Chasing Happy

by Jenni M. Rose

  “No.” She knew with certainty. “I think she’s at the cove, for sure, somewhere. But that isn’t where she died. There’s a stream that runs through the woods and it has a few small places where it pools. It’s in there.”

  “You saw that?” Max asked gently.

  She swallowed and looked away, hating the memory burned into her mind. “I can see the trees behind his head while he’s choking me and holding me down.”

  “Her,” Max corrected immediately. “While he’s holding her down.”

  She nodded, though it was hard to separate herself from the vision. “Yeah.”

  “I’m confused,” Dallas said. “I thought you said you see her. Are you saying that you like, see through her eyes?”

  She shook her head again. “Not usually. It’s happened before though, when I touch them.”

  “You got close enough to this lady that you touched her?” Dallas’s demeanor was intense, his aura that had been merely a wisp before was becoming darker and more vivid.

  “That was the accident she had on her bike,” Max told him, his arm still around her. She reached her hands up and held onto his forearm, glad for his support. “The woman was in the road so Rosie dumped her bike to avoid her, but ended up sliding right through her.”

  Rosie did her best to not tear up. The woman’s emotions mixed with her own memories effecting her more than she could have imagined.

  “I take it that’s bad,” Dallas guessed, watching her closely.

  “Very, very bad,” Rosie agreed quietly.

  “And you, what? Can see what happened to her?”

  “No,” Max corrected. “She lives what happened to her.”

  “So, she…” With what looked like startling realization Dallas looked back at her. “That’s why you had defensive scratches? Because you lived her death?”

  She nodded. “Technically, I died her death.”

  19

  Max squeezed her tightly. “God, don’t say that.”

  “Holy shit,” Dallas breathed. “This isn’t like the Ghost Whisperer at all.”

  Rosie couldn’t help but give a watery chuckle.

  “When we were talking earlier I got an idea,” Dallas said. “About the cove, when I asked what all goes on there.”

  “Swimming and fishing?” She asked.

  “And probably boating if you had a small one,” he supplied.

  “Okay?” She drew the word out.

  “Say instead of you wandering into the water, we put you safely on a boat,” Dallas said. “Do you think you’d be able to point us in the right direction?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. It might depend on me being awake or asleep.”

  She’d never gone in the water awake before. When she was awake at the cove the spirit called her but didn’t direct her anywhere though it might be worth a try.

  “We could try,” she said.

  “Is this something you really want to do?” Max asked from behind her.

  “I don’t think I have much choice,” she admitted.

  “I’ll back you on whatever you want to do,” Max said with another squeeze. “You’re my priority.”

  “Shit!” Dallas exclaimed. “That was fast.”

  She looked at him confused but Max laughed. She assumed she missed something.

  “So, the boat,” Max steered them back to the conversation. “I’ve got my kayak that fits two.”

  “I have the same, so we can all go out there. I’m working tonight so that’s out, tomorrow’s the holiday. How’s Friday?”

  “I’m ready whenever Rosie’s ready,” Max said.

  “I’m off the rest of the weekend. Friday’s fine.”

  It seemed strange and completely foreign that that conversation had just happened. It felt like she had a team of people behind her, ready to be there and support her.

  When she’d tried to assist in police investigations as a child it had been more of a sideshow than anything else. Butch was with her but he was always using her as a tool, nothing more.

  In a way, she had put herself in that position when she’d led him to Lainey’s body, but she hadn’t known any better at that age. She hadn’t learned to protect herself from people she’d put her trust in.

  Her mother, for example, was another person she hadn’t protected herself from. She knew the people her mom hung out with were bad. Some had tried to touch her, make her do things like sit on their laps and touch them. Some had burned her with cigarettes and pulled her hair. Them, she didn’t trust.

  But her mother, when she’d been in the room and mostly sober, had protected her, so Rosie thought she could count on her.

  She’d thought the same of Butch until she realized he thought she was a freak, just like everyone else did.

  “Babe?” Max spoke quietly in her ear.

  “Yeah,” she said automatically and looked around. “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay,” he told her. “We were just talking about tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow?” She asked.

  “Jesus, girl. Thanksgiving,” Dallas rolled his eyes.

  “Oh,” she remembered Max’s invitation.

  “He asked if you’re coming with us to his parent’s house,” Dallas informed her with a smile.

  Automatically she shook her head. “No. Thanks.”

  “Well,” Dallas said with a smile. “The cove on Friday then.”

  He and Max fist bumped and he was gone.

  “You okay?” Max asked, turning her around holding her in his arms.

  She slid her arms around his waist, and it felt natural and wonderfully comforting, no matter how loud her inner voice screamed.

  “I’m fine.” Her answer was automatic and from the crinkle in his brow, he knew it.

  “You’re fine. You’re okay. I know. But seriously,” he amended with a penetrating stare. “Between you and me. Are you okay?”

  “Between you and me?” She asked. “Honestly?”

  “Always.” He leaned in and kissed her softly, making her melt just a little.

