Meant To Be

by Fiona McCallum

  The two friends sipped tea amid long silences that regularly strayed into awkward.

  ‘So, come on, I’m dying to see the place,’ Barbara said suddenly after they’d finished their tea. She got up.

  ‘Okay, just let me have a wee first.’ Emily was finding her bladder capacity shrinking by the day. Recently she’d been trotting off to the toilet almost half-hourly. She assumed it must be psychosomatic; surely the baby was tiny. But telling herself that didn’t make any difference.

  ‘As you can see, it’s a lot bigger than a cottage, but we’ve never managed to stop calling it one,’ Emily said as they made their way towards the building site.

  ‘Oh, well, sounds better than the building or the house,’ Barbara said. ‘And there was a real little cottage there once. Until a certain someone knocked it down.’

  ‘Yeah, don’t remind me. I try not to think ill of the dead,’ Emily said.

  ‘That’s noble of you.’

  ‘Thanks, but really, at the end of the day, it was only bricks and mortar.’

  The words, ‘not a living, breathing person’ hung unspoken in the chilly air around them.

  They traipsed on, both with hands thrust deep into pockets. The dogs bounded on ahead, Sasha struggling to keep up with Grace.

  ‘I’m giving you the full experience,’ Emily said. ‘Hence going the long way around.’ They could have climbed over the fence and cut across the paddock, but instead they were going up to the official driveway. ‘Sorry for the extra walk.’

  ‘Don’t be. I’ve been sitting around like a blob for too long; some exercise will do me good,’ Barbara said. ‘And I’m not sure I could climb a fence at the moment.’

  They paused at the edge of the road to take in the scene. The sun glinted off the galvanised iron roof and verandahs, and the pale stonework and creamy mortar was lit up in streaks where clear laserlight sheets had been used above the windows to help light the rooms inside. Even though she’d seen it plenty of times, Emily still felt a little awestruck. The sun was at a perfect angle, and was shining brightly.

  ‘It looks brilliant,’ Barbara said.

  ‘Thanks. It’s come up well.’

  ‘It still looks very much like the old one, only better – more complete with its verandah.’

  ‘I hope so. It’s a lot different inside,’ Emily said.

  ‘So it should be – the previous incarnation was practically derelict! And it’ll be nice to see it without all the pigeon poo!’ Barbara declared. Emily was pleased to get a glimpse of her dear friend’s sense of humour. She smiled to herself as she thought: she’ll come back, she’ll be okay. She could see that now.

  ‘Oh, no, we kept that for posterity. You know how sentimental I am.’

  ‘Still attached to a sample of old floorboards, I hope.’

  ‘Yes, we’ve sent it off to be gold plated. It’s going to hang above the fireplace behind my desk,’ Emily said, grinning and playing along. ‘But seriously, we were thinking of landscaping out the front,’ she explained, as they walked off the road and started across the large white rubble and gravel parking area. ‘But we couldn’t decide what to do.’

  ‘I like it like this; it looks like a real business. You don’t want it looking too domestic. And you need plenty of parking for all those visitors you’re going to get.’

  ‘I hope so,’ Emily said, smiling at her friend.

  ‘It’s going to be a huge success.’

  Emily could see how hard Barbara was working to put on a happy face – she just hoped the façade wouldn’t crumble from all the effort.

  ‘Love the colour of the door and the timber highlights,’ Barbara said. ‘Not too brown, not too brick-red or plum-red; it’s just right.’

  ‘It’s garnet,’ Emily replied, glad that she had noticed. ‘We’ve chosen it as our brand colour. I should have shown you when we were at the house. Remind me when we get back.’ She inserted the key in the lock and threw open the door.

  ‘Welcome to The Button Jar Gallery of Fine Art.’ She took a moment to enjoy the way the name rolled off her tongue.

  ‘Wow,’ Barbara said, taking in the view for the first time. ‘Is that polished concrete?’

  ‘Yes, with chips of quartz and coloured stone in it. I was a bit sceptical to start with, but I love it now,’ Emily said.

  ‘It’s brilliant, and will be a doddle to keep clean.’

  ‘I’ll get a hall runner at some stage.’ She flicked a switch and the chandelier lit up above them.

