A Dream for Tomorrow

by Melody Carlson

  They were just traipsing back to the fort when Ruth let out a scream. And imagining rattlesnakes or Indian attacks or something terribly gone wrong, Elizabeth turned and dashed back to where Ruth had been walking with Amelia and Belinda. But Ruth seemed fine and in fact had a huge grin on her face as she pointed up the river. “That’s them!” she cried. “Mama, that’s them!”

  “What?” Elizabeth squinted, shading her eyes from the sun to see a group of animals moving toward them from a distance. Perhaps some of the soldiers bringing cattle to the fort. “Well, it certainly does look like someone driving a herd,” she admitted. “But how do you know it’s—”

  “Look, Mama!” Ruth grabbed her by the arm. “That’s Beau and Bella—see those tall black horses? And there’s—”

  “You’re right, Ruth Anne!” Elizabeth took Ruth’s hand, and they both began rushing toward them. “That’s our men and our animals!”

  The rest of them started running too—even Lavinia and Mrs. Taylor. And although Elizabeth knew they must look a sight for whoever was on watch back at the fort—a bunch of emigrants dashing out to meet some cowboys—for the life of her she just could not stop herself. And soon they were all together again, everyone laughing and hugging and talking all at once.

  “JT,” Elizabeth said to her dust-encrusted son. “You look like you grew several inches since I last saw you!”

  He laughed. “It’s just these boots, Ma. They got higher heels than my old ones.”

  She firmly shook her head. “No, son, I’m sure you grew. And you look just like a man now.”

  “All right, everyone,” Asa called out. “Let’s get these animals to the corral over by the docks. They need to be watered and fed. And then we’ll get these hardworking cattle drivers to a bathhouse. I reckon we might be able to get them cleaned up just in time for supper.”

  “We’ll go on ahead,” Lavinia suggested, “and make sure the bathhouse has plenty of hot water for all of you.”

  Instead of going with the other women back to the fort, Elizabeth sent Ruth with her mother and then went along with the men to tend to the livestock. She wanted to make sure her animals were well cared for and in good shape for the short ocean voyage awaiting them. And perhaps more importantly, she wanted to have a word with Brady.

  She worked, feeding and watering and checking hooves and hides and mouths and ears of her animals, until finally it was just Brady and Matthew and her.

  “Brady and I plan to camp here with the livestock,” Matthew told her. “But we’ll walk you back to the fort and get cleaned up some and eat.”

  So while they walked together, Elizabeth explained the law that had been recently passed. “I know Will explained part of it to you,” she said.

  “He told me to act like a slave,” Brady said. “So I done that.”

  “I’m not sure it mattered much,” Matthew told her. “The only folks we ran across didn’t seem to care one way or the other.”

  “I hope that’s how it will be here, but the new laws are complicated. Although they voted to oppose slavery, they also voted to keep Negroes out of Oregon.”

  “Less’n they act like they’s already a slave,” Brady filled in.

  “Yes, if a settler has slaves, they’re allowed to stay for three years.”

  “For three years?” Matthew sounded shocked.

  “That’s what Will told me. But he also said that law might be unenforceable.” She looked at Brady, seeing he was confused. “Or the law might get changed,” she told him. “Right now lots of laws about slavery and abolition are changing. So Will thinks you’ll be all right if you stay with us, Brady. The problem is that you won’t be able to own your own land.” She felt a lump in her throat. “You don’t know how sorry it makes me to tell you that. More than anything I wanted to see you settled with your own farm.”

  Brady looked down at the ground, saying nothing.

  “I am so sorry.” Elizabeth exchanged glances with Matthew and could see that he looked angry.

  “That is so unfair!” He swung a fist in the air. “It makes no sense.”

  “I agree,” she told him. “I couldn’t believe it when Will explained it to me. How can voters be abolitionists and then oppose Negroes as well? Where do they think folks like Brady are going to go?”

  “California?” Matthew said sadly. “Unless their laws are just as ridiculous.”

