Fae

by Jennifer Bene

  “Thanks for fully embarrassing me, Elsie, I’m sure it will take my pride at least a week to recover.” Kiernan was smiling as he said it though and Elsie just waved her hands at him, trying to avoid crying.

  “Stop it, just stop it now. I have to go back to work, break time over!” Elsie grabbed Fae’s hands and kissed her on the cheek. “You two have a good time today.”

  “Thank you, Elsie, I’m really glad I got to meet you.” Fae was smiling, and Elsie just nodded and wiped her eyes before heading down one of the aisles. Kiernan stepped in front of Fae and let out a breath of air.

  “I’m sorry if she was overwhelming. Elsie kind of adopted me a few years ago. I told her my parents were dead when she asked if they’d be visiting one time and she has insisted on feeding me and taking care of me since then.” His cheeks still held a touch of color, and it fascinated Fae that such a little woman could have such an effect on him.

  “She was lovely. In fact, I think I should talk to her some more, find out more of your secrets.” Fae stepped up to the checkout and Kiernan laid the basket with the little packages on the belt. “But… Laochra Company? Scholarships?” He put a finger over his lips and leaned past her to pay the cashier, then they headed outside and Kiernan turned around and started walking backwards in front of her.

  “I had to tell her something, it seemed the easiest solution.”

  “So you paid for them?”

  “Yeah, it wasn’t a big deal. I just made up some forms, printed them out and had her kids fill them in. She works so hard but would never be able to afford college working there, and the dad died a few years back.” He shrugged and adjusted the bag of vegetables on his arm. “Plus, you see how happy it made her?”

  “Yes, I did.” Fae smiled and stepped up next to Kiernan. “You’re a very interesting guy, Kiernan.”

  “I knew that already, but I’m glad you’re figuring it out. Ready to make lunch, Glowworm?” His cocky grin was obnoxiously attractive, so Fae shoved him and he laughed as they turned down the street his apartment was on.

  Chapter Twelve

  Seattle, Washington

  Kiernan had spent an hour standing at the entrance to his kitchen with his hands studiously shoved into his pockets while he guided Fae around with words alone. He gave directions to help her find the cutting board, knives, pans, olive oil, and seasonings.

  When she grabbed the knife she had cheerfully turned towards him. “Letting me hold a butcher’s knife? Bold.”

  “Well, since you’ve already tried to kill me with the largest blade in the house, and failed, I feel pretty safe.” He’d grinned, and she had scowled at him.

  “Asshole,” she had muttered under her breath, but then he’d been rewarded with one of her smiles that made his heart race, and it made him want to be in the kitchen helping her instead of standing to the side just to prove he didn’t want to hurt her. Just to prove he wasn’t trying to drug her with Oblivion. His stomach twisted as he came face to face with the reality she had lived for too long. It wasn’t paranoia on her part, it was her life.

  It made him want to take a midnight trip to that house in Caledon and slit some throats, but that would be a step in the wrong direction. That was the darkness talking.

  Fae moved around the kitchen easily once she knew where things were. She cut the vegetables with confidence and laid them into a pan while simultaneously keeping track of the salmon. It was clear she was a lot better at cooking than he was, but she’d probably had more practice. When she was done he realized she had made two plates. She handed him one with a smile, and they sat down to eat in his living room. At first they were silent, but then they started talking over anything that came to mind.

  It was so easy to be around her. He wasn’t hiding who he was, like he had to with mortals, and since she no longer seemed to hate him, he could see this working out. But there was the issue - what was ‘this’ exactly? The chance of Cole or Eryn stopping by definitely wasn’t out of the question, and it’s not like they ever knocked first. He’d have no way to explain this if they saw her. It was brutally obvious that she was Faeoihn. That would be just about the worst case scenario for whatever this was, because if Gormahn knew she could kill her master he’d destroy her, and he doubted even Eltera could protect her. Beyond the complete possibility of a horrible outcome, he still didn’t have a bedroom for her – he didn’t even have a bed to let her sleep in – and would keeping her here really be any different than her being trapped in any other house on the planet? Would he be any better than any other person who’d kept her?

