The Renegade

by J. R. Ward

Instead of getting up and going to the desk, Alex nudged her hands aside.

  “Let me do it,” he said gruffly.

  “No, I can—”

  “Yeah, right.” When she tried to bat him away, he muttered, “Don’t worry, I’ve seen it all before.”

  That last comment was for him, not her. He couldn’t believe he was about to take off her clothes.

  She was silent as he worked on the flannel, which was just fine with him. Any conversation would have gone nowhere because he was using all his focus to keep his hands from shaking as badly as hers were. Especially as he went for the button between her breasts.

  Even though she was wearing a turtleneck under the shirt, he imagined he was seeing her with nothing on. The idea of all that creamy skin…

  Her breath caught and he flicked his eyes to her face. She was watching his fingers.

  He tugged the shirt free of her waistband and undid the last three buttons. Then he slowly slid the flannel from her shoulders. Now he didn’t look at her face. He couldn’t. His body was alive, the heat tightening his gut, hardening him.

  He didn’t want her to know it.

  “I can get the turtleneck,” she said roughly.

  He nodded. “How about your pants?”

  “I’m sure I’ll figure a way—”

  “Button-fly, aren’t they? So let me do it.” When she didn’t say anything, he reached for the waistband. The top fastening came free easily. So did the next. And the one after that. And the fourth. And the final.

  The jeans parted, revealing a thick pair of red long johns.

  Alex swallowed and gripped the belt loops. “Lift your hips.”

  Her body shifted, her breasts rising. He should only have drawn the jeans off her, but he hooked his thumbs under the waist of the long johns, too. He took it all down, moving over her thighs and her knees, tracing each inch of flesh that he exposed with his eyes.

  Her panties were white silk.

  He looked away, knowing he was about to fall on her like a starving man.

  “Water’ll be warm now,” he said in a clipped voice as he folded up what he had removed. “I’ll give you my back for the rest. That bathroom’s too small to undress in, trust me.”

  He struggled off the floor and limped over to the desk. When he sat down, he tried to look at the plans he’d been reworking. And could have been staring at a blank wall for all they held his attention.

  As he heard the bed springs creak softly, he looked into the window and caught the reflection of her standing up. She gripped the edge of the turtleneck and slowly lifted it up and over her head as if she were stiff.

  Alex saw her breasts in profile, the gentle swells covered with wisps of silk. He told himself to shut his eyes but couldn’t as her hands moved to the front of her bra and released a catch. With an arch that pushed taut tips out, she took the thing off and let it drop to the mattress. Then she slid her thumbs under the waistband of her panties and took them down to the floor.

  He swallowed a groan. And watched her coil her hair up and tie it in place.

  When she disappeared into the bathroom, Alex cursed himself, his body hard as the wooden chair he was sitting in.

  He told himself he was going to stay right where he was.

  Over and over again.

  Chapter Nine

  Cass stepped under the hot spray, craning her neck so the water hit her face and ran down her body. She was trembling, but not from the cold.

  From Alex.

  She was so pathetic. He’d been nothing but clinical in the way he’d touched her, especially while undressing her. But the sight of his long fingers unbuttoning her shirt and then her pants…His dark head lowered, the clean smell of him so close…She’d wanted to lie back on that bed and pull him on top of her.

  Cass closed her eyes. Yeah, that was a good plan. Exactly what someone did when they were letting a man go. Right. Sure.

  Except, she knew he would feel so perfect against her. He would be warm and heavy, those muscles shifting as he loved her body with his own.

  From out of the past, she had a sudden image of him stepping naked from that bathroom on the boat—

  Oh, dear Lord.

  Her eyes popped open and she squeezed her arms around herself.

  Oh, no.

  She wanted him. And it wasn’t just now. She had…wanted him for a long time.

  It had started on that trip. That trip she and Reese had taken with him to the Bahamas. That trip when she’d caught him in the cabin by mistake. She’d gone below deck to get a drink, thinking she and Reese were alone on the boat. Alex had emerged from the bathroom, beautifully naked, droplets of water clinging to the smooth skin of his back. He’d looked over his shoulder, his tattoo shifting as he did, his eyes narrowing as he’d caught her red-handed.

  He must have seen something in her face that day. And that was why he’d left the boat at the next port.

  No wonder the guy didn’t want her around. Alex had honor. He wouldn’t stand for being ogled by his best friend’s wife.

  Oh…hell.

  Although, it wasn’t as if she would ever have acted on her attraction. She’d taken her wedding vows very seriously, all of them. But Alex couldn’t have known that.

  Opening her eyes, she looked at the soap and the shampoo he used. As she pictured him standing naked where she was, she knew she had to get back to Gray’s right away.

