He saw Crimson now for what it was—a picturesque small mountain town filled with good, decent people. Everyone he’d met at the hospital, especially those who had recognized his name, had been friendly and supportive. Most had actually seemed proud of his accomplishments, as if his success reflected well on the town as a whole. As if they’d expected him to succeed in life.
What a novel concept.
Logan was unloading cabinets from the back of his truck as Jake walked up.
“How was the first day?” his brother asked, peering at him from underneath a Broncos ball cap.
“She’s like Beth was as a girl—fearless and totally confident.” Until the words popped out of his mouth, Jake hadn’t remembered that about his baby sister. But now he smiled at the memories of Beth running roughshod over all three of her brothers.
“In that case, you’re in big trouble.” Logan shook his head but laughed. Jake knew Logan had adored his twin sister.
“I’m sorry I didn’t come back when you needed me. I should never have left you all with him. Then Josh took off with the rodeo tour, and you were even more alone.”
“I don’t blame you, Jake. Or Josh.”
Jake thought back to Logan’s anger after Beth’s death. “You did back then.”
“I blamed everyone back then.” Logan handed him a toolbox. “Carry this to the house for me.”
He hefted the oversize toolbox under his good arm.
“I blamed myself most of all,” Logan told him as he pulled two large pieces of trim wood out of the back of the truck. “I learned that living in the past doesn’t do much to help with the future.”
“Your wife teach you that?”
“Among other things,” Logan said with a wink.
Jake held the door open and Logan maneuvered through.
“I’m proud of you,” Jake said, setting the toolbox on the counter.
Logan stilled. “What makes you say that?”
“It should have been said years ago. I wish we’d had the sort of parents to tell you—to tell any of us—something positive. I know Mom tried with you but not hard enough. You had a rough go of it early on, Logan. You came through that and you’ve got a good life.”
“I remember how he used to go after you,” Logan said after a moment. “I could never figure it out. Josh and I were the wild ones, always making noise and trouble. But you took the brunt of his anger when he was drinking. I still don’t understand why.”
“He wanted to break me,” Jake answered quietly. “He said I thought I was better than him. I got good grades and had a future. Maybe it was because he’d wasted his own chances, and the way we looked alike reminded him of that.”
“It wasn’t fair.”
“He wasn’t fair to anyone. But the three of us made it through. Every day I wish Beth had, too.”
Logan watched him for several moments then nodded. “What time is your appointment today?”
“In about an hour.”
“Great.” Logan came over to the toolbox and pulled out a hammer. “You can help until then.”
Jake held up his splint arm. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“I trust you, bro.”
Jake took the hammer, his own heart pounding in his chest. “Let’s get to work.”
* * *
“Admit it, you really do like driving a big car.”
Millie patted the front hood of her yellow Beetle. Josh had it waiting out in front at the ranch for her, washed and ready to go.
She’d known Jake was getting his leg brace off today, which would make him able to drive, but it had still been a bit of a shock to see him behind the wheel. Somehow driving him around had given her a sense of being needed. She knew he still needed help, but somehow the balance of power had shifted in her mind.
He’d been waiting at the end of the school day, and Brooke had raced into his arms. Even Janis couldn’t deny Brooke’s unwavering affection for her father. The girl had been reluctant to leave for ice cream and a movie with her grandparents, and Jake hadn’t seemed to want to let her go. But he’d given her a hug and gently persuaded her what fun the afternoon would be with Janis and John. She’d seen John silently mouth “thank you” to him as the trio walked away.
Millie was exhausted after her first day helping to teach the group of two dozen preschoolers. She was contracted to work only the first two hours of the day but had found she didn’t want to leave when her shift was through. Tired as she might be, she figured she’d had almost as much fun as Brooke over the course of the morning. The kids were energetic and sometimes needy, but Millie loved interacting with them. Laura Wilkes was gentle in her teaching, treating each child as an individual—just the sort of teaching mentor Millie had always wanted.
It was so different from the university internship that had ended so badly. Millie had needed to stop several times that morning to get control over her wayward emotions. She’d believed she was at fault for how things had gone at her previous school, but working with Laura for just a day had done wonders for her battered confidence.
After Brooke and the Smiths had gone, she and Jake had driven to Crimson Ranch for her car. “I like looking down on people,” she told him with a smile. “But Bugsy is my one true love.”
“Bugsy? You named your car?”
“Of course.” She bent and gave the front glass a small kiss. “This car has been across the country twice, with me through a half dozen moves, a couple of university transfers and countless dead-end jobs. Up until I got to Crimson, Bugsy was the best friend I ever had.”
“You kissed your car,” he said, his voice dazed. “I don’t understand you one bit, Fairy Poppins.”
“Don’t you have one thing that’s seen you through all your trials and tribulations?”
He shook his head. “Not one thing.”
“You do now.”
His eyes darkened and she quickly clarified, “Brooke. You have your daughter.”
“For now,” he agreed.
