Don't Even Think About It

by Sarah Mlynowski

  “Uh, yeah. It’s a play. It’s off-Broadway. Jacob Irvinston directed?” How could she not know that? Time Out New York gave it five stars!

  “Oh,” she said. “I know it. Time Out New York gave it a five-star review, right? I really want to see it.”

  “You do?” He eyed her skeptically.

  “Yes. I wish you had an extra ticket. I would love to go. This weekend. With you.” She couldn’t believe she’d just said that. But she had. The words had flown from her mouth.

  He blinked. “You would?”

  She nodded.

  It’s like she’s reading my mind. “Well, I have an extra ticket. Would you like to come with me?”

  “Yes!”

  In truth, she was dying to know if it was a musical, because she really did love musicals and was kind of bored at non-musicals, but she decided not to ask. Either way, she was going to a play. With a guy. Oh my goodness, I just asked a guy out.

  As they collected their books and walked out of class, Olivia felt a wee bit guilty that Lazar didn’t know she was reading his mind. But not too guilty. It wasn’t like she asked to be able to read his mind.

  And she wasn’t trying to trick him. She was trying to date him.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  THE TRUTH HURTS

  Cooper avoided Mackenzie all morning.

  At lunch she cornered him by his locker. “Please talk to me.”

  He shrugged. “What’s there to say?”

  “I’m sorry. It was a totally horrible thing to do.”

  No kidding, thought Jordana. She was filing her nails one locker over.

  “Can we go somewhere private to talk?” Mackenzie asked. Please don’t shut me out.

  We had decided not to have a meeting at lunch that day. Pi and a few other 10Bers had an American history test and they wanted to prep then.

  Instead, we were all meeting after school at Sadie’s apartment on Duane Street.

  He shook his head. “Sure, now you want to go somewhere private.”

  “Let’s go to my place,” she offered.

  I can’t be in your room. It would hurt too much.

  His thought pierced her heart.

  “Let’s go to the gazebo.”

  The gazebo was in Washington Market Park, only a few blocks from school. They walked out together, him a few steps ahead, not looking back.

  They were both quiet. All she kept thinking was I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. All he kept thinking was I can’t believe this is happening, over and over again.

  When they got to the gazebo, they sat beside each other, not speaking.

  Finally he turned to her. “Did you sleep with him?”

  “No,” she said quickly. No! I didn’t!

  “What did you do, then?”

  “I …” She wanted to lie, but she couldn’t. He would know.

  “So your first instinct is to lie to me? Great.” Does she always lie?

  “No! I don’t! I just … I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “But you did hook up with him,” he said. How could she do that?

  “Yes.” I’m sorry.

  “While we were together.” Why would she do that?

  “Yes.” I’m sorry.

  “And you didn’t tell me.” Liar.

  “No.” She felt tears well up in her eyes. Was their relationship really going to end? Just like that?

  “Why?”

  She shook her head. Was he asking why she had hooked up with Bennett or why she hadn’t told him? She wasn’t sure she knew the answer to number one, but she definitely knew the answer to number two. “I knew you’d break up with me and I didn’t want that to happen.”

  He sighed. “Too late now.” It’s so over. I can’t even look at you.

  Pain exploded in her chest. “Please, Cooper. We don’t have to break up. It was months ago.” She put her hand on his arm. “Please. Don’t. We are so good together. I screwed up.”

  We agree. She really did screw up. Big-time. Huge-time.

  “I would change it if I could,” she babbled. “I would go back and change it.” She would change everything. She didn’t want to be the kind of girl who cheated on her boyfriend. She didn’t want to be a bitch. She wanted to be sweet. She wanted to be worthy. She couldn’t lose him. She just couldn’t. She loved him. She really did. “I love you.”

  He shook his head. I still love you.

  “You do! I know you do!”

  “Stop it,” he said, and closed his eyes. “I don’t. I loved you.”

  The past tense crushed her.

  He opened his eyes and said, “Mackenzie, we’re done.”

