The Perfect Mess

by K. Sterling

  “Obviously, I know absolutely nothing about art but I think your work is incredible, Landon,” Ben said. Landon felt a flutter of giddy joy. For a moment, Ben’s eyes clouded and the corner of his lips tilted down. Landon was about to ask if he was ok when Ben smiled and reached for Landon. “Did you have any plans? Or can I take you out for lunch?” Ben asked and Landon pulled his lips tight as he considered. He was really tired and now that Ben was close, he felt oddly calm and exhausted. He shook his head and Ben’s brows dropped.

  “I’m drained and I was kind of looking forward to being lazy today,” he admitted. “I was about to watch a movie when you came,” Landon said and Ben nodded as he stepped back.

  “Right. I’m sorry, I should have called first,” he took a step toward the door. “I’ll let you get back to your movie,” Ben mumbled and Landon grabbed his arm. He smiled as his eyes slid down Ben’s grey gingham shirt, jeans and loafers.

  “You’re a little overdressed but I’d love it if you stayed,” Landon said and Ben nodded.

  “Ok,” he said as he pulled Landon into his arms. “But if you’re suggesting I take off my clothes, I don’t think we’re going to get to the movie,” Ben warned and Landon’s lips twitched as he tried not laugh.

  “Come with me,” he said as he towed Ben toward the door.

  He pulled Ben into his bedroom and Ben’s brows rose. Landon rolled his eyes as he pushed Ben to the dresser. He found his largest pair of pajama pants and one of his larger t-shirts and presented them to Ben who blinked rapidly as he stared at the clothes before he looked at Landon.

  “You want me to wear your clothes?” He asked and Landon nodded and pointed at the bathroom.

  “Go change,” he commanded and Ben looked stunned as he turned toward the bathroom. Landon shook his head at Ben’s expression as he shut the door. Landon’s stomach growled and he pressed his hand to it. “I’m starving. Want to order some pizza?”

  “Ok,” Ben mumbled distractedly from the other side of the door and Landon frowned.

  “Do you like pizza?” He asked.

  “I love pizza,” Ben said and it was almost robotic, it was so flat. Landon went to the door and leaned against the frame.

  “Is something wrong?” Landon asked. The door swung open and Ben jumped when he found himself face to face with Landon. Landon raised a brow before he tilted his head and checked Ben’s ensemble.

  “I’m wearing your pajamas,” Ben murmured and Landon nodded in agreement.

  “Everything fits pretty good. You’re not that much taller or bigger than me,” he said and Ben leaned and his shoulder rested next to Landon’s.

  “I’m wearing your pajamas,” Ben repeated and Landon nodded again.

  “Yes, you are,” he said and Ben sighed.

  “Maybe I’m a little old fashioned or I’m reading into it a bit too much but this is kind of intimate, if you think about it,” he said and Landon touched his forehead to Ben’s and pecked at his lips.

  “We’ve actually been intimate, so this is ok,” he whispered and Ben snorted.

  “Not like that. I mean, personal. You slept in these. They smell like you. And you want me to lounge around in them. It feels a little like…” He floundered for a minute and the breath caught in Landon’s throat. Something a boyfriend would do, he realized. Ben nodded. “The sort of thing we’d do if we were in a relationship,” Ben said and Landon exhaled loudly.

  “Do you want to change?” He asked softly and Ben shook his head.

  “No!” He said and Landon was both thrilled and a little panicked. Ben tipped his head back so that his lips rubbed against Landon’s. “I love how these feel but I don’t love how they make me feel, if that makes sense,” he said softly and Landon’s chest felt tight.

  “I’m wearing this shirt because it smells like you,” he admitted and Ben shut his eyes.

  “What are we doing?” Ben groaned as he pulled Landon against him. Landon took a ragged breath as he fisted his hands in the back of Ben’s (his) t-shirt.

  “I don’t know. One minute I’m the happiest I’ve been in as long as I can remember and I’m so turned on and fascinated by you. And the next, I’m scared that I’m making a terrible mistake and I’m going to hurt you. And myself.” Landon breathed the words into the corner of Ben’s neck. He felt Ben nod.

