Secret Admirer

by Gail Sattler

  He picked up the phone. “You betcha.” He pushed the button to get the caller. “Dispatch. This is Todd.”

  Bryan appeared and reached for the radio. Rick started walking into Gary’s office with a folder, but Gary met him halfway, and they both stepped into the dispatch area.

  Without a word Shannon turned and returned to her desk, but she didn’t sit down. Immediately, she removed the key to her filing cabinet from her pocket. Her hands shook so badly she didn’t know how she got the key into the lock. She reached for Todd’s personnel file. For all the years she’d known him, she’d never seen his handwriting. When the Secret Admirer notes started appearing, she’d checked the handwriting of a few of the men, but it never occurred to her to look at Todd’s.

  Shannon pulled out the tax form he’d filled out and studied Todd’s signature at the bottom.

  The S in Sanders was a perfect match.

  The last note she’d read flashed through her mind. This time, instead of reading a message from a piece of paper, she imagined Todd’s voice saying the words.

  “You’re bonded to my heart, as steadfast as with glue,

  And that’s why I write these words of love to you.”

  “Oh. . .Todd. . . ,” she whispered.

  She replaced everything, locked the cabinet, and resumed her work. By the time her lunch break finally arrived, her stomach felt so fluttery she didn’t know if she could eat.

  Todd was his usual smiling self as he sat at the table in the lunchroom, waiting for her, the contents of his lunch tote already spread out.

  Shannon quickly retrieved her lunch from the fridge and joined him.

  So he couldn’t see her hands shaking, Shannon didn’t open her lunch but instead folded her hands in her lap. “Before we eat, I was wondering, is there anything you’d like to tell me? Something important?”

  He opened one of his containers, removed a sandwich, and rested it on the lid.

  “Not really. Give me a hint.”

  “Something that might be a secret?”

  His eyes widened, and his smile dropped for a split second, but he recovered quickly. He rested his hands on the tabletop and leaned forward. “I hear everyone’s going out for dinner next month, and one of the birthdays for the month is yours. Faye asked me to buy a card.”

  “That’s not a secret.”

  He straightened, and his grin widened. “Sorry. That’s the best I can do. If you want juicy gossip, you have to go elsewhere.”

  She realized he wouldn’t tell her unless she forced it out of him so she tried to think of how she could reword her thoughts in a way that would pin Todd into a corner.

  He sat there, staring at her, not eating, making her realize it was her turn to say grace. She led in a short prayer of thanks for their food, and they began to eat.

  She thought she’d try again, perhaps coming at the issue another way. “I was wondering. Have you ever thought about—”

  Todd’s foot tapped hers under the table, halting her words. “Hey! Faye! What do you say?” Todd quipped while looking over Shannon’s shoulder. Faye slid into the empty chair beside Shannon. After she was settled, Todd grinned at her. “Have a seat. Why don’t you join us?”

  Shannon couldn’t help but smile, as did Faye.

  Faye plunked a notepad on the table in front of her and focused her attention on Todd. “Someone suggested that you should be on the social committee. We’re going to start making plans for the Christmas party next meeting, and Nanci and Brenda think you should be there.”

  Todd blinked. “Christmas? But it’s only May.”

  “If we want to book the banquet room we like best, we have to do it soon. You wouldn’t believe how fast the good places go.”

  “But I’ve never done anything like that before.”

  Shannon knew Todd would be good at administration.

  “Oh, look,” Faye said. “Here come Nanci and Brenda.” She waved the duo over to the table. “Guess what? Todd said he’s going to be on the social committee with us.”

  “I did?”

  Both ladies winked at Todd as they slid into the last empty chairs at the table.

  Shannon smiled. It appeared Todd’s fate was sealed, with or without his approval.

  Faye giggled. “I think this year the social committee stuff is going to be fun.”

