Hardcore

by Jenika Snow

  “Whoever brought fuckin’ wine in here needs their nuts torn off,” Big said, and was serious. This club was for hard liquor and beer. Wine and girly mixed drinks could be served at the bars in town for the pussies that wanted to drink easy.

  She spun around, her eyes wide for a second before she narrowed them and tightened her hold on the neck of the bottle.

  “Good thing I’m nutless then,” she said without emotion, but he could see her pulse jumped, that her lips were parting, and that she breathed a little harder, a little faster. For a second they just stood there, neither speaking, neither moving, their gazes locked on the other.

  “You remember last night?” He didn’t miss the way she licked her lips, or even that her pupils dilated. He was attuned to everything that was Claire.

  “What do you think?” she asked with a challenge in her voice.

  “Given the fact you’ve fucking avoided me since you got here, and the way you’re acting now, I guess I know my answer.”

  She didn’t respond, just held his gaze, her strength coming from her.

  Big contemplated bringing up the fact Mayhem told them about why she was really here, although he was sure she knew they’d already found out. But maybe he wanted to just bring it out in the open to break the ice?

  He was angry with that motherfucker for touching her, and the bruise on the side of her face, even though it was healing, thank fuck, made it harder to keep his cool. Big wasn’t known for his patience or controlled manner when it came to taking care of business, especially when what he held dear was hurt.

  And Claire was someone he held really damn close.

  Claire and he might not have spoken for the last two years, but she held his heart, whether she knew it or not, and whether or not he’d ever told her that. He’d be lying if he didn’t admit that he still wanted her … loved her. The situation had been so fucked up, and too much time had passed between them. The longer he stood there the more he was finding the control to not touch her crumbling.

  “Why are you just standing there watching me?” She tried to have a strong voice, he could tell, but she shook slightly. Her knuckles were white as she held the wine bottle.

  “I’m just wondering if you planned on telling me about your little prick boyfriend hitting you.” He paused a moment. “Or if you just wanted your brother to tell us. I mean you got the shiner to prove it, came here, and spoke to Mayhem, but you were just going to ignore me while you were here?” He saw the way her face turned red, and knew that little spitfire she housed inside of her was coming out. Good, they needed to get this all out in the open.

  “What I do, and who I fuck, isn’t any concern of yours, Big. You lost that right when you didn’t want anything more from me than some pussy.”

  He clenched his teeth, and forced himself to let her finish.

  “I knew you’d find out because of the club, and that’s fine. But I don’t owe you any explanation. Not anymore. I came here to tell my brother since he’s the VP. I figured if anyone could help it was my twin.”

  He had his hands clenched into tight fists at his side. “And this fucking club. Don’t forget that you’re here not only because of Mayhem, but because you know this club will protect you.”

  A part of him wanted her to say, maybe admit, that she still wanted him, that she’d been thinking about him this whole time, too.

  She swallowed, snapped her mouth closed, and took a step back. The glower on her face was intense, but he was feeling just as pissed as she was now that this was being talked about.

  “Yeah. This MC is just as much my family as it is yours. These guys are like family, and in trouble don’t people turn to their family?” She wasn’t shouting, but she did raise her voice. “I wanted the club protection in case shit got any worse.”

  They looked at each other for several moments, neither speaking nor moving.

  “If you would have just spoken to me like a damn human being—”

  “Don’t go there, Big.”

  “I wouldn’t have to fucking go there, Claire, if you hadn’t taken off two years ago, or the fact you didn’t reach out…” He shook his head, stopping her when she was about to say something. This conversation had escalated pretty fast, but he’d expected it to. “I didn’t reach out either, so I’m just as much to blame, but you’re here now, and pretending like I’m not here, like what I said last night, doesn’t change anything—” He let that hang between them.

  “I don’t want to get into this right now, Big.”

  “You don’t have a choice. This has been a long time in coming, Claire.”