  “No, don’t say that! You can’t say that.” She wanted to push the words back into his mouth. His beautiful mouth, with the top lip slightly plumper than the bottom. They couldn’t break up. She couldn’t not see him. Her Sweet was in two weeks. Would he not even come?

  He knocked the back of his head against the gazebo pole. So this is about your Sweet?

  “No! I don’t care about my Sweet. I just care about you being there with me.”

  The idea of having a huge party without him by her side—maybe without him even there—was beyond depressing. She’d cancel it if he wanted her to. She really didn’t care about it. She didn’t think she ever had.

  I can’t stay with her. I can’t.

  She put her hand on his knee. “Yes, you can,” she whispered. “You can.”

  He shook his head and closed his eyes again. “I don’t want you reading my mind.”

  She hated being shut out. “Cooper, please. We can get over this. Together.”

  He kept his eyes closed. “Can you go? I want to be alone.”

  “I don’t want you to be alone. I want us to be together.”

  “It’s not up to you.”

  Okay, I’ll go. She stood up. But I love you.

  His eyes were still closed. He didn’t hear.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  PEEKABOO

  That afternoon was the American history test. Pi sat down in the front row, like she always did.

  Courtney came in and sat down next to her—for the first time ever.

  Two seconds later, Daniel came in and sat on the other side of her. When Dave came in next and sat directly behind her, she blew up.

  “Seriously?” she asked. “None of you have ever sat next to me before.”

  Dave laughed. Might as well use what we got.

  I studied for this! Pi felt indignant.

  I studied too, Courtney thought. But you’re smarter than me.

  Pi glared at her. Taking an Adderall doesn’t count as studying.

  Courtney shook her head. I’m out. And anyway, I’m too afraid to mix them with the telepathy. I don’t want any more side effects. I could start speaking in tongues or something.

  Pi crossed her arms in front of her chest. I’m not letting you cheat off me. It’s not right.

  Um, excuse me, thought Dave, didn’t you cheat off Jon Matthews just yesterday?

  Pi wasn’t sure what to say to that. It was true.

  Dave continued: If you’re allowed to cheat, why aren’t we?

  Rationally, Pi knew he had a point. But still. It didn’t seem fair.

  Mr. Johnson burst into the room. “Morning, everyone!” he chirped. “I hope you’re all ready. It’s a tough one.”

  Good thing we have a secret weapon, Daniel thought.

  Pi narrowed her eyes. You do not have a secret weapon!

  As Mr. Johnson passed out the papers, Pi tried to block hers with her arms. As if that would help.

  She looked at number one: Which state was one of the original American colonies? A. Ohio. B. Vermont. C. Rhode Island. D. Maine. She marked C.

  Way to go, cheered Dave.

  Thanks, Pi, thought Courtney.

  Pi was annoyed. Very annoyed. She read number two and then tried to close her eyes before the answer came to her. D. Battle of Fort Charlotte! But it was too late.

  Thanks ag
ain, thought Courtney.

  Pi couldn’t work like this. Not with the chorus commenting on her every move.

  Daniel coughed. Actually, I think the answer might be C. Wasn’t it the battle of Cape Spartel?

  She looked back down at her paper. No. You’re wrong.

  Pi wondered if maybe she should think about the wrong answers on purpose.

  Daniel coughed again. That’s a real asshole thing to do.

  It totally is, thought Courtney. What happened to us against them? Being a united front?

  Don’t you want to help us? asked Dave. We’re all Espies here.

  Espies? Pi asked.

  People with ESP? It has a nice ring to it.

  It did have a nice ring to it. But still. No, Pi thought. I want to get the highest grade in the class. If we all hand in the same thing, that isn’t going to happen. Don’t you think Mr. Johnson will be suspicious?

  So I’ll get some wrong, Dave thought. There are twenty multiple-choice questions and two short essays. You normally get perfect, right?

  Pi straightened her shoulders. Almost.