  “I feel restless. Like, I need to keep busy because I’m scared to death of what might happen Friday and I’m not sure if I want it to come faster or I want to forget about it completely. I think if I can work and keep my mind off it, I’ll be okay.”

  “You’ll be okay either way, baby. I’ll make sure of that. But if you need to keep busy there’s plenty of work to keep you busy here.”

  “Really?” Her face lit up. “You’d let me help?”

  “I can use all the help I can get.” He grabbed her hand and started pulling her toward the fields. “Come on, I’ll show you how to weed.”

  That afternoon, Max fed her lunch after she weeded an entire patch of cabbage. At her insistence, he showed her how to feed the animals and she then took it upon herself to tidy up the work areas in the chicken coop and the goat barn.

  By the end of the day, she had sufficiently kept herself busy enough that she’d barely thought about the impeding boat trip on Friday.

  If she let herself think too much about it, she’d freak herself about the things that were beyond her control. Her options were severely limited when it came to ways to solve the problem of the woman in the woods. If she ignored it, she was the one who suffered. Other than the woman, she reminded herself. When she thought about doing nothing, she wondered if she’d even be able to stand living in her trailer anymore or even living in Jacob’s beach. She’d possibly have to move and find somewhere new to be.

  Her main issue with moving used to be trying to pack her things and physically moving them. Now, she looked at Max sitting at the counter and she knew he would be the hardest thing to let go when it came time to leave.

  He had been so unexpected. She hadn’t counted on trusting someone or finding someone who accepted her for who she was. She’d been blindsided by his casual humor and unyielding patience.

  She was falling in love with him.

  She sat up straighter at the realization. She was fa
lling in love with him. She felt the sudden urge to slap herself on the forehead for her carelessness yet, at the same time, she could have hugged herself.

  “You’re kinda freakin’ me out.” Max interrupted her thoughts motioning to her fork stopped between her plate and her mouth.

  “What’s going on in that head?” He asked, still eating, completely relaxed.

  She turned her chair to face him. “What if we don’t find anything Friday? What if we get out there and she’s not there?”

  It was the best she could come up with in the moment. There was no way she’d tell him what she was really thinking.

  “Then we try again.”

  She shook head. “You make it sound so simple.”

  He grabbed her hand. “It is simple. It doesn’t work Friday, then we try something else another day. And if that doesn’t work, then we try something else until we find the right thing.”

  “It just,” she huffed out a breath, unsure of how to say what she wanted to say to him. “Never mind.”

  He’d told her just a few hours earlier if she was scared, she needed to tell him. She wanted to. She wanted to tell him she was scared of what might happen on Friday at the cove.

  What if she went down there, completely lost it and Max got so freaked out he bailed? What if they went down there and stumbled across the woman’s remains.

  “No, not never mind,” he persisted. “Talk to me.”

  It had gotten dark as they’d eaten and the house was quiet around them. Hannah and Gizmo were sleeping on the carpet near the back door and she watched them lay quietly.

  “I’m just tired,” she lied. “Don’t mind me.”

  “Yeah, okay,” he pulled a face that said he didn’t believe her. “Come on, Rosie. It’s me. Talk to me.”

  “Remember last night?”

  He sent her a smile and raised his eyebrows, letting her change the subject. “Which part?”

  “Mostly the bathtub part.”

  “I liked that part,” he offered.

  “Can we do that again? I’m not used to all that hard work you made me do today. I could use a hot bath.”

  “Am I invited again?”

  “You weren’t invited the first time,” she reminded him.

  “I didn’t hear you complain.”

  She felt her face redden at the memory of him, completely naked. “No, you didn’t,” she agreed.

  “Ah, so you didn’t mind.” He stood and took both of their plates. “You go up and start the tub and I’ll clean up down here. After that, I need to start some laundry. You want to throw some of your stuff in too?” He turned to look at her from over his shoulder as he stood at the sink.

  “Is that weird?” She asked, twisting her mouth in question.

  He lifted and dropped his shoulders. “I don’t know. It’s just laundry.”

  She could wash the few things she’d used the last few days. “Okay, if you don’t mind.”

  “No big deal. Maybe we’ll play a couple video games or something later.”

  She’d never played video games before. “Okay.”

  Upstairs, Rosie gathered her laundry into a small pile and started the tub. Gizmo followed her and settled himself on the plush rug outside of the shower. When the tub was half full she stripped her remaining clothes off and got in. The bubbles covered most of her chest and the water rose rapidly. She took her little travel shampoo and conditioner and got to work washing her hair.

  “Now that’s a good look for you.”

  Her hair was full of bubbles when she heard Max’s voice. She turned to him with a laugh and motioned to her head with her hands. “This old thing?”

  He walked closer, turning off the overhead light leaving just the dim fan light on and knelt on the tile.

  “Turn around.” He reached over and grabbed the removable shower head.

  She gave him her back, letting him spray the water gently on her hair, the bubbles snaking down her skin. He was careful not to spray her face, using his other hand to keep the water from her forehead.

  “Smells good,” he said quietly.