  “I’m so happy for you. I know this job is your dream but I get the feeling that it’s going to turn out to be one of the greatest tragedies of my life,” he whispered as his hands roamed Landon’s back. “But I don’t want to stop. I want to keep being near you and I think I want every moment that I can get because I know I’m going to miss you and I’ll wish that I had just a few more moments,” Ben said and Landon’s stomach flipped anxiously and the tightness in his chest became painful.

  “I know,” he rasped. Ben’s hand slid into Landon’s hair and he held him tighter.

  “It’s not fair. If we take it slow, we’ll be wasting time and not making the most of it. If we go fast and get carried away, we’re going to get emotionally involved and it’s going to hurt like hell,” Ben complained. Landon raised his head and searched Ben’s face.

  “We’re going to have regrets either way but what would you regret the most?” He asked and Ben’s eyes poured into Landon’s.

  “Not making the most of it. Even if all of the memories break my heart, I’d rather have them than wonder what it would have been like,” Ben said firmly and the tightness in Landon’s chest started to ease. There might be more pain later but they’d have something to show for it. He pressed his lips to Ben’s and smiled when he leaned back and looked into Ben’s eyes.

  “And we get to have a lot more sex if we don’t take it slow,” he added and Ben’s hand curved over Landon’s ass as he laughed.

  “That’s actually why I came over,” Ben admitted and Landon pulled his head back in surprise.

  “That was pretty cocky,” he said and Ben shook his head.

  “It was Jason,” he said and Landon’s brows rose. Ben tightened his grip on Landon’s ass and pulled him against his groin. Landon’s eyes flared as their erections pressed against each other. “He told me that you’d want me to sweep you off your feet and do filthy things to you. And that you’ve had a dry spell and were due for something filthy,” Ben explained and Landon bit back a moan.

  “Yeah. All of that,” Landon said hoarsely. “Remind me to send him a gift, to thank him,” he said and Ben nodded as his hand slid around Landon’s jaw.

  “I’ll go in on it with you, what did you have in mind?” Ben asked and Landon hummed thoughtfully as he tugged at Ben’s lower lip.

  “I’m feeling really, really grateful at the moment. Maybe a car,” he said and Ben laughed.

  “That’s really flattering,” Ben decided and Landon smiled.

  “You should be flattered, the sex was amazing,” Landon said and Ben’s cheeks were tinted pink.

  “It was,” Ben murmured as his lips pecked at Landon’s. “Do you want to…” His head jerked toward the bed. “Before we eat and watch movies?” He asked and Landon was about to say yes when his stomach growled loudly. Ben’s eyes went to the source of the noise and Landon cringed.

  “I’m so tempted to say yes but I haven’t eaten all day and we should probably try to rest a little before we wear each other out again,” he said and Ben grinned as he stepped back and turned Landon toward the hall. Landon sighed happily as he reached behind him for Ben’s hand. “As awesome as your bed was, I don’t sleep well when I’m not in my bed. Between the sex and the tossing and turning, I only got a few hours,” Landon announced as they went into the living room. Ben made a sympathetic sound as Landon reached for his phone.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t notice,” he said. “I can fall asleep almost instantly just about anywhere,” Ben said as he watched Landon swipe through the contacts on his phone. He stopped and smiled at Ben.

  “So, sleepovers at my place?” He asked and
Ben nodded. “Yes!” Landon cheered and pressed a quick kiss to Ben’s lips. “Are you ok with Ginelli’s?” He asked and Ben snorted.

  “Umm… Where else would you order pizza from?” He asked incredulously and Landon pressed his hand against his heart.

  “You have no idea how much that means to me,” he said dramatically and Ben covered Landon’s hand with his and looked at him with mock tenderness and made his lip tremble.

  “Pepperoni and mushrooms?” He whispered and Landon’s eyes grew wide.

  “And extra cheese?” He made his voice waver and Ben pulled him close and rocked from side to side.

  “We’ll do extra cardio tomorrow,” he sobbed. They laughed as Landon hit Send on the phone.

  “I can’t believe we like the same pizza place and get pretty much the same order. I was sure that would be our first fight,” he said as he waited for the phone to pick up. Ben chuckled as he released Landon and went to inspect his movies. Landon watched Ben as he placed the order. “Do you see anything you like?” He asked as he set his phone on the coffee table. He heard an incredulous laugh as he went into the kitchen.