  They glared at each other. “But you don’t want to talk about that right now, fine. We can talk about that fucker touching you and you coming here because you’re afraid. I can talk about that shit all day long, Claire.”

  “Big—”

  “You knew we’d protect you, Claire.” He cut her off and moved closer to her, invading her space. Instead of her retreating like he assumed she might, she came toward him, getting up in his space, too. Her anger was tangible, but he knew so was his.

  “What are you doing, Big?” she asked in a soft, but still hard voice.

  “What are you doing, Claire?” He shot her question back, but kept his voice low, his gaze trained on her face.

  “I’m trying to get out of here with this wine, go back to my room, and get drunk.”

  He’d always liked the sass in her, the stubborn demeanor, and her take no shit attitude. “I think you’ve had enough to drink since you’ve been here.”

  She clenched her jaw, narrowed her eyes, and breathed out through her nose. Yeah, he was pissing her off. Good.

  “You got something on your mind, baby?”

  “Yeah,” she said in a tight voice. “First off, I’m not your baby, haven’t been for a long damn time. Secondly, where do you get off telling me what to do? If I want to get drunk alone in my room I fucking will.”

  “I can tell you what to do because I know you, Claire.”

  “You don’t know shit about me anymore, Big. For all you know I’ve changed into someone totally different in these last two years. You have no claim over me anymore.”

  He made a low, threatening noise in the back of his throat. She belonged with this club, with him. “Watch it, Claire.” He saw her swallow, but she didn’t back down. This was one of the things he loved about her. She was strong in every way.

  She shoved him out of the way, but he’d let her. He wasn’t going to force her to do anything. She moved past him, but he was right on her heels. They stepped out of the backroom, and she made her way toward the bar. The ones that were still hanging around were passed out, and that was good, because there was no need for them to see this scene that was about to go from bad to worse. He watched her grab a wine glass from behind the bar, and when she moved from behind it they stood right in the archway that led to the hallway and looked at each other. Claire’s eyes were narrowed, her lips pursed.

  “I don’t know what you’re doing, Big, but you’re just fucking with my head, and that’s not cool, not after everything we went through.”

  He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest, trying to appear like he didn’t give a shit about anything, but inside he was fighting his control to go to her.

  “I’m not doing this with you now.”

  “Doing what, Claire? Talking to me? Bitching at me and putting me in my place?”

  The silence stretched between them for what seemed like long minutes when in reality it was probably just a few seconds. She smiled, and that had him on alert because it was so out of the blue. Looking at the ground she shook her head, her smile twisting into one of discomfort.

  “I tried to put you behind me, and whatever you think you’re doing, whatever you think you’re accomplishing by doing … this,” she stuttered on her words for a moment, “whatever the hell this is, it is only making this harder, Big.”

  He lifted a brow. “What exactly am I doing
?” He was trying to act like he was stronger than he was right now.

  She clenched her jaw. “This, Big.” She lifted her hand that didn’t hold the bottle and moved it between them in a sweeping motion. “Crowding me, watching me … just being you, Big.” She dropped her hand to her side, breathed out almost as if she was defeated, and he hated that she looked and felt that way. “I was the one to leave, I know that, but deep down you know why I did it. You didn’t come after me, and that affirmed my own beliefs, on why I left. Please don’t start this, bringing me back in the game, only to pull the same shit. I can’t handle that, and my heart can’t be broken again.” She snapped her mouth closed as if she hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

  You’re a bastard, a foul bastard that hurt the only woman that ever meant anything to you.

  The room was virtually empty, the only sound coming from the few snoring men who were passed out on the couches, and moaning from the backrooms from the fucking going on.

  He’d be lying if he didn’t admit, if only to himself right now, that he’d been wondering, thinking, how he’d talk to her if he ever had the chance again, about how they’d finally get past all this shit, and try to work things out. Just because he tried to keep his distance emotionally, that didn’t mean he didn’t want to hear her voice, didn’t want to see her, hold her, be with her in every way.

