Enough

by Dawn L. Chiletz

  “You’re never going to fucking believe what just happened to me!”

  “What? Are you hurt? Do you need me to come and get you?”

  “Shit no!” She laughs. “Why do you always assume the worst?”

  “Well… I don’t know. It just seems whenever the phone rings when it’s not supposed to it means bad news is coming.”

  “Well, this isn’t bad. It’s unexpected and weird as hell.”

  “Okay…” I pause. I’m not sure where this is going, but Gwen sounds excited and I’m instantly relieved.

  “I got pulled over for speeding!” she exclaims through a giggle.

  My mouth scrunches up to the side as I scratch my head. She seems awfully happy for such crappy news. “I’m sorry?” I question.

  “Wait, I’m not telling this right. You’re going to want to sit down for this!”

  I head over to my couch, and at her insistence, I shake out my arms to relax myself. “Okay, I’m sitting and I’m as relaxed as I can possibly be under the circumstances.”

  “I’m at your door. Let me in!”

  “You’re what?” I catapult from the couch to the door. Sure enough, she’s standing there.

  “I just had to see your face when I told you.”

  Roscoe lets out a few small barks until he realizes who she is, and then he instantly begins to lick her hand. She anxiously leads me back to my couch.

  “Wait, I need my snack,” I tell her.

  She watches me hurry to the kitchen, but she can’t contain herself and she starts telling her story before I return. “Let me start from the beginning. So I left work in a pissy mood because Clairice was talking crap about people in the unit again, and I was ready to kick her ass before I left. I didn’t even realize how fast I was driving, and when I saw the lights flashing behind me, I almost lost it. You know how you want to punch something and cry at the same time?”

  I grab my bag of carrots off the counter and reposition myself next to her on the couch, slowly curling my leg under me as I nod my head in total understanding of that feeling. “I used to feel that way daily.”

  “Anyway, I’m trying to decide what I could say to get myself out of the ticket as he’s sitting behind me. I’m in my scrubs, so I’m tempted to make up some excuse about a hospital emergency, but then I remember I’m driving away from the hospital.”

  I nod my head. Gwen’s a great storyteller. I’m on pins and needles as I shove another carrot into my mouth.

  “Guess who the officer is that pulls me over? Guess! Guess!” She vibrates up and down in her seat anxiously. Her pearly white teeth are almost blinding me.

  “I don’t know. Who?” I really have no clue. I push another carrot into my mouth, awaiting her response.

  “Cooper Ford.”

  I start to choke and gasp for air. I cough and gag before a chunk of carrot flies out of my mouth and hits Gwen in the chest.

  “Cooper Ford? Nick Rowen’s best friend, Cooper Ford?” I squeal.

  Gwen makes a disgusted face at the carrot on her scrubs and flicks it to the floor. It’s immediately eaten by Roscoe. She refocuses on me and bites her lip. “Yep! The one and only!”

  “No fucking way!” I shout. I suddenly feel like a teenager again. “Did he recognize you?”

  “He ran my plates as any cop should do before he approaches a car. He said, ‘Well, well, well, Gwen Bryant. Where are you headed off to in such a hurry?’ I almost shit my pants!”

  “Oh my God, what did you say?” I toss the carrot bag on the coffee table. My hands are starting to sweat.

  “After I got over my initial shock and stared blankly at him for a few seconds, I realized who he was. Damn, that man is fine! I wouldn’t have recognized him if he hadn’t smiled when he leaned down to look in the car. That smile is hard to forget. His hair is shorter than I remember and he has a trim beard now. I couldn’t believe he remembered me. I only talked to him a few times when you used to hang out with him.”

  My mind races over what I remember about him. I haven’t thought about him in years. “Cooper was a really good friend to me. He kept me sane when I was missing Nick.” As soon as I say Nick’s name out loud, I feel a flutter in my heart I haven’t felt in… forever. “What did you say to him?” I question frantically, changing my position to regard her more closely.

  Gwen laughs and places her palms face down as she says, “I was cool and breezy. I cocked my head and said, ‘I’m sorry, officer, do I know you?”