  “You have all of my favorite movies, I haven’t seen one that I wouldn’t be happy to watch,” he said and Landon shook his head as he opened the fridge.

  “Pick something,” Landon called as he pulled out two beers and shut the door.

  “Rear Window?” Ben offered and a bark of laughter burst from Landon.

  “I was in the mood for Hitchcock,” he announced. “Or some anime,” he added as he set the bottles on the counter and removed a wire cork cage then twisted the cork.

  “Do you have any Studio Ghibli?” Ben asked and Landon gasped as the cork popped and his heart raced. No one can be this perfect, he complained.

  “I think Howl’s Moving Castle is still paused from the last time I watched it. It’s saved to the hard drive,” he said as he worked on the other bottle.

  “So, let’s watch that and then Rear Window?” Ben asked and Landon laughed.

  “This is literally my perfect night,” he said before he released the other cork. The second pop had Ben wandering into the kitchen.

  “What are you opening?” He asked as he walked in and his eyes lit up as Landon poured the first beer into a wide pilsner glass and passed it to Ben. “I love Ommegang!” He said before he took a sip then grinned. “This’ll be perfect with pizza,” Ben said and Landon chuckled as he poured his glass.

  “I did very extensive research and this is my favorite pairing,” he announced and Ben tipped an imaginary cap.

  “Well done, sir,” Ben said as he lifted his glass for another drink. Landon waited then handed Ben his glass.

  “Take these to the coffee table and I’ll bring everything else?” He asked and Ben nodded before he turned back to the living room. Landon grabbed plates and a stack of napkins. Then frowned as he looked at the silverware drawer.

  “Do you need a fork and a knife?” He kept his voice neutral. Ben was very precise about his appearance and his apartment was immaculate. Landon held his breath as he waited.

  “Pfffttt… It’s pizza, Landon. Not a steak,” he replied and Landon sagged with relief.

  “Thank God,” he said as he tucked the second bottle of beer under his arm and grabbed the plates and napkins. Landon set everything on the table and swiped the remote off the end table. He was working his way through the menu when Ben sat on the sofa and gestured for Landon to sit on the floor between his legs. Landon’s brows pulled together but he obediently dropped to the floor and turned his back to Ben.

  “Might as well start the movie,” Ben said as his hands closed around Landon’s shoulders and started to knead. “You know they take forever,” he said and Landon tried to nod but his spine melted.

  “Oh, shit,” he slurred as his head flopped forward. Ben laughed softly as his thumb worked the muscle along the side of Landon’s neck.

  “It was this or blow you and I didn’t think I’d be done before the pizza got here,” he explained and Landon groaned as his cock pulsed. He’d been hard from the moment Ben stepped into his apartment and his balls were starting to hurt. He squeezed his erection through his shorts, trying to reduce some of the pressure.

  “What about quick blow-jobs just to take the edge off?” He suggested and Ben’s hands stilled.

  “Get up,” Ben commanded and Landon jumped to his feet.

  “Only if I can suck your cock at the same time,” Landon raised a brow as he tucked his thumbs in the waist of his shorts and Ben nodded as he lifted his hips and pushed down his (Landon’s) pajama pants as he slid onto his side. Landon shook his head in disbelief once again as he got in position, straddling Ben’s face as he dove for Ben’s heavy erection. This was not the way his dates usually worked out. Not even the best of his past encounters included blow-jobs and pizza. Landon would have stopped to pinch himself if Ben didn’t have a tight grip on his shaft and the head of Landon’s cock deep in his throat. Or, if he wasn’t doing his best to swallow every, thick inch of Ben. They went at each other like wild animals and it wasn’t long before Landon could feel the pressure building in his sack and the base of his cock. “I’m close, Ben!” Landon warned. Ben hadn’t cared the night before but Landon didn’t want to assume…