  “Mmm,” she hummed, enjoying the feel of the water.

  He rinsed her hair for probably longer than was necessary.

  “All done,” he told her.

  She sat up and reached for the conditioner but he took it out of her hand the second she touched it.

  “I’ve got it,” he told her.

  The tub was filled and he shut the water off before he started massaging the conditioner into her hair. His fingertips, rubbing along her scalp sent a shiver up her spine.

  “That feels good,” she breathed.

  Her eyes were closed but she could feel the steam on the air surrounding her, the scent of the bubbles and shampoo permeating her senses. It was a heady feeling, intimate in a way she’d never experienced.

  “Ready to rinse?” His voice was soft, matching the mood and lighting of the room.

  “Sure,” she said though she wasn’t sure she was ready for him to stop touching her.

  He repeated the same motions he’d used to rinse the shampoo and even started to towel off the top for her. She turned and took the towel, wrapping her long hair in it and pulling it to the side.

  “Are you getting in?” She asked, her voice sounding strange and deep to her own ears.

  “Is that an invitation?” At her nod, he leaned in and kissed her. “Are you going to watch like you did last night?”

  “Not if you don’t want me to,” she told him, watching as he pulled his shirt over his head. His skin was smooth across his chest, hard and lean from farm work, a sexy trail of dark hair started below his bellybutton and disappeared under his pants.

  “You do whatever you want to.” His fingers quickly worked his button open and then in a flash he had them over his hips.

  She swallowed at the sight of him stripping his pant legs off one at a time, his hard penis bobbing up and down, pointing directly at her. Max showed not one ounce of modesty, not that he had anything to be ashamed about, there wasn’t an imperfection on him.

  He lowered himself across from her, his mouth pulled up into a sexy smile.

  “I like when you watch me,” he told her.

  “I can tell,” she said, sending him smile.

  He barked a laugh. “I’m sure you can.” His long arms were resting on the sides of the tub extending in her direction.

  “Do you usually take baths?” She hadn’t taken one in years, though she also didn’t have a tub, so that was a factor.

  “Only if I’ve had a really hard day.” She felt his foot reach out and rub her calf. “How was your first day on the farm?”

  She felt good, not sore at all. “It was fun. I liked it.”

  “You’re hired,” he told her.

  “I think Wendy would have something to say about that.”

  He waved his hand. “Wendy, Shemndy.”

  That brought her to something that had occurred to her earlier in the day.

  “You know, I think if you and Dallas both know about the uh, ghost thing, I should tell Wendy. I wouldn’t want her to feel like we’re all keeping secrets from her.”

  Max watched her for a few seconds before answering. “I think that would be a good idea.”

  She knew he’d agree. She just wondered how much was too much when it came to pushing her luck. It seemed like things were going so well, she could practically feel the other shoe hovering above her, waiting to drop.

  “It was your idea but you don’t look too excited about the whole thing.”

  Rosie felt her fingernails scratching her palm, an old nervous habit that reared its head sometimes.

  “I’m waiting for this all to blow up in my face,” she admitted.

  “How so?”

  “It’s just what always happens.”

  “Nothings gonna blow up in your face, baby.”

  Again, it was just that simple for him. He believed it to be true and that was that.

  She
envied his confidence, in himself and the world around him. What she wouldn’t give to believe in everything she did and the people she loved. Part of that belief had to rely on trust. Max trusted his friends and family. He trusted his own judgment and knew who he was. She’d told him she trusted him but she hadn’t been willing to tell him some of her truths.

  She didn’t know if she’d ever be ready to tell him those.

  But there was something she was willing to admit that he needed to hear.

  “I’m…” she hesitated, looking away.

  “You’re what?” She felt the water shift around her and when she looked back he was sitting up, watching her. “You’re what?”

  “I’m, ah…I’m terrified.”

  She had to choke the word out, emotional from admitting it to him and because she’d promised him just that afternoon she’d tell him what she was feeling.

  He sucked in a breath and grabbed her hand. “Of what?”

  “Everything,” she admitted. “What might happen Friday. What might not happen Friday. Telling Wendy. Dallas changing his mind about believing me. You, changing your mind about being with me.” There was more but Max interrupted.

  “First of all, I’m not changing my mind, Rosie. Not ever. So, you can throw that worry right out the window.” His fingers intertwined with hers under the water. “I’m not going anywhere. I won’t promise because you wouldn’t believe me if I did so I’ll just say it and that’s it. It’s fact.” He watched her closely. “Okay?”

  God, she wanted to believe him so badly. Her heart was thumping in her chest like it was trying to get out of her body and reach his, but her head kept getting in the way.

  “Tell me what keeps holding you back, baby.” His golden eyes searched her face. “I can see you, you know. You’re right here with me most of the time. Right on the edge of this cliff but every time I’m ready to jump in, you get spooked. Not enough to back out completely but just enough to not let yourself go.”

  He was absolutely right.

  “Tell me what’s going on, Rosie. We’ll figure it out so when the time’s right, we can jump together.”

  “It’s hard to explain,” she hedged.