When the knock came at her door, she rushed over and opened it, hoping he'd kiss her good morning. When he just nodded his head and asked if she was ready for breakfast, just as he would have any other time, her heart sank a bit. She took the arm he offered and they walked toward the dining room.
"I dreamed of you like you told me," she said, her voice a mere whisper. Surely that would get some kind of reaction from him.
Bernard swallowed hard. He'd decided to act as if nothing had happened and see how long it took her to say something. Less than a minute. "You did?"
"I did. I don't want to go back to the way things were. I want to keep moving forward." She stopped walking and looked up at him. "I've cared about you for a long time. I need things to keep moving forward."
Bernard stared into her eyes. "You're certain?" This was the reaction he hadn't dared hope for. This is what he'd needed from her.
Elizabeth nodded. "I've never been more certain of anything in my life."
"Then marry me. The train will stop in St. Louis at noon tomorrow, and we'll switch trains to go to Fort Worth. We need to spend one night in St. Louis. Marry me, and make our night in St. Louis our wedding night." He knew he was pushing her, but the passion he felt for her meant he either needed to not touch her at all, or marry her immediately. He was certain, now that he'd had a taste of her, he could never go back to their platonic relationship.
Elizabeth looked at him, her heart in her chest. "Do you mean it?"
He nodded. "If we're going to marry, let's just do it. Tomorrow. I'd say now, but the train only has a couple of short stops before St. Louis, and there won't be time to find a preacher."
She knew she should wait until she got to Fort Worth so her sister could be at her wedding. Or even back home so her whole family could attend. Elizabeth had never been one to choose the selfish route. She'd always thought of others first. But this time? She needed to think of herself and the man she loved. After a moment she nodded. "Yes. Let's marry tomorrow in St. Louis."
Bernard quickly looked both ways down the hall before sweeping her into his arms and kissing her. It was a quick, platonic kiss, because he was afraid once he started really kissing her again, he wouldn't be able to stop. When he straightened, he tucked her hand back into the crook of his arm. "Let's have breakfast then, my dear."
The endearment made Elizabeth smile. She still felt like she knew very little about the man, but she could learn about him as she went surely. He was hers, and that was all that really mattered, wasn't it?
Bernard felt a sense of pride as they stepped into the dining car together. They took a seat on the left side of the train. He faced backward, so she could look out the windows to where they were going. "St. Louis is a big dirty city. We will have less than twenty-four hours there, but I'll do my best to find us a pastor immediately. Maybe we can spend a bit of time doing some sightseeing." Please tell me 'no,' he thought. He didn't want to take her sightseeing. He wanted her to tell him she wanted to spend the whole day in bed with him.
She nodded slowly, surprised he would want to spend their wedding day seeing the city. Maybe he wasn't as interested in her sexually as she was in him. She knew as an unmarried lady, she wasn't supposed to know about those things, but having been in the bride business for ten years, she knew more than most. "I'd like to see the city. I've never even been out of Massachusetts before."
He did his best to stifle the grimace that wanted to cross his face. He would give her a day of seeing the city. You only went to a new place for the first time once. He'd make it special. "The pollution in St. Louis is bad, and there are a lot of factories, but we could perhaps see a play or something."
She shrugged. "Anything we do, as long as we're together, will make me happy."
He took her hand in his at that, squeezing her fingers tightly. He was always amazed at what a tiny woman she was. Her presence in a room was so much larger than her person. "I can promise you that whatever we do, we'll do it together." Now he just had to get through the next twenty-eight hours before she was his wife.
Elizabeth smiled at his words, squeezing the fingers that were laced through hers. She wondered if he'd mind if she started questioning him again. She'd found out a few things about him the previous day, but she wanted to know more. "How old were you when you left home?"
"Sixteen. It was stupid to leave so early, but I was determined to make my own way in the world. My mother had just died, and I couldn't see staying at home and being another mouth to feed." He didn't add that he had often fought with his father. They were both so headstrong.
"What did you do?"
"At first, I drifted around looking for farm jobs. I'd help with the harvest, mend fences, milk cows, whatever anyone needed. I worked my way to New York City, and I worked in a factory there for a while." He eyed her carefully. "You sure you want to hear this?"
She nodded. "I want to know everything about you!"
"One night on my way home from the factory, I realized someone was following me. I had just gotten my week's pay, so I was nervous. I ducked into an alley, to hide, and they followed me in. The man had a knife. We had an altercation right there in the street, and I took the knife from him. It was a minute or two between when he followed me there and when it was over."
Elizabeth blinked. "Did you kill him?"
Bernard shook his head. "No, but I was observed. A policeman came in and dragged the thug off to jail, but another man stayed behind watching me. He was a Pinkerton agent."
"Really? I've heard a lot of stories about Pinkerton agents." That must be how he'd started working with them.
He laughed softly. "Everyone has. Do you realize that right now, in the United States, there are more Pinkerton agents than soldiers in the US Army?"
"That's crazy!"