  “Mmm…Hmm…” Ben hummed as he hugged Landon’s hips and sucked eagerly. That was all Landon needed. He gasped around Ben’s thickness as he came deep in Ben’s throat. He felt Ben back off so he wouldn’t miss any of Landon’s come. Landon moaned as Ben’s tongue teased the slit at the end of his cock as he continued to suck. He was about to beg Ben to stop when Ben hissed. “Landon!” Landon appreciated the warning but wasn’t about to be outdone. He stroked firmly as he lapped at the head of Ben’s cock. As soon as the first spray hit his tongue, Landon wrapped his lips around Ben and sucked hungrily as he continued to work Ben’s length and sack. “Oh, shit! That’s so good!” Ben groaned as Landon swallowed the last of his release and licked him clean. Ben’s come was sweet and only slightly bitter, Landon hummed happily and was about to say that the pleasure had been all his when the buzzer went off.

  “They would be fast tonight,” Landon complained as he pushed off the sofa and reached for his shorts. He swayed as the blood rushed from his head and Ben gave him a steadying hand. As soon as the room stopped moving, Landon waved and rushed toward the door. He grabbed his wallet and buzzed in the pizza guy as Ben made himself presentable.

  Landon shoved cash at the delivery guy and hoped that it wasn’t obvious that he’d just got off or that he’d just swallowed. He narrowed his eyes at the delivery guy’s “Enjoy the rest of your evening.” before he used his foot to kick the door shut then carried the pizza to the living room.

  “I will,” he said under his breath as he watched Ben’s ass as he bent over the table, arranging their plates and topping off their beers.

  Chapter 11

  A soft snore drifted from Landon’s throat and Ben smiled as he ruffled his fingers through Landon’s hair. Ben had settled Landon against his chest and rubbed his shoulders. After a blow-job, half a pizza and a bottle of really strong beer, Landon lasted about ten minutes. The first movie had ended some time ago but Ben hadn’t watched any of it. He used the time to catch his breath, mentally and emotionally. Every time he made up his mind to stop worrying about the future, to just enjoy being in the moment, Landon would say or do something perfect and romantic and it would scare Ben. He sighed as he looked around the living room, taking stock of the situation.

  He loved Landon’s apartment. It was airy and bright and comfortably furnished with oversized pieces in welcoming fabrics and soft leather. There were quirky objects like a large weathered garden rooster, about a dozen of those lucky cats you find in Asian restaurants and stores and an old barber’s chair along with beautiful framed art and numerous overlapping oriental rugs. It was clean but relaxed and lived in, not like Ben’s meticulous, carefully designed apartment. He’d o
bsessed over every detail, down to the shade and texture of the curtains to achieve a modern gentleman’s club atmosphere. Landon’s apartment felt like a collection of found and luxury odds and ends combined haphazardly on a whim, placed in a cheerful, elegant box. Ben was currently cocooned in soft sweater knit pillows, a cashmere throw and Landon’s warm body and intoxicating scent. If he didn’t need to pee so urgently, he would have been content to stay all night.

  Ben carefully slid from under Landon and after arranging him comfortably on the couch and pulling the throw blanket up to his chin, Ben went to relieve his bladder. The large antique scale by the shower made him smile. There was a large square vase in the corner and Ben’s mouth fell when he realized it was filled with tiny hotel shampoo bottles. There had to be hundreds.

  When he walked back into the living room he quietly gathered the remnants of their meal and hummed under his breath as he loaded the dishwasher. He gathered the trash and neatly arranged the bag on top of the pizza box by the door. Ben discreetly peeked in Landon’s fridge as he helped himself to a bottle of water and was impressed by the selection of produce and beer. He leaned against the counter and sipped his water as he watched the fading sun bathe Landon in soft, warm light. The early hints of bitterness and concern faded and he was filled with an intense longing to be as close as humanly possible to Landon. He wanted to feel every inch of Landon’s body with every inch of his. He wanted to feel Landon inside of him. He was unexpectedly calm about it as he thought it through. Ben felt a tremor of anticipation roll through him when Landon stretched and moaned as he came awake. His hand reached and searched before he raised his head and blinked groggily as he scanned the room. When he found Ben he smiled as he sat up and stretched again.

  “I keep waking up without you,” he complained and Ben felt a surge of heat and fought the urge to run across the room and tackle Landon.

  “I had to sneak away to use your bathroom and then I thought I’d clean up,” he explained and Landon nodded.