The Girl of My Dreams

by Durjoy Datta

  ‘You told him everything?’

  ‘There’s patient–doctor confidentiality. He’s not going to report you for stalking me,’ said

  Daman and chuckled.

  ‘You still remember nothing of the trip?’

  ‘Nope. It’s all gone.’

  Shreyasi smiled.

  ‘But I have you to tell me all about it.’

  ‘You have changed,’ said Shreyasi, forcing away her tears. He needs me. He loves me. He wants me.

  ‘I thought I had lost you,’ said Daman and looked away from her. ‘Now, can we cut the cake?’

  She nodded. He’s trying not to cry, my sweet baby. How much he loves me, my love. Daman took the knife and cut a small sliver and made her eat it. Then he cut a huge chunk of the cake and gobbled it down.

  ‘Tell me about Goa?’ asked Daman, licking his fingers.

  For the next half an hour, Shreyasi made up stories about all that they did in Goa, where all they went, where they first kissed, where they had their first drink together . . . He sat in rapt attention and listened to all of it, trying his best to recall any of the episodes.

  ‘Anything?’ she asked.

  ‘Everything is a blank. But it doesn’t matter. I can imagine myself there,’ said Daman.

  Just then, Shreyasi’s eyes went to the clock. ‘I need to get home. He will be back in an hour.’

  ‘I can drop you home,’ said Daman. A moment of awkward silence passed between them. ‘I mean in a cab.’

  ‘I’m so sorry. I had to—’

  ‘I have already forgiven you for that. I don’t miss it.’

  Shreyasi rummaged through her handbag. She brought out an envelope with a ribbon tied neatly on it.

  ‘What’s this?’

  ‘The insurance papers. Think of this as a welcome-back gift. I promised you I will give it to you if you left Avni.’

  ‘I left Avni way before today. Why give it to me today?’ questioned Daman.

  ‘I wasn’t sure of it earlier but now I am. I hope you make good use of the money.’

  Daman thanked her. He kept the envelope aside and called for a cab for Shreyasi. They walked downstairs hand in hand when the cab arrived.

  ‘Can I come with you?’ asked Daman when she sat inside the cab.

  She smiled and slid away from the door.

  ‘Greater Kailash,’ instructed Shreyasi.

  They drove headlong into office traffic. The radial roads of Connaught Place were choked owing to the new metro line being constructed there. The painfully long drive back to Shreyasi’s house was exacerbated by Daman’s sudden sullen silence.

  ‘What happened?’ asked Shreyasi.

  ‘Nothing,’ he said.

  ‘Tell me?’

  ‘I told you it’s nothing.’

  ‘Daman, we can’t be keeping secrets from each other,’ urged Shreyasi.

  ‘You can’t expect me to be cheery and smile as I drop you to your husband’s place. That’s a little too much to ask for.’

  Shreyasi sighed. ‘Akash and I signed a paper and walked around a fire a few times, that’s all there is to it.’

  ‘You guys sleep together, share the same bed, the same house, the same cupboard. Did that come written on the paper or no?’

  ‘Why are you being like this?’ asked Shreyasi. ‘Earlier—’

  ‘EARLIER THINGS WERE DIFFERENT! I thought of you as a stalker, someone who was hell- bent on wrecking my life. But now I see clearly. All I kept asking my therapist was where were you, were you okay, did you ask about me . . . that’s all I did . . . You don’t know the anxiousness that gripped me when they wouldn’t tell me where you were . . . I kept thinking you were dead, that

  I had killed you, I wanted to see you to make those dreams stop, I thought maybe you weren’t real .

  . . you have no idea what I was going though in that hospital, Shreyasi . . . I kept seeing your dead face in my dreams . . . but then I remembered you coming back to me, it was real, I remembered all the things that happened with you and Avni. So I knew you weren’t dead! I WANTED TO SEE

  YOU! I COULDN’T BEAR TO BE AWAY FROM YOU! When I woke up in a drenched bed every day muttering your name I realized . . . I realized Shreyasi . . .’

  ‘What?’

  ‘THAT WE ARE MEANT TO BE! That all you were trying to do was to keep your love alive,’ snapped Daman. He took a deep breath. ‘We should put whatever happened behind and make a new beginning.’