  ‘That is totally gorgeous,’ Barbara said.

  It was the first time Emily had seen it in all its glory. As rainbows from the Italian cut crystal lit up the ceiling and walls, she thought it worth every cent. It was stunning.

  ‘I want to get ottomans for people to sit on, but I haven’t decided exactly what shape and fabric yet,’ Emily explained as they made their way through. ‘We’re leaving it empty for the opening though.’ All the rooms were bare except for the one at the back left that held Emily’s desk and chair. She was surprised to see the desk in place. Had, in fact, completely forgotten about it. Jake couldn’t have moved it on his own; he must have got the electrician to help the other day when he was here.

  Each room had high picture rails for hanging the art on. It was one nice clean line rather than having hooks sticking out of the walls.

  Next Emily opened the doors to the bathrooms and they peered in. Nice and clean in neutral tones, but nothing over the top. Unlike the kitchen.

  This was the first time she’d seen it fully completed. It was perfect, just what Jake had described.

  ‘What a gorgeous kitchen,’ Barbara said, running her hands over the stone bench top.

  ‘I can’t take any credit, really; it’s all Jake,’ Emily said, walking over and running her hand across the chunky raised gas cooktop. She’d seen it in the pictures, but Emily would never have believed a kitchen appliance could actually look so handsome, so sexy. But it did; the cast iron trivets, the gas ring below, all framed in sleek, shiny stainless steel. It was a work of art compared to the boring black coils and solid electric elements she’d used all her life. She was a little overawed.

  Finally she unlocked the row of five glass café doors. They walked outside. A paved patio area held a stainless steel outdoor kitchen and a large timber table with bench seats.

  ‘Gosh, you’ve thought of everything,’ Barbara said, looking around.

  ‘Jake has,’ Emily corrected.

  ‘I’m surprised you guys aren’t going to move over here. I would.’

  ‘Who knows what will happen?’ she replied with a shrug, ‘but for now it’s definitely going to be a gallery.’

  ‘And a very successful one at that,’ Barbara added firmly. ‘When is the grand opening?’

  ‘The evening of June twenty-fifth. It’s a Saturday. It’s going to be cocktails standing up, so make sure you wear comfy shoes,’ Emily warned. ‘We’re hoping for hordes of people.’

  ‘I’m sure you’ll be swamped.’

  Emily smiled. ‘We’re still waiting for the invitations to arrive from the printers. Otherwise the two of us would’ve been stuffing envelopes and sticking stamps all day.’

  ‘I wouldn’t have minded,’ Barbara said. ‘It’s good not to just be sitting around with my sadness shadowing me,’ she added quietly. ‘I’m so glad I’m here.’

  Emily turned to her. There were tears welling in Barbara’s eyes. ‘I’m glad too. I’ve missed you.’ They embraced and then Emily held her friend by the arms. ‘I know you might not want to talk about Albert,’ she said.

  Barbara’s lip trembled.

  ‘But if you do – whenever you do – I’m always here. I want you to know that it’s okay to talk. If you want. And if you don’t, that’s fine too.’

  Barbara nodded, her eyes brimming with tears. ‘Thanks,’ she said with a gulp.

  Emily smiled sadly at her friend before releasing her. It was chilly out of the sun and surrounded by stone, so they made
their way back inside and she locked the doors behind them.

  ‘I’m just going to test out the loo,’ she said, and headed to the toilet with her head down.

  ‘Are you okay?’ Barbara asked when Emily emerged a few minutes later.

  ‘Yeah, fine,’ she said, avoiding eye contact.

  ‘Twice to the loo in one hour?’ Barbara continued.

  ‘Must be the cold weather,’ she replied, still unable to look Barbara in the eye. It had been the first thing that had come to mind.

  They walked slowly back to the main house, long silences again the norm.

  ‘I fancy some cheese,’ Barbara declared when they were back inside.

  ‘I’m afraid I’ve only got ordinary cheddar,’ Emily said apologetically.

  ‘No you don’t,’ Barbara said with a mischievous glint. She went to Emily’s fridge and brought the paper bag to the table.