"It is. Anyway, the agent asked me to join them. I followed him and never looked back. His name was Michael, and he was my partner for the next four years. He was killed in a shoot out when we tried to stop a bank robbery. I was devastated. It was like losing a brother." He took a sip of his water, trying to calm his emotions. It still hurt to talk about Michael. "I was approached by Higgins a few weeks later about taking his place."
"So that's why you're so good at finding details about men." She looked at him in a whole new light. "Are you glad you stopped being an agent?"
He nodded. "My heart wasn't in it any longer after my friend died." He thought of Michael's wife and the hard time she'd had following his friend's demise. He still sent part of his pay to help them out every week, but he didn't tell her that. He didn't want her to change her opinion of him because of what he did to help another.
"I'm sorry. I wish I could take the pain away from you."
He shrugged. "It was a long time ago. You've given me interesting work, and someone to focus my attention on. And you gave me time to heal. Thank you for that."
Part of Elizabeth wished she'd known all along, but another part wished she still didn't know. She couldn't have helped him, and even now, there was nothing she could do. "My sister is going to be surprised when I show up in Fort Worth with a husband instead of a butler."
Bernard was relieved when she changed the subject. He had no desire to relive the sadness that he'd experienced after losing Michael. "I'm sure she will. Will it be a good surprise or a bad surprise?"
Elizabeth shrugged. "I think Susan will be happy for me. I've always wanted children."
He blinked a few times at her mention of children. He hadn't really considered children, because he hadn't thought much further than their honeymoon. But children? It wasn't that he was opposed to them, of course. He just hadn't really thought about whether or not they were a priority in his life. He guessed they were. Kind of.
"Do you want children right away?" he asked.
Elizabeth shrugged. "Maybe not tomorrow, but soon. I'm twenty-six. I'm ready to begin my family."
He nodded. "How many do you want?"
"Well, not enough for our ow
n demon horde, of course! Three or four would be more than enough for me."
"Would you continue to work if you had children?" he asked. He knew most women stayed home with their babies.
She shrugged. "I work from home anyway. Most likely I'd hire a nanny to help me out with them. The Grooms' Gazette has been such a success that I won't worry about money for a long time to come." She blushed as she realized what she'd said. "We won't worry about money for a long time to come."
It was odd for her, thinking about having someone else whom she would share her money with. She'd grown used to being alone.
He smiled at her correction. "We could easily live off just what I make."
"I know we could, but we don't need to. And you'll move into the house, of course," she said, referring to her house on Rock Creek Road.
He nodded, because he knew it was expected. Besides, he'd be crazy if he tried to move her into his small home, when she had a mansion at her disposal. "Of course." He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her palm. "As long as I get to live there with you." He hated the idea of her being wealthier than him, but did it really matter? Just so they were together.
Chapter Four
When Bernard walked Elizabeth back to her room, she looked up at him for a moment, desperately wanting to have more time with him. "Do you want to come in? We can talk."
He studied her face while fighting an internal battle. "I don't know. I mean, I want to be with you, but I don't want anything to happen we might regret later."
Elizabeth opened the door and took his hand, pulling her in behind him, and closing the door with a snap. "I would regret nothing done with you. Don't you realize that yet?"
He shook his head. "I won't dishonor you by making love before our wedding." Couldn't she see they shouldn't be alone together?
She blushed. "We don't have to make love, do we? Can't we just—canoodle a little?"
"I'm not sure how safe that is," he said cautiously. With as long as he'd wanted her, could he really stop when it was time? Was it even possible?
She took a step toward him, needing this time with him. "I think I'll be less nervous aboutmaking love when the time comes if I'm more used to you now." Which was the truth—or most of it. She also really wanted to touch him. She wanted to be close. She put her hands against his chest. "Will you kiss me?"
He frowned, knowing it wasn't smart. Of course, he had always been proud of his self-control. He could kiss her once or twice and be just fine. He was certain of it! Slowly he lowered his head, until his mouth was just an inch from hers, and he could feel her breath against his lips. "Are you sure you want me to kiss you?"
Elizabeth stood on her tiptoes and pressed her mouth to his, her arms going around his neck.
Bernard laughed softly at her response to his teasing. "I guess you're sure then!" He slowly backed up until he sat in the overstuffed chair at the side of the room...the chair she'd sat in to work. He pulled her down onto his lap, angling his mouth across hers to give him better access.
She pressed closer against him, feeling the tension building in her stomach. One of her fingers traced his cheek as they kissed. She loved that she was now allowed to touch him. Why hadn't they done this sooner?
He traced her lips with his tongue, but she didn't open her mouth, keeping her lips tightly locked together. Had she never even been kissed? "Open your mouth for me, sweetheart."
Elizabeth pulled back startled. "Do people do that?"
He nodded, his eyes a much darker blue than usual, filled with passion. "Yes, people do that. Let me teach you." He pulled her face back toward his with the hand at the back of her neck.
When he kissed her again, Elizabeth parted her mouth, just a bit, and he moved his tongue inside to explore.
Elizabeth let out a gasp of surprise. She'd never imagined anyone would do that to her, but it felt so good. Her heart beat faster and her breath came quicker. His hand moved down her side, skimming against the side of her breast and causing her to shiver. Did men touch women there? She'd thought she was knowledgeable about what would happen between them, but she could see that she truly knew nothing.