  Rick also appeared. He pulled out a chair from another table, squeezed it in between Faye and Nanci and joined them. “Did someone mention the social committee?” He turned to Todd. “Did they volunteer you? Faye said she was going to ask. And I know how Faye ‘asks.’ ”

  With the sudden appearance of the entire social committee at the table, Shannon had a feeling she wouldn’t have the chance to talk to Todd without an audience.

  Suddenly, Gary’s voice sounded from behind her. “Rick, I’ve been looking for you. I need your report on John’s accident. Sorry to bug you on your lunch break, but the insurance people need me to fax it to them by one o’clock, and I have to leave in five minutes to meet a client.”

  Shannon didn’t look at Rick. While Gary was speaking, she watched Todd. She had told him about Gary’s insinuations that he himself was the Secret Admirer. She could only guess now at how he felt. He had tried to get her to reconsider spending time with Gary for more than the fact he didn’t like the man. It was because Todd knew the truth.

  She clenched her fists under the table. Before she started receiving the Secret Admirer’s notes, she had turned Gary down many times when he’d asked her for a date. She didn’t know what he had planned for after attending the theater, but when she’d also been hesitant about that, even after he called it a business function, he’d insinuated he was going to tell her he was her Secret Admirer. By trying to make her believe he was the Secret Admirer when he wasn’t, Gary was lying to her. Worse than lying, he was trying to take advantage of her, knowing she was in an emotionally vulnerable state.

  She had no idea why he was trying so hard. But Gary didn’t care about the hearts he broke. Jody was still nursing her wounded heart and had been for six months. He hadn’t been interested in a relationship with Jody; he only wanted to have fun with her. Shannon wasn’t interested in that type of relationship. She didn’t want love or loyalty from Gary. She wanted his honesty, which she knew she wasn’t getting. If he cared about her, he wouldn’t lie to her. He wanted something else—probably the same thing he got from Jody—and Shannon wasn’t giving that to him.

  Apparently, Gary was using any means he could to break her down. After more than a month of leading her to believe he was interested in God, he hadn’t read anything from the Bible she’d given him. Nor had Gary ever had any appropriate questions or comments on the pastor’s sermons. Looking back, she doubted he was even paying attention to the pastor’s words. Gary was using her desire to share her faith and attending church with her as another ploy to make her fall into his clutches.

  Todd was right. She was completely out of her league with Gary. She didn’t want to think of what would happen if she went out with him. If she had to imagine the worst that could happen, it would be her word against his, when she had voluntarily spent so much time with him over the past month, with many witnesses to bear testimony to the fact that she was a willing victim.

  To allude to being the Secret Admirer was deceitful enough, but going to church under false pretenses intending to take advantage of her was reprehensible.

  Slowly, Shannon turned around. After what she’d just thought of as a worst-case scenario if she did see Gary on her own time, what she was going to say was best stated in front of witnesses. “Gary, about our earlier conversation. I’ve decided not to go out with you this evening. You’ll have to find someone else to schmooze the customers with you. In fact, I think it would be a good idea if we didn’t see each other on weekends anymore, either. And that includes Sunday mornings.”

  Gary’s smile faltered for a second, but he recovered quickly, putting on a great macho show in front of the other la
dies. “You don’t know what you’re missing.” He lowered his voice to a playful growl. “We’d have been good together.”

  After everything she’d been thinking, the concept of being coupled with Gary made her stomach churn. “I don’t think so. I don’t appreciate the way you’ve been trying to get me to believe something you know isn’t true. I think it best if we only see each other at work, during working hours. And that includes lunch. Effective immediately.”

  Gary grinned and shrugged his shoulders. “It’s all in the game.” He glanced around the table at everyone sitting there, most noticeably Rick and Todd, as two single men who could supposedly relate. “Win some, lose some. Rick, I need that report. I have to get back because I have to leave.”

  Rick stood and walked back to the dispatch area with Gary.

