by Deanna Chase
“We’re very proud of ourselves,” Grayson said, grinning at her.
“Yeah. This might be master-level sculpting,” Levi added.
Amelia laughed. “I’d give you the blue ribbon, but you’re gonna need those scarves first.” She jerked her head toward the front door. “Come in, get something to eat, and then you can dress your snowpeople.”
The two men followed Amelia and the dog inside, and after cleaning up, they all sat at her table for dinner. Cappy jumped up on Silas, but when Silas ordered him to sit, his little butt hit the floor obediently. And after Silas gave him a small treat, the puppy flattened out like a ragdoll near his feet.
“Impressive,” Amelia said.
He gave a half shrug. “The set I was just on had a trainer. She did most of the work.”
“Don’t let him fool you, Amelia,” Levi said. “He spends more time with Cappy than anyone else. I’m not sure who has who wrapped around their finger… or I guess paw. Because Cappy is spoiled rotten, but also will do anything for him. Me? Forget it.” He let out a soft chuckle and shook his head. “Good thing he’s so cute, otherwise we’d have had words by now.”
They all laughed and dug into dinner.
“This smells delicious,” Grayson said, his stomach grumbling from hunger. “Silas, do you cook much at home?”
The actor shook his head. “There’s not a lot of time these days. But I do like the feeling of making something with my own two hands. When I’m on a job, it’s mostly takeout. It’s only when I’m here with Levi that I seem to have time for homecooked meals.” He reached over and squeezed his boyfriend’s hand before adding, “Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen as often as I’d like.”
“He’s only been home for a few days,” Levi said, his eyes firmly on his stew. “Soon he has to go back to Canada to finish a film.”
“I’ll be back in March,” Silas said, his voice full of forced cheer.
“March thirtieth,” Levi said. “Six weeks this time.” There was no mistaking the bitterness in his voice.
Silas sighed. “I know. It’s too long, but I don’t really have a choice. You could come visit me.”
Levi nodded and pushed the stew around in his bowl.
Grayson, having been in Levi’s shoes more than once, gave the kid a sympathetic smile. “At least you won’t have to deal with invasive paparazzi, uncomfortable beds, and bland food from craft service.”
Silas eyed him. “You sound like you’ve acted before.”
“Me?” Grayson asked, surprised. “Oh no. I… uh, I dated someone in the business for a while. There was a lot to dislike about celebrity, but the worst was the lack of privacy. Nobody should be subjected to that level of scrutiny.”
“Amen to that,” Silas said, raising his root beer glass.
“You did?” Amelia asked, her eyes wide. “Who?”
Shit. What had he been thinking? This was why he never talked about Kira. It was too easy to slip up. What was he supposed to say? That he had an NDA with the one person who’d ever cared about him? It was the truth, but saying it made him feel like he needed to vomit. He grimaced and went with the practiced lie he’d told over the years when he found himself in this exact position. “It was someone in Katy Carmichael’s circle. Her name was Kira.” It was almost the truth. Sort of.
Silas frowned. “What roles has she played?”
“She did some uncredited work,” he lied. “Modeling was her main gig. Mostly runway and catalog stuff. But because she was part of Katy’s group, I got a front row view of the celebrity life. It wasn’t pretty.” In fact, as soon as Katy’s star began to rise, that was the beginning of the end for them. It wasn’t a life Grayson was suited for.
“It can be pretty brutal,” Silas said.
“For the ones left behind,” Levi said bitterly and got to his feet. He placed his cloth napkin on the table, muttered his thanks, and took off for the back door.
“Levi!” Silas called. “Where are you going?”
“Out. I just need a minute.” Silas started to go after him, but Levi shook his head and said, “Don’t. Not now.”
Silas sat back down and slumped in his chair. He squeezed his eyes shut and muttered, “Dammit.”
“He’ll come around,” Grayson said softly. “I don’t know him well, but after spending the afternoon with him, it’s pretty clear he really cares about you.”
“I know he does, but we have so little time together right now, and I just don’t know if he’s going to find a way to be okay with it,” Silas said with a sigh. He stared at the back door where Levi had disappeared, the desire to go after him clear in his expression. “I was supposed to be here for six weeks and then take off to do another movie, but the job got moved up, and now I’m supposed to leave tomorrow. I asked him to come visit me, but he has his own thing here with healer Snow. Plus, money is an issue. He doesn’t like it when I pay for everything.”
“That’s understandable,” Grayson said softly. “It’s hard being away from the one you love. It’s even harder feeling like you have nothing to contribute.” Grayson identified with Levi more than he could admit.
“I know. I just don’t know what to do about it.” Silas met Amelia’s gaze. “Will you go after him? Make sure he’s okay?”
“Of course.” She squeezed Silas’s hand, bundled herself into a jacket, and slipped outside.
“Can I give you some advice from someone who has been in Levi’s shoes?” Grayson asked.
“I’m all ears, man,” Silas said, looking pained. “Levi is the most important person in my life.”
Grayson nodded. “I can see that you really care about him. Here’s the thing… You’re young, so I’m sure that everyone around you is telling you that you have to make decisions for what is best for you personally, not your relationship.”