  Elizabeth looked back at Brady now. She could tell he was hurting. “So I don’t know what to tell you, Brady. You are a free man. You know that. You can make up your mind to do whatever you think is best. Father and I both owe you for all the work you did and—”

  “And I owe you too,” Matthew said.

  “We can pay you and you can choose where you want to go.” Elizabeth felt tears coming.

  “Is that what you think I should do?” Brady’s brow was furrowed deep. “Just go on my way? By myself?”

  “I don’t know what’s best for you, Brady,” she confessed. “I wish you could stay with us. But I don’t want to tell you what to do. It’s your decision.”

  “As much as I’d hate to see you go, I’d understand,” Matthew told him. “There are opportunities out there. Mining and cowboying, which you’re good at. And I hear the railroad’s going to be coming this way.”

  “I just don’t know what to say.” Brady let out a weary sigh. “I s’pect I’m too old for some of that. But then I rode with you youngins, and I think I done all right.”

  “You were better than all right,” Matthew assured him. “We needed you.”

  “Anyway, you don’t have to say anything right now,” she told Brady. “Just get yourself cleaned up and get some food, and then you can sleep on it. The ship doesn’t leave for a couple more days.”

  Elizabeth knew she was trying to avoid Will Bramford. And knowing this made her feel both guilty and confused. She felt guilty because she genuinely liked Will. She enjoyed his company and felt they had established a good friendship…but one didn’t usually run the opposite direction when a friend was approaching. The confusion came every time she remembered what he’d said about wanting to court her. Any widow in her right mind should welcome such attention. And yet Elizabeth did not.

  “You seem troubled,” Clara said to her on the morning they were preparing to board the clipper. Everyone had stood out on the docks the night before, marveling at the enormous boat and watching in fascination as the crew began taking their wagons aboard. The men were down there right now, helping to load the livestock. And the ship was set to sail at noon.

  “I’m not troubled.” Elizabeth smiled as she packed Ruth’s sweater on the top of her bag, keeping it handy in case the sea air turned chilly. “You must be imagining things.”

  “So it must be my imagination that whenever Will Bramford comes your way, you distract yourself by speaking to someone else, or sometimes you simply turn and walk away?” Clara sat down on a cot, carefully studying her daughter.

  “Mother.” Elizabeth shook her head. “I think your imagination is running away with you.”

  “Elizabeth, I might be old, but I’m not blind.”

  Elizabeth looked around the room that the women had been sharing the past few nights. The others had already gone down to the docks to watch the goings-on, so it was only Clara and Elizabeth now.

  “Sit down.” Clara patted the cot next to her. “If you can’t talk openly to your own mother, who, pray tell, can you talk to?”

  Elizabeth reluctantly sat, folding her hands in her lap and suddenly feeling as if she were Ruth’s age again—about to get a scolding from her mother.

  “When I’ve heard you and Will in conversation, you always sound quite friendly, and it’s obvious to me that you both like and respect each other.”

  “That’s true.”

  “And I suspect that Will’s interest in you is sincere.”

  Elizabeth simply nodded.

  “You do like him, don’t you?”

  “Yes. I already said that, Mo
ther.” Elizabeth heard the impatience in her answer.

  “Has he done something offensive? Has he made improper advances?”

  Elizabeth looked up at her mother, and seeing her creased brow and parental concern, she knew it was time to speak openly. “No, he has done nothing wrong. Well, not exactly. He has expressed his interest in courting me—after we get settled.”

  Clara smiled. “I hoped that was where this was all leading. I’m so happy for you.”

  “Why?” Elizabeth smoothed the folds in her skirt, pressing them with her fingers.

  “Because I think you and Will are a wonderful match, darling. He is intelligent and interesting and—”

  “But I have no feelings for him, Mother. Not like that.”

  “Oh…” Clara nodded with a somber expression.

  “I know what you’re thinking,” Elizabeth said quickly. “You want to tell me that what I had with James was something that only comes once in a lifetime. And that for some people, like Aunt Rebekkah, it never came at all.” Elizabeth didn’t need to remind her mother that she’d heard this all before. They’d had that conversation more times than Elizabeth cared to recall back in Kentucky, back when her mother was always trying to find Elizabeth a new husband.

