Brooks

  ‘I—That’s—I mean—’ Toni pulled herself together. ‘That’s extremely generous,’ she said faintly. Understatement of the year. Was he paying her so much because she’d told him about her debts? Well, she didn’t care. She would be able to give her parents board and lodging for herself and the girls and an extra sum for all they would take on now she was working again, and still have a massive amount she could save each month. The debts that had looked to be a millstone round her neck for the next decades would now be able to be dealt with in two or three years if she was frugal. ‘Thank you. Thank you so much.’

  ‘Don’t thank me too enthusiastically, Toni. I’m a hard taskmaster and you’ll earn every penny,’ he drawled, only partly tongue in cheek.

  She spoke from the heart. ‘I don’t mind what you ask of me, Mr Landry, and I’ll work my socks off. I can promise you that.’

  Steel slammed the lid on the reply his suddenly out-of-control libido suggested, keeping his voice bland as he continued, ‘The package will include private health insurance for you and immediate family, namely your children in this instance, and a company car will be available when required. You don’t have a car of your own, I presume?’

  Toni shook her head. It had been tubes and buses lately.

  ‘One last thing. I thought we had progressed to Steel.’

  ‘Oh, yes, of course.’ Nervously she ran the tip of her tongue over her lips. ‘I’m sorry.’

  Steel’s eyes followed the motion and again his body reacted in the age-old way. Cursing himself for the ridiculousness of the situation he found himself in, he said quietly, ‘I’d like you to take the plans and anything else you need away with you tonight and familiarise yourself with the project before Monday. My secretary will send you a formal offer and all the relevant paperwork tomorrow.

  Toni nodded as Maggie bustled through from the house with their first course. ‘Thank you,’ she said again.

  ‘Here we are, then.’ Maggie placed a plate in front of her as she said, ‘I hope you like asparagus, young lady.’

  ‘Yes, I do, and this looks delicious.’ The asparagus and ham parcels were covered in a crispy crumb and suddenly Toni was ravenously hungry. They lived up to expectation when she took her first bite; obviously Maggie was a wonderful cook.

  ‘Do you live to eat or eat to live?’ Steel asked after a moment or two, his gaze running over her slender shape.

  Toni froze for a moment. Naturally slim, she knew she was too thin at the moment and her clothes were hanging on her and immediately took the question as a subtle criticism. She’d had to alter the waistband of the skirt she had on that morning, and although her white silk shirt was supposed to be loose it didn’t fit her as it had when she’d bought it a year ago. Sleepless nights spent worrying over the last four months had taken their toll. She took a sip of champagne and nerved herself to look into the handsome face. ‘I like food so I suppose the former. Yes, definitely the former.’

  He grinned. ‘Me too.’

  The beat of sexual awareness that vibrated through her veins almost caused her to drop the champagne flute. Horrified at herself, she prayed frantically he hadn’t noticed. It had been that smile, the way it had mellowed the hard planes and angles of his face and crinkled the silver-blue eyes. But he was her boss, well, practically. And she was in his world now. A world where sophisticated, worldly men and women could share a meal and eat and drink and converse as colleagues and nothing more. Besides which, if she ever got involved with another man in the whole of her life it would be too soon. All she wanted was to bring up the girls the best she could after she cleared the mountain of debts Richard had left. They were her life now and there was no room for anyone else, not that a man like Steel Landry would remotely be interested in a widow with two small children in tow.

  The conversation was inconsequential while they ate and she found Steel had a wickedly dry wit, his observations on day-to-day life turning fairly mundane happenings into something hysterically funny. He had it all, she thought as she savoured the marinated chilli and ginger steaks Maggie had brought for the next course. Looks, personality, wealth. Women would throw themselves at him till the day he died; he was that sort of man. How would a girlfriend or wife cope with that? They would have to be very sure of their own worth and of him too, but could you ever be sure of someone like Steel Landry?

  Dessert was a frothy chocolate concoction with a raspberry sauce that was tangy and complemented the rich chocolate perfectly, and by the end of the meal Toni was very full and more relaxed. But only up to a point. Steel simply wasn’t the sort of man you could relax around—or maybe she should say the sort of man she could relax around, she acknowledged silently. He was too … disturbing.

