Chasing Happy

by Jenni M. Rose

  “We can work on it together. Not too much voodoo involved,” Jay laughed. “To tell you the truth, I’m surprised you’re this calm.”

  “What other choice do I have?” Max asked. “I’m calm because Rosie needs me to be.”

  “You think she’d freak out if you were freaking out?”

  “No,” Max admitted. “I think she’d disappear.”

  When Rosie finally stirred, they left Jay’s and drove back to Rosie’s camper. She was less distant than she had been on the way to The Third Eye but not nearly as comfortable as she’d been that morning.

  They pulled up and Rosie when right to the camper to let the cat out. Max sat on the little patio and she joined him, settling in the other chair.

  “I told Jay we weren’t going to the cove tomorrow.” Her voice was quiet, almost shy.

  “I heard. I’ll let Dal and Wendy know.”

  She’d put on a pair of sunglasses, hiding her striking eyes and any thoughts he could read there.

  “Thanks.”

  Her quiet politeness was killing him. Since she woken up she’d been distant, making him wonder if he’d done irreparable damage to their relationship in one single moment.

  “Do you really think I’d just disappear?” Her cheek was resting on the knee she had pulled up to her chest.

  He shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t know.”

  “That’s what you told Jay. That you thought I’d disappear.”

  “It’s a concern,” he admitted. “That I’ll make some boneheaded mistake, like I did today, and you’ll take off.”

  She nodded and propped her chin on her knee, looking out at the trees.

  “Were you awake the whole time?”

  “No. Just in and out mostly. I couldn’t keep my eyes open.”

  “You want to talk about it?”

  “Not yet.”

  He didn’t want to accept that. He wanted to demand she talk to him and tell him what the hell was going on but that wouldn’t help, so he kept his mouth shut.

  “If you need to freak out it’s okay,” she told him.

  “Why would I need to freak out?” He laughed.

  “You told Jay you keep calm because you think that’s what I need.”

  “No-”

  “But I don’t want you to be something you aren’t, Max. If you need to freak out or yell or whatever, then you should do it.”

  He shook his head. “Jesus, this is ridiculous. Rosie, I’m calm because that’s just who I am. I’m not holding anything back from you.”

  “Not from me-”

  “I’m not holding back!” He yelled. “I’m just fucking calm!”

  She let out a laugh and covered her mouth with her hand, trying to hold in her mirth.

  He ran both hands roughly through his hair and grunted in frustration. “I’m fucking calm,” he said in a normal tone.

  “I can see that,” she replied, fighting laughter.

  He narrowed his eyes which only made her laugh harder. Honestly, if him acting frazzled made her laugh he was willing to take it, even at his own expense. The distance between them shrank with each giggle she let out.

  Max stood from his chair. “I’m glad you think it’s funny,” he huffed.

  She stood too, holding her hands to her cheeks and smiling. “I’m sorry.”

  He took a small step forward. “You don’t seem very sorry.”

  Her smile stayed in place but she took a step back. “I am. I swear.”

  She stepped around her chair when he continued to advance.

  “You’re still laughing at me.”

  “Not at you.”

  Another step.

  “Not with me.”

  “But not at you. Just at what you said.”

  Another step.

  “That I was calm?”

  “That you were fucking calm,” she corrected.

  She took another step back until she hit the camper with a gasp. He took one more step until his body was pressed against hers. He reached around pressed her hips closer to him, squeezing her ass at the same time.

  “I’m feeling pretty fucking calm right now,” he told her quietly.

  “I’m not,” she whispered as his lips crashed onto hers.

  It amazed him that every time their lips touched everything seemed right. Even if they were fighting. Even if things in their world were crazy or intense. Above all of that, every time they touched, he knew they were right for each other. She was the one for him.

  She wasn’t the most experienced woman but she always gave him everything she had. Her tongue explored his with a boldness that made him press his length closer, lifting her off the ground. Her legs wrapped around his hips and he squeezed the round cheeks beneath his hands again.