  ‘Daman, I—’

  ‘You need to leave your husband,’ Daman said with a sense of finality to his tone.

  ‘I can’t.’

  ‘Why can’t you! You don’t love him! You love me. You went to such a length to have me and now I’m offering you my life. Why would you not have me?’

  ‘It’s not as easy as you think it is.’

  ‘I left Avni, didn’t I?’

  ‘Yes, but you weren’t married. I am. His and my families are involved in our relationship. My parents will be crushed.’

  ‘But sooner or later—’

  ‘But baby, I’m with you. My husband and I don’t share anything. We don’t even have sex if that’s what you are worried about. Just think of him as my landlord who stays with me. Our relationship has just started and I don’t want to spoil it. I have waited three years for this.’

  ‘I have waited a lifetime.’

  ‘That’s so sweet of you, baby. But I don’t have the strength to get into divorce proceedings. You don’t know how vindictive Akash is. I don’t want to get into it. And what will change if I get rid of him and get married to you? Nothing! You will be bored of seeing me around all the time. I like this better. Sneaking out, seeing you, it’s fun this way,’ she said.

  ‘Not for me. But okay, if you insist I will give you time.’

  ‘I do.’

  42

  It was two in the night when Daman jemmied the key into the lock of his apartment. Shreyasi helped Daman steady his fingers and unlocked the door. She had spent the better part of the night with Daman at Summerhouse watching him down shot after shot after shot and laugh at everything she had to say. He’s happy drunk.

  ‘Are you sure you can’t stay the night?’ asked Daman as they entered his apartment. His fidgety hands were around her waist, teasing the edge of her jeggings.

  ‘I’m sure,’ she said. ‘I will have to leave in a bit. Akash is waiting.’

  ‘Yeah, yeah, your beloved husband,’ mocked Daman and took his hand off.

  ‘I thought we had decided not to talk about it,’ said Shreyasi.

  ‘Fine.’

  They hadn’t had sex yet. Maybe today, thought Shreyasi. Over the last few weeks, the time they had spent together was mostly during Shreyasi’s lunch breaks. Daman would take the metro to her office, they would eat together and he would go back. Sometimes he would even try cooking for her; Shreyasi found that adorable. He had bought a single-plate induction stove just for this purpose. Shreyasi had given him a Tissot as a mark of gratitude the first time he cooked for her. It was burnt dal and badly made chapattis but he had got better since then.

  ‘How is the book going?’ asked Shreyasi when she saw the screen saver dancing around on his laptop screen.

  ‘It’s hard to write when you know you’re never going to be published.’

  I’m working on that but Jayanti Raghunath is a hard nut to crack, thought Shreyasi. She asked, ‘Did you call Jayanti?’

  ‘She hasn’t taken any of my calls or replied to my texts.’

  ‘You will be fine, baby. I will make everything all right. I love you,’ said Shreyasi and hugged him.

  Just then, Daman’s phone glowed and Avni’s name flashed on it. Daman stared at his phone.

  ‘Are you going to take that?’ asked Shreyasi.

  ‘No,’ said Daman irritably and cut the call. He switched off his phone.

  Ever since Daman had shifted back to his apartment, Avni hovered around Daman’s neck like a corpse. She hadn’t stopped calling or texti
ng Daman begging him to take her back, and to dump

  Shreyasi. Only last week, Daman had patched Shreyasi into his call with Avni to show her what a nuisance Avni had turned into. Shreyasi had heard Avni scream like a dying animal and curse

  Daman like an occultist. You should have died, Daman, Avni had screamed into the phone.

  Shreyasi is a bitch, leave her, she’s a bitch, she had yelled repeatedly. Daman had been patient yet stern with her but he was slowly losing it. Avni was overstepping boundaries and vexing him. She had been following both Daman and Shreyasi like a ghost. Daman would get texts from unknown numbers, friend requests from accounts with no display pictures, and sometimes they would spot

  Avni walking a little distance away from them. Like today. During the entire time Daman and

  Shreyasi were at Summerhouse, Avni had sat three tables away with a couple, staring at them. It was Shreyasi who had first noticed her. She had kept it from Daman for she didn’t want to ruin the date. But before long Daman had noticed her as well although he looked away from her as if she was air. ‘Are you not going to go say hello?’ Shreyasi had asked. ‘No,’ Daman had answered irritably. Shreyasi and Daman had noted that pint after pint were ordered on the table behind them.

