Hickville Confessions: A Hickville High Novel

by Karlik, Mary

  “Did you see my locker? Somebody is pissed that I’m here.”

  Mackenzie stared at the ground. “I don’t understand how you became the bad guy in all of this.”

  Ryan nodded. “Me either, which is why I’m going to that meeting. If they say something about me, I want to be there to defend myself.”

  Kelsey said, “Okay, we’ll all go together.”

  Ryan was grateful for her sisters, but part of her wanted to go by herself. Having them with her made her look weaker. She slid into the classroom a few minutes later with her sisters trailing behind. Mrs. Bettis made eye contact, but didn’t acknowledge her to the group. The Purity Club had about thirty members. Today, only about half that attended. As she entered, every head in the room turned toward her. So much for the stealth entry she’d planned.

  But, instead of the hatred she’d expected, she saw compassion in their eyes. As she scooted past the desks, a girl with dark blonde hair touched her arm. “I’m sorry for what they did to you. That’s not who we are.”

  “Thanks.” Ryan continued to the back of the room.

  Mrs. Bettis began, “Thank you all for coming on short notice. As I’m sure you’ve all heard, some of our members were involved in a horrible incident after the Homecoming dance Saturday night. Those girls acted on their own, not as any part of the Purity Club. Their thoughts and actions were in no way supported by this group. However, what they did was a serious event.”

  Kelsey whispered, “Event? She called it an event.”

  “Shhh,” Ryan hissed.

  Mrs. Bettis continued, “We have decided, at least for the rest of this year, to disband the club.”

  The same girl that had reached out to Ryan said, “What about our community service credits?”

  “You’ll get partial credit. There are plenty of other opportunities to earn what you need.”

  Another girl raised her hand. “Why are we being punished for what they did? It’s not fair.”

  Pretty much everyone in the room agreed.

  Mrs. Bettis held up her hands. “I understand how you feel. But we want to send a clear message that this behavior is not tolerated. It doesn’t mean you can’t abide by the intent of the club.”

  A boy who had super curly hair and wore glasses stood. Ryan knew him from Calculus class—Braden McGuire. He wasn’t Mr. Football or Mr. Sports anything. But he was smart and kind and everybody liked him. “Mrs. Bettis, this club is more than just making a promise. It’s a place to socialize with people who have the same values. Those girls got carried away and went totally rogue, but that was them. Not us.” The group applauded. He looked back at Ryan. “I don’t know your story. I don’t know why they picked on you. What they did was awful, but we’re all being punished.”

  He made a good argument. It wasn’t the club. Somehow the message of the club had become twisted, but still, the disbanding wasn’t Ryan’s fault.

  When she didn’t respond to his statement, he turned back to Mrs. Bettis. “Can we work on refocusing the club?”

  Most of the room nodded.

  Mrs. Bettis said, “I’ll discuss your suggestion with the principal. But for now, there will be no meetings.” She dismissed the group.

  Ryan waited for everyone to file out of the classroom before moving away from the back wall.

  Braden McGuire made his way to where she stood with her sisters. “I really am sorry for what they did to you. I don’t blame you for the club being disbanded.” He spoke to Ryan, but his gaze kept darting to Mackenzie.

  “Thanks. I understand what you meant about the club.”

  “The girls that did this aren’t here any more. Why punish those who didn’t have anything to do with it?”

  According to the word scrawled across her locker, there were still Ryan-haters in school. Besides, the girls hadn’t been kicked out forever. But maybe there was a way to keep the club together—just not as the Purity Club. “Have you ever heard of a high school group that teaches about dating violence?”

  He dragged his gaze from Mackenzie to her. “No. Why?”

  “Hannah Ellis mentioned it at lunch. Maybe that could be the new focus.”

  “We don’t have that problem here.”

  Kelsey jumped in. “I bet there is more of a problem than any of us realize. You don’t have to be beat up to be a victim.” For half a second, Ryan wondered if Austin might have done something. But before she could completely form the question, Kelsey continued, “My ex never did a thing to me physically. But he played a lot of mind games—and that’s a kind of abuse.”