  “Kiernan.” Fae was leaning forward on the couch looking at him, her eyebrows were pulled together and he realized she had probably said his name a few times. He had completely lost track of the conversation.

  “Yeah?” He sat up straighter and gave her a smile before picking up his fork and taking a bite of the salmon. It was delicious.

  “Do you like it?” She spoke and then her lips were parted just a little and for a second he wondered what it would be like to lean forward and kiss them, but he pushed that thought aside. She didn’t need someone else wanting to paw at her, he was better than that.

  He had to be better than that.

  “It’s really good. Actually, I think it’s the most the spices in that cabinet have been used since I moved here.” He popped another bite in his mouth to prove the point, and the satisfied groan that escaped him wasn’t faked. It was seriously the best meal to come out of his kitchen – ever. She smiled again and he was warmed from the inside out, no matter what thoughts crossed his mind he’d never do anything to stop that smile. In fact, he’d probably kill anyone who threatened it. Darkness or not. Still smiling she sat back and started eating everything on her plate. Between them talking about more books and authors she ate another plate of food, which he was glad to see. The power in them kept them alive, but it didn’t make hunger hurt any less, and he knew she’d been hungry.

  When they were done he took her plate from her and cleaned up the kitchen. She watched him from the living room as he washed the dishes and loaded the dishwasher, all with her feet tucked under her on the couch. With her shoes still on. If she hadn’t looked so comfortable he would have commented that her shoes were going to mess up the pale fabric, but he didn’t have the heart to ask her to move her feet.

  If he had to he’d just buy a new couch.

  When he put the last of the dishes in the dishwasher and clicked it on he walked back into the living room to find her tracing her hand over the box that held the observation glass. He had left it on the table by his chair, and now he sort of wished he’d hidden it in a closet. Or under the bathroom counter. Or sealed it in cement. Now she’d probably want to check in on one of the Faeoihn, and he couldn’t watch her do that again. Just the idea made him nauseous.

  “Why were you watching me?” Her voice was calm and quiet, and she flipped the lid open again to look at the glass and then let it fall shut with a clap. That was not the question he had expected.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Come on, just tell me, what made you look that day?” She looked up at him and her hair fell into her face, and with a delicate swipe she tucked it behind her ear.

  “The vines – the ones on my arm – when something happens that shouldn’t, they grow and it kind of burns. So I knew something was going on, and -” he took a breath, pushing a hand through his hair, “and I sort of always check on you first. And when I did… I saw you outside in the snow.” Kiernan’s stomach was in knots talking about this again, the last conversation had been a complete disaster, but Fae seemed calm.

  “Why check on me first? Why watch me over the others?” Fae asked it without judgment, and Kiernan sighed and tugged at the sleeves on his shirt. Out of habit he traced his fingers over the black line starting on his palm, and he only glanced up at her for a moment. Her eyes weren’t accusing, or angry, and maybe that made it easier to admit the truth to himself. It had been hard to understand
why, even when Cole had brought it up, hard to put into words until she was in front of him. Until she was living and breathing and fighting and - beautiful - in front of him.

  “Because of who you are.” He grabbed his hair for a second before pushing his hands through it again, and then he leaned back against the wall. That little wrinkle appeared between her eyebrows and he wanted to smooth it with his thumb. How could he put it into words, without sounding crazy, how she was the most interesting of them all because she was just so strong, how her willful nature was the most beautiful thing about her, and her strength in the face of everything she had gone through made him know that he could live with his life, or at least survive it.

  “By the gods, Fae,” he groaned in frustration at not being able to find words for how he felt. “It’s just who you are that always made me check on you first.”

