To Be With You

by Daphne Abbott

  “That seems kind of morbid of them,” I said, trying to mask the feelings of dread that were creeping in.

  She rolled her head toward me and grinned. “I thought the same thing. But I also thought they were encouraging me to keep my head down and keep at the project at the mansion. To not get distracted from my goal. Ever since the divorce from Peter, I’ve been pretty single-minded in setting a goal and working toward it.”

  “You were always a very determined person.”

  “Not when I was married to Peter. I’m ashamed to say that when we were together, I let him run my life. It shames me to admit this, especially to someone who knew me as a different person. But I need to own my failures, so I don’t repeat them.” She paused for a few moments to collect her thoughts, while I felt like I was at a tipping point. At any point, this could either go terrible or great for me.

  “We should have had this discussion a long time ago,” she continued. “But I’m also a stubborn person if you remember.”

  I laughed. “Not more so than me.”

  She rolled her eyes but didn’t argue. “Anyway, your mom reminded me again tonight that we don’t always have the time we think we do. And I realized what everyone else had been trying to tell me.”

  Olivia reached out and wrapped her hands around one of mine. “I had become so obsessed with reclaiming myself after the divorce, so single-minded about proving myself in business, that I was blind to what was right in front of me.”

  My heart was thundering so quickly in my chest that I felt like I’d just run ten miles. I had to ask, “What’s that?”

  “You.” She smiled, and it felt like the sun shined upon me. “I selfishly proposed a fling because I couldn’t deny my attraction, but I broke my own rules almost immediately. It was never just about sex, even when I thought it was. Feelings were always tangled up between us.”

  Joy and pain flowed through me. I’d wanted to hear these things from Olivia since we were in high school. Would I be a fool to let her words sway me now? Especially after she’d torn the heart from my chest not once, but twice?

  “I understand if you’ll need time to think things over,” Olivia said. “I would if the roles were reversed. I just wanted you to know that I freaked when I realized it wasn’t just about sex for me and ended it to save myself from being the victim.”

  “Thank you for being so honest,” I said in a voice rough with emotion. “Maybe you should go inside and get some rest.”

  Olivia nodded and squeezed my hand. “It has been a long night. You’re welcome to stay if you don’t feel like going back to your parents.”

  I pulled my hand from hers and gripped the steering wheel tight as my mind raced. She’d given me a lot to think about, but the words I wanted to hear remained elusive. We’d both had a harrowing night, and there would be more to come as we learned more from the investigation. If I remained, I could soothe both of us by holding her. But would that be giving in too easily?

  My hesitation lasted so long that Olivia reached for the door of the truck and got out. “I understand if you need time. Hell, I took fifteen years to figure this out. But just so you know, I’ll be waiting here for you whenever you want to tell me what you decide.”

  I watched her trudge up the steps of the little cabin, paralyzed by my indecision. On the one hand, she was admitting to feelings. On the other, they weren’t the effusive words of love I’d dreamed of.

  Olivia slipped inside the cabin and flipped on the porch lights and several interior lights.

  Was she still scared?

  What was I thinking? Of course, she was scared. She’d run up a tree to escape an insane ex. Her house burned, and her father was shot. Who wouldn’t be scared even in the light of day? I put the car in park and rolled down the windows, so the cool afternoon air seeped in. I’d stay outside and keep watch, even if my bruised heart couldn’t forgive her.

  Yet.

  Chapter 31

  Olivia

  After leaving Callum in the truck, I turned on lights and music in the house to fill the silence, then grabbed a blanket from the couch and sat on the deck. Muscles I hadn’t known existed screamed in protest as I curled into a ball on a lounger. Maybe I could take up rock climbing like Liam to gain some better strength in my upper body.

  I was purposefully thinking inane thoughts, so I didn’t have to examine what had just happened in the car. I’d never bared myself like that to a man, not even Peter, and I’d never considered that telling Callum that I love him would cause silence.

  Crickets.

  Had he felt this burning ache when I’d turned him down in high school? Was this the feeling he had when he drank too much the night of my engagement? If so, I couldn’t fault him for what he did or for the tattoos, so he had something else to focus on besides the internal pain.

  The longer I sat out there staring blankly toward Van Ess house and the chaos that surely still was going on, the worse I felt about how I’d treated Callum. I’d taken him for granted at every turn, and he stood by me, quietly supporting my ideas and dreams without asking for anything in return.

  The only thing he’d asked was to not talk about the night of graduation, that I leave it in the past. I’d ignored that request, pushing him to discuss it so I could feel better by apologizing. When had I become so selfish? Had I always been like this?

  Why did he care if the only “nice” things I’d done for him was hire him to consult on the reno and share my bed? During our time together, Cal showed me how he felt. Sometimes, it was as simple as cooking dinner and making sure I ate instead of working till I dropped. Other times, it was stuff like standing up for the ideas I had in our board meetings or supporting me at the town hall.

  Damn it, he was the freaking perfect man, and I’d been so wrapped up about proving myself that I missed it. And now, what had I gained? Sure, we’d gotten plans I wanted approved, but to what end? Who was I trying to impress? What was all this work going to prove? That I could and would work myself to the bone at the expense of my happiness?

