Suddenly a Father

by Michelle Major

  It was a habit that had stuck, the inability to form lasting friendships. It was part of what had kept Millie moving from place to place once she’d left home. But something about this quaint mountain town already lulled her into a strange sense of belonging. She wondered if it was time to explore that more.

  “I grew up in the city,” she told Katie. “I don’t have a lot of experience with nature-ish stuff. But I’d like to hike with you.”

  “Then I’m guessing you’ve never fly-fished.”

  “I’ve never any kind of fished.”

  Katie’s eyes took on an excited gleam. “Add that to your list, Millie. I’m going to make it my personal mission to turn you into a mountain girl.”

  “Me, too!” Brooke said, taking another big bite of muffin. “I can be a mountain-girl princess.”

  “We need more of those around here,” Katie agreed. “I’ll see you two soon, I hope.”

  Millie couldn’t help her smile as Katie walked away. She was already half in love with the town of Crimson, Colorado.

  * * *

  Jake was already counting the days until he could escape his hometown. There was a reason he hadn’t returned to Crimson for so many years. He liked privacy, the unfamiliar and starting new adventures. Coming back to Crimson was like trying to fit into a pair of shoes he’d grown out of a long time ago. It felt uncomfortable and cramped.

  Maybe his mood had more to do with the past couple of hours. According to both the physical therapist and the orthopedic surgeon he’d seen, his wrist was healing on schedule. But there was still a question as to whether he’d ever regain full range of motion in his fingers or if the intermittent numbness in his hand would stop. He’d received several messages from the director of the agency he worked for over the past week, wanting an update and to make plans for the future.

  How could Jake make any decisions without knowing if the career he’d worked so hard for was finished?

  He stepped out into the bright light of a beautiful Colorado day, unable to appreciate the bluebird sky or pine-scented breeze that greeted him. He scanned the parking lot for Millie’s yellow Beetle, then saw her waving from the side of a Ford Explorer. As he got closer, Jake noticed the writing on the side of the SUV that read Crimson Ranch, the name of the guest ranch his brother owned outside of town.

  “Where’d you get this thing?” he asked, not bothering to hide the irritation in his voice.

  Millie shrugged. “I saw it idling at the curb downtown with the keys in the ignition, so I took it.”

  “Smart aleck.” He shook his head, but felt the ghost of a smile curl one side of his mouth. “This is one of Josh’s vehicles.”

  “Glad you noticed,” she said sweetly.

  “Where’s your car?”

  “At the ranch.” She tossed a set of keys in the air and caught them. “I made a trade.”

  “What use does Josh have for a VW Beetle?”

  “He doesn’t, but we need a car with more room.”

  “I don’t need help from my brother. Your car was fine.”

  She patted the hood of the Explorer. “Well, I think a big rig kind of suits me.”

  He choked out a laugh at that. He heard a muffled shout from the back of the Explorer.

  “As much fun as it is to argue about something so meaningless, you might want to greet your daughter. I didn’t want her running through the parking lot, but she’s beside herself with excitement to see you.”

  He took a deep breath, hoping to ease a little of the tension that had built around his shoulders. He stepped forward and opened the SUV’s back door. “Hey there, Brooke.” Thanks to the extra height of the Explorer, he was able to lean in and ruffle his daughter’s hair without a problem.

  “Daddy, you’re back. You didn’t die in the hospital.”

  Jake’s mouth went dry. “I’m just fine, princess. My appointments were great and the doc says I’ll be able to get rid of the boot and my wrist splint in a few weeks.”

  Brooke gave him a smile that almost cracked his heart in two. “I’m glad you didn’t die, Daddy.” Before he could answer, she continued, “Millie and I had so much fun. We went to the playground and the bakery with a ginormo mixer. I had a blueberry muffin and so did she, but I didn’t finish mine, so she ate them both. We bought lots of healthy stuff at the grocery and some food you like, too. Then we made sandwiches and we’re going to have a picnic with a blanket and lemonade. And I got a bug catcher at the grocery for grasshoppers and ladybugs and stuff.”

  “Sounds like your morning was more fun than mine.”

  “It was the best,” she confirmed.

  He knew he shouldn’t care that the best morning his daughter had spent since they’d arrived in Crimson didn’t involve him, but it was a difficult fact to ignore. “I’m ready for that picnic,” he said and closed her door before climbing into the front passenger side.

  “She missed you,” Millie said softly as she shifted the car into Drive.

  “While having the best day ever,” he answered, aware that he sounded like a petulant schoolboy.

  “I mean it, Jake. Brooke talked about you all morning long and she loved getting the photos you texted.”

  She pulled out onto the county road in front of the hospital, back toward town. He wanted to give her a phone book to sit on while she drove since she looked so small in the Explorer compared to how she’d fit in her tiny Beetle. Jake, on the other hand, relished the additional space to stretch out his leg.

  “Did you see Josh when you picked this up?”

  She shook her head. “Josh was taking a group out on an ATV tour. Sara was there with her friend April. We’re going to dinner at the ranch tonight. Logan and Olivia are coming, too.”