  Shannon felt as if she’d been stabbed. She wasn’t playing games. She’d been serious about the time she’d spent with Gary, hoping for results and praying for his eternal salvation. She’d risked her friendship with Todd, knowing Todd disapproved; yet she’d gone ahead with her plans to minister to Gary anyway. All she wanted was for Gary to respect her faith and accept Jesus as his Savior. If not, she at least hoped to be friends so the door would be open for the future, when he was ready. She certainly hadn’t expected to be brushed off like a toy he no longer had any hope of playing with.

  She’d never felt so insulted in her life.

  With Gary and Rick out of the room, Nanci turned to Shannon and giggled. “Good one, Shan. It serves him right for how he treated Jody. Score one for us girls!”

  If Shannon had any remnants of her appetite left after talking to Gary, she had absolutely zero desire to eat now. She wasn’t out to hurt people to avenge past wrongs, nor did she have any inclination to play gender battles. She also didn’t want to talk to Todd about the Secret Admirer anymore. She couldn’t look him in the face, not knowing if she’d see sympathy, anger, or pity in his eyes.

  She just wanted to be alone.

  Shannon snapped the lid back on her salad bowl. “I guess I wasn’t as hungry as I thought. I’ll catch you later.” Since she didn’t have anything else to do, Shannon returned to her desk ten minutes early and resumed her work. If she couldn’t be alone, keeping busy was probably best, which was easy while she was at work.

  At the end of the workday, she could go home and lick her wounds. She wasn’t in a position to quit her job over a personal injury, and she knew Gary wouldn’t, either. In fact, Gary probably didn’t even consider her rejection of him an injury. He’d brushed off Jody, and Jody was madly in love with him. In Gary’s mind, Shannon was nothing, which on top of everything else added insult to injury with her bruised ego.

  Tomorrow, after spending some time alone with God and getting a good night’s sleep, she knew she would feel somewhat better, and life could go on as normal.

  But until then she had work to do.

  Fourteen

  “I can have the driver back there in twenty minutes. . . . You’re welcome.” Todd hung up the phone and paged the driver in question, but his mind was elsewhere. No matter how busy he was, he couldn’t stop thinking about Shannon.

  To the best of Todd’s knowledge, only Faye knew about the Secret Admirer. Rick knew something was going on, but he didn’t know what. He didn’t think anyone else knew besides Gary, and that was because Gary had been snooping in Shannon’s desk. From the way Shannon had worded her statement to Gary, no one except those who knew about the Secret Admirer would have been able to figure out the meaning of her words.

  Somehow, since the last time he’d spoken to her about it, Shannon had determined the Secret Admirer wasn’t Gary. Todd was more relieved than words could express that Shannon had decided not to see Gary outside of work. Last night, he’d hardly slept at all. He’d decided that, even if Shannon didn’t want to save herself, Todd would. Whether or not it put him at risk of being fired, Todd had decided to confront Gary and put a stop to his pursuit of Shannon at the close of work Friday, which was that day. Now it appeared she had solved the problem herself, in the nick of time, without any input or help from him.

  Of course he was relieved. And though the result was what he wanted, Todd didn’t like the way Gary brushed off Shannon in front of everyone. Maybe he’d done it to cover up his own embarrassment, but he didn’t need to wound her in the process. She tried to hide it, but he could see she was hurt because she couldn’t even finish her lunch.

  Todd wished he could do something about it, but there was nothing he could do or say except for giving her a few platitudes. For all the time he’d spent with her, and in all his efforts to treat her special, Shannon only thought of him as a friend and nothing more. He would have approached her on bended knee to propose love and marriage if he thought it would have helped. But he’d been on bended knee once before, singing Happy Birthday at the top of his lungs in the middle of a crowded restaurant to get her a free piece of cake. She didn’t take him seriously then; she wouldn’t take him seriously this time, even if he meant it from the bottom of his heart.

  Last night he’d also thought about revealing himself as the Secret Admirer after the close of work today, whether or not he was still employed. That plan had also been squelched. After Gary treated her as little better than a piece of fluff in front of her work friends, she needed the Secret Admirer to hold her up and tell her how special she was more than ever. If she found out now that he was the Secret Admirer, the joy she’d received from the notes would only be a disappointment.