  Maybe I would never be the most affectionate or demonstrative woman, but I sure as fuck could have made a better effort. I didn’t even say the words “I love you” to him when I was trying to explain my feelings in the car.

  I got up from the lounger and tossed the blanket behind me. That was one thing I could rectify right now.

  * * *

  Callum

  Even though my emotions were in an upheaval, I dozed off a few minutes after Liv disappeared into the house. Between the fight, the shitty twin mattress at my parents’ house, and everything else going on, I was exhausted. But my nap didn’t last long because the quiet of the late afternoon was broken by a commotion on the porch.

  My eyes snapped open at the slap of the screen door, and I watched in stunned silence for a few beats as a wild-looking Olivia ran toward where she usually kept her car, only to realize it wasn’t there, and she screamed in frustration. Then she ran back into the house, completely oblivious to me, and I could hear some banging around and some muffled sounds that sounded like more frustrated screams.

  At the sound of breaking glass, I got out of the car and ran to the house. “Olivia!” I called as I shoved open the door and stopped.

  Olivia sat in a heap on the floor just inside the door. I couldn’t see any of the glass I’d heard break, and there weren’t any cuts on her exposed arms and legs. Still, I approached her cautiously.

  “Liv, honey, what’s wrong?”

  She looked up at me, tears streaming down her face like I’d never seen before, and wailed, “I love you.”

  I squat down next to her, brushing some hair from her face. Unsure I’d heard her right the first time, I asked, “What?”

  “I love you, but I’m shit at showing it.”

  I couldn’t stop the laugh the burst out of my chest. I wanted to ask her to
repeat the love you part. Hell, I wanted to hear that on repeat for days. But Olivia was obviously upset, and it would be cruel to not address the second half of her statement. “Why do you think you’re shit at showing it?”

  “All I’ve done since we’ve been sleeping together is take and take and take—”

  “You’ve been busy.” I sat on the floor in front of her and laid a comforting hand on her thigh.

  “Don’t make excuses like that for me. It makes me feel worse because you’re so kind and understanding, and I’m just this work robot that demands everything from everyone but gives back nothing.”

  I’d wanted Olivia to be more demonstrative, but not like this. I didn’t want her to feel like she was anything less than perfect. “Liv, I love you for who you are now, not the girl you were in high school or some ideal I dreamed up.”

  I leaned forward and tugged her into my lap. The need to hold her was too great to ignore any longer. “You show people you care in a bunch of different ways. You’re the one that fought to make the endowment centered on improving the town for future generations. You’re the one that saw your friends were unhappy in their jobs and made space for them in your new business.”

  “But what about you?” She pulled back to look at me. “I can’t think of anything I’ve done to show you how I feel.”

  “You value my opinion, you trust my expertise, you let me take the lead on your most important project. You welcomed my best friend with open arms, and never once did you mock or belittle the work we do.” I kissed her softly because her mouth was always a temptation. “You were vulnerable and open with me when we were intimate. You trusted me to take care of you in the ways you wanted.”

  “But—”

  “I agree you’re not the type of person to be overly affectionate, but if you were, you wouldn’t be the Olivia I love.” I kissed her again, lingering on her lips, willing her to hear what I was saying. “I’ll be the demonstrative one; you be the one that handles the details and makes sure everything goes to plan.”

  “And that’s enough for you?” She sounded suspicious.

  “Liv, I’ve been waiting for you to love me since we were eighteen. I’ve imagined a million different ways it could be between us, but none of them compared to how happy I’ve been for the last six weeks.”

  “I’ll probably be a horrible girlfriend. I don’t have a lot of experience with it,” she said as she kissed a path down my neck.

  “That’s okay. I’m an excellent boyfriend.”

  Chapter 32

  Olivia

  Liam called the next morning to let us know Dad was out of the woods and up for visitors. What he didn’t say was if my father was under any suspicion for the damage to my house or any of the incidents of theft and vandalism. Since I assumed he wouldn’t be suggesting I show up to have a conversation with a criminal, I agreed to let him pick me up.

  Callum, Fab, and their assistant Jo filled the little cabin with noise and laughter, making it nearly impossible to get stuck in a spiral of frustration and anger while I waited for Liam. Fab pulled together a gourmet breakfast, with Cal acting as his sous chef, and Jo plied me with wild stories about the various odd jobs she had over the years. Despite my worry over the house, Dad, the McPhersons, and everything in between, the three friends had me laughing in no time.

  When Liam showed up, Fab pulled another plate from the cabinet and placed it next to me on the counter. “Sit,” he said in a tone that brooked no arguments. Liam, who looked like he hadn’t slept in days, opened his mouth to argue. “I said, sit.”

  He collapsed onto the stool next to me with a stunned look on his face that had me biting back a laugh. “We have to get to the hospital,” he mumbled as Fab filled the plate with fluffy eggs and bacon. “We don’t have time to eat.”

  “Shh. You’re skin and bones,” Fab said as he placed a full coffee mug near Liam’s hand. “If you don’t eat, they’ll admit you as soon as you walk in the hospital.”