  “No.”

  She glanced over at him, “Why? Are you too tired? We can go home now so you can rest.”

  “I’m not too tired.” He scrubbed his hand across his face. “I’m used to going days without sleep, operating for hours at a time. One morning of physical therapy isn’t going to wear me out.” Which wasn’t exactly true, but his pride wouldn’t allow him to admit as much.

  “Do you have other plans?” Her voice took on a vaguely suspicious tone. “Maybe with your old friend Lauren?”

  “I don’t want to have dinner with my brothers. It’s as simple as that.”

  She shook her head. “That’s not simple at all. They care about you, Jake. They want to know everything’s okay.”

  “Everything’s not okay, Millie.” He squeezed shut his eyes. “I’m a shell of who I was before the accident. I don’t want them fawning all over me, trying to make things better.”

  “They love you,” she said gently. “They’re your family. Why did you come back here if you don’t want to see them?”

  “I didn’t know where else to go.”

  He saw her glance at him out of the corner of her eye and turned his head toward the window. Colors flashed by—a mix of the deep greens of pine trees and lighter-colored aspens gave way to fields with knee-high grasses and open pastures with herds of cattle grazing. He’d loved spending time in the woods as a kid, always a little removed from his younger siblings. He’d been quiet and studious, making mischief in his own way but nowhere near the hell-raising Josh, Logan and Beth had been a part of in their youth.

  Jake was almost eight years older than the twins. By the time they came along, he already had dreams of leaving the life he knew behind. Their father had been a mean drunk and their mother had stayed devoted to him even when things were the worst. On the surface, it would have appeared that Jake had nothing in common with his blue-collar father. Nothing except that Jake was the spitting image of Billy Travers. Billy had always told Jake that he was going to grow up to be just like him. He knew his dad must have meant it as a compliment, but it had scare
d the hell out of Jake. Billy took credit for Jake’s talent in math and science, claiming that his future had been just as bright until Janet had gotten pregnant with Jake at seventeen.

  Jake didn’t believe it was true. His father had drunk away any promise of his future and that had nothing to do with Billy’s family. But Jake had been terrified into believing it could go the other way, that he could grow up into the same kind of spiteful, bitter man his father was. So he’d left Crimson and never looked back, even when things had gotten worse in his family. Even when the twins reached high school and he’d heard about their wild streak. Even when it had become clear that his little sister was out of control.

  By the time Jake had been ready to intervene, it was too late. Beth had been killed in a car accident caused by a drunk driver. Logan didn’t want anything to do with him, and Josh had been consumed with his life on the rodeo circuit. Jake had been finishing his residency at the time, sleep deprived and stressed. So he hadn’t even tried to pull his family back together.

  He’d failed his brothers. Now when he’d finally returned, he couldn’t stand to take their support, no matter how much he needed it. The sound of Brooke singing sweetly from the backseat penetrated his mind, pulling him back into the present.

  All of this was for her, he reminded himself. It didn’t matter how hard it was for him. Brooke was his only priority.

  He rolled his head along the seat rest until he faced Millie. “I’ll go to dinner tonight,” he told her. “For Brooke’s sake.”

  Chapter Six

  Jake was afraid he might grind his teeth to dust before the night was over. He forced the smile to remain on his face as he sat at the table between Brooke and his sister-in-law Sara.

  He knew Millie had thought a big family dinner would be a good distraction, but thanks to the way his brothers were fawning all over him, he couldn’t focus on anything except his injuries.

  It was a perfect summer evening. The temperature this high in the mountains was warm but comfortable. A refreshing breeze blew up from the river that edged the far side of the property. They were eating outside on the big back patio of the main house on Crimson Ranch. The view of the mountains was so incredible, Jake could see why families would choose this place for their vacations.

  According to Josh, the most recent group of guests had left earlier in the afternoon and the next batch would arrive two days from now. It was only family on the ranch tonight.

  Brooke put down the last bite of her hamburger, her eyes scanning the table and the ground around her chair. “I left Bunny inside.”

  Jake thought it was a good sign that his daughter had forgotten her stuffed animal, even for a few minutes.

  “I’ll get him for you.” Jake pushed away from the table.

  “No, let me,” Josh offered quickly.

  “I can do it,” Logan said.

  Josh scrambled to his feet at the same time as Logan.

  Jake froze, watching his brothers.

  Millie let out a disbelieving laugh. “How many tall, strapping men does it take to retrieve a stuffed rabbit?”

  There was a moment of awkward silence at the table.

  “I’m finished eating,” Claire, Josh’s daughter, finally said. Claire was almost fourteen and it had been adoration at first sight for Brooke. “Brooke, why don’t we get Bunny and go up to my room? I’ll paint your nails.”

  “Can I go, Daddy?” Brooke turned to Jake.

  “Sure thing.” He glanced at Claire. “Thank you.”

  “It’s cool.” Claire smiled. “I like having a little cousin.”

  A lot more than he liked having two younger brothers at the moment.

  Olivia stood as the girls went into the house. “Logan made his famous brownies tonight.”

