Secret Admirer

by Gail Sattler

  In fact, things were more than fine, even outside of work when no one was around he’d have to answer to or see the next day. When the bookstore closed, she’d enjoyed their time together so much that for a moment she’d wished the store was open until midnight, just so she could have stayed to talk with Todd longer.

  Faye smiled dreamily. “Yeah. He’s mighty fine.”

  Shannon rolled her eyes. “Oh, puh-leeze.”

  “I can dream, can’t I?”

  “He’s not some movie star or idol in one of those teen magazines. He’s just Todd.”

  “If you’ve known him for years, haven’t you ever thought of what it would be like if something developed between you?”

  Briefly, when she was going through a period of teenage insanity. She wondered if Faye had heard a word she just said about how sometimes she didn’t know whether to scream or cry after yet another unpleasant day spent with Todd and her brother. Before she could answer, Faye continued her questioning.

  “Haven’t you ever considered what it would be like to be alone with him, like on a romantic date?”

  Actually, she had been alone with him prior to last night, but it wasn’t on a date. Craig and Todd were in the garage at her parents’ home. She’d gone to tell Craig their mother wanted him for something, so Craig went into the house, leaving her alone in the garage with Todd for a few minutes. For entertainment, Todd asked her to hold some kind of auto part she hadn’t known was greasy until it was too late. It took ten solid minutes of scrubbing to get the slime and oily stink off her hands, then a whole day to get the grime out from under her fingernails.

  She set her empty mug down on the table with a thud. “I’m sorry, Faye, but I have enough problems with men without adding Todd to the mix.”

  Faye’s eyebrows quirked. “Oh? Is there something you’re not telling me?” She leaned closer over the top of the table. “Is it someone here? What’s happening? Did you find out who gave you the chocolate kiss? I couldn’t find who was giving them out. In fact, no one knew anything about chocolate kisses.”

  Shannon sucked in a deep breath. “Oh, Faye. . .you didn’t go around asking, did you?”

  “I asked a couple of people where they came from, but not many. Why?”

  “Because it was just meant for me. There was a note attached.” Shannon leaned toward Faye, then straightened, not wanting anyone to see they obviously wanted to keep their conversation confidential, as that would attract attention. “I’m afraid I have a Secret Admirer.”

  Faye’s eyes widened. “Wow! That’s so exciting!”

  “Shh!” Shannon fanned one hand in the air, then hunched in the chair. “Don’t tell anyone. I have no idea who it could be. Think. If you were asking around about the chocolate kiss, then that makes at least a couple of people I can eliminate from my list. Who did you talk to?”

  “Nanci and Brenda.”

  Shannon’s heart sank.

  “Sorry. I didn’t ask any of the guys. I didn’t think any of them would be bringing stuff like that to work. That’s why I just asked women. I didn’t specifically say you had one. I just walked up to them and asked if they had chocolate, and both said no.”

  “I guess that’s okay then. Whoever he is, he has to know I’m trying to figure it out. I just don’t want him to think I have an investigative team out looking for him, or he’ll stop doing it, then I’ll never know.” She didn’t want to tell Faye that Todd was already helping her. From past experience, she knew Todd could be very tight-lipped when it suited him. No one would ever know Todd knew about the Secret Admirer or that he was helping her discover the man’s identity.

  Faye, on the other hand, was not known for being discreet.

  “Just keep your ears and eyes open, but please don’t say anything to anyone, and especially don’t ask questions. If you hear something, tell me, and I’ll take it from there, okay?”

  Faye nodded, the personification of seriousness. “Okay.”

  Shannon pushed the chair back and stood. “We had better get back to work. I have a million things to do.”

  Shannon couldn’t stop thinking about Todd, even though she didn’t see him. His absence in the lunchroom during break times only served to show she’d come to expect his presence. He was buried in work, dealing with a system he wasn’t entirely proficient at yet, while doing the volume of at least two people. He only came out of the dispatch office a couple of times, when he ran for the washroom, then right back.