  “You did not!” I gasp.

  She laughs, “I totes did. He placed his hand over his heart and crouched down next to the car. Then he said, ‘Ouch. Way to mess with a guy’s ego.’ I laughed and said, ‘How are you, Cooper? It’s been a long time.’ Then he said, ‘It sure has. I see you still have a lead foot. At least I know some things never change.’”

  “Holy… crap!” I stammer. My hands are shaking now, and I wish Gwen would talk faster.

  “I told him I’m always in a hurry. I explained that I feel it’s my duty to race every car that passes me by. He raised a single eyebrow at me and shook his head, saying, ‘I’m going to pretend I never heard that.’ Did I mention he has really pretty eyes? They looked almost green in the light. It was the first thing I noticed right after his smile.”

  “Oh boy…” I sing as I lean back into the couch. “I know that look!”

  “No!” she commands as she shakes her head. “Don’t go reading anything into it. He’s Cooper. I know too much about him to ever be attracted to him.”

  “What do you mean you know too much?” I question.

  “I was Amy’s friend too. I heard all about his moves and games.”

  I shake my head. “Cooper had no games. Amy played him. He was a good guy and she toyed with him.”

  “Amy said he was a douche!”

  “Amy was a little psycho, if you remember correctly.”

  Gwen seems to ponder the information, and I can see when the memories invade her mind. “Oh yeah. I forgot about the stuff she pulled with Brenda and Michelle. She broke up their friendship, didn’t she?”

  “Uh huh.” I nod. “Now tell me what happened next.”

  Gwen smiles again. It’s nice to see her face light up. “After I explained I worked at the hospital and had a bad night, he told me he couldn’t possibly make my day worse by giving me a ticket. Then he said that we should meet up sometime for a drink or dinner. I gave him my number and then I left.”

  “That’s awesome, but is that it?” I frown.

  “Yes, why?” She holds back a smile by biting her lip.

  She thinks she knows what I’m thinking, so I shrug and glance down at my nails. “I don’t know. Just wondering.”

  Gwen smiles at me knowingly. “Oh wait, I forgot. I also asked him if he and Nick were still best friends.”

  I feel my insides threaten to explode and my face blushes. Gwen covers her mouth at my reaction. She knows me too well. “You bitch! You knew it was killing me to know!”

  Gwen lets out a belly laugh and falls back onto the couch briefly before sitting back up to finish. “He said, ‘Yeah, Nick and I talk all the time.’ Then I said, ‘Well, Everly is going to bust something when I tell her.’”

  My eyes are bulging. They’ve extended out as far as they can go. I imagine myself looking like a cartoon character and hear an Ahooga in my head.

  “So he said, ‘Really? Well, I’ll have to tell him that. He never got over her, you know.”

  “Wha…?” I stop breathing.

  “You heard me. He said Nick never got over you.” She smiles, and I know she’s watching for my reaction.

  The blood drains from my face. I cross my arms as the words pour through my mind like chocolate covering vanilla ice cream. I suddenly want ice cream. My mouth twists as I realize it’s not true. It couldn’t be. “Yeah right. I’m sure Cooper was just being nice.”

  “Why would he tell me that? He had nothing to gain. Don’t start doubting yourself. You’ve always been b
eautiful, Ev. I’m not the least bit surprised Nick feels that way.”

  “I’m sure he tells his wife that too.”

  Gwen gasps. “Nick’s married?”

  “I’m sure he is. It’s been almost fifteen years since I’ve spoken to him. He probably has a hot wife and a few gorgeous kids by now.”

  “I didn’t see a ring on Cooper’s hand. Maybe Nick’s single too.”

  “Whatever,” I respond. “That ship sailed years ago. I’m not going to revisit the past and get my hopes up. I need to move forward, not back.”

  Gwen eyes me suspiciously before her phone pings, indicating a text. She reads it out loud. “Hey, Gwen, it’s Cooper. I was thinking since I let you out of a ticket, you should thank me by letting me take you to dinner. Are you free sometime this week?” Gwen stares at me in shock. “Holy mother fucking shit!” she shouts. “What do I say?”