  Rosie’s arms wound around his neck when he kissed his way down her neck. He slid a hand under her top, his fingertips tingling at the feel of her hot, silky skin.

  A horn sounded around them.

  “Gross!” Wendy’s voice rang out.

  “Second time I’ve caught them there,” Dallas laughed. “I think it’s their thing.”

  “Oh my god,” Rosie laughed out a breath.

  “Tell me they aren’t here,” Max begged. “Tell me it’s just a bad dream and I’m still about to take your shirt off.”

  “You were going to take off my shirt?”

  He leveled a look at her and squeezed her closer. “You bet your ass I was.”

  “Okay, cowboy,” Dallas clapped a few times. “Hands off.”

  “We thought you guys would be all business, going through all the albums by now. We gave you plenty of time to get this stuff out of the way.” Wendy sat in one of the patio chairs like she lived there.

  With a sigh, Max let Rosie down. He took a second to adjust her top and make sure she was decent before adjusting his pants and turning around.

  Dallas’s eyes dropped to Max’s crotch for a nanosecond before a laugh rumbled from his chest. Max adjusted himself again in hopes that at least his sister wouldn’t see his predicament.

  “I think it’s safe to say they haven’t been looking at old picture books, Wend.” Dallas leaned to the side and looked at Rosie behind Max. “How’re you doing?”

  She opened her mouth to say something then snapped it shut. She did it again, a blush coloring her cheeks. Max hooked an arm around her neck and pulled her close, kissing the top of her head.

  “We’re good.”

  Dallas scoffed. “I wasn’t talking to you, Romeo.”

  “What are you guys doing out here anyway?” Max changed the subject, pulling Rosie from the spotlight.

  “We’ve been waiting at your house but you never showed. Figured we’d check here,” Wendy offered. “I wanted to look through those albums with you.

  “We haven’t looked at them yet,” Rosie said.

  They both looked surprised. “We figured you’d have gone through them all. Just what the hell have you guys been doing?”

  “Nothing,” Rosie answered quickly. “I want to check them out, too. Here’s not great though, I don’t have room for everyone.”

  “Yeah, and it probably still smells like burnt Pop Tarts,” Wendy reminded her, then continued talking.

  He wasn’t sure why, but it was clear that Rosie didn’t want to tell Wendy and Dallas about their little side trip to The Third Eye or the reason behind it. He watched her, hiding behind her sunglasses, evade Wendy’s line of questioning about what they’d been doing.

  “So, what really happened?” Dallas asked, sidling up next to him.

  “Nothing,” he replied, not willing to say anything until he knew why Rosie was keeping it a secret.

  “You know, we’ve known each other a long ass time,” Dallas said casually. “Been through a lot of shit.”

  Max pulled in a deep breath and looked at his best friend. Dallas wasn’t wrong. There had been a time in his life he’d been going off the rails and Dallas had been the one to set him straight again. He didn’t deserve to b
e lied to.

  “I know,” Max put a hand on Dal’s shoulder and squeezed.

  “You really want to start lying to me now? Tell me it’s nothing when it’s not?”

  Max shook his head. “It’s just not that easy anymore.”

  “Because you’re in love with Rosie?”

  The answer was a flat out yes but that wasn’t the right answer to the question.

  “Because it’s not my story to tell and I can’t force her to tell it.”

  Dallas sighed and looked back at the girls. Wendy sitting in her chair, chatting away while Rosie looked on, mostly quiet.

  “And will she ever do that?” Dallas asked.

  Max shrugged. He didn’t know if she’d ever be able to open up and tell them everything. She’d been hiding for so long, he wondered if not sharing what was going on with her was just her natural reaction to life.

  “Give her time,” Max told him, hoping patience would win out eventually.

  “Are we going back to your place?” Wendy turned around and asked.

  Max shook his head. “Rosie wanted to be here.”