  By the time Gary finally returned, it was half an hour before quitting time. Bill left the room, but she still didn’t see Todd.

  When it was time to go home for the day, Shannon hadn’t completed all she’d wanted to do to meet her payroll deadline for the next day. Rather than leave it for the last minute, she took advantage of the quiet office to work undisturbed.

  Twenty minutes after everyone else left, Todd emerged from the dispatch room at a slow pace, the wear and tear of a stress-filled day apparent on his face and in his posture.

  She couldn’t help but feel sorry for him.

  “Hey, Todd. How did things go in there?”

  “Okay, I guess, but I can’t remember ever being so tired.” He turned and looked at Faye’s empty desk. He pulled her chair out and sank down into it. “Since it’s just you and me here, do you mind if I talk to you about something?”

  Shannon had a feeling she knew what he was going to say. She’d seen Faye going in and out of the dispatch office a number of times, sometimes with Todd’s coffee mug in her hand; other times, Faye was empty-handed. Shannon didn’t mind helping him out or giving him a bit of womanly perspective, but she didn’t want to do it in the middle of the office. Even though the other regular day staff had left, Gary was still in his office and could appear at any time. Also, not all the drivers were in, and the afternoon-shift warehouse staff members were just beginning their day. Any one of them could walk in at any time, and often did, once they realized she was still there.

  Shannon stood. “I have a better idea. You look so tired. Let’s go to my place. I just happen to have a great lasagna left over in the fridge from yesterday. All I have to do is heat it up and make a salad, and we’ll have a ready-made dinner. We can talk then, without any worry about being disturbed.”

  “You’re inviting me over to your place? And you’re also going to feed me?”

  “I guess. I just thought it would be a better place to talk.”

  “That sounds great. I appreciate it.”

  “I only have to finish what I’m doing.”

  Todd lounged in Faye’s chair until Shannon was ready, then followed her out and into the parking lot. Shannon unlocked her car door but didn’t get in. Instead, she stood watching Todd, who was standing beside his car and pressing his hands to every pocket in his jacket, jeans, then shirt.

  “I don’t believe this,” he called out. “I must have forgotten my car keys in the office. I’ll be right back, unless Gary sees me. Don’t leave without me, because I’ve never been to your place before. I’m not exactly sure where it is.”

  “No problem.”

  As Todd jogged back into the building, Shannon had time to think about what she’d just done.

  Surely, she was losing her mind. She’d just invited Todd Sanders to her apartment. The apartment she moved into so she could get away from him.

  That she felt sorry for him further confirmed she was losing her mind. She justified it by telling herself she was doing it to talk to him for Faye’s benefit and was making the sacrifice for a friend.

  Todd was back within minutes, and she was soon on her way, with him following. She pointed him to the visitor parking area, then entered the residents’ underground parking area. She was about to push the button in the elevator when she realized she’d left Todd outside. Not only did he not have a key to get in, but he didn’t know which was her apartment, although he certainly could find it from the listing by the door.

  Instead of hitting the button for the fifth
floor, Shannon rode the elevator to the lobby, where she walked to the main door to let Todd in, then took him to her apartment.

  “This seems like a nice place. You like living here?”

  “Yes. For an apartment, it’s pretty peaceful.”

  Having known him for years, she was comfortable with Todd’s help in getting their dinner together. They only chatted about inconsequential things until it was ready and on the table.

  For a second, Shannon hesitated. Even when she was alone, which was most of the time, she always bowed her head and gave God thanks for her meal and her day. She didn’t know if Todd did the same.

  She’d seen him in church, and Craig had told her about Todd’s turning his life over to Jesus. She’d also seen him in action at work. All these showed a man living his faith. But this was the first time she was alone with Todd in a private setting. No one was there with him except her, and God, of course.