  Maggie had gone home once she had brought out the dessert and coffee, and now Toni said, ‘Maggie’s a wonderful cook. Has she worked for you long?’

  He nodded. ‘A good few years. She comes in most afternoons and prepares an evening meal unless I’m going out, and sees to the apartment and laundry and so on. Her husband died shortly before she came to work for me and left her fairly well off, but she likes to keep busy. She looks after one of her grandchildren every morning so the hours here suit her.’

  Toni thought back to the motherly way Maggie had with her. ‘She likes to feel needed.’

  The observation seemed to surprise him. ‘Needed?’ He considered this for a moment. ‘Yes, I suppose you’re right, I hadn’t looked at it like that. She was very happily married, by all accounts, so I suppose it must have been hard when her husband died, especially as it was a long illness and she nursed him herself. She’s a good person.’

  And devoted to Steel, by the way she’d fussed round him. Which had to mean he wasn’t quite the hard, remote, slightly sardonic mogul he presented to the world?

  Or maybe it didn’t. She didn’t know, Toni thought confusedly, what Steel was, and she didn’t need to. She was an employee, that was all. She finished the last of her coffee, feeling acutely awkward as she said, ‘That was a lovely meal and all the nicer for being so unexpected. Thank you.’

  ‘My pleasure.’ The firm, sensual mouth suddenly quirked with amusement as he added, ‘See the lengths I’ve gone to to make you relax?’

  She giggled, she couldn’t help it, the first real natural response she’d made all evening, then felt acutely embarrassed as the silver eyes narrowed on her mouth.

  ‘That’s better,’ he murmured, ‘but don’t tense up on me again. Let’s go and sort out those plans and the other bits and pieces before I call a taxi.’

  ‘Oh, you needn’t do that,’ she said quickly. ‘I came by underground and—’

  ‘And you’re going home with me in a taxi.’

  With him? This was getting worse. ‘I’ve got my ticket—’

  ‘I’m going to call the hospital for an update and then a cab, OK? I have never yet left any young woman I was responsible for to make her own way home, and I don’t intend to start with you, Toni.’

  She stared at him. ‘You’re not responsible for me.’

  ‘You came here early this evening because I asked you to and you stayed for a meal for the same reason. It is now—’ he consulted his watch ‘—getting on for eleven, and soon all the gremlins and goblins come out to play. Indulge me.’

  He was light-hearted, casual, but she couldn’t rise to the humour. ‘Really, there’s no need.’

  ‘Yes, there is.’ The silver eyes fixed her determinedly.

  Oh, for goodness’ sake! ‘Thank you,’ she said. Not.

  ‘I’d drive myself but I’ve had a drink,’ he added, rising to his feet as though the matter was settled. ‘Now come along.’

  Toni stood up. She felt she couldn’t do anything else but she found she really didn’t want to ride home with him in a taxi. They’d shared a meal, admittedly, but on opposite sides of the table. A taxi was altogether more … She baulked at the word intimate and substituted cosy.

  Fifteen minutes later she was sitting in a
cab on her way home to Finsbury clutching her portfolio to her chest. Steel was sprawled beside her taking a good two-thirds of the seat, his long legs stretched in front of him and his whole persona one of lazy relaxation as he went over a few key points of the project.

  Toni tried to concentrate, she really did, but she was acutely aware of a hard male thigh against hers, the five-o’clock stubble on his chin, which accentuated his brand of aggressive masculinity tenfold, and, not least, the bigness of him. The hard muscled shoulders were broad in keeping with his height, but it was more the overall virility of the man that was so disturbing. And attractive. And definitely scary.