  “No.” Rosie stood and wiped her palms on her jeans. “We can go to your house. We’ll look through the albums together. Let me just grab Gizmo and lock up.” She turned and disappeared into her camper leaving his sister and his best friend both staring, like he might have answers for them.

  Without a word, he walked into the camper with Rosie.

  “Need a hand?” He asked, seeing her down the little hallway throwing a few things in her bag.

  “No, thanks,” she told him.

  “Are you sure you want to go back to my place?”

  She nodded, while still packing her bag. “It’s fine.”

  “You were pretty insistent before that you be here.”

  She looked up at him and sent him a small smile, making the nerves he’d been holding onto dissipate a little.

  “I was in my head a little,” she admitted. “Thinking you needed to freak out.”

  “Even if I did, what would it matter?” He closed the distance between them, sat on the bed next to her bag and books. He noticed the shoeboxes and looked up at her.

  “Is that a shoe box full of money?”

  “Maybe,” she hedged.

  “Seriously, you can’t keep that here. It belongs at a bank.”

  “Okay,” she said, her eyes never meeting his. “Weren’t we leaving?”

  “No, we were talking about you thinking I needed to freak out or something.”

  “I don’t know,” she huffed. “I just…thought maybe you...”

  “You were what? Giving me an out?”

  “If you needed one.”

  “Shit, Rosie.” He growled, grabbing behind her thighs and pulling her to stand between his legs. “I don’t need a goddamn out. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “I just don’t want you to be stuck with me.”

  The lost look in her eyes told him what it cost her to admit that. Like she was embarrassed but expected it all the same.

  “Don’t you get it, baby?” He told her softly. “I do want to be stuck with you.” He interrupted when she was going to argue. “I’m here, Rosie. I’m not going anywhere and you can’t get rid of me that easily.”

  “As easily as getting possessed by the ghost of your boyfriend’s dead great-great-aunt?”

  His lips twitched as he fought a smile.

  “It’s not funny,” she told him.

  “You called me your boyfriend.”

  She rolled her eyes. “You missed the point.”

  He shook his head and smiled up at her. “No, baby. You missed the point.”

  24

  Rosie sat in the corner of Max’s oversized sectional surrounded by Max, Wendy and Dallas. They passed the albums back and forth, all of them trying not overlook anything.

  Max, being the expert in the kitchen that he was, put out some food to munch on while Dallas had grabbed everyone a bottle of beer. Not surprisingly, Max had been right there handing her a bottle of water when she declined Dallas’s offer.

  The television was on in the background playing some football game she had no interest in. Once in a while, one of the guys would make some noise about it and they’d discuss whatever was going on.

  Rosie opened the next album that was passed to her and inspected each picture. The idea that people went to so much trouble to chronicle their family’s lives in pictures was so foreign to her. Her mother hadn’t even fed her half the time, let alone paid actual money to have pictures taken of her. Someone in Max’s family had taken a lot of care to put the photos together. Someone really loved these people.

  Every page was filled with things Rosie thought only happened in movies. First days of school and first dates. Dances and wedding photos filled with women dressed in gorgeous vintage dresses.

  When she flipped a page over she stopped at a picture of a teenage boy. He looked to be about sixteen and though his mouth was smiling, his eyes weren’t. His eyes were dark, even in the black and white photograph, making him look tired and older than his age. His blonde hair was combed neatly to one side as he stood in front of an old-fashioned car.

  “My Jack.” The whisper feathered through her mind, the quiet rush of water close behind.

  She snapped her head up to look at the others, to see if they heard, but none of them noticed as they watched the game.

  Rosie looked at the picture again. This was Helene’s Jack. She thought back to what Sam, Max’s father, had told them about Helene’s family.

  “John,” Rosie remembered out loud. “Jerry and John.”

  “Babe?” Max leaned in and put his hand on her back. “Find something?”