  After hearing about why she was here, because Claire was too stubborn and clearly hated to tell him herself about her issues, Big had come to the understanding with himself that he’d work through this with her. He had to, because he missed her too damn much, and it was sad that it had taken this situation to make him realize that.

  “What we had was nothing more than some good fucking, Big.” Her response after the silence that stretched on didn’t surprise him. Nothing surprised him, especially where it concerned Claire and what came out of her mouth.

  You’re lying, sweetheart.

  He pushed off the wall and took a step closer to her, her statement pissing him off. “If you want to bring that up, then we’ll fucking bring it up.” He took another step toward her. “It was more than that, Claire, and you fucking know it.”

  She shook her head but held her place. “Really? Because I thought that at one time, but it was obviously one sided.”

  He saw the way she slightly shook, and knew she was lying right now. She hated admitting the truth, and he could see that in the way she held herself.

  “The entire time I was gone I lived my life and didn’t think about you.”

  That had him grinning on the outside, even though he was breaking on the inside. She might not be telling the truth now, but the words still hurt. “Does it make you feel better saying those words, knowing they aren’t true, baby?”

  She shook her head again and licked her lips. “I’m not your baby, Big. I’m not your anything. Not anymore.”

  He knew he had a stoic expression on, because he was working damn hard on not showing emotion.

  “I don’t want you anymore, Big.” Her voice shook. “I left for a reason, and two years have passed. We are nothing.”

  “You gonna stand there and lie to my fucking face?” Big said, not bothering to keep his growl in, or hide his anger. He moved closer still, so close she walked backward, right where the wall would stop her escape. He let her retreat, let her think she was getting away.

  “I'm not lying, and ever hear about personal space?” Claire said and moved back another step, but the wall stopped her finally. She was breathing harder, the pulse at the base of her throat beating wildly.

  That had him moving closer to her, a smile of satisfaction spreading across his lips. “Baby, you like me in your fucking personal space. In fact…” He leaned in, stared in her eyes, and inhaled deeply. Yeah, he knew she was all wet for him. “You like me in your space, my big fucking cock all up in your tight little pussy, and my tongue mouth-fucking you.” He inhaled again. Fuck, she smelled good.

  “You’re still crude, I see,” she said the words on a breath.

  “Your pussy still get soaked, baby, or was that just for me and my dick?” He lifted his hand and ran a finger over her collarbone, loving that she was tense, trying to act like he didn’t affect her, like they didn’t still have that incredible chemistry. “I can still smell your juicy cunt, especially when I’m lying in bed alone. I can imagine you right there with me, your glorious tits pressed to my side, your tongue on my neck.” He couldn’t help but groan. He was so hard, so fucking turned on right now. “I can’t count the number of times I jerked off to images of you, to the memories of all the dirty fucking things we did. I really knew how to work you over real good, didn’t I, baby?”

  She visibly shivered, but still looked pissed. “You damn bikers think you own shit, think you own women, even when they walk away and don’t look back.”

  That had him grinning wider. “I owned every part of you at one time, Claire. And don’t fucking keep lying to me. You know you were thinking about me, remembering all the good shit we did together.” He placed a hand by her head on the wall, leaned in another inch, and looked at her lush red lips. “I bet when you let that little motherfucker stick his tiny dick in your body you were wishing it was my monster cock plowing that tight little pussy of yours.”

  “I didn’t have sex with him.” Again, she snapped her mouth shut. “I shouldn’t even be talking to you. What we had is the past. I left, put you and everything I thought we had behind me.” Her voice was strained, and it was clear his words affected her.

  Big shook his head. He was still reeling at her admission that the bastard hadn’t been with her.

  Good, because she’s mine.