  Despite the nonchalance, Avni’s presence had hung over them like the stench of a stale lunch.

  ‘She didn’t look too well today,’ said Shreyasi.

  ‘I’m not going to feel guilty about that. I have had enough of her crying calls and texts. I don’t even feel sorry for her now, I feel annoyed. I just want her to fuck off, there’s only as much I can take. She even called on the landline late at night when I was at my parents’. What do you think my parents will say to that? It’s embarrassing. God knows what she would have done had I broken up any later. She has to fucking move on.’

  ‘Wow. You seem angry.’

  ‘She was better than this. I can’t take this nonsense any more. The latest I heard from Sumit is that she has quit her job. Now how the fuck am I supposed to react to that?’

  ‘She has?’

  ‘Yes, but she will find another. She’s stupidly throwing it all away,’ said Daman. ‘Sumit tried to pin it on you saying the video has made her unemployable. He was trying to make me feel guilty about dating you.’

  ‘And are you?’

  ‘It’s all nonsense. Viral videos are a dime a dozen. No one remembers it the next day. Nothing is going to make me feel guilty about dating you. Avni had no business being there at Summerhouse.

  She’s not the only girl in the world who has had a break-up,’ said Daman. He rummaged through his fridge. ‘I have vodka. You want some?’

  ‘I am not drinking, remember?’

  ‘Yeah, the pretence of being a faithful wife must go on!’ retorted Daman. ‘Cheers to that.’

  ‘I thought—’

  ‘Apologies, my bad!’

  Daman poured himself a large shot. He had just put it to his lips when there was a knock on the door. They looked at each other. There was another knock.

  ‘Who could it be?’ whispered Shreyasi.

  Then the person outside started banging on the door.

  ‘No clue,’ answered Daman.

  As if on cue, the person on the other side shouted, ‘OPEN THE DOOR!’

  Daman shrugged. ‘Not again,’ he said. ‘It’s Avni. Let her be. She will shout and then leave in a bit. This is the third time she has done this in the past week. The secretary of the society has already complained once to my landlord. Just stay put and she will leave in twenty minutes after she’s done banging.’ Daman looked at the door and shouted, ‘GO THE FUCK AWAY!’

  Avni shouted again. This time her voice broke. It sounded like she was bawling. ‘OPEN . . .

  THE . . . door.’

  ‘Open it?’ said Shreyasi.

  Daman sat on the bed and leant back. ‘Of course not, I am not encouraging her,’ said Daman. He shouted again, ‘FUCK OFF, AVNI!’

  ‘Daman! Don’t do that,’ said Shreyasi.

  ‘Why not? She’s creating a scene. She has no business to be there.’

  Shreyasi walked and sat near Daman. They stayed silent. Ten minutes passed by. ‘Is she gone?’ asked Shreyasi.

  Daman shrugged. Just then, Avni shouted again, this time her words dissolved into her tears.

  ‘Open the door. PLEASE. Please . . . please . . .’

  ‘Daman, just open the door. She’s still there,’ said Shreyasi.

  ‘Fuck no,’ said Daman.

  Avni banged on the door again. This time, Shreyasi got up from the bed and strode towards the door.

  ‘DON’T DO—’ said Daman.

  Shreyasi opened the door. Avni lay slumped on the ground in a puddle of her own vomit. She looked up at Shreyasi and said, ‘Please.’

  Shreyasi helped Avni inside the apartment. Daman rolled his eyes, scrunched his face at the smell and walked away from the two of them. Shreyasi made Avni sit on the bed.

  ‘Are you okay?’ asked Shreyasi.

  There was vomit still stuck to her chin. Shreyasi asked Daman to pass her a napkin. Daman did so with great reluctance. Passing the napkin to Avni, Shreyasi said, ‘I should call a cab for you.

  You need to go home.’

  ‘I can’t,’ said Avni.

  ‘She can’t stay here,’ grumbled Daman.

  ‘Do you need water?’ asked Shreyasi.

  Avni nodded. ‘My parents . . . I told them I would be out. I can’t . . . can’t go home drunk.’ She started to sob.