  After knowing Todd for so long, there was no pretense between them. Sometimes she felt that Todd didn’t consider her any differently than an annoying piece of furniture. He never pretended to be anything he was not, and he never changed his behavior because she was there. She’d seen him happy and sad. She’d seen him at his best, and definitely at his worst.

  Todd smiled at her, clasped his hands, bowed his head, and waited for a few seconds for her to do the same. “Dear heavenly Father, thank You for the food we’re about to eat. Thank You for Shannon and her willingness to open her home and share it with me. Thanks, too, for the good jobs You’ve given both of us, and I pray we’ll be able to show Your glory to all who work there. Amen!”

  “Amen,” Shannon murmured, unable to believe the tightness that formed in her throat from his heartfelt words.

  Todd didn’t wait for her to respond or start talking. He began eating right away. “This is great,” he said, speaking through his mouthful. “I didn’t realize how hungry I was until we started heating this up. I didn’t have time to stop for lunch. All I’ve had today was a bag of chips out of the machine and a few dozen cups of coffee.”

  Shannon cleared her throat and reached for the salad dressing. “Yes, I had a feeling.”

  After a few more hearty mouthfuls, Todd slowed down. “Actually, that’s what I have to talk to you about.”

  “You want to talk to me about your bad eating habits?”

  He sighed while he rose and helped himself to another piece of lasagna from the pan. “No. About Faye and the coffee. She came in more times than I could count to bring me coffee. While I appreciated it, I think it’s getting out of hand.”

  “You admit you’ve been drinking too much coffee?”

  He sat down at the table with his refilled plate but didn’t continue eating. “Get serious, Shan. I think I’m starting to see what it’s like when I did this kind of thing to you, and I’m sorry I used to do that. I wanted to talk to you about Faye.”

  Shannon nodded. Of course she’d known what he was going to say. She’d already heard Faye’s side of the story. Faye had made her feelings toward Todd rather obvious. Shannon knew him well enough to realize that if he returned her feelings, even in the slightest, he would already have asked her out. Still, she had to give him a chance to say the reason he was seeking her out. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to be like that. What did you want to ask me?”

  “I don’t know what to do about Faye.”

  “You know she likes you.”

  “I know that. I think everyone in the office knows. And probably half the drivers, too.”

  “Why don’t you take her out a few times and see what happens? Faye is really nice. After awhile, it’ll either work, or it won’t.”

  “It wouldn’t be right to do that. I’m old enough now that I have to be realistic. Any relationship I enter into could develop into marriage, and I can’t marry Faye. I don’t know her that well, but I don’t think she’s a believer. I don’t want to get into something like that.”

  Shannon nodded. “I know what you mean. But I think Faye is a Christian. She’s even been to church with me a couple of times. I get the impression that something in the church has hurt her, and she’s stepped back. She doesn’t want to talk about it, but I think she just needs some time to work things out, and she’ll be fine.”

  “I can understand her situation, but that doesn’t change the way I feel. I have to figure out a way to tell her gently I’m not interested. It wouldn’t be fair to go out with her when I know nothing would come of it.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “But I do know that.” Todd raised his fork in the air with his right hand and placed his left hand over his chest. “Because my heart already belongs to someone else.”

  Shannon nearly choked on her food. Despite how ridiculous he looked, she knew he was serious. Todd may have been a lot of things, but he had never been a liar. The more she was getting to know the new Todd, the more she knew he wasn’t a liar now. “I didn’t know. Aren’t you going to tell me about it?”

  With his hand still over his heart, Todd shook his head. “Nope. It’s a secret.”

  “I think there are too many secrets around here,” Shannon grumbled as she stuffed the last bite of lasagna into her mouth. First she had a Secret Admirer, and now Todd had secrets, too. All those secrets were going to drive her insane.

  Todd settled back into position and began eating again. “By the way, Craig tells me you’re coming to the open house at church on Saturday.”

  “Yes, I am. Are you going?”