  Ryan could have hugged her. It was obvious that Kelsey was deliriously happy with Austin, but Ryan had wondered how much crap Drew had done to her before she’d opened her eyes. To Braden she said, “I’ll find out more about the group. Who knows—maybe it’s what this school needs.”

  “Sure.” His focus went back to Mackenzie. “Hi. I’m Braden McGuire.”

  Ryan saw Mackenzie’s eyes widen beneath her bangs. She nodded. “Mackenzie Quinn.”

  “What year are you?”

  “Freshman.” Mackenzie backed up half a step.

  Braden smiled. “Cool.” To Ryan he said, “Let me know what you find out.” He left and Mackenzie let out a breath.

  Ryan smiled at her little sister. “He was flirting with you—or trying to.”

  “No, he wasn’t.” Mackenzie shook her head. “Guys don’t notice me.”

  Kelsey put a hand on Mackenzie’s shoulder. “Yeah, they do. You just can’t see them while you’re hiding behind those bangs.”

  “That’s crazy.” Mackenzie headed for the door as though the classroom was the last place she wanted to be.

  Ryan smiled. It was nice to see something positive happen for her sister.

  *

  The girls climbed into the beat-up blue truck that Kelsey drove. After school, Ryan and Mackenzie worked at their dad’s feed store and Kelsey either worked a shift at the Early Bird Café or at the store. Today they were all working at the store.

  Ryan was exhausted and her face hurt. Some of the sores had crusted with a yellowish scab, others oozed watery yuck. She looked like something from a bad zombie movie. Her brain was fried and she was tired of acting like none of it bothered her. The last thing she wanted to do was smile in front of customers.

  “Do you think Mom would let you take me home before you go to the store?”

  Kelsey started the engine. “Text her.”

  Ryan pulled her phone from her purse and tapped out the question. Across the parking lot, the guys were heading from the field house to the practice field. Most of them walked in groups. Justin didn’t. He lagged behind the others. Did he have friends on the team? She’d always figured that if you were on the football team or the basketball team or the whatever team, you were automatically part of a group. But not one guy spoke to Justin as they passed him. She’d seen him hang out with Eric Perez, but the fight at the dance had ended that friendship. That could explain why he was so interested in hanging out with her. But if he wanted friends, he could pick someone whose face didn’t look like it’d been run through a vegetable peeler.

  Her phone dinged a reply. She read it and turned to Kelsey. “She said we could all go home. The store’s been slow all day.”

  Mackenzie squealed from the back seat. “Yay! I’m going for a long run.”

  Ryan turned to her sister. “You know there’s something wrong with you, right? Nobody in their right mind says that.”

  Mackenzie brushed her hair from her eyes. “You should try it. It’s a great way to just think.”

  “So is feeding the animals.” Kelsey pulled from the parking lot.

  “Those chickens are the spawn of the devil.”

  Ryan twisted in her seat to look back at her sister. “Kenzie, we’ve been here for months. How can you still be so afraid of the chickens?”

  “They peck at things—like feet.”

  “All you have to do is shoo them away.”

&nbs
p; “You and Kelsey can have fun with the chickens, the horses, and that pig. Not me. I’d rather clean toilets every day than risk my life with those critters.”

  Kelsey hadn’t liked feeding chickens at first, either, or she said she hadn’t. But Ryan had watched her talking to them when she fed them or cleaned the coop. And Ryan was pretty sure her sister had bonded with Winifred, the pig. Ryan could take or leave the chickens and the pig. She thought the two horses were pretty cool, though. She liked to watch Austin ride. Someday, she’d like to learn, but Austin should probably teach Kelsey first, since he was her boyfriend and all.

  Ryan’s escape was art. Whether it was to express the turmoil churning inside her or to escape it, drawing gave her peace. It centered her.

  Kelsey stopped at the gate that crossed the dirt drive that led to their house. “Who’s the gate bitch?”

  Mackenzie opened her door. “I’ve got it.”

  Wow. A few months ago we didn’t even know what a gate bitch was. She looked at the peeling paint on the old farmhouse. It was hard to believe they used to ride the “L” home or that they’d hang out at Millennium Park.