  “Elizabeth.” Clara’s voice grew firm. “In the frontier, where you will be trying to build a new life, create a new home, and start your farm, a man like Will Bramford could be a very handy thing.”

  Elizabeth couldn’t help but laugh.

  “I am not trying to be humorous.”

  “I’m sorry, Mother.”

  “Listen to me, Elizabeth, your father is getting older. Your brother has his own wife. And now even Malinda is without a husband. Do you honestly think you would be wise to reject Will Bramford’s offer of marriage if he were to ask you?”

  Elizabeth bit her lip and then slowly shook her head. “No, that would probably not be considered wise…by anyone.”

  “You know I would not tell you what to do, especially in matters of the heart. But I will say this—you could do much worse than Will Bramford, dear daughter.” Clara peered into her eyes. “Can you not be thankful that you had true love with James? Isn’t that enough?”

  “What if it were possible to feel that again, Mother?”

  Clara looked confused.

  “Never mind.”

  “I do think it’s possible to feel that way again,” Clara told her. “The friendship you feel for Will could grow into love. I believe it.”

  Elizabeth looked away now.

  “That was not what you meant, was it?”

  “I am going to tell you something, Mother. But only if you promise to never speak of this to me again. Not unless I initiate the conversation.”

  Clara simply nodded.

  “I have those feelings for Eli.”

  Clara looked shocked. “Eli Kincaid?”

  “Do I know any other Eli?”

  Clara seemed truly speechless now.

  “And I realize it’s futile. Eli is not the kind of man who wants to settle down. He loves his freedom and independence. He is married to the trail.”

  Clara sighed. “I did like him, Elizabeth. He seemed a truly fine man. But I fear you’re right. He does not seem like a marrying man. In fact, I sometimes felt worried when I saw you with him. I was afraid he might break your heart.”

  Elizabeth felt tears burning in her eyes. “I suppose I didn’t realize that was even possible.”

  Now Clara put her arms around her, holding her tightly. “I don’t know what to tell you, Lizzie. But perhaps…well, if you could feel that way about Eli…perhaps you can feel that way about Will too…if you would only just give it a chance.”

  “I will try to keep my heart open,” Elizabeth finally said. “I know you’re right—it will be difficult settling in the frontier without a man by my side, and I can’t expect Matthew and Father to continue helping as they did back home. We’ll all have our hands full now. And I realize that it’s perfectly foolish to pass up a fine man like Will Bramford in the hopes of an unattainable dream.”

  Without further ado they gathered their bags and went outside to where the autumnal sun was shining warmly. Then without speaking, they quietly strolled toward the docks—as if all was well and Elizabeth hadn’t just cried like a baby in her mother’s arms. Despite her assurances to her mother, Elizabeth still felt torn inside. Was it truly better to settle for a marriage that would provide her with security and comfort, or to hold out for the improbable…the impractical…and most likely the impossible? Of course, she knew the answer to this. A widow with two children trying to settle out here in the wilderness…how much more obvious could it be?

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  It wasn’t until the day they were to depart that Brady spoke to Elizabeth regarding his decision. She was helping to tend to the livestock, wanting to be sure her horses got some exercise before being boarded in the hold of the ship.

  “I been givin’ it plenty of thought,” Brady began slowly. “And I think I come to a decision. But first I want you to know how obliged I am that I got to come with you and your folks, ma’am. I never knew that I would get such pleasure out of crossing over the land like I did. But it was the best thing I ever done. I know that for sure.”

  “I’m so very glad, Brady.” However, she was also very worried. Unless she was mistaken, he was about to tell her that they were soon to part ways. She wasn’t sure she could bear it. Especially after the talk with her mother, reminding her that Matthew and Asa would be busy settling their own land. What would she do without Brady?

  “I got ta see plenty o’ things I mighta not seen,” he continued.