“Forever,” she countered.
His gaze rose to look past her to the mountains. The hills were still covered in green, with just a few splashes of the yellow that would soon dot the hillside as the aspens turned color in the fall. She knew autumn came early at this altitude. Already the temperature dropped almost ten degrees each evening before warming again during the day.
“Want to go for a walk?”
His question surprised her. “Where to?”
“Down by the river.” He pointed. “Josh, Sara and everyone on the ranch are busy with guests. Brooke and the Smiths won’t be back from the movie for another hour.”
“Your leg is up to it?”
He nodded. “I need to exercise it more now that the boot is off to regain my strength.”
Watching Jake in his fitted T-shirt and cargo shorts, she couldn’t imagine him becoming much stronger. His body was so different from hers and she had to admit she appreciated him physically.
She started walking, not liking the turn her thoughts were taking. He outpaced her easily with his long strides, but they fell into an easy rhythm, matching their steps as they made their way down the path that wound through the ranch’s back property. She loved the smell of the wild grasses mixed with the pine trees that flanked the trail.
As they approached the river, the sound of gurgling water grew louder. She’d never been much of a mountain girl, but Millie was learning to love the wildness of the terrain surrounding Crimson. A rabbit darted out from a low bush near the river’s edge.
“We used to hunt those as kids.”
“You killed rabbits?”
He grinned at her. “I never tried very hard, but that’s what you did to keep busy out where we lived. Josh was a better shot.”
“Don’t
let Brooke hear you talk about killing bunnies. She’ll be scarred for life.”
“I’m pretty sure I’ve already accomplished that.” He picked up a flat rock and skipped it across a calm section of water.
“You saved her, Jake. She loves being with you, being a part of your life.”
“I can’t take the place of her mother.”
“No one can,” Millie agreed. “But Stacy isn’t here. You have to stop regretting what you can’t change.”
“Good advice.” Jake picked up another rock. “Ever skipped stones?”
“Across the Potomac? Uh...no.”
He took her hand and closed her palm around the rock, warmed from the sun and his touch. “It’s all in the wrist action.”
“Where have I heard that before?”
He laughed and shook his head. “Try it.”
She concentrated and flipped the rock, watching as it sailed through the air and landed with a plop into the water.
He handed her another one, this time coming to stand behind her. His fingers covered hers, showing her the motion. With his body pressed to her back, Millie had trouble concentrating but eventually tossed the stone toward the creek. It hit the water then bounced twice before disappearing into the river.
“I did it.” She spun around and grabbed his arms, bouncing on her toes. “I skipped it.”
“You’re a natural.”
She sank back to her heels but didn’t move away from him. His hands slid down her arms, making her tingle with need.
He leaned down, his mouth inches from hers. “You told me not to kiss you again.”
“That was smart of me,” she whispered then licked her suddenly dry lips.
His eyes smoldered. “Are you feeling smart right now, Millie?”
She felt many things right now, but the most prominent was a deep, aching desire to touch and be touched by Jake Travers. Definitely not smart, but she didn’t care one bit.
Slowly, she wound her hands around his neck, closing the few inches between them. “I was never known for my brains,” she said and closed her mouth over his.
Only to have him pull away. “Don’t say that.” He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. “You’re smart, fierce and way more capable than you give yourself credit for, Millie Spencer.”
She gasped a little, amazed at how much his words meant to her. How much she needed to hear them. She didn’t know how to respond, nor did she trust her voice. Instead she kissed him again.
This time he didn’t move from her. This time he kissed her as if his life depended on it, gently sucking her bottom lip into his mouth then running his tongue across the seam of her lips. She opened for him and the kiss turned deeper, hotter. Millie kept her eyes closed, reveling in the feel of him holding her close. His strong hands massaged the knots in her back as he drove her wild with his mouth.
She couldn’t remember ever being so wrecked by a kiss. Despite what she knew was right, she wanted more. She’d told him they couldn’t do this, but she needed him so badly.
He straightened suddenly just as she heard the sound of a horse whinnying nearby.
“We shouldn’t—” she began.
“Don’t, Millie. I’m not going to apologize and you won’t tell me that was a mistake. Nothing that feels so damn good could be a mistake.” He scrubbed his hand over his face. “This doesn’t change anything. I want you. You want me. That doesn’t mean I don’t respect you. I’m not sure who did you wrong, but don’t blame yourself or me for some other man’s mistakes.”
He was right. She knew it. Jake wasn’t her father or any of the other men who had tried to take advantage of her. It wasn’t his fault, but she couldn’t quite let go of the belief that it might be hers.
“We should get back. I want to start dinner before Brooke gets home. She’ll be wiped out after her first day of preschool and the afternoon out with her grandparents.”
He looked at her intently, as if he wanted to say more. Finally he nodded and turned back toward the ranch.
I want you. That doesn’t mean I don’t respect you.
The words echoed in her head as they made their way along the path. He might respect her now, but how long would that last once he knew the whole truth?