  “Explain.” Her voice was still calm, her body still relaxed as she sat curled on the edge of the couch with her shoes tucked neatly under her. That didn’t mean she wouldn’t dart for the door if he sounded as crazy as he felt. But if he was going to answer her, he was going to put it all on the table, everything he was thinking. No lies, and if the truth made her freak out, he’d deal with it.

  He took a deep breath and tried his best to put it into words. “You’re strong. Not physically – well, yes, physically, I mean I had a hell of a bruise yesterday to prove that –” he stopped and looked up to see one of her eyebrows neatly raised, so he made himself take another breath to reset and continue. “I just mean that you have this iron will. You don’t let any of this shit break you down. I’ve watched people collapse under much less and you’re still… you. You’re sarcastic, and funny - you’re hilarious when you want to be - and you’re brave.”

  “I -”

  “When I first started to come out of whatever haze - whatever bloodlust - Gormahn had me under for all those centuries I couldn’t imagine getting out of bed and facing the world that I’d done so much damage in. I was overwhelmed by my own actions. I just wallowed in the memories I had, the violence I’d done, the terrible things. It was after a few days of self-pity that I started to actually use that damned observation glass he’d assigned me, and there you were.” Kiernan had started pacing as he talked, occasionally looking at her, but he couldn’t tell how she was reacting to what he was saying.

  “You were there, every day, talking back to your masters. Protecting others because you knew you’d be okay the next day, because you knew you could survive it. Defying them in the smallest of ways and then taking their punishment and coming right back at them like it didn’t faze you at all. And on top of all that you were somehow still kind! To mortals!” He sounded exasperated by the idea of her being kind, and he’d always been surprised that she could still manage it after everything she’d been through. “I could see that you didn’t want to get close to those mortals but you would anyway, you would care for them, help them, guide them, and then I saw how much it hurt you when you lost them. Watching all of those things - watching you be human in the face of the worst parts of this world - helped me to be human again, to feel like I could be human again. I wish more than anything I had saved you sooner, that I had stopped it all the first chance I had, but I swear to you, Fae, I swear on my life I’ll die before I ever let them take you back.”

  He finally looked at her, and he didn’t know if she was going to respond, freak out, run, or attack him again. Her cheeks were flushed and it brought color to her lips and he caught himself staring.

  “You actually like that about me? The defiance?” Fae’s voice was quiet.

  “It’s what makes you who you are. It’s – it’s my favorite thing about you.” Kiernan almost whispered it, afraid he had already scared her off and any minute she’d bolt for the door.

  “I think you’re the only person in millennia who’s ever liked that about me.”

  “People are idiots.” Kiernan shoved his hands in his pockets to stop the fidgeting.

  “And you’re not?” Fae’s eyebrows went up again and the ghost of a smile appeared, and it made Kiernan grin.

  She was so damn feisty.

  “No, Glowworm, I thought you knew by now that I’m a genius.” He said it with more bravado than he felt, and she rolled her eyes and threw a pillow at him.

  “I hate that name.”

  “Well, I love it. Glowworm.” Kiernan couldn’t stop grinning. She was still sitting on his couch with her freaking shoes on the cushions, and he couldn’t be happier about it.

  He spent the afternoon showing Fae how to work the TV with his surround sound system. He brought out the laptop and introduced her to the internet, but she was going to need a typing program to get comfortable with it. Before bed he opened a bottle of wine. Fae told him that she loved wine, but never got to have it, and he decided he’d stock up if it made her happy. The fact that she let him pour her a glass told him more about her level of comfort with him than anything else she could have done.

  When it was finally time to sleep he left her in the living room again and went to his room and shut the door. He stared at his bed, but didn’t want to lie down yet. Sleep would just mean nightmares, and he’d prefer to avoid them as long as possible. He reorganized his books, this time by genre, cleaned up his clothes and put them in the hamper, shuffled the bags of clothes he had bought her, cleaned the shower and the bath tub – and when he saw it was after two, he knew he had to lay down. Tugging the sheets and comforter back into place he dropped onto his pillow, and clicked off the light. In the dark he took deep, even breaths to let himself fall asleep.