  “I watched you walk away once, and it ain't happening again, Claire.” He lowered his gaze and stared at her tits. “Because I know what you taste and feel like.” He pressed his hard cock into her belly until she gasped. “I know how sweet that little, tight and pink cunt of yours is, know that you like me stroking you from the inside out with my thick fingers, rubbing your G-spot.” He groaned again. “You used to squirt all over me, and I loved that wetness all over my hand and arm. It turned me on so much, Claire.”

  She breathed in and out hard, fast.

  “I'm fiendin' for you. That never stopped. I'm not letting you run again. No fucking way.” Big sobered, thought about why she was here, why she’d come back for the club’s help and protection. He really wasn’t going to let her go, wasn’t going to let her walk away again. He’d been a dumb ass letting her go and not fighting harder. Not again, never again.

  “Our lives were never meant to be, Big. Didn’t that time apart show you that you’re not the type of man to have an old lady?”

  He placed his other hand by her head on the wall. “I’m going to tell you want I’m going to do.” He let those words sink in, and let them saturate the air around them, between them. “Time don’t mean shit, Claire, not when I realized what a big fuck-up it was letting you walk away.”

  She swallowed, her pupils dilated, the heat coming from her like a blast from a furnace. “Don’t do anything crazy. I told Mayhem and the others the same. I just want to put that behind me, forget about it.”

  He shook his head. “Do you not remember who I am, what happens to someone when they fuck with what’s mine?”

  She didn’t respond, but started breathing faster. He dipped his gaze to her tits, saw her nipples poking through the material of her shirt, and knew his woman liked this violence in him, liked the fact he didn’t hold anything back.

  “What I’m going to do is find that motherfucker that thought he could lay his hands on you, beat the shit out of him, and make him realize that what he did could get him killed … might even, depending on the mood I’m in when I get there.” He smirked, but it was far from humorous. “You’re mine now, Claire, and the sooner you accept that, the sooner we can get back into the way things were, baby.”

  “The way things were? Maybe I don’t want that, Big.” She sounded stronger
now.

  He smirked, stared at the way her lips were parted, lush and pink, and the way she was aroused for him. “You can keep saying shit like that, but I know you, know your body as well as my own.” He leaned in one more inch, so close now that their mouths were almost touching. “And I know you still love me.”

  She was silent, and he knew he’d gotten under her skin.

  Chapter Six

  “If things didn’t work out back then, what makes you think now would be different?” Claire asked, the challenge still in her voice.

  Big clenched his teeth together after she spoke, looked into her eyes, and knew he’d screwed up by letting her walk away.

  “Can you honestly say you want me now, Big? Can you truthfully, genuinely say you want me as more than just pussy on demand?” She licked her lips slowly. “Can you say you want me as your old lady?” she said so softly he almost didn’t hear.

  “I can say that I want you, Claire. I want you like I want to fucking breathe, like I want to—intend to—go after that slimy bastard that hit you.” He held her gaze with his own. “I can say I want you as only mine. I want you as my old lady, Claire.”

  She pushed at his chest, and he let her. Big stepped back, kept his focus on her face, but allowed her the space she needed.

  Yeah, he’d said it, finally admitted to her and himself out loud that he’d been the one to make her leave, that he’d been selfish and an idiot, that he was an asshole. He’d finally told her that he wanted her as his old lady.

  She was looking at the ground, shaking her head. “Big.” She said his name and looked up. “I wanted that two years ago, but it wasn’t in the cards for us.” She was silent for a moment. “It’s the main reason I left, even if doing so was one of the biggest mistakes of my life.”

  He hated that she’d left, that he hadn’t been man enough to tell her he wanted her as his old lady, that he hadn’t gone after her. He couldn’t go back and change time. All he could do was regret. He hadn’t fucked anyone else while they’d been together, hadn’t even wanted to. She’d been it for him, but he had never told her he wanted more with her, had never told her he loved her or that he did want her as his old lady. That had been his major fuck up, so she’d left, and rightly so.