  He grinned. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

  Seven

  Todd straightened his tie, fixed the knot, and stood back to look at himself in the mirror, trying to get some satisfaction from his pristine appearance.

  He yanked off the tie. It was his face, but he wasn’t the man in the mirror.

  The man in the mirror was dressed up in a neatly ironed shirt and black dress slacks, now minus the perfectly matched tie. He had just had a haircut and was freshly shaved.

  He didn’t know why he was trying so hard. Nothing he changed on the outside was going to make a difference to Shannon. She was never swayed by outward appearances. When she looked at him, she saw only a man who used to taunt and tease her when she was dressed up in her finest to go on a date. A man who frequently rummaged through her parents’ refrigerator and ate the leftovers she had intended to take for her lunch at work. A man who made rude remarks to her in any situation.

  In her position, he wouldn’t have liked that guy, either.

  He had to make up for every ignorant and stupid thing he’d ever done to her, and clothing and a haircut weren’t going to do it. More than anything, he wanted to tell her how sorry he was, but he’d learned the hard way that talk was cheap.

  Todd covered his face with his hands. “Lord God, I don’t know what to do,” he mumbled between his fingers. A million thoughts roared through his mind, none of which would be helpful.

  He walked into the kitchen to sit at the table where he had the rhyming dictionary, a pen, and a piece of paper handy.

  Soon he had to leave for church, but he had enough time to write down his thoughts.

  Dearest Shannon,

  My heart longs for the day we can be together

  In either fine or stormy weather.

  In every way it’s you I adore,

  Because every day I love you more.

  Your Secret Admirer

  Without analyzing his words, Todd rolled the note, tied it with a ribbon, and attached a chocolate kiss. He’d already left the note she would find Monday, but this one he would leave for her Tuesday.

  He didn’t know if she could ever love him as much as he loved her, but so far, the fact that she was tolerating him gave him hope. He hadn’t considered how he’d feel about writing the notes every day, but it made him feel good to know she appeared to enjoy reading them. But there was a benefit he hadn’t thought of. Not that he would ever regard himself as the creative or artistic type, but pouring
out his heart onto paper, even if she didn’t know who was creating the words, was therapeutic. Since he couldn’t tell her in person how he felt, writing the notes was the next best thing.

  Never in his life had Todd waxed poetic, but now he was doing so—literally. He found it ironic, since back in high school he’d passed English only by the grace of his teachers.

  On his drive to church, he tried to compose more verses in his head. He wasn’t having much success, except he knew what he wanted to say. For the actual writing of the words, the rhyming dictionary was probably the best purchase he’d ever made.

  The parking lot was nearly full when he pulled in. The spot he found was farther from the building than ever before, giving him a slightly different perspective of the building and grounds from the usual.

  The church wasn’t big or grand, but the building was solid and well cared for. Since the board had been preparing for the anniversary celebration for months, some of the church’s history had crept into the Sunday sermons. He’d learned the building had been constructed a year after the church was planted twenty-five years ago, due to the generosity of the parent church and a member of the missions conference. Even though he’d attended for only a year and a half, he knew both Craig and Shannon had grown up there, attending almost every Sunday. Everyone knew the Andrews family and loved them.

  In comparing his own home life to theirs, he’d seen what he’d missed by not growing up in a stable environment. After experiencing the added love of extended family through other church members, he missed even more not having a network of people and programs to fall back on when he needed them. For a few years, however, that had been his own fault. Ever since he met Craig, Craig had given him an open invitation to go to church or even church activities if he didn’t want to attend Sunday morning, which he hadn’t. Todd had rejected Craig’s offers of help, telling himself he could handle his life on his own. In so many ways, he’d been a fool. Ever since he had experienced the grace of God’s love, he joined in freely, although for now the best he could do was help Craig supervise and provide transportation for the youth group’s activities. He bit back a wry smile, thinking that most of the kids knew the Bible better than he did. But he was working on it, and Craig assured him that was what mattered.