  Emily retrieved a wooden chopping board from the open cupboard above the bench and put it on the table. She held her breath whilst hoping Barbara’s selection didn’t include anything soft. After her chat with Thora, she’d started swotting up online about pregnancy. She’d read that expectant women shouldn’t eat soft, blue-veined or semi-soft cheeses like fetta and ricotta. Apparently they were more prone to growing bacteria, like listeria, that was harmful to unborn babies.

  ‘We picked these up in Whyalla on the way home,’ Barbara said, rubbing her hands together in anticipation. ‘I’ve been craving soft cheese. I guess that’s what happens when you deny yourself something. Avoiding cheese certainly didn’t help me, though, did it?’ she added bitterly, as she extracted a box of water crackers from her handbag and put it on the table.

  Emily was without words. All she could do was offer her friend a sympathetic look. She focussed on unwrapping the package of cheeses and then stood staring at the four packets, only one of which wasn’t soft. Uh-oh.

  ‘Are you okay?’ Barbara asked.

  ‘Um, yep, fine, just got distracted for a moment,’ Emily said, tearing her gaze away and moving to the utensil drawer to look for the cheese knife.

  Think, Emily, think, she told herself as she pretended to fossick through the assorted implements for the cheese knife – which was clearly visible at the front of the drawer, right by her hand.

  She couldn’t claim to be on a diet; Barbara knew she didn’t believe in them. She couldn’t claim to have gone off cheese, because that would raise too many questions.

  Oh God. Would it be easier just to eat the damned cheese? How great is the risk anyway? If only she’d got Jake to ask the doctor. But of course when he left she’d had no idea she’d be facing this dilemma an hour or so later. Shit, shit, shit! She felt like banging her head against the cupboard in frustration.

  ‘Just a normal knife will do,’ Barbara said.

  ‘Got it,’ Emily said, making a show of holding up the cheese knife as she shut the drawer. She reluctantly sat back down in front of the platter of unwrapped cheeses. Her mouth was watering. She handed the knife to Barbara.

  ‘Which one can I cut for you?’ Barbara asked, knife poised.

  ‘Just a piece of the cheddar, thanks.’

  ‘What, no blue vein or double brie?’

  ‘No thanks,’ Emily said, shaking her head. ‘We had a big breakfast.’

  ‘What’s going on?’ Barbara asked, eyeing her warily.

  ‘Nothing,’ Emily said, accepting the wedge of cheddar on a water cracker, but avoiding her friend’s gaze.

  ‘Don’t you dare tell me you’re on a diet,’ Barbara said.

  Emily shrugged.

  ‘There’s something you’re not telling me. What is it?’

  A sudden wave of nausea came over Emily and she bolted from the room like a rabbit in front of a pack of greyhounds. She made it to the toilet just in time.

  Barbara was staring at her when she re-entered the kitchen a minute later. Emily failed to hide a sheepish look.

  ‘What’s wrong with you?’ Barbara asked again.

  She sat back down. ‘Milk must have been off,’ she lied, still feeling her friend’s gaze.

  ‘But I had milk with my tea and I’m fine.’

  Emily looked up tentatively after Barbara had been silent for ages. Her friend’s eyes were wide and still upon her.

  ‘You’re pregnant, aren’t you?’

  All Emily’s resolve left her. She nodded slowly, and then put her head in her hands on the table.

  ‘Oh my God! You’re pregnant. I can’t believe it,’ Barbara said. And then, ‘But what’s wrong? Aren’t you happy? You’re in a committed relationship, why wouldn’t you be happy?’ she asked, clearly perplexed.

  Emily looked up with eyebrows raised in a knowing expression.

  ‘Oh. Oh! You’re worried about upsetting me?’ Barbara said. She put a hand over her mouth.

  ‘Oh Barbara, I didn’t know how to tell you,’ she said, and burst into tears.

  ‘God, what sort of friend would I be if I couldn’t be happy for you?’

  ‘But it’s so soon.’

  ‘I’m sure you didn’t plan it that way,’ Barbara said, smiling kindly at her friend.

  ‘So you’re okay with this?’ She wiped her nose.

  ‘Of course I am. Honestly, Em, I’m happy for you. Yes, I’m sad and bitterly disappointed for my own situation, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want good things for you. I love you. You’re my dearest friend in the whole world.’

  ‘Oh Barbara,’ Emily said, ‘I’ve been tying myself in knots about how and when to tell you.’