  Liam must have seen the sense in obeying Fab because he didn’t utter another complaint and tucked into the pile of food on his plate. Jo and Cal continued their chatter and filled the room with laughter once again. I sat at the counter with my coffee and watched my brother plow through the food like a starved man, all under the watchful eye of Fabián.

  Once again, something tingled at the back of my neck as I watched Liam steal glances at Fab out of the corner of his eyes. I’d assumed in the bar that I’d just been stressed and seeing things, but the subtle looks and Fab’s demand that Liam eat felt like something much more. Liam was a good man, but his life had been reduced to exercise and work ever since his return from the army. I could only hope that the tension I felt running like an undercurrent in the room was a sign his solitary life was doomed to end.

  “What can you tell us?” Callum asked when Liam had demolished the plate and sat back with his coffee.

  My brother’s sigh was long and low. “Not much. They’re still at the house investigating the fire, and Kevin’s in a cell at the sheriff’s department.”

  “What about those slimy ex-in-laws?” Jo asked.

  Liam shrugged and took a sip of coffee. “I am not being updated on everything since it’s my family that’s involved. But my understanding was Sadie and Finch went to question them yesterday. They had a lawyer waiting, so we wasted the trip. The department’s regrouping with the DA today.”

  Callum made an indistinct sound like a growl. “They’re responsible for this, and you know it.”

  Liam looked at Cal, and his face was firm and resolved. “What I know and what I can prove with evidence are two different things.”

  “They’ll use their money to get out of any charges,” Callum said. “Just like the charges they got dismissed for their son.”

  “Maybe. Maybe not. All we can do is cooperate with the investigation and hope some concrete evidence linking the MacPhersons comes to light.” Liam put his cup down and stood from the stool. “You ready to go?”

  I nodded and got up, circling the island to give Callum a hug and kiss. “I’ll see you in a few hours.” I could feel that Callum’s body was tight with tension. The kiss he gave me was brief and distracted. I wanted to reassure him I wasn’t worried about the outcome of the investigation, and if Kevin was in custody, I was reasonably safe. “Maybe we could have dinner at the Lodge tonight to celebrate?”

  Callum looked down at me, his brows furrowed over his eyes. “Celebrate what? In the last thirty-six hours, the house has been burned, and your father’s been shot.”

  I grinned. “Yeah, but you also told me you loved me, and that feels like something worth celebrating with steak and brandy Old Fashioneds.”

  Cal let out a surprised laugh and pulled me in for another kiss. “You’re a little crazy, Olivia Van Ess.”

  I reached up and rubbed my thumb over his lower lip. “Yeah, but you like me anyway.”

  “Love,” he corrected. “I love you.”

  “Good, because I love you, too. Now kiss me again before Liam complains.”

  * * *

  I’d never seen my father look as small and unimposing as he did in the hospital bed, hooked up to machines with tubes and wires. They’d assured us he had woken up several times over the night and was lucid each time. But as Liam and I hovered near the end of the bed, his eyes were firmly shut, and the only sound in the room was the soft hum of the surrounding machines.

  Roger Van Ess was a shitty dad. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t concerned about him and the bullet that’d torn through his gut. Thoughts raced through my mind as Liam and I stood in silent vigil. Dad had no siblings or extended family aside from me, Liam, and Priscilla, which made me wonder why there was not a woman in his life. He was handsome, a charmer, and outgoing, yet he’d never dated since the death of my mother. Why had I never noticed this before?

  Liam had called dad’
s assistant last night, and she’d written a release for the newspaper that was being posted on their social media and printed in the Sunday edition. As per the emergency protocol, the town council would oversee any daily decisions of the town until Dad was cleared by his doctors at the hospital.

  There was nothing for me to do, yet I couldn’t shake the itch that I wasn’t handling this correctly at all. Years of distance and old grudges made it hard for the three of us to be in the same room. Even as I worried Dad would recover, part of me wanted to bolt from the room and let Liam handle the visit on his own.

  “You can stop hovering over me like two ghouls. I will not die.”

  Liam and I were both startled by the raspy sound of Dad’s voice. “Rog—Dad, I’m sorry. We thought you were sleeping,” I said and moved to the side of his bed, where a tall jug of water sat. “Are you thirsty?”

  “Mouth feels like cotton,” he grumbled, and I assumed that meant he wanted a sip, so I held out the straw for him.

  Liam stayed at the end of the bed, but I noticed his stance was more relaxed now that Dad was awake. “They treating you well?”

  “They are, but I’m the mayor, so that’s to be expected.” He pushed away my offer of more water and reached for the controls of the bed. Rather than let him struggle, I grabbed the remote for him and adjusted the headrest, making it easier for him to see Liam. “Have you been investigating?”

  Liam folded his hands behind his back, and I saw a hint of pink tinged his cheeks. “No, they have asked me to recuse myself.”

  “That’s bullshit,” Dad said. “You’re the best investigator they have. Who’d they replace you with? That needle dick, Finch?”

  I covered my mouth with a hand, trying to smother a laugh. I saw both Dad and Liam fight to hide their own smiles, which only made me laugh harder. “I’m sorry,” I said through my giggles. “I think I’m just sleep-deprived.”