“Yeah. No one expects us to last. Even my sister, Shannon, who is great and loves Levi, is always telling me that he can’t factor into my career decisions.”
“And she’s right. Mostly. But I’m guessing that when she says that she’s probably not factoring in your needs outside of your career,” Grayson said.
Silas frowned. “I don’t think that’s true. Shannon loves me and is always careful to support my decisions. If I don’t want to do a project, she always backs me up even if everyone else thinks it’s the right career move.”
“That’s good. You’re lucky to have her. Not all young stars have someone like that in their corner. But that’s different than really knowing what you need in here.” Grayson tapped his chest. “I’m not saying you should prioritize your relationship with Levi over your career, especially if he’s not supportive—”
“Levi’s supportive of me. That’s not the issue,” Silas insisted.
“Great. Glad to hear it. I’m just saying that you need to take care of you, too. If spending time with him is important to you, then make that a priority, because nothing is more important than the people you care about. All the fame and money in the world can’t replace that connection you have with the person you love. And worse, if you let it, fame and celebrity can destroy the bond you share. Just don’t get too swept up in it all or you could find you have everything in the world except the one person you love most.”
Silas stared at him for a long moment. “You sound like a man who speaks from experience.”
“You could say that.”
“There’s more to your story with, what’s her name… Kira?” he asked.
“Yes. But that’s a tale for another day. Just remember what I said. Levi deserves more than being left behind in a hotel room while you spend eighteen hours a day working on a film.”
Chapter 7
“Hey there,” Amelia said, finding Levi leaning against the railing of her back porch.
“Hi.” He grimaced. “Sorry I made a scene back there.”
“You didn’t make a scene. You’re just upset.” She took up residence against the railing next to him. “Do you want to talk about it?
”
“What’s there to say?” He stared out at the snow blanketing her property. “Silas’s career is taking off in a major way. I can’t compete with that.”
“Here’s the good news,” she said, giving him a soft smile. “You don’t need to compete. That’s not what relationships are about.”
“Some relationships. He’s never here. Not anymore. Four days. That’s all I get, and then he’s gone again, doing I don’t even know what.”
Amelia frowned. “Are you afraid he’s with someone else when he’s away?”
Levi’s eyes widened. “No. Not at all. He’s just… always busy with no time to even video chat. It’s really hard.”
Amelia reached out and squeezed his hand. “That does sound challenging. I guess what you have to ask yourself is if he’s worth waiting for.”
“Of course he is.” He pulled his hand from hers and ran it through his hair in frustration. “I just don’t know how much longer he’s going to think that I’m worth it.”
“Oh, Levi,” Amelia said gently. “I don’t think he’s suddenly going to stop caring about you. But your fears are valid, and that’s something you two should probably sit down and talk about. Tell him how you’re feeling so you can deal with it together.”
“I can’t do that,” he said, his eyes wide as he glanced around as if Silas was going to appear right in front of him. “He doesn’t need that kind of pressure. Besides, what if he tells me he thinks this is too hard and ends it? I’m…” He shook his head. “I’m not ready for that.”
She chuckled softly.
His head jerked up and he narrowed his eyes at her. “Why are you laughing?”
“Honey, if I had to guess, I’d say you’re the one person Silas never wants to cut loose. I’ve listened to him talk about Hollywood all day. And from the sounds of it, he’s not really into any of it except for the actual art of acting. Looks to me like you’re his sanctuary away from all the drama. I know you’re worried about the future and the time you get together, but just talk to him, okay?”
Levi didn’t exactly look convinced, but he nodded. And a moment later, he followed her back into the house.
Silas jumped up from the table with Cappy scrambling after him. “Levi, I—I’m sorry.” He wrapped his arms around the other young man and whispered something in his ear.
“Come on,” Amelia said, taking Grayson’s hand and tugging him toward the living room. “Let’s give them a minute.”
“Is Levi okay?” Grayson asked, his tone more concerned than curious as he lowered himself onto the couch.
“I think he will be if they can find a way to discuss their fears,” Amelia said as she sat in her oversized chair.
“I see.” Grayson frowned, and a small crease formed between his eyes. “That could be harder than you might think.”
Amelia raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Why? They both seem like honest kids.”
“Honesty isn’t the problem.” Grayson strummed his fingers on his knee. “It’s courage. Levi has pretty classic abandonment issues. With Silas gone a lot, it’s going to be a recurring problem.”
“What makes you think that?” she asked curiously.
“Just a conversation we had today. Levi and I have a lot in common.”
“You both have abandonment issues?” she asked, shocked. It was the first time Grayson had even come close to alluding to anything personal in his life.
“Um, this was supposed to be about Levi,” he said quietly.
Her frustration welled up in her chest, making it difficult to breathe. How was she supposed to have any sort of relationship with him if he never opened up about anything? “Sounds like Levi isn’t the one with a courage problem. How am I supposed to trust you if you never tell me anything?”
His dark eyes narrowed, and his shoulders tensed. He looked as if he was ready to flee, only there was nowhere for him to go. “Is this really how you want to do this, Amelia?”