  “I’ve got ice cream that will go great with it,” Sara said as she jumped up from her seat. “I’ll go in with you.”

  He watched Olivia give a meaningful look to Millie. “Would you make coffee to go with dessert?”

  He glanced at Josh and Logan, both of whom were stacking plates and handing them to their wives. They must have planned time alone with him. Just what he needed, some sort of family intervention.

  Millie got out of her chair slowly. “I’m pretty sure you don’t need me to make the coffee,” he heard her mumble under her breath.

  He could tell she was torn between her reluctance to be shuffled off with the wives and not wanting to appear rude to their hosts.

  As she followed Sara and Olivia into the house, Jake took a drink of his beer.

  “Is alcohol allowed with your meds?” Josh looked concerned.

  “It’s one beer.” Jake took a deliberately long pull from it.

  “How about a glass of water?” Logan asked.

  “You two...” Millie sounded frustrated as she stalked back to the table, still carrying empty dishes. “What’s the problem? He’s having a drink.”

  Josh’s mouth thinned. “Jake doesn’t drink.”

  “Never,” Logan added.

  “You mean in high school?” she asked. “So what? Not everyone did. He’s an adult now. Legal age.” She set the plates on the table and plopped down into her chair, clearly not willing to be brushed off so easily. “Give the mother-hen routine a rest, guys.”

  She looked fierce, her eyes gleaming as she stared down his brothers, both of whom were more than twice her size. His little Fairy Poppins had a backbone of steel, he realized. It felt good to have someone in his corner, sticking up for him—even if she didn’t understand why Josh and Logan were so disturbed by him having a beer.

  “Our father was an alcoholic,” he said quietly, reaching out to lay his hand on the nape of her neck. It felt good to touch her, grounding in a way he needed right now. “He always said I was going to grow up to be just like him.”

  Millie’s big eyes clashed with his. “But you’re not...”

  He shook his head. “I guess it was because I looked so much like him. Or because I was quiet in the same way he was. Who knows? But I took it that he meant he expected me to become a drunk like him. For that reason, I vowed never to touch alcohol.”

  Logan sat forward across the table. “He made us do some kind of weird blood-brothers handshake to solidify it.”

  Jake almost smiled at the bittersweet memory. “Damn, you and Beth were probably only seven years old at the time.”

  “All I remember is that Jake was thrilled at the prospect of all of us being cut so he could patch us up after.” Josh looked at Millie. “He always wanted to be a doctor. Carried a first-aid kit around with him everywhere.”

  “That’s because you guys and your idiot friends were always getting hurt.”

  “Blood brothers?” Millie’s voice sounded a little faint.

  Jake held out his palm to display the tiny crescent scar at its base. Logan and Josh did the same.

  “Beth wouldn’t do it,” Logan said then chuckled. “Oh, wait, I forgot. Millie has the same issue with blood that Beth did. I found her in Olivia’s kitchen a few months ago almost passed out from the sight of a little blood.”

  Jake noticed that the color had washed out of her cheeks. “Are you okay?”

  She swallowed then nodded. “I can handle talking about blood. Just like you can handle a couple of beers. Right?”

  “I realized several years back that I’m not like our father.” In that respect, Jake added silently.

  “Then get off his back,” she said to Josh and Logan, pointing a finger at each of them. “You can’t expect him to abide by every vow he took when you were kids.”

  “We’re worried.” Josh crossed his arms over his chest.

  “We want to help,” Logan added. “The accident scared the hell out of us, Jake. This may not be a tight-knit family, but you’re still our
brother. Tell us what you need.”

  A miracle, he wanted to answer. Because the truth was he didn’t know what the hell he needed. To rewind the past and keep Stacy from dying. To know he was going to be able to do surgery again once his hand and leg healed. To understand the first thing about being a father. “Just give me some time.”

  “You can stay, you know.” Josh fiddled with his beer bottle as he spoke. “In Crimson. It’s a good town to raise a kid. To make a home.”

  Home. The word echoed in the silence for several seconds. Jake realized that was what both of his brothers had done. They’d made a home in this town, despite all of the history and tangled memories that still surrounded Crimson from their childhood.

  “I’m here for now,” Jake answered. “That’s all I can tell you. Don’t push me for something more.”

  He rubbed his fingers against his forehead, where a dull pounding beat a steady rhythm against his skull.

  Millie took a deep breath next to him. “Actually, the talk about blood did make my stomach kind of queasy.” She turned to him. “Would you mind if we went back to the house now?”

  Her eyes didn’t give away anything, but he doubted that she wanted to leave because her stomach hurt. She knew he was at the end of his ability to keep up any semblance of being social. Hell, she understood him better than anyone else in the world at this moment. It made him feel weak that he couldn’t even handle an entire evening with his family. But he couldn’t deny the truth of it.

  “I’ll get Brooke,” he said and pushed back from the table.

  * * *

  At close to eleven that night, Millie threw off her covers and climbed out of bed, pausing in the doorway of her bedroom. She’d been in and out of bed at least a half dozen times since she’d tucked Brooke in when they returned home from dinner at the ranch.