  ‘Check into a hotel,’ said Daman. ‘I will book one for you. Give me your ID.’

  ‘I don’t have an ID,’ said Avni. ‘I . . . I lost my purse.’

  Shreyasi passed on a tumbler of water to her. ‘Avni? Look at me?’ She slapped Avni’s face gently to get her attention. ‘Why were you there at Summerhouse? Were you following us?’

  ‘Of course, she was!’ said Daman angrily. ‘Listen, Avni. We talked about this. You seemed to understand, at least you fucking nodded your head. You said you won’t text me again and yet you do. You need to leave me alone.’

  ‘I can’t. I can’t live—’

  ‘Of course you can,’ said Daman and shifted close to Avni. ‘You have to. There’s no other option.’

  Avni cried.

  Daman rolled his eyes again and said, ‘Crying won’t solve anything. Shreyasi and I are together now. Accept it and move on.’

  ‘I lost my job, Daman . . . I can’t lose you too,’ Avni begged.

  Daman raised his hands. ‘How is that my fault!’

  Shreyasi asked Daman to calm down. Daman continued, ‘You’re a brilliant girl. You can get any job you want.’

  ‘But I want you!’

  ‘That you can’t have any more.’

  ‘But—’ She reached out and held Daman’s hand.

  Daman wrested his hand free. Avni said, tears streaking down her face, ‘Why are you doing this to me? Why?’

  ‘Whatever is happening to you is your own doing. Don’t you dare pin this on me! You can’t just leave your job trying to get my attention or pity or whatever you were aiming at and then blame me,’ snapped Daman.

  Avni sobbed. ‘What did I do to deserve this, Daman? I just loved you. I loved you so much.’

  ‘You won’t learn like this. I HAVE FUCKING HAD ENOUGH! I have other things in my life to sort out than to just manage women. I am calling your parents,’ he said and took his phone out. He was about to dial the number when Avni lunged at his phone.

  ‘DON’T—’ she shouted. Avni snatched the phone from him and threw it away.

  The phone crashed against the wall and shattered. Daman, furious, pushed Avni to the corner and raised his hand to bring it down on Avni. Avni cowered. He stopped himself just in time. Avni started to sob even loudly.

  ‘FUCKING BITCH,’ he muttered. He walked to where the phone lay. He picked it up and looked at Shreyasi. ‘Shreyasi? She needs to go. Shreyasi, book a hotel and cab.’

  Shreyasi
made Avni sit on the bed. Avni’s entire body heaved in loud sobs. ‘Listen to me?’ said

  Shreyasi. ‘Avni? Look at me.’ Avni still cried. Shreyasi slapped Avni tight across the face. Avni shuddered. ‘LOOK AT ME!’ Shreyasi said. ‘STOP CRYING and listen to me. We will drop you to a hotel and that will be the end of you ever calling Daman or his parents. Do you understand?’

  Avni sniffled.

  ‘Nod your head and I will book a cab. Do you understand?’

  Avni nodded her head. Shreyasi booked a cab and a hotel room. When the cab reached Daman’s apartment, Shreyasi collected her things and helped Avni up. ‘Are you coming?’ asked Shreyasi.

  ‘No, I’m not going with her,’ he said.

  ‘I will drop her and take the cab home,’ said Shreyasi. Shreyasi hugged Daman and kissed him.

  Daman noticed Avni cry even harder. ‘Take care,’ he said to Shreyasi.

  As Shreyasi and Avni walked out of the door, Daman called out to Avni and said, ‘I don’t want to see you here again.’

  Avni nodded and followed Shreyasi to the staircase like a little child. In the car, Shreyasi snapped at Avni, ‘What do you think was that? Why would you show up like that?’

  ‘I need him,’ she mumbled.

  ‘NO, YOU FUCKING DON’T! I gave you an option and instead you have been harassing him.

  What did you think would happen? You could have just been friends with him. But you had to be the crying, grovelling whore.’

  ‘I . . . couldn’t . . . I couldn’t . . . I thought I was stronger,’ said Avni and broke down again.

  ‘It’s too late now,’ said Shreyasi. ‘Now just get out of his life. Don’t bother him. He needs to concentrate on his book. He needs to put his life back together.’