  Oh, she didn’t doubt those worldly, sophisticated women a man like Steel would date would be able to handle his fascination just fine. But she was neither worldly nor sophisticated, she admitted feverishly, wishing the journey would end. Before Richard she had never slept with a man before. Lots of her boyfriends had tried to go all the way, of course, but that wasn’t how she had been brought up. She hadn’t minded kissing and petting, she was as red-blooded as the next woman, but she’d always known she would need to be in love before she committed herself body, soul and spirit. It was just the way she was made and that was that. She’d done apologising for the fact long before Richard had come across the horizon. It hadn’t taken her long to understand that the male sex worked on quite another agenda, however. Most of them didn’t need to do more than like a woman before they indulged in anything and everything, no holds barred. And some of them simply refused to compute the word no.

  But Richard had been understanding and prepared to wait. He’d assured her that one-night stands and casual sex weren’t on his agenda either, and he had charmed her down the aisle before she had recognised he was essentially a terribly weak and flawed individual. But even then, when her love had turned to lukewarm affection and she had realised she was always going to have to be the strong one in the relationship, the one who carried the family and made all the important decisions, she still hadn’t known about his addiction. He had been cunning enough to keep that dark side of his life from her completely, so maybe he had been stronger than she’d thought?

  To her acute discomfort she came out of the maelstrom of memories to find Steel was watching her with eyes like polished, razor-sharp crystal. ‘I’m sorry?’ Too late she realised he was waiting for an answer to a question she hadn’t heard. Wonderful. Just the way to show a new boss you were on the ball.

  ‘It doesn’t matter.’ He brushed away whatever he’d said with an inclination of his head, but his gaze didn’t leave her face as he continued, ‘What were you thinking about just now?’

  She had only known him a matter of hours but she already knew prevarication wasn’t an option. Deciding a half-truth would carry the weight she needed, she said quietly, ‘I was thinking how someone’s life can be turned around in an hour or two. When I came to see you tonight the future looked like an uphill struggle I might never get control of, but now, now I feel I’ve been given my life back. Richard left us in a terrible mess and it was hard to come to terms with the fact I’d never really known him in spite of being married for four years. But that is the past and I have to look to the future for me and the girls. I can do that now.’

  He was still watching her closely but his tone was light when he said, ‘What would you have done if I hadn’t offered you the job?’

  She shrugged. ‘Picked myself up and carried on.’

  ‘The English bulldog we-will-not-be-beaten spirit?’

  It was faintly mocking and, as had happened more than once that evening, he’d caught her on the raw. ‘No,’ she answered steadily, ‘just the spirit of a mother who is determined to make a good life for her children, that’s all. Whatever it takes.’

  ‘A mother.’ His eyes ran over her for a second, and although she had her coat on she felt her breasts tingle as though he had reached out and touched her. ‘I find it difficult to see you as a mother. Not that I doubt you’re a very good one,’ he added hastily, ‘but you look so young and—’ his tone changed, becoming self-derisive ‘—untouched.’

  ‘Looks are deceptive.’ His brief inspection had left her feeling panicky and afraid of something she couldn’t put a name to. And it was because of this she felt compelled to add, ‘I am totally a mother; Amelia and Daisy are the only people who really matter to me and that’s the way it’s going to be from now on. We don’t need anyone else.’

  ‘I’m sure your parents would be gratified to hear that,’ he murmured drily, one dark eyebrow quirking.

  ‘I didn’t mean them. I meant …’

  ‘I think I know what you meant,’ he put in soothingly as her voice dwindled away. ‘You intend to devote yourself to your children and your work. Is that right?’

  She nodded. She felt he was laughing at her but the handsome, hard face was giving nothing away.

  ‘You don’t think life might be a little … dull after a while?’

  The last four years were suddenly stark and sharp on the screen of her mind. The grind, the agonising, the turmoil of making an unworkable marriage work for the sake of the twins. She had gritted her teeth and fulfilled her wifely duties in bed and out of it, but all the time she’d known she was living a lie. Richard had worked impossibly long hours and when he’d arrived home he’d been difficult and sometimes downright hostile, not wanting anything to do with Amelia and Daisy. Of course she knew now that was mostly due to the gambling. The long hours at ‘work', the family occasions he’d missed and times he’d let her down when they’d had guests to dinner and he hadn’t come home; all the time he’d been feeding his addiction. She had told herself he was putting in the hours for them, her and the children, and stomached it all, tolerating his moods and rages. What a fool she had been. What a gullible, blind fool. But never again. Never, ever again.