  As the day continued, the phones eventually quieted down, and most of the drivers were told to start coming in as everything began to wind down for the close of business. Todd took advantage of a rare moment of silence to go to the supply closet for a computer disk to back up his work for the day.

  When he walked into the closet, it suddenly dawned on him how quiet it was and how alone he was.

  No one was in the closet except him and God.

  Todd closed his eyes and prayed. He thanked God for Shannon’s friendship, for the improvement in their relationship, and that she had put the past behind them. He praised God that Gary hadn’t made a big scene or thrown his corporate weight around. After lunch, everything had gone on as usual, indicating no harm had been done, except the pain in Shannon’s heart. He prayed for God to show him a way to help her deal with it, even if it meant continuing to be her Secret Admirer and hold her up. It wasn’t what he wanted to do; but if that was what Shannon needed right now, then he would do it.

  He wasn’t quite finished when he heard someone coming. He opened his eyes, reached onto the shelf, and wrapped his fingers around a new disk just as Faye stepped into the closet.

  She squeaked when she saw him. “Todd! You scared me!”

  He scrambled to clear his thoughts, turned around, disk in hand, and grinned impishly. “Boo.”

  Faye giggled. “It’s almost time to go home now. I guess I’ll see you Sunday at church. Craig wants to go out for lunch afterward. Will you be coming?”

  Todd shrugged his shoulders. He didn’t feel like watching Craig and Faye cuddle up to each other when he couldn’t be doing the same with Shannon, who would be at her own church. Gary wouldn’t be with her, but she hadn’t asked Todd to join her, as he had hoped she would. The lack of an invitation told him everything he needed to know. “Not sure. I might just go home after the service. Three can sometimes be a crowd.”

  Her smile widened. “As much as I enjoy your company, I won’t argue with you there. We’ll see what happens.”

  Todd nodded and left the room to get back to his job, feeling more alone than he had for years.

  ❧

  Shannon glanced up at the clock. It was ten minutes past Todd’s quitting time. Everyone in the main office had gone home, but Todd still hadn’t appeared from the dispatch area.

  If he wouldn’t come to her, then she would go to him.

  She found him bundling the last of the pickup sheets for the day. Bryan was on
the phone, and Rick was leaning toward the opening to the drivers’ area, talking to one of the casual drivers. Since Todd was the first person to start in the morning, he was first to go home while the others stayed to receive the paperwork from the drivers as they brought their shipments into the building for distribution.

  Shannon stepped behind him as he bent over to toss the bundle into the box. “Are you ready to go, Todd?”

  “Go? Go where?”

  Shannon smiled. “Home, silly. Let’s walk out to the parking lot together. Actually, I’m hungry because I didn’t finish my lunch. How would you like to join me, and we’ll go grab an early dinner someplace? I’ll buy. There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

  “I. . .uh. . .” Todd blinked, looked up at the clock, then back to her. “Sure.”

  Shannon waited until he tidied up his area, and they walked out of the building together.

  Instead of laughing and telling jokes, Todd’s mood was somber. They had reached his car before he finally spoke.

  “I don’t know if this is the right time or place to say this, but I’m going to say it anyway. I think you made the right decision about not seeing Gary anymore. If the day ever comes when he wants to search for God, he knows where to go and who to ask. I hope one day that will happen. I really do. In a way, I feel sorry for him. I don’t know how he ever thought you wouldn’t find out he was only leading you on. The big loser here is Gary, not you.”

  “Thanks. I appreciate your saying that.” After thinking about Gary’s rebuff, she’d come to terms with it quickly. Her ego was still bruised, but the big loser truly was Gary. Worse than turning down Shannon’s offers of friendship, Gary had rejected God.

  Todd reached to pull on the handle to his car door, which of course was locked. “Oops,” he muttered.

  Shannon smiled at what she knew was going to happen. She could have counted the seconds each stage took as he performed his routine.