Chapter Twelve
The next few weeks were the most normal that Jake could remember in his entire life. In fact, he was pretty sure he hadn’t understood how much fun normal could be until he’d returned to Crimson.
With his leg unencumbered and his hand healing on schedule, he took the hospital’s director, Vincent Gile, up on his suggestion that Jake help out in the free clinic at the hospital. Three times a week he volunteered during the morning hours—and sometimes late into the afternoon—seeing to indigent patients and those who needed but couldn’t afford medical attention.
He’d been on the front lines of crisis medicine for so long, he’d forgotten how comforting it could be to simply help someone in need. It might not be as exciting or heart pumping as what he was used to, but the change suited Jake. Part of the reason he’d chosen to work with Miles of Medicine was because he didn’t like staying in one place. The idea of establishing long-term relationships, especially with people who would depend on him, was bone-chillingly scary given how he’d failed his younger siblings for so many years.
Now it seemed like a challenge he was ready for, each patient a puzzle he looked forward to solving. Some of the cases were mundane but the gratitude he received from the clinic’s patients made it well worth it. Crimson was a beautiful town, but not nearly as wealthy as nearby Aspen. Some people gave up a lot to live in the mountains. They worked hard but barely scraped by with the local cost of living. Jake was glad to help them and it was good to feel productive again. On the days he wasn’t working, he spent the afternoons with Brooke and Millie or helping Logan on his kitchen renovation. He relished the normalcy of his own little slice of Americana in ways he hadn’t believed possible.
His new appreciation of normal might explain why he was so pleased at the prospect of a couple of beers at the local bar after work. Or perhaps it was the woman fidgeting in the seat next to him. Jake pulled up to the curb and turned off the car.
“You didn’t have to bring me with you,” Millie said from her seat next to him.
“But I wanted to,” he told her.
“I’m the nanny. What will your hospital friends think?” She tucked her hair behind her ear.
“That I’ve got more damn willpower than any guy imaginable to keep my hands off of you?”
Instead of making her laugh the way he’d intended, he saw the sides of her mouth pull down. “They’ll think we’re sleeping together,” she muttered.
“Millie.” He reached out and turned her face to his. “Why do you care what a bunch of people you don’t know think about you?”
“Easy for you to say. You’re ‘the doctor,’ the local hero come home. I’m nobody.”
“Not to me.” He sighed and rubbed his fingers along the back of her neck, trying to release some of the tension there. “We’re friends. This is an engagement party for one of the nurses at the clinic. No one is going to be paying attention to you and me. Relax. This is supposed to be your night off. Our night off.”
Logan and Olivia had invited Brooke for a sleepover, and to Jake’s surprise, his daughter had wanted to go. Her grandparents had been shocked since Brooke had been adamant about not spending the night at their rented condo. She was okay when Janis and John took her for ice cream or to the park, but that was as much time as she’d spend with them. Jake didn’t understand it but figured it had more to do with her wanting to stick close to him. But she hadn’t hesitated when his brother came to pick her up tonight. She’d bounced down the steps toward Logan’s truck, thrilled at the prospect of spending an evening baking with her Uncle Logan
.
Jake hadn’t planned to attend the hospital get-together, but he’d quickly realized that being in the house alone with Millie all night was going to be too much temptation. They hadn’t kissed again since that day at Crimson Ranch, but he found himself wanting her more every moment.
Even now, when she was filled with unwarranted nerves. Everyone he knew loved Millie, from his family to the parents and kids at the preschool. She was a ray of sunshine everywhere she went, especially in his dull life.
“The people from the hospital are nice, Millie. And they’re hardly my friends. I’ve worked with them a couple of weeks.” He leaned closer. “You’re my friend. We’re going to have fun tonight. I promise.”
Slowly, she nodded. “Sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“If you can tame a room full of rowdy preschoolers, hanging out with this bunch should be no problem.”
They walked together the half block to the bar, Jake resisting the urge to take her hand in his. He wasn’t lying when he told her she was his friend. Millie was probably the best friend he’d had in his life. He’d always lived alone, but now sharing the ups and downs of daily life with her, even in the short term, created a level of intimacy that went beyond his physical desire for her.
Sure, that was still there. Always there. At this point, wanting her seemed like the least of his worries. The way he depended on her as a part of his life was a lot scarier.
The bar, the Two Moon Saloon, was as crowded as he’d expect on a Friday night. It hadn’t changed much since Jake had come to retrieve his father here on weekend nights when he was a kid. Wood paneling still lined the walls and there was a mix of booths and four-top tables to one side of the room with a small dance floor near the back. In a far corner there were two pool tables and he noticed several people from the hospital gathered in that area. The beer signs that hung on the walls had been updated with labels of local and nationally known microbrews. But the bar still held the same somewhat sweet smell that he remembered—a strange combination of alcohol and perfume. The scent had made him want to retch as a kid.
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