  Looking straight into the silver-blue eyes, she said, ‘I don’t mind dull at all, as it happens, as long as Amelia and Daisy are happy and healthy.’

  They had just drawn up outside her parents’ terrace, and even in the dark it was clear how small and narrow the houses were. Toni felt a fleeting stab of embarrassment when she remembered the sumptuous penthouse and then she told herself not to be such a snob. It didn’t matter what Steel thought and her parents’ home was perfect for a retired elderly couple. It was just unfortunate it had been forced to stretch to include herself and the girls too.

  ‘Thank you, Mr—Steel,’ she corrected quickly when one dark eyebrow rose. ‘I’ll see you Monday morning and I’ll have some ideas and prices sketched out by then.’

  He moved to open the door and stepped out of the cab, holding out his hand to help her descend into the street. He didn’t let go of her fingers once she was standing in front of him, shaking her hand as he said, ‘Goodnight, Toni. I’m sure you’re going to be an asset to the business. Welcome on board.’

  ‘Thank you,’ she said again. His flesh was firm and warm and he seemed to tower over her, his gaze all-encompassing. She suddenly realised with a little shock of awareness that she was frightened of him. She didn’t want this job, wonderful as it was. Not if it meant working closely with Steel Landry. But she couldn’t refuse such an opportunity either. She didn’t need to be told it was the chance of a lifetime, a one-off opening into a world where the sky was the limit. And he had been kind, she told herself in the next moment. And a perfect gentleman. She was just being silly.

  ‘Goodnight,’ he said again. ‘Sleep well.’

  Too late she realised she’d been standing gazing at him like a rabbit frozen in front of a car’s headlights, and he had let go of her hand, obviously expecting her to walk away. Blushing furiously, she managed a somewhat strangled, ‘Goodnight,’ and made her escape, fumbling in her bag for her key as she walked across the pavement and mounted the two steps to the door and then almost dropping the key in her haste.

  As the door opened she heard the taxi door slam, but when she turned around it hadn’t moved away. She rais
ed a self-conscious hand and then shut the door, leaning against it as she listened to the cab drive off. Her heart was thudding like a drum and she had a feeling she could only describe as panic. She held a hand to her chest, shutting her eyes.

  It was a minute or two before her breathing steadied and she straightened. The house was quiet; clearly her parents had retired for the night and just left the hall and landing lights on. She walked through to the small kitchen and dining room at the back of the house, dumping her portfolio and the plans and other bits and pieces on the table before opening the French doors that led into her parents’ tiny square of garden. This had originally been a backyard with an outside lavatory when the Victorian terrace was first constructed; now most of the householders had done the same as her parents and converted the space into a paved patio surrounded by potted plants and leafy ferns where they could enjoy a meal alfresco.

  Toni sat down on one of the pretty wrought-iron chairs, resting her elbows on the table as she massaged tense muscles at the back of her neck. The tiny space trapped any warmth in the air during the day, making it very pleasant come nightfall, and the heady perfume from the white lilies and clematis and little geraniums with brown and green striped flowers that smelled of cloves and limes from dusk till dawn gradually relaxed her senses. She shut her eyes, lifting her face up to the black night sky in which a million stars twinkled.

  Why had Steel Landry affected her so badly? It wasn’t like her to be so skittish or given to fancies; she was normally down-to-earth and logical. When she thought about it her circumstances had changed dramatically in the last few hours; she ought to be down on her bended knees thanking God for him, not quibbling about whether to take the job or not. Thanks to him, in a year or two she could envisage affording a proper family home for the girls, somewhere like this little house where the three of them could be happy. A mortgage on a little terrace with a small outside place for the girls to play wouldn’t be beyond her and would be far better than a bedsit or flat for the twins. Paying for after-school care until she was home; continuing the girls’ ballet lessons, which they’d adored and had to give up after Richard’s death; holidays—suddenly they were all on the agenda again.