"I know that. If I thought the carnal delights of marriage were all you were thinking about, I would never agree to marry you." Her eyes danced as they met his. "However, are you certain that's not all I'm looking for from marriage with you?"
He laughed softly. "I wouldn't complain if it was all you wanted. Men want women to feel that way, even though women don't want men to."
"Men do? Really? I thought men looked down at women who felt their passions strongly. Thought of them as loose women." Elizabeth was truly confused. Was it not wrong to want to have relations before marriage?
He shook his head. "No, feeling that way just means that you are a woman. I look forward to teaching you about passion." His eyes were the dark blue she'd come to associate with his arousal. It was odd that she was coming to know him so well before they even married.
The waiter came to the table then, putting their plates in front of them. When he'd left, Elizabeth took another sip of her water. "I look forward to being your willing pupil."
Bernard sucked in a breath, wishing he could relax his morals for this woman. If he respected her less, he'd have had her in bed beneath him already, but he cared for her too much. He couldn't let that happen. "Do you still want me to spend some time in Fort Worth investigating a potential groom for you?"
Elizabeth grinned. "Yes, I would. He's not a potential groom for me any longer, of course, but we'll either find him a bride or include him in the Grooms' Gazette. I'm so glad we decided to join forces with so many other matchmakers for our paper. It's been a godsend. I hated when you were traveling so much."
He paused with his fork in midair, about to take a bite of his chicken. "You did?"
She nodded. "Of course, I did. My feelings for you haven't just developed overnight, you know."
"They haven't?" No, he hadn't known that. He'd thought that being thrown together on this trip had caused her feelings to develop. They'd had the paper for five years. She couldn't have been harboring feelings for him all that time, could she?
She shook her head, but said nothing more on the subject. If he hadn't noticed how she felt after years of longing, then she'd keep him in the dark a bit longer. There was no reason for him to have the upper hand in their marriage just because she admitted to her overwhelming feelings too soon.
Bernard eyed her, confused. "My feelings for you didn't just start on the train either," he admitted softly. He captured her hand and brought it to his lips. "I'm very much looking forward to our wedding night."
Elizabeth blushed. "I am too. I know I shouldn't be, but I am."
"I wouldn't have it any other way."
Chapter Five
The first thought in Elizabeth's head the following morning was about her wedding day. And quickly her thoughts turned to her wedding night. She felt a warmth in her belly as she thought about what would happen between her and Bernard. She hoped he wouldn't insist on waiting until after dark to make love to her. As far as she was concerned, they should find the nearest bed as soon as their vows were spoken.
A few hours later, when the train pulled into St. Louis, she picked up her carpet bag, which she'd spent some time repacking that morning. She wished she'd had time to shop for a special nightgown for her wedding night. Or more importantly, time to make one for herself. She could picture what she wanted, made of lace and the thinnest linen. Maybe she could make it for their first anniversary. He would be pleased no matter when she wore it, wouldn't he?
When Bernard knocked on her door, she rushed to open it. He looked more handsome than she had ever seen him. His hair was neatly combed, and his eyes seemed to be lit from within. "Are you ready?" he asked.
She nodded, looking around the room one last time to be certain she hadn't forgotten anything. She crooked her finger at him so he'd lean down, and whispered, "The next time I stay in a room like this, I expect to share it with you."
He leaned down a bit further, catching her earlobe between his teeth. "You'll have no choice in the matter."
He took her bag from her and led her from the train, his hand holding hers firmly. Why she felt it was more intimate to have their fingers woven together than for her to simply have her hand resting on his arm she wasn't certain, but she felt as if the new sign of affection was noticed by everyone around them.
Elizabeth had never been in a big city before, not even Boston, which was only a thirty minute train ride from Beckham. She knew that St. Louis and Boston were roughly the same size, but she'd never been to Boston, so she was shocked at the buildings around her. She'd read that St. Louis was the third largest city in their fair nation, and looking around her at the bustling people, she didn't doubt it. Why, the Beckham train station could have fit many times over into Union Station.
Bernard kept hold of her hand as he maneuvered through the crowd. He worried he'd lose her in the crush of people.
When they finally made it through the crowd milling about Union Station, they went to the closest store. "I'm going to ask where we can find a preacher," Bernard told her. He knew she was probably getting hungry, but they had to marry before either of them lost their nerve.
Elizabeth looked around the huge store and the piles of ready-made clothing. She spotted a nightgown like she'd been planning to make out of the corner of her eye. "I see something I'd like to buy. After you get your directions, wait outside for me. It's a surprise for you."
"I don't like the idea of leaving you alone—"
"You won't be. Just go outside onto the sidewalk and turn your back. I'll be fine." Her eyes begged him to listen to her, and he finally nodded.
"It's against my better judgment, but I'll do it."
She squeezed the hand he still held tightly. "Thank you." She stood at his side and listened to the directions he received to find the preacher, and then she watched as he went outside and turned his back. She rushed over to the display of nightgowns and found one that looked like she wanted. It was made of fine pink linen, and the collar and armholes were accented with lace. It was a beautiful garment.