  “That’s for sure. But you also had some bad experiences on the trail. I’m sorry for that.”

  “Oh, yeah, I saw some bad—for sure. But I also saw some good. And I saw that some of the bad wasn’t so bad. And some of the good that wasn’t so good.” He chuckled. “I reckon that’s just how it is.”

  She nodded. “You’re probably right.”

  “So if you still want me to go with you and your family, ma’am, I’d be much obliged.”

  She blinked. “You would?”

  “I sure would. If ’n you want me.”

  “Oh, Brady, I’m so glad! I was so worried you were going to leave us. I’m so thankful!” She controlled herself from hugging him because she knew it would make him uncomfortable. But she was certain her ear-to-ear grin said it all.

  “I thought and I thought about it,” he told her. “And I kept thinking that you folks is like my family. I ain’t never gonna get another family like you been to me. I’m too old for that. So even if I have to play like I’m your slave, I’d druther do that than be free as the wind and lonely.”

  “Well, you will always have a home with us, Brady. And I don’t see any reason why you can’t build your own house and have your own spot of land on my farm. No one needs to know all the whys and wherefores. Besides, Will said he’d be your legal counsel, should you ever need it.”

  He nodded. “He told me that.”

  The traveling time they had saved by floating the raft on the river seemed small in comparison to the time they were saving on this ship. They’d stopped at Fort Astoria for a couple of hours on their second day out, but they were still making excellent time. Elizabeth was showing Ruth and JT the map, trying to estimate where they were.

  “We already went from there to there?” Ruth exclaimed as she traced her finger from Fort Vancouver to Astoria. “In just one day?”

  “This is a fast ship,” Elizabeth told her.

  “We should have taken this ship all the way from Kentucky.”

  JT let out a loud hoot. “No ship goes from Kentucky to Oregon.”

  “That’s partially true,” Will said from where he was standing not far away, peering out toward the horizon as they were. “But if you’d come up to Boston harbor, you could have boarded a ship to bring you out here. We thought about doing that—and it’s how
some of our goods are coming. But going round the horn takes a mighty long time. Besides, you wouldn’t get to see all the amazing country we saw.”

  “And besides that, Aunt Lavinia gets so terribly seasick,” Belinda added. “She’d probably have died going by ship the whole way.”

  “How is she doing now?” Elizabeth asked with concern.

  “Not too well.” Belinda shook her head. “It’s Amelia’s turn to sit with her.”

  “Poor Lavinia. I truly think she would improve if she would come out here in the open air. The breeze is a bit brisk, but I feel so much better up here than I do when I go down below.”

  “I told her you said that, but she still won’t hear of it. No one can pry her out of that bed.”

  “Fortunately, we only have one more day,” Elizabeth reminded her. She looked down at the deep blue waves as the clipper sliced through the ocean. She wondered if she had ever traveled this fast. Possibly when she was a reckless youth, riding on the back of her father’s fastest horse. But those were the kinds of risks she didn’t take anymore as a mother and a widow. She glanced over at Will, trying to imagine what it might be like to be married to such a man. Twelve years her senior, with graying hair, he wasn’t unattractive, although she had never been fond of such side-whiskers. Perhaps she would be able to convince him to take a razor to them. But the mere thought of trying to remake a man even before they wed…well, it was a bit disconcerting to say the least.

  Because her mind and heart were so torn on this matter, she continued to do her best to avoid being alone with Will. Fortunately, that was not difficult on this boat. There always seemed to be someone about, ensuring that they never had a private conversation.

  Because the only two state rooms had gone to Hugh and Lavinia and Asa and Clara, Elizabeth was sharing a berth with Ruth, Jess, and Mrs. Taylor. JT was staying with Julius, Jeremiah, and Augustus. And Matthew and Brady insisted on staying down below with the livestock. How they could stand it was a mystery to Elizabeth, especially since she was feeling woozy tonight. However, everyone else in her berth seemed to be sleeping soundly. Afraid she was going to become ill and wake everyone up, she decided to go on deck and see if some fresh air would settle her stomach.