  Out of the corner of her eye she could see Daniel twirling his pencil between his fingers. We’ll dumb down our essays. Make some spelling mistakes. Use our own words. You’ll still get the highest grade in the class. It’ll be fine.

  Pi gave a small shake of her head. It’ll mess up the curve. Don’t you normally fail?

  No!

  Cs, then. What if he grades on a curve?

  Daniel was now thumping his pencil against the desk. I’ll get two of the multiple choice wrong, then, ’kay? Happy?

  Pi sighed. Did she have a choice? What was she going to do, complain? Fine. Copy if you want. But stop annoying me. I need to focus.

  With an audible sigh, she tried to block out our voices and looked back down at the test.

  We cheered. Thank you, Pi! We love you, Pi!

  As a token of appreciation, she received The Big Book of Sudoku the next day as a thank-you gift.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  WE KNOW EVERYTHING

  It took us a while to file into Sadie’s apartment.

  She lived on the ninth floor, and there was only one elevator.

  There were twenty-two of us.

  It was one of those elevators that opened directly into the apartment. And it was a really nice apartment. Like really nice. It was the whole ninth floor, plus a wraparound outdoor terrace. Terraces in New York are rare but coveted. Sadie even had a barbecue on hers.

  While we waited for everyone to come upstairs, we gossiped.

  Because after three days of being Espies—yup, Dave’s nickname stuck—we had accumulated a lot of secrets.

  Emma Dassin, the senior who lived in Olivia’s building, had missed her period and was going to get a pregnancy test after school. She hadn’t told her boyfriend. She had told her best friend. Her best friend thought it was Emma’s own fault for not using a condom. Meanwhile all the best friend had eaten all day was half an apple. She was seriously anorexic.

  There was the freshman who dropped his retainer in a toilet in the second-floor school bathroom and then—wait for it—put said retainer straight back into his mouth.

  The other freshman who still wet his bed. He had an appointment with a urologist on Wednesday.

  The junior who had walked in on his stepmother taking a shower.

  The sophomore who had stolen a glitter pen from the Duane Reade pharmacy on Greenwich. She stole something every day. Sometimes from Duane Reade, sometimes from Whole Foods. Her dad ran a hedge fund, so it definitely wasn’t because she couldn’t afford the stuff.

  Hey, Rayna, do you ever shoplift? Six-finger discount!

  So not funny.

  A little funny.

  We passed around secrets like trading cards until everyone arrived.

  All twenty-two of us. Even a sad-looking Cooper. Even Mackenzie.

  We sat in as much of a circle as we could. We were on couches, the carpet, chairs; some of us even sat on the glass coffee table, which was probably not a great idea. A buzz of comments—out loud and in our heads—flew around like we were in a real-life Twitter.

  “We have an hour,” Sadie said.

  What happens then?

  Keith coming over for some lovin’?

  “My parents come home,” Sadie said.

  Was Sadie the first one of us to lose her virginity?

  I think she was!

  “Do you mind?” Sadie asked, turning red.

  The first girl, maybe. Wasn’t it BJ?

  “Of course it was,” BJ said. I wish.

  I bet they have a lot of sex.

  Who?

  Keith and Sadie.

  “I have a lot of sex. A lot,” BJ says. At least a little.

  Anojah fiddled with her glasses and thought, But Sadie hates kissing Keith because he has bad breath.

  “Omigod!” Sadie yelled. “Can you guys shut up?”

  Anojah blushed. “I’m sorry! I heard you thinking about it this morning!”

  “Thinking about what?” Jordana asked, moving in closer. “Did I miss something?”

  Sadie fidgeted in her chair. “Can we talk about something else, please? Anyone want a drink?”

  “I’ll take a beer,” one of the twins said.

  “Um, no,” Sadie said. “My parents would shoot me. We have Vitawater.”

  “Do you have any chips?” Nick asked.

  “Salt and vinegar.”

  “Perfect.”

  “I could use something sweet,” Courtney said.