She looked at the front of the store and assessed the two people at the cash registers. One was a man about her father's age, and she had no desire to buy a nightgown from him. The other was a young lady who looked to be a few years her junior.
She chose the young woman and rushed to pay for the garment, trying not to blush. She held it against her stomach as she walked across the store, hoping no one would notice what she was carrying. Why was she so bold about most things, but so embarrassed when it came to purchasing nightwear for her wedding night?
When she reached the front, the girl behind the register nodded, as if she understood how Elizabeth felt about buying it. "I heard your man ask my pa where the preacher was. You getting married today?"
Elizabeth nodded. "I am." She glanced over at Bernard's back. He was facing the street as if he was guarding her from anything that could possibly happen while she shopped.
"I thought so. The gown is right pretty."
Elizabeth paid her and waited while the younger girl wrapped the nightgown in a piece of brown paper. She tucked the package under her arm and rushed out to meet Bernard. "I'm ready."
He glanced at her purchase but refrained from asking about it. "You up for a walk? He said it would take about thirty minutes to walk, or we can hire a driver and get there in the same amount of time, but sitting instead of walking." He shook his head. "Traffic is bad in this part of St. Louis."
She laughed. "I've had enough sitting on the train. Let's walk."
He took her hand, sliding his fingers through hers, and guided her in the direction of the preacher's house.
Elizabeth was surprised to discover how nervous she was as they walked. She wanted to be married to him. She'd dreamed of it even. So why was her heart beating as if it wanted to leap out of her chest?
They walked toward the preacher's house in silence. When they reached the front path that led up to the pastor's house, Bernard turned to her. "Are you certain you want to go
through with this? It's not too late to back out." He said a silent prayer that she'd go through with their plans, but he couldn't live with himself if he forced her into something she didn't want.
Elizabeth wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, but at that moment, she wanted nothing more than to run. No, she had to marry him. She wouldn't go back on her word. Not for anything. She suddenly wanted to beg for a few more days, so Susan could be there with her, but somehow she felt that the wedding needed to happen immediately.
"I'm certain." Her voice sounded weak even to her own ears.
"You seem terribly nervous. I don't want to force you into anything you don't want to do." His eyes looked into hers, and she felt like he could see right down into her soul.
"You would never force me to do anything." She sighed softly. "I'm nervous, because I'm giving my life to you today. I'm changing my name for you. How could I not be nervous?"
He nodded. "All right. Let's go get it done."
They walked together up the front path leading to the door. There were flowers planted on either side of the door, brightening up the small white wooden house. When the door opened it was to a middle aged woman with dark hair and brown eyes. "Here to get married, are ya?"
Bernard smiled. "Yes, ma'am, we are. Is the preacher here by any chance?"
"Course he is. I wouldn't come to the door if he wasn't." She held the door open wide. "You live here or traveling through?" She eyed them skeptically, as if wondering about where they'd come from.
"We're just traveling through. I was accompanying her on the trip, and we decided halfway through that we need to spend our lives together." As soon as the words left his lips he realized how bad they sounded. He made it seem as if they were traveling together, and having intimate relations, without vows.
"Oh really?" The preacher's wife raised an eyebrow.
"It's not how I made it seem," Bernard said, suddenly unable to speak correctly. He stumbled over his words.
Elizabeth watched as he blushed, something she'd never seen. "What my fiancé is trying to say is he came along with me on a journey as my bodyguard. He's worked for me for several years, and we've decided we want to make our relationship permanent."
The woman looked back and forth between them for a moment before shrugging. "Your names?"
"I'm Elizabeth Miller, and this is Bernard Tandy."
"I'm Mrs. Johnson," she said, leaving the room. She came back a moment later with a man at her side. "James, this is Bernard Tandy and Elizabeth Miller. They wish to be married."
Pastor Johnson stepped further into the room, nodding. He looked between the two of them. "My wife tells me you've been traveling together. It's none of my business, of course, but if you've been living in sin and want me to pray for you, just let me know."
Elizabeth's eyes widened, but she refused to answer the question. Why would a man even ask that?
Bernard shook his head. "We've not been living in sin. Would you do us the honor of marrying us?" He was seething that the man would ask such a thing, but with the way he'd bungled the explanation to Mrs. Johnson, he could see why they would think such a thing.
"Are you sure, son? If you have, I'm happy to pray over you before the ceremony."
"I've been traveling in the second class car, and she's had a sleeping car. Nothing has happened between us that makes me feel the need to be prayed over." Bernard was annoyed the man hadn't dropped it. They could find another pastor if they needed to.
"I had to ask," the pastor said. "Please join hands."
The ceremony was simple and sweet. And short. Elizabeth was startled when he pronounced them man and wife. They couldn't already be married, could they?
"You may now kiss the bride." The pastor and his wife looked on as Bernard lowered his head and brushed his lips across hers.
Elizabeth stared up at him. She wasn't Elizabeth Miller any longer. She was Elizabeth Tandy now. How odd to realize she didn't have the name she'd been known by for her entire life.
Bernard shook hands with the pastor and paid him for the ceremony, thanking him. "I appreciate you taking the time out of your day to marry us, sir."