"You feel so good against me," he whispered softly, pulling her even closer. He was certain she must be able to feel his hardness pressing against her hip, but she didn't pull away. He wanted to push her dress off her shoulders and touch her bare skin. He wanted to taste her.
Elizabeth pushed his suit jacket off his shoulders and ran her hands over his chest and shoulders. She had never seen him in just his shirtsleeves, even during the hottest months of summer. She kissed his shoulder through the thin fabric of his linen shirt before gently scraping her teeth against his neck.
Bernard let out a low groan, realizing he was getting too worked up too quickly. He couldn't do this. Jumping to his feet, he knocked her to the floor without meaning too. He reached down a hand and helped her stand, his hands shaking. "I'm sorry." Grabbing his jacket, he all but ran from the room.
She stood shaking, her heart still beating too quickly and her breathing laborious. Was he angry with her?
Taking the seat he'd just vacated, she buried her face in her hands. She only hoped he was still willing to marry her, even if her moral character wasn't what he wanted from a wife.
*****
Bernard hurried back to his seat and stared out the window. How had he let things go so far? He'd been moments away from stripping her and climbing into bed with her. He'd known better than to even start anything, and he'd done it anyway.
He'd left without knowing if he'd hurt her by pushing her to the floor. What was wrong with him? He'd only loved one woman in his life, and he'd tried to take advantage of her before pushing her on the floor the day before their wedding. He should be stood before a firing squad. Would she still marry him? He wouldn't blame her if she didn't. He didn't deserve her. Not even close.
*****
Elizabeth was lying on her side on her bunk when the knock came at lunch time. Her tears had long since dried up, but she was certain she looked a mess. "Come in," she called, hoping against hope it was Bernard, and he wasn't angry with her.
The door opened, but Bernard didn't take the step that would bring him into the room. "Are you hungry?" he asked softly, his deep voice sounding raspy, as if he was as upset as she was.
She got to her feet, walking over to where he stood. "I'm sorry." She was so ashamed she couldn't look above his tie.
Bernard put an index finger under her chin, lifting her eyes to his. "What do you think you have to be sorry for? It was my doing." Elizabeth squeezed her eyes shut, a tear slipping out of her eye and traveling slowly down her cheek. He flicked it away with his thumb. "I didn't mean to drop you."
"It's my fault. I shouldn't have forced you to kiss me that way. I knew you didn't want to, and I insisted." He must think she was a woman of loose morals. How could any man want to marry someone like her?
He laughed, the sound harsh. "Didn't want to? It's all I wanted to do. I just didn't want to shame you."
"You could never shame me." She took a step forward, and his arms came around her automatically. Her head barely came to his shoulder, and she rested her cheek against his chest. "I'm very sorry. I should have listened to you. Will you forgive me?"
He couldn't believe she was taking the blame. He'd dumped her on the floor! How could she blame herself for that? "You did nothing wrong. I just didn't have the self-control to keep going without stripping you bare and making you mine."
"I would have let you and never complained once." She kissed his chin. "Let's go to lunch. We'll wait until tomorrow when we won't have to stop."
He grabbed her and pulled her against him, kissing her passionately. "I'm counting the minutes."
A moment later they were strolling through the hall, and her hand was on his arm as if nothing had happened between them, but she knew something had. She hoped he was being honest with her about his reasons for stopping earlier. She would hate to think that her feelings
for him were stronger than his feelings for her.
Once they were seated in the dining car, she folded her hands in her lap, trying to avoid touching him at all. She'd been too forward, and she needed to show him she knew how to be circumspect.
Once they'd placed their order, she took a sip of her water. "We don't have to see the sights in St. Louis," she whispered, not meeting his eyes. She didn't want to seem too eager to make love, but she wanted him to know that she was ready when he was.
He sighed. "We can see the city. I know you want to."
She shook her head. "No, I really just want to do what you want to do. If you want to spend the day in the hotel teaching me to play poker, then I would stay in the hotel all day learning to play poker. If you want to spend the day wandering around the city, well that's fine too." She peeked up at him through her eyelashes, keeping her head bowed just a bit. "If you want to make love all day, then we'll do that."
Bernard swallowed hard. "Why don't we see how we feel after the wedding?" he asked. "I don't know how hard it will be to find a preacher and marry as soon as we step foot in St. Louis. We won't be there until a little after noon. By the time we find a preacher, it might be time to eat dinner and retire for the night." Oh, how he wished it would be late by the time they were married, so he could whisk her off to the hotel and not feel guilty about it.
"What does it matter if it's night? Do people not make love during the day?" she asked. She had a hard time believing that, because they'd come awfully close that morning, but he knew more about these things than she did.
Bernard smiled. "Of course they do. But for your first time, I don't feel like I should be rushing you straight from the altar to a bed."
She finally met his eyes. "I wouldn't complain a bit." If it made her seem brazen to him, then so be it.
He swallowed hard, trying to get his feelings under control. "I need you to know that I respect you and cherish you. And not just for the pleasure you'll bring me in bed."
Wild Western Women Ride Again: Western Historical Romance Boxed Set Page 3