  Levi pulled a paper bag out of his backpack. “I have gummy bears.”

  “No, I want chocolate. Maybe we should send someone on a brownie run to Tribeca Treats.”

  “So go, Courtney,” Mars said. “You’re the one who wants something sweet.”

  I don’t want to miss anything.

  “It’s just down the street,” Sadie said.

  “I have a Twix,” Tess said. “You can have that.” She glanced at Mackenzie. Since apparently I should be on a diet.

  Mackenzie gave her a look. I never said that!

  Tess shrugged.

  “I thought we made up,” Mackenzie whispered.

  “We did,” Tess whispered back. “Don’t worry about it.” I’m still pissed. I can’t help it.

  Pi stood up. “Now that the all-important snack issue is settled, let’s get down to business. How is everyone feeling?”

  “I’m still getting headaches,” Courtney said, chomping on the Twix.

  Levi nodded. “Me too.”

  “Mine are getting better,” said Courtney.

  Anojah reached behind her glasses and rubbed her eyes. “My voices are really loud. And my head is still killing me.”

  Pi tilted her head to the side. “I wonder if it has something to do with your glasses.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, we can’t hear other people’s thoughts if our eyes are closed. And no one can hear us if our eyes are closed either. So it seems transmission is coming through the eyes. Have you noticed a difference when you take your glasses off?”

  Anojah pushed them on top of her head like sunglasses. “Someone think something.”

  Hey, babe!

  How vile was the lasagna in the cafeteria today?

  Not as vile as the chicken potpie.

  Anojah blinked repeatedly. “That was so much better. Quieter. Much.”

  Pi smiled smugly. “There you go.”

  Anojah rubbed her eyes again. “But what am I supposed to do? Walk around blind?”

  “Speaking of blind,” Mars said, “have any of you tried hearing Keren Korb’s thoughts? I couldn’t. She was a dead zone.”

  Interesting, thought Pi.

  Keren was the only vision-impaired kid at our school. She was a senior and had short bright pink hair and wore pitch-black sunglasses everywhere she went.

  “I noticed that,” Jordana said. “I guess her blindness is shutting us out.” />
  Anojah waved her hand. “Can we get back to me and my blindness? Pi, what should I do?”

  “I can’t fix everything,” Pi barked.

  She’s grumpy because of what happened in American history.

  Heard about that.

  Lucky.

  I wish Pi were in my classes.

  Pi put her hands on her hips. “Speaking about what happened in American history, we have to be extra careful. We don’t want to get caught.”

  “We won’t,” Dave and Daniel said simultaneously.

  Maybe they did have twin powers.

  “I’d like to talk about something,” Cooper announced.

  We all swiveled to face him.

  Is he mad at us for not telling him about Mackenzie?

  He must be so embarrassed.

  I’m surprised he even showed up.

  From his seat on the couch, Cooper looked around the room. “I don’t understand why we’re keeping this a secret.”

  “Because we’re not ready for other people to know about it yet,” Pi said, sounding impatient.

  “But it’s wrong,” Cooper continued. “We’re lying.”

  Haven’t we already had this discussion?

  He’s just pissed because of Mackenzie.

  Mackenzie blushed.

  “This isn’t about Mackenzie,” Cooper said forcibly. “Although it does suck that every one of you knew and no one told me. I don’t like living a lie.”

  “Well, you’re too late,” Pi said. “We voted and that’s what we decided to do.”

  Cooper got up. “I think I’m going home.”

  Way to be a baby.

  “I’m just tired, okay? It’s been a long day.” I want to watch the game. I don’t want to be here.

  We nodded. We understood.

  Pi crossed her arms. “You’re not going to say anything, right?”

  “I won’t say anything. I just need to think.” In private, he added. He pressed the button to the elevator and it opened immediately.

  Mackenzie got in with him. The door closed.

  He’s never going to forgive her.

  Would you?

  No way.

  I don’t know. If it was really a mistake, maybe.

  People do make mistakes.

  And she’s pretty hot.