“No. Not at all.” She stood, guilt eating away at her gut. Had she really sat there and tried to push him into talking about something he clearly didn’t want to discuss? “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” She covered her face with her hands and let out a small groan. “It’s just that I don’t know anything about your past at all. It makes me feel like I don’t know the father of my child. And I’m not saying this to manipulate you into telling me things you don’t want to talk about. I’m just explaining myself. You said you want me to trust you, but you clearly don’t trust me.” She shook her head and added, “It’s been a long day. I’m going to go lie down. Tell Levi and Silas they are welcome to stay the night if they want.”
Grayson didn’t say anything as she walked down the hall to her bedroom. Once safely inside, she leaned against the door and muttered a curse. She hadn’t wanted to fight with Grayson. And she definitely didn’t want to push him into confiding in her. He’d implied abandonment. Likely some kind of trauma. That wasn’t something a person just blurted out.
What was wrong with her?
She already knew the answer to that question. Amelia was still hurt that he’d abandoned her. She’d given him her heart, and he’d left her with nothing but a surprise pregnancy. It was enough to make any girl go slightly insane.
“Get it together, Amelia,” she scolded herself. “You can’t keep punishing him for something he had every right to do.” He’d never promised her anything. They’d both said the relationship was casual. She’d been the one to break the rules by falling for him. And now she was continuing to punish him for not feeling the same way. It wasn’t right, and she needed to let it go once and for all.
Disappointed in herself, she changed into a set of satin pajamas and crawled into bed. She laid there for a while, staring up at the ceiling until the gray evening light turned to darkness. Eventually she fell into a fitful sleep and was transported back eighteen years, to a drizzly day at a mountain lake.
The dream started the way it always did. Victoria was sitting on the dock, her feet dangling over the edge, holding an unlit cigarette.
“You’re not going to smoke that, are you?” Amelia asked, crinkling her nose at the offending object.
“Of course I am. Why else would I snitch it from Madison’s purse?” She flicked the striker of the lighter a few times, watching it spark but not catch.
Madison was her father’s third wife and was only six years older than the two friends. At twenty-one, Victoria’s newest stepmother was twenty-three years younger than her husband. “She’s going to tell your dad,” Amelia said.
“He won’t care,” she said with a roll of her eyes. This time the flame flickered to life, and she placed the cigarette between her lips as she sucked in air and expertly lit the stolen Marlboro Red. After expelling the smoke from her lungs, she added, “As long as I don’t bother them when they disappear into his bedroom to fuck, he doesn’t give a shit what I do.”
The vitriol in her voice made Amelia recoil. She hadn’t ever heard her friend talk like that before. It wasn’t the foul language that shocked her, it was the pure disgust aimed at her father. Victoria’s mother died when she was a baby, leaving her dad to be her sole parent. The two had been inseparable, and Victoria idolized him. Nothing had changed between them when he’d married Carol three years earlier, and Amelia thought Victoria had gotten the family she’d always wanted.
Then the shit had hit the fan.
Carol had caught her dad cheating with Madison just over a year ago, and their lives blew up. Victoria was devastated when Carol left and downright defiant when Madison moved in. But now? She sounded bitter and angry and not at all like the happy, carefree girl Amelia had been best friends with since the first grade.
“Do you want to stay over at our place tonight? I’m with my mom this week,” Amelia offered. “It’s pancake night.”
Victoria shook her head. “No. I have plans with Craig Baxton. He’s taking me to the hill.”
“What?” Amelia leaned in, scenting t
he foul stench of the cigarette and coughing before whispering, “Does your dad know?”
“Of course not.” Victoria looked at her like she’d lost her mind. “Why would I tell him? He’d just tell me Craig is too old for me. Like he has any room to talk about age. Twenty-three years is a hell of a lot more offensive than four.”
Amelia had to admit that her friend had a point. Except nineteen seemed so much older than their fifteen years. Craig had already graduated and was in college, while Amelia and Victoria were freshmen in high school. “I heard he took Candy to the hill last week.”
Victoria’s eyes flashed with irritation. “Why would you tell me that?”
“Because I thought you should know. That’s why,” Amelia shot back. “You know he only wants to take you there for one thing. How are you going to feel when he’s there with someone else next week?”
“Did you ever stop and think that maybe I know what I’m doing?” Victoria asked.
“Um, no,” Amelia answered honestly. She was far too worried about her friend to hold back. “Because if you did, you’d know he’s just going to sleep with you and then never talk to you again. Honestly, Vic, what else would he be taking a freshman out for? Why wouldn’t he be dating college girls? Don’t you think it’s strange that he’s interested in you when there’s a giant campus full of girls his own age?”
“You want to know something?” Victoria said, her voice dead calm as she got to her feet.
“What?” Amelia stood to face her friend, and nerves took over, making her stomach ache. She knew whatever Victoria was going to say would be something she didn’t want to hear.
“I came on to Craig. I asked him to take me to the hill. I want him to fuck me.” Her bottom lip trembled, and tears filled her eyes as she added, “Then maybe I’ll understand.”
Amelia sucked in a sharp breath. “Victoria,” she said softly. “No. You don’t want to do this.” She reached out to pull her friend into a hug, but Victoria shook her head and jerked back suddenly.