  Breathing in, and out, and in, and out - and then there was fire.

  Fire, and screams, and a sword in his hand. He looked down and he could see the end of the sword was black with blood in the firelight. A woman ran past him, and she turned and started to ask him for help. At first her words were gibberish but his brain slowly started to translate it, it was Italian. The small village they were in was set in the shadow of a small mountain. The countryside was beautiful in the daytime, olive groves filled the area around it – and now it was all on fire. He wanted to react, to grab her and hide her somewhere, keep her safe, but his muscles wouldn’t respond to him. She was walking backwards, her hands pressed together like she was praying, and he wanted to tell her that no one was listening, and that if one of the gods did she probably didn’t want them to hear her. If Gormahn responded she’d definitely regret it. He heard his name called above the screaming, and his head turned to see Eryn coated in ash, his arms dark with blood. His lips were stretched in a wide grin and his teeth were gleaming white in the firelight.

  Eryn crooked a finger at the woman and she was smart enough to be afraid of him, but now she was like the rabbit frozen by fear as it was approached by the hunting dogs. He could hear her murmuring pleas in Italian and he wanted to say stop, he felt his throat working to speak but nothing came out. Then, Eryn grabbed her by the hair and pulled her to make her stand up, he said something to Kiernan but he couldn’t hear anymore. The world was a whirlwind of white nose as Eryn shoved the woman at him and he saw her mouth open in shock. Kiernan caught her by the shoulder but he looked down to see his sword in her stomach. He pulled it back, his chest tightening, but the damage was done, the blood was coming out, and Eryn was laughing and everyone wouldn’t stop screaming.

  Kiernan snapped awake and realized he had screamed in his sleep. He sat up and gripped his hair. It was another memory, a memory he didn’t want, that he wished was only a nightmare, but he knew better. He had done that. He had killed that woman. He’d killed so many. His skin was cold from the sheen of sweat that covered him, and he had to reach across the bed to tug the sheets and comforter back over him. He had just covered himself when a soft knock came at his door.

  “Co -” Kiernan had to cough to clear his throat. “Come in.” Fae pushed the door open and was standing there in jeans and a t-shirt. He needed to buy her pajamas.

  “Kiernan?”


  “Yeah.” He leaned over and clicked on the light, and when he looked back at her she looked genuinely concerned.

  “You were screaming.”

  “Yeah, I’m sorry. Nightmares. I didn’t mean to wake you up, or freak you out. Everything’s fine.” Kiernan pulled the comforter a little higher as he saw Fae’s eyes drop across his shoulders and chest. He really should have slept in clothes.

  “Want some water?” She had pulled her eyes back to his and he couldn’t stop staring at her tangled hair. Even with bedhead she was a vision – a vision of something he didn’t deserve. She tilted her head. “It’s just, I get nightmares too, of things, and when they’re bad like that I always wake up and my mouth is dry. I think it’s the screaming.” He realized she had explained her offer because he hadn’t answered, so he nodded.

  “Water would be great, thanks.” She gave a small smile and slipped out of the room, and a moment later he heard cabinets opening and shutting. He took the opportunity to jump out of bed and grab a pair of jeans. He had just pulled them into place when she walked in with a glass of water. He took the glass and drank, shaking off the acrid taste in his mouth from the memory. He was surprised she’d even offered, that she’d even come to check on him at all.

  But then again, she was a much better person than he was.

  “So you really have nightmares?”

  “Yes.” He took another drink of water and then set it on the table, and when he turned back Fae’s eyes were somewhere around his waist. It made him grin despite the lingering memory of the nightmare, and he couldn’t resist teasing her. “Like what you see?”

  “What?! No.” Fae’s cheeks were on fire and it brought out the red in her hair, he laughed and the tension started to ease out of his shoulders. If she was a cat her hair would have stood up across her back, and he loved it.