  “Do you want to go?” I ask.

  She shrugs and suddenly seems less excited. “Umm… yeah, why not. It’s not like I have anything else to do, right? Assuming I’m not working or something.”

  I shrug in response. “Right.”

  She stares at her phone in her hands then places a finger on her lips. I can tell she’s thinking. I see her start to type, so I lean forward to watch what she’s writing.

  Gwen: Sure, I can meet you somewhere. When?

  Cooper: Or I can pick you up. How about Tuesday?

  Gwen: I work until eleven Tuesday. How about Wednesday? Or are you working?

  Cooper: No, I’m on days. I was working some OT tonight. Wednesday is good. How about McNally’s? Around eight?

  Gwen: Sounds good. And I’ll meet you there.

  Cooper: Fine, but don’t speed. I’m patient. I can wait.

  She laughs and places her phone on the arm of the couch. She sits back, firmly planting her back against the cushion. “Well, this should be interesting.”

  I stare at her. She’s having dinner with Cooper. “I wish I could be a fly on the wall! Can I put a bug on you so I can listen in on your conversation?” I laugh.

  “It’s not a big deal, Ev. Really.”

  Her mood has shifted, and I think I know why. Gwen acts extremely confident, and from the outside, she looks like she’s got it all together. But deep down, she and I aren’t very different, although she has a tougher outer shell than I do. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and she protects hers fiercely with a loaded gun. She’s been hurt way too many times and she’s learned not to get her hopes up about anything or anyone. But it was nice to see her so happy, even if it was just for a moment.

  I wonder to myself if Cooper is still the guy I remember him to be. I think back to all our late night conversations on the phone when I would reassure him about Amy and he would reassure me about Nick. He was a good friend. When Nick and I broke up, Cooper and I stopped talking too. I guess it’s only natural. Memories of Nick and me flash through my mind, and I’m shocked that thinking about him causes me to experience feelings I thought were long forgotten. He never got over me? I mentally slap myself. Nothing is ever what it seems. I remind myself that I’m good on my own and that Nick lives really far away. Besides, I never want to have another man make me feel the way Mike did, and I’ll never put myself out there to be hurt like that again.

  I glance over at Gwen, and she’s silent and deep in thought. For once, I understand where she’s coming from. Putting your hope out into the world means the possibility of having it returned with a big slice of pain. It’s not worth it. I’m alone and that’s just fine with me.

  IT’S THE NIGHT of Gwen’s dinner date with Cooper and I’m working seven to seven. I’m thankful for the distraction. It keeps my mind off of the excitement I feel for Gwen and my hope that maybe they’ll hit it off. Although she said it wasn’t a big deal, she also sent me pics of two different outfits and asked my opinion on which she should wear.

  I find myself checking the clock in my patients’ rooms as I do my nightly rounds. I’m on the oncology floor, and it’s not an easy place for any patient or family member to be.

  At eleven o’clock I start getting irritated that I haven’t heard anything about their date. I sigh to myself. Gwen told me it wasn’t a date. It was just two old friends from way back when meeting up for some food. It’s totally a date, but I agreed to appease her.

  I sit down in the lounge to have a quick sip of coffee on my break and decide to text her.

  Everly: You okay?

  Nothing comes back for several minutes. Then the next thing I know I receive a text from a number I don’t recognize.

  Unknown: Gwen is being very well cared for. How are you, Everly? I hear you’re a big shot nurse now.

  My heart and mouth drop to the floor. I try to stay cool, but I’m not Gwen.

  Everly: Cooper Ford! You’d better be treating my best friend to the time of her life. I’m trusting you to be the awesome man I remember.

  I type his name into my contacts and save the number. I’m hoping the fact that he texted me back means that Gwen likes him.

  In response, I receive a photo text of the two of them from Cooper’s phone. Gwen is smiling brighter than I’ve seen in forever. Time has been more than kind to Cooper. He looks amazing! I text him.

  Everly: Are you on steroids? Where did this muscular man come from and what have you done with the Cooper I remember?

  I shoot out the text and laugh to myself.

  Cooper: Eight years in the Marines and six on the police force. This is all natural, baby!