  Wasn’t this supposed to be the simple life? She rubbed her arms. She’d been excited to get away from that old life, but had she really traded it for a better one? At least one sister was happier. She wasn’t sure about Mackenzie, who’d had to give up gymnastics. It had to be a huge adjustment to fill all those hours she’d spent in the gym. She never complained, though. She wouldn’t—she was too busy trying to be the perfect kid.

  Was it better for Ryan? She’d exchanged one pain for another. She touched her cheek. This one she couldn’t hide.

  Kelsey parked and the girls didn’t waste time getting out of the truck. Mackenzie ran up the porch steps and into the house, but Kelsey waited for Ryan. “Are you okay? Really? Today had to be rough for you.”

  Ryan nodded. “I got it over with. Not everybody hates me. Justin waits for me after most of my classes.”

  “Yeah, what’s up with that? You know he’s crazy.”

  Ryan gazed at her sister. “He saved me.”

  Kelsey rolled her eyes as she opened the front door. “Okay. I’ll give him that. But you know he jumped Austin in the parking lot. I was there. It was totally unprovoked.”

  Ryan scooted through the doorway and let the screen bang shut behind her. “There had to be a reason. No normal person would just randomly jump someone.”

  “We were walking to Austin’s truck, when out of the blue, Justin tackled him. That is not normal.”

  Ryan had to admit that the whole incident was bizarre. But the Justin who’d rescued her was not the same guy who’d attacked Austin. “There had to be a reason,” she repeated stubbornly.

  “Yeah. He’s insane.” She dropped her backpack at the bottom of the stairs.

  Ryan slung her backpack next to Kelsey’s. “He’s not. He’s sweet and caring.”

  “Pu-leeze, Ryan. He got kicked out of the Homecoming dance for fighting with Eric Perez.”

  “Again, he had to have a good reason. Look, all I know is how he treats me. And he treats me really nice.”

  Kelsey shook her head. “He’s got a lot of baggage. You can do better.”

  “God, Kel. We’re friends. End of story.” Ryan grabbed her pack and ran upstairs to her room. Just when she thought they were getting close, Kelsey had to go all judgy on her. She wasn’t sure she wanted to hang out with Justin, but she sure didn’t want her sister telling her she shouldn’t. Besides, the Justin she knew wasn’t crazy. That Justin was kind and gentle. But that Justin was also hot and made her want be more than friends.

  She dropped onto her bed and grabbed the throw folded at the end, pulled it over her, and closed her eyes. She didn’t want to think about it. Any of it. But Justin’s face kept popping into her mind.

  Damn it. He was trouble. Big trouble.

  7

  After a grueling football practice, all Justin wanted was to see Ryan or at least talk to her. Yeah, he was freaking crazy. They weren’t a thing. But she was amazing. After the hell she’d gone through, she’d faced everybody with a bring it on attitude.

  Still, he worried. As strong and freaking mind-blowing as she was, she was not invincible. Maybe it was just a feeling he had, but for a second, he’d seen a look in her eyes that frightened him. The look he saw in his mom every day.

  Helplessness. Hopelessness. Drowning.

  He shook the thought away. Ryan needed to fight. It would keep her from going to that bad place. He’d stand by and let her. And if she stumbled, he wanted to be the one who pulled her to her feet and let her enter the ring again. Would she let him? She had his cell number, but she hadn’t offered hers.

  Patience. Right now, it was about earning her trust.

  He parked in front of his house and hope flickered. The blinds in the front window were open. Was Mom having a good day?

  He pushed through the front door and called, “Mom! I’m home.” When she didn’t answer, he headed toward the bedroom. “Mom?” She wasn’t curled up in bed. His heart began to beat a little faster as he made his way through the house. Things didn’t feel right. He headed toward his sister’s room. God, he hoped she wasn’t in there. He’d found her there once before wrapped in Chelsea’s bathrobe and hugging her stuffed bear. He knocked on the door. “Mom?” He listened for sounds of despair coming from behind the door. Nothing.