"Happy to do it."
Bernard took Elizabeth's hand again, smiling down at her. "Let's go find a hotel for the night."
"How long will you be in St. Louis?" the pastor asked as they headed for the door.
"Just this one night," Bernard answered. "We'll be leaving on a train early tomorrow morning for Fort Worth, Texas."
"We'll pray for safe travels then."
Once they were out of the house and walking back toward the train station where they'd seen several hotels, Elizabeth looked at Bernard. "Do you feel married?"
Bernard shook his head. "No, I really don't. But I've never been married, so how would I know how it feels to be married?"
Elizabeth nodded. "That's true. I just feel like something should be different."
"Something is different."
"What's that?" she asked, a bit confused.
"When I start kissing you again, I'm not going to stop until you're naked and under me in a bed." He didn't look at her as he said the words, sensing her embarrassment. "And I want to start kissing you soon."
Elizabeth wanted that as well, but she was hungry too. "We haven't eaten since breakfast. Would you be willing to stop and eat before the kissing starts?"
He grinned. "I suppose we can stop for a minute or two. I hope you know how to eat fast." He slipped his arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him. "I'm not sure how long I can wait." They'd talked about spending time seeing the sights, but he was no longer willing. He wanted to get her back to the hotel and start their wedding night. Just knowing that she was his brought his level of need up to the point that he didn't think he could bear even a twenty minute delay.
They walked along in silence until he saw a small diner. "Does that place look all right?" he asked.
She nodded. She was ready to eat anything. And strangely, she wanted to delay their wedding night. Yesterday, she'd been certain that once they said, "I do," she'd want to jump into bed with him. Now that the time was here, she was too nervous to even think about it.
Once they were seated and had ordered, she looked everywhere but at him. Her glass of water became mesmerizing. "You're really nervous," he said, astonishment filling his voice.
She nodded, not meeting his gaze. "I wasn't nervous while we were kissing yesterday. If we'd made love then, I don't think I would have gotten nervous at all, because we were doing it because it was something we wanted to do. Today, it feels like we are required to make love, and for some reason, that just doesn't feel right to me."
He took her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing her fingers softly. "And yesterday I felt like it was wrong, and I could wait as long as I needed to. Today, I feel like if we don't make love twenty minutes ago, I'm going to die."
Elizabeth looked up at him for the first time since they'd sat down, amusement filling her eyes. "What's wrong with us? Are we both crazy?"
He chuckled softly. "No. You're nervous because you know that very soon, we'll be going to the hotel and making love for the first time. I'm anxious and needy, because your last name is now Tandy, and it makes me want you even more. I know it's right now."
She sighed. "I'll do my best to stop being a nervous girl."
"I'll do my best to take your mind off your nervousness as soon as we're alone together." He paused for a moment, knowing he should offer to postpone their wedding night by showing her around the city, but not wanting to. "We could go for a walk in the park after we check into the hotel if you'd like. The city just built a huge new park, and we could find it."
She bit her lip, considering it. She wanted to ask to go see the new park, but she caught his gaze which was fastened on her lip where she was biting it. His eyes were dark, like they got every time they kissed. No that wouldn't be at all fair to him.
She finally shook her head. "No. Let's go check into the
hotel and stay in for the evening." She had to put his needs first now. Besides, it wasn't like it was something she didn't want to do. She was just nervous.
Bernard let out a breath he hadn't even realized he'd been holding in. "I'd like that."
Their food arrived then, and Elizabeth tore her gaze away from her new husband. He'd always seemed professional to her, but now the only word she could think of to describe him was focused. He was so focused on her it was almost scary.
As they finished the meal, she felt his eyes on her constantly. They ate in silence, but he was so intent on her, it felt as if she were naked before him. Was this the same man who had worked for her for ten years? Who had never done anything improper in any way? Could it possibly be?
Chapter Six
They walked hand in hand back toward the train station. Bernard nodded at the first hotel he saw, eager to get the wedding night started. "That one all right?"
Elizabeth shrugged. Was one hotel any different from another? She'd never stayed in a hotel, so she had no way of knowing if this one was better or worse than any other. She followed him into the hotel lobby and to the front desk. "I'd like your nicest room, please," he said to the desk clerk. "It's our wedding night."
Elizabeth blushed at his words. Now everyone would know what they were doing that night. Why that mattered to her, she didn't know, but it felt strange. It was as if he was announcing to the world that they'd soon be making love for the first time.
A few minutes later, armed with the room key, they started up the stairs. The hotel was a four story. "You don't want to take the elevator?" she asked. She didn't mind the stairs, but the clerk had said they were on the fourth floor.
He shook his head. "I don't trust them. Once you're inside you're trapped."
Elizabeth wasn't sure what that meant, so she just nodded and climbed the stairs beside him. She was in good shape and regularly climbed the stairs in her home, sometimes going up and down them just for the exercise, which she'd read recently was a healthful practice for women. Since the problems with the deacons had arisen, and she'd become a target, Bernard hadn't wanted her leaving the house at all without him at her side. Before the problems they'd encountered, she'd gone for a brisk walk every morning.
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