  “My Jack,” the voice whispered again. Rosie shook off the irritation of Helene’s intrusion, the feeling of someone else in her mind was an unwelcome invasion.

  “John.” Rosie pointed to the picture.

  “Are you sure?” Max asked.

  “Jack,” Helene whispered again.

  “Get the hell out of my head, lady!” Rosie growled through her teeth. “I get it.”

  Max leaned back. “Is she here?”

  Rosie pointed to her head. “In here, and she won’t shut up. She keeps saying my Jack.”

  “So, this is him,” Max said.

  “Not that it gets us anywhere.” Rosie shrugged but marked the page anyway.

  “Should we be worried you’re hearing voices?” Wendy asked jokingly.

  Rosie couldn’t help but remember her mother’s testimony in court, sitting there telling people her daughter was crazy and heard voices. She remembered the hospital and the drugs that followed her commitment. Mostly, she remembered Butch’s back as he walked away from her that last time in the courtroom.

  “Shut up Wendy,” Max told his sister.

  “Okay,” Dallas said, keeping the conversation moving. “So, this is Jack but Rosie’s right, that alone doesn’t get us anywhere. I’m sure if we really needed to get in touch with this guy your dad could take care of that.”

  Rosie took a breath, calming herself and ridding herself of Helene’s energy. “Right,” she agreed. “Let’s take a break for a while. I can look at this stuff later.”

  “Are you sure?” Wendy asked, though she didn’t argue.

  “Yeah.” She closed the book and set it on the coffee table with the others. “Let’s talk about something else for a while.

  And that’s just what they did. Rosie gave herself a chance to laugh with her friends and be normal. Max stayed by her side, sometimes taking her hand in his or slinging an arm around her shoulder. It was easy to see how much they cared for each other, their relationship effortless and comfortable. It was easy for her to imagine herself fitting in with them but only because they made it look so easy.

  “So, we’re really not going tomorrow?” Dallas asked after a brief silence.

  “No,” Rosie said firmly.

  “Do you think it won’t work?”

 
“Dal,” Max tried to interrupt.

  “I might work but I’m not strong enough. I’ll have to try another day.”

  “From what happened today?” Wendy asked curiously.

  Rosie nodded, though not from the incident at the Murphy’s like Wendy assumed but from Helene’s intrusion.

  “I need to get some balance back first. Then we’ll go.”

  Wendy and Dallas left, claiming they were tired. Rosie had a feeling they were trying to give her and Max time alone, which she didn’t mind. Time alone with Max grounded her in a way and give her clarity. When she wasn’t ruining things with worry and doubt, time alone with Max was unbelievably soothing.

  He sent her upstairs to get ready for bed while he locked up. She headed straight for Max’s bedroom and wasted no time, throwing her pajamas on. At some point, Max had put a toothbrush in there for her. With a smile, she picked it up and used it. Halfway through, Max appeared, shirtless and smiling, in the mirror behind her.

  “Hey,” he smiled, reaching around her to grab his toothbrush.

  She didn’t dare speak with a mouthful of toothpaste but she smiled back, lifting the toothbrush a little, making a few mumbles that sounded like a thank you.

  He laughed. “You’re welcome.”

  She was slowly getting used to sharing a space with Max. She hadn’t there every night but enough that they’d started a routine and it was one she enjoyed. She finished brushing and moved back so he’d be able to use the sink. When he was in front of her she slid her arms around his waist and rested her cheek on his back. She held him through the rest of his routine until he was finished and he put his hands on top of hers.

  “You ready for bed?” He asked.

  She nodded against his back but didn’t loosen her arms.

  “Not that I mind but are you going to let me go?”

  She loosened her grip and, with a smile, he turned and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. As usual, he tucked her under the sheet and then slid between the sheet and the comforter. When she was finally wrapped in his arms, in the quiet of the night, she finally felt the tension slide away. She relaxed into him and the cocoon he’d made for her.

  “Night, baby,” he whispered, kissing the back of her head.