  She was so much better off being angry at Alex, she thought. Because now, after she’d spent two hours in the cold, and then been rescued by the man, she was feeling vulnerable. And vulnerable was not good, not around him.

  When she got out of the shower, she looked around for a towel and couldn’t find one. She cracked the door open a little. Alex was sitting at his desk, bent over sailboat plans. She noticed he’d taken off the cast.

  “Excuse me, Alex?”

  “Yeah?” His voice was not encouraging.

  “Do you have a towel I could use?”

  She thought she heard him curse under his breath as the chair was pushed back.

  He went to the duffels on the floor, pulled a navy blue square from one of them, and snapped it so it unfolded. She put her hand out, expecting him to throw the thing over.

  Instead he brought it to her.

  “Thanks. I’ll get out of your hair—”

  She pulled on the towel a little. He didn’t let go.

  Her eyes lifted to his. “Alex?”

  He said nothing.

  A long silence stretched out between them, and she had the vague sense they were on the brink of something.

  “Alex?”

  He didn’t answer her. Instead, he pushed the door open with his shoulders and came into the bathroom, holding the towel up to her body. As he shut them in together, she squeezed back into the shower stall because it was either that or she would be on him like another set of clothes.

  Mist swirled around as he let her take hold of the towel. Then he reached up and pulled her hair out of the knot she’d put it in.

  “Alex,” she whispered. “What are you doing?”

  He lifted his hand and cupped her chin. In a slow sweep, his thumb brushed over her lower lip.

  Her body came alive, heat scorching her bones, incinerating common sense. She stared up at him, unable to move as he loomed over her. His face was impassive, made of stone, but she could sense the coiled need in him, the powerful sexual drive churning in his blood.

  His thumb pressed into her mouth, penetrating her as he tightened his hold on her chin. He pushed in and out, caressing her, taking her, and her body responded as if it were his hips, not his thumb, her core, not her mouth. She swayed, breath leaving her in a rush, her heart pounding.

  A feeling of total dislocation overcame her. She couldn’t understand how he’d ended up in the bathroom with her. Why he was touching her as he was. How this change had occurred.

  But there were two things she didn’t question. His need. Her response.

  “Do y
ou want this?” he asked roughly.

  “This” was crazy. Confusing. A total turnaround for him and a revelation for her. But yes, she did, she wanted him.

  Cass replied the only way she could. She pulled her lips in tight and sucked his finger.

  With a low growl, he slid his thumb from her mouth and leaned forward. Her lips parted, but at the last moment he veered to the side and found her neck. His teeth closed gently on the side of her throat and then he licked where he’d nipped her. Her head fell back as his strong arms wound around her and pulled her against him.

  He was so tall he had to bend down to stay at her throat, and she bowed with him. She felt the broad expanse of his chest against hers. His hard belly. His thighs.

  And between his legs, his thick arousal.

  She was shocked that he wanted her. But then his hands started moving over her and she stopped thinking. His lips nibbled their way down to her collarbone, traveling, nuzzling. She grabbed on to his shoulders.

  “Cassandra,” he said against her shoulder. “If you don’t tell me to stop, right now, I’m going to finish this.”

  His voice was totally level. She didn’t know how he managed it. She was starting to pant.

  Did she want this to happen? she thought. Was she ready to make love with someone else?

  With Alex, of all people?

  His hands dipped to her hips and squeezed, sending a lash of heat to the very core of her. Going on instinct, she wrapped a leg around one of his, rubbing herself against him. He groaned, a low rumble in his chest, and pulled back.

  “Tell me to stop, Cassandra, or I’m going to take you to that bed outside.”

  She hesitated. And then whispered, “So take me.”

  He seemed to pale, as if her answer was the last one he’d expected. But then he opened the door. The rush of cool air cleared out most of the mist and did nothing for her brain. She was still floating in crazed disbelief, the whole experience having the hazy patina of a dream.

  “Do you have any protection?” he asked.

  Now that fazed her. Brought some reality into the dim room.

  “Um, no, I don’t. But I’m not…I’m clean.” She hadn’t been with anyone since Reese. And after she’d found out he was cheating, she hadn’t made love with him, either. That was two years ago. But there was another aspect to safe sex, wasn’t there? “And I…I won’t get pregnant.”

  “They tested me for everything when I was in the hospital.”

  She gripped the edge of the towel. The implications of what they were going to do were suddenly very clear. Too clear. She backed away.

  Alex followed, coming up to her and putting his hands to her face. His expression was harsh, but he was so very gentle as he sank his fingers into her hair and fanned it out along her shoulders. His eyes traced the waves as if he were memorizing how they looked. Then his head tilted down.