  He cracked the door and peeked into the room. Empty. He opened the door wide and stepped inside. He hadn’t been in her room in months. His mom didn’t do much with the rest of the house, but she kept Chelsea’s room clean. An extra-large Taco Bell cup stuffed with various sizes and shapes of paintbrushes sat on the corner of her desk next to a plastic storage box bulging with twisted tubes of paint. Her portfolio case leaned against the side of the desk. It was all so surreal, as if she might walk into the room any second and start a new project.

  He slid the portfolio case from the side of the desk, laid it on the carpet in the center of the room, and carefully opened the cover. Sketches of high school life filled the case. The first drawing was of a football game viewed from the stands. Cheerleaders were stacked in a pyramid while players fought to move the ball forward in the background. There was a drawing of girls huddled around a locker, giggling. The looks on their faces made him want to know their secret. His muscles tensed as he turned to the next sketch. He hated this one.

  Austin McCoy stared back at him with a shit-eating grin on his face.

  Justin closed the case and propped it against the desk, trying to replicate its exact position. Otherwise, his mom would freak.

  He turned to leave and froze. She stood in the doorway with her fingertips pressed to her mouth. She was dressed and her hair was fixed. She seemed to be having a good day—maybe this wouldn’t spin her out of control.

  “Mom, I’m sorry. I was just looking…”

  “It’s okay… it’s just seeing that boy.” Justin hoped to lead her out of the bedroom, but instead, she sat on the bed.

  “I know. Let me take the picture out of the case. I won’t mess it up, I’ll just put it where you don’t have to see it.”

  “No. I mean I saw him at the cemetery.”

  “What?”

  “He was there, at her grave, and there was a girl with him. I’ve seen him there before, but this time he had a girl with him.”

  “When was this, Mom?”

  “A few weeks ago, before school started. Why would he bring a girl there?”

  Justin took a deep breath to calm his nerves. Not exactly a hot spot for a date. But now the important thing was to keep his mom from unraveling. He sat next to her, put an arm across her shoulders, and guided her to stand. “Come on, Mom. Don’t worry about him. Let’s go to the den and I’ll fix you something to eat. You look nice—did you go out today?”

  She nodded. “I went to the store. I could use some help unloading.”

  Relief spread through him. She went to the store!
This is a good day. “I’ll unload and you can make sure I put things where you want them.”

  She looked at each of the paintings that hung on the walls, the bookshelf, the desk, and the dresser. Justin could see the war that raged inside her. She was on the verge of slipping back into the depression that held her captive. “Mom?”

  Slowly, she smiled. “Don’t worry. I’m okay today.”

  She needed help. Why couldn’t his dad see it? He followed her out of the room. As soon as they were in the hallway, he closed the door. “Have you eaten today?”

  “I had lunch with some of the girls from the hospital. They want me to come back.”

  “It might be good for you to go back to work. I’ll be leaving in a couple of years…” And who will take care of you then?

  “It’s something to think about.” Her words were vacant—space fillers. Say anything to keep from talking. Avoid emotion, avoid affection, and above all, avoid living.

  He was sick of living in the house of gloom. He’d coaxed his mom through almost every waking hour to keep her from retreating to the darkness. His dad ignored the situation at home by working extra shifts at the hospital. Frustration tensed Justin’s muscles. This was not supposed to be his freaking life.

  “I’ll get the groceries.” He pushed through the screen door onto the porch. Chelsea may be dead, but I’m still here and I’m tired of being your freaking parent. He pulled the bags from the back of her SUV and slammed the lid.

  His mom held the screen open for him as he lugged his load through the door. As soon as he dropped the bags on the counter, she began to unpack them. Guilt at being angry with her settled in.

  “I’ve got this, Justin. Go do your homework and I’ll call you when dinner is ready.”

  “You’re cooking?” She was good today. He should hold on to that.

  “I know it’s hot, but I thought spaghetti.”

  “It’s never too hot for your spaghetti. Are you sure you don’t want help?”

  “I’m good, really.” She flashed a weak smile and even though there was a little quiver in the corner, he’d take it.