  Deep inside I wonder if Gwen and Cooper have discussed Nick. I’m dying to know, but I’m kicking myself for it. It’s just curiosity, nothing more. I try to think of a harmless way to ask Cooper but draw a blank. Just as I begin to text Gwen, my coworker Landon pops his head in the room. “Hey, room 6134 is beeping for you. I tried to see what I could do, but he insists he needs you.”

  I nod my head as I toss my cup in the garbage and place my cell into my back pocket. I wasn’t meant to ask, because it was never meant to be. It’s what I tell myself. It’s the story I’m holding on to.

  The hours fly by. I don’t have time to think about anything because I’m swamped with work. I notice a few hours later that Gwen texted at midnight that she’d call me after the kids went to school. I try to shake off the surge of adrenaline it gives me to know I’ll hear all the details soon, and I pray things went well. It sure seemed like they were getting along well from the texts, but Gwen could have been putting on a smile for show. Sometimes it’s hard to tell what she’s really thinking, and I know her better than almost anyone.

  As I flush the IV of one of my patients and fix his sheets in an attempt to make him more comfortable, I can’t help but let my mind drift to thoughts of Nick. Cooper’s words about Nick never getting over me replay over and over in my head like the lyrics to a song. As much as I try to forget them, they just keep coming back.

  I remember how I felt after we broke up, and I remind myself of how sure I was that he was cheating on me. Then I think back to Mike and all the times he made me doubt my own self-worth. I reach up and touch the center of my chest. It doesn’t actually hurt, but the memory of the pain is still as fresh as the pain itself. I will not allow myself to feel that way again.

  “Love the nail polish, girl.”

  I’m writing notes in the hall when my coworker, Abigail, coasts by.

  “Thanks.” I’m slow to respond and I’m not sure she hears me as she darts into a patient’s room. I glance down at my nails and the pretty purple polish I put on this morning. I never want to bite my nails again. I tell myself that to keep my nails, I need to protect my heart at all costs. I’ll never put my heart out there again. In the famous words of Gwen Bryant, I’m done.

  MY PHONE RINGS the minute I put the kids on the bus. As I slowly stumble toward the house in my scrubs, I yawn and pull my cell out of my back pocket. I wrap my arm around my chest. It’s definitely fall. I’m cold.

  It’s Gwen. I can tell by her
new ringtone, “Sugar, We’re Goin' Down” by Fall Out Boy.

  “Hey!”

  “Are you ready?” she asks.

  “Are you kidding? It’s all I thought about during my entire shift.” I make my way toward the front door and stop to pull a weed out of the ground by the step.

  “So I met him at McNally’s. He was already inside when I got there. I didn’t realize how tall he is until I was standing next to him. He’s got to be over six feet. Even with my heels I still had to reach up to hug him.”

  I pause at the door with the weed in my hand. “You hugged him?”

  She laughs. “Yeah. He was waiting at the bar and the minute he saw me he stood up. Did you know he was in the Marines for eight years?”

  “He mentioned that when I texted him last night,” I say with a giggle. “He must have enlisted after Nick and I broke up. I didn’t know. Speaking of his muscles… my gosh!”

  “I know, right? He works out every day. I told him I was up to a five-mile run and he said he’d love to run with me sometime.”

  I close the door behind me and make my way toward the kitchen to dispose of the weed I’m still clutching in my hand. “Wait, does that mean there’s going to be a second date?” I ask excitedly.

  “This wasn’t a date, Ev. I told you that.”

  “Did he buy your dinner?”

  “Well… yeah, but only after I told him no ten times. He insisted.”

  “That’s because he wanted it to be a date.”

  “I’m telling you it wasn’t a date! Why can’t you let it go?”

  I can sense she’s incredibly sensitive about the idea, so I drop it. “Okay, so what happened after he saw you?”

  “We sat at the bar for a bit while we waited for our table to be ready. He told me he was divorced six years ago.”

  “Wow. He’s divorced?” That’s news I didn’t expect. I try to picture who he might have married and Amy comes to mind. “Please tell me it wasn’t Amy.”