  They got up together and hugged across the corner of the table.

  ‘I thought you’d be upset.’

  ‘I am upset, but not at you, silly,’ Barbara said. ‘So, when are you due?’ she asked when they were once again seated.

  ‘I’m not sure,’ Emily said, wincing.

  ‘Oh, so not planned then?’

  ‘No. I’m so sorry.’

  ‘Don’t be, Em, please. Please don’t pity me; I couldn’t bear that. I’ll just have to be the best auntie in the history of the universe.’

  Emily nodded.

  ‘Well, this changes everything, doesn’t it?’ Emily was trying to figure out Barbara’s tone when her friend reached for the cheese knife. ‘Looks like I get to pig out on the creamy cheese all by myself,’ she said, offering Emily a wan smile.

  They spent another hour together. Whilst Emily was relieved that everything was out in the open, she still had the gnawing feeling that Barbara’s ready acceptance of her pregnancy was the calm before the storm. She really hoped she was wrong.

  When David arrived back to pick Barbara up, they hugged goodbye.

  After Barbara and David had left, Emily paced around the kitchen for a few minutes. Where the hell was Jake? Why hadn’t he come back around the same time as David? She couldn’t settle. She wanted to walk off her angst, but was afraid he might return while she was gone.

  Finally she heard the ute and raced out to meet him. She flung her arms around him as soon as he was out of the vehicle, almost unbalancing him.

  ‘Easy tiger,’ he said. ‘What’s up?’

  Tears filled Emily’s eyes. ‘Oh Jake. I’m so glad you’re home.’

  ‘What’s wrong? It’s not the baby is it?’

  Emily shook her head. ‘I’m fine. But Barbara knows. About the pregnancy.’

  ‘Yeah, so does David,’ he said sheepishly.

  ‘You told him?’ She didn’t know whether to be annoyed or relieved.

  ‘He caught me coming out of the doctor’s. It just sort of came out.’

  ‘So how did he react?’

  ‘He was fine. What about Barbara?’

  ‘She was fine too.’

  ‘So what are you so upset about? It’s good that it’s out in the open, and even better that they’re okay with it.’

  ‘But what if they’re pretending?’

  ‘Of course they’re pretending, Em. They’re putting on a brave front, but inside t
heir hearts will be breaking all over again. They’ll be wondering why we got pregnant at the drop of a hat when they struggled, and why their baby was taken from them. Every time we talk about our child it’s going to remind them of what they have lost. But they will put all that aside to be happy for us, because they are kind, considerate and unselfish people, and because that’s what good friends do.’

  ‘I just feel so terrible,’ Emily said.

  ‘I know. But they wouldn’t want to take away from our happiness.’

  ‘It’s just not fair,’ Emily wailed.

  ‘No it’s not. Life often isn’t,’ Jake said sagely. ‘But we have each other. And they have each other. We’ll all get through this. In a way I’m glad it came out now; hopefully it means that the dust will settle sooner rather than later,’ he said. ‘You know what them knowing means, though, don’t you?’

  ‘What?’ Emily asked, genuinely baffled.

  ‘We have to tell your parents as soon as possible. It’s really not fair other people knowing when they don’t.’

  ‘Oh, God. Tomorrow?’

  ‘Tomorrow. But no later.’

  Emily remained silent, mulling it over for a few moments.

  ‘So how did Barbara find out anyway?’ Jake asked suddenly.

  ‘Cheese. Bloody cheese!’ Emily said, throwing her hands up in the air and letting them drop.

  Jake frowned quizzically at her.

  ‘She brought us a treat since she can now eat soft cheese again,’ Emily said, rolling her eyes and shaking her head in exasperation.

  ‘Oh, and now you can’t,’ Jake said, thinking aloud.

  ‘Exactly.’

  ‘But I can!’ he said, giving her a squeeze and leading her up the path and into the house.

  Chapter Thirty-eight

  All the way to Hope Springs, Emily talked with Jake about the project and launch of the business. But it did little to keep the tension at bay. How would Enid feel about the prospect of being a grandparent?

  ‘Don’t worry about it. She’ll be thrilled to be a granny,’ Jake had said when Emily had voiced her concern the night before.