  Giving up the fight, she opened her mouth, ready for his kiss, but he went for her earlobe, sucking on it, catching it between his teeth and tongue. He moved her around slowly until she felt something hit the backs of her calves. The bed. She let herself fall onto the mattress, and he eased himself down so he was lying side by side with her. There really wasn’t enough space for them both, and his thigh moved up over her legs so he didn’t fall off. The weight was daunting. And delicious.

  She let go of the towel and found the lip of the fleece he was wearing. Sliding her hand inside, she felt hard muscle and soft skin. He surged at the contact, his legs shifting as he suddenly rolled on top of her. She parted for him, embracing him with her thighs.

  His lips drifted down to the edge of the towel. With hands that shook, he pulled the thing off her and pitched it to the floor.

  Alex stared at her breasts for so long she wondered if there was something wrong with them. When she lifted her hands to cover herself, he shook his head and pressed his lips to the valley at her sternum. His hand drifted up and caressed her, narrowing in until the tips of his fingers passed over one taut nipple. She gasped and arched and his mouth latched on to her, suckling, tugging sweetly.

  Pleasure broke and she dragged her hands through his thick hair. His hips drove forward, his hardness pressing into her through his jeans, and then he moved to the side. His palm swept down her belly and on to her hip. When it moved to the inside of her thigh, the nerves kicked in.

  They were moving so fast. It was all happening so—

  He found where she ached, touching her delicately with his big hand. As she shuddered from the heat, she looked up into his face. His eyes were closed, his expression rapt.

  Without asking, he knew how she liked to be stroked and parted and circled. It wasn’t long before she was crying out his name, trembling in the throes of the sensations he gave her. She gripped him and threw her head back, the pulsating release coming up on her fast and lingering for a long time.

  When she drifted back into her body, she opened her eyes. Alex was looking down at her. Remote.

  She frowned, wondering if she’d turned him off with her intensity. It had sure surprised her. She glanced down his body. No, he was definitely still aroused. But he was motionless.

  “Alex? Are you…do you want to…”

  For a crushing moment she thought he was going to leave. But then he shifted and she heard a zipper.

  When he mounted her, the blunt feel of him brushing against her core made her dizzy, and her whole body tingled with anticipation. He entered her slowly, inching inside, a thick presence that took up all her inner space. When their hips met, he paused.

  His body trembled so badly, the bed frame rattled.

  “Alex? Are you okay?”

  His arms came around her as he buried his head in her neck. He pulled back and then gently slid inside again.

  She latched on to his shoulders, holding on tight, as sensation built inside of her again. The feel of him was incredible, his heavy weight, that hard length, his slow, flowing movements.

  But then he stopped, and withdrew abruptly.

  He got off the bed and turned away, doing up his pants.

  Seeing him fully clothed while she was naked kicked off a cold tidal wave in her veins and illuminated some particulars that she’d missed.

  He hadn’t kissed her. He hadn’t even been naked with her.

  And he hadn’t been able to finish.

  Cassandra was dressed and out the door in a minute and a half.

  The fact that he didn’t stop her, didn’t say a word, wasn’t a surprise. He hadn’t talked to her during the sex, either. Except for that clinical safety conversation.

  Had they even had sex?

  She ran to the Range Rover, fired the thing up and threw it in reverse. As she hit the gas, she realized she’d left her cell phone and clipboard in the shop.

  Yeah, like she was going back in there tonight.

  As the Rover’s headlights swung around, they pierced the picture window. Alex was sitting at the desk, head in his hands.

  He looked as if he were…sobbing.

  She was so struck by his utter dejection, her foot eased up on the gas.

  But then it hit her.

  Of course he feels awful, she thought.

  He’d just cheated on his Miracle woman, the one he loved, hadn’t he?

  * * *

  Alex didn’t know how long he sat in the chair, blinking back tears he refused to let fall.

  Crying wasn’t only a worthless thing to do. It was another kind of self-serving release he refused to let himself have.

  Oh, God…had that really just happened? Had he truly done that to her?

  Yes, he thought. He could still smell her glorious passion on him.

  It had been so wrong of him. And felt so perfect.

  Her body was even more beautiful than his dreams had made it out to be, and her skin was even softer, especially where her hot secrets were kept. When she’d flown apart in his arms, he’d watched her with greed, thinking this was what he had always wanted. His name com
ing out of her lips because of what he was doing to her.

  For those few moments he’d joined them, he’d known paradise. She was so very tight that every stroke had been a revelation of ecstasy, like nothing he’d ever had, nothing he’d find again. Pulling back from her had nearly killed him. He’d been right in the very beginnings of a shattering release, the pulses just starting to take his breath away, when he’d stopped.

  Because how could he empty himself into her body, knowing what he did? It would be tantamount to violating her, because she would deny him if she knew the truth.

  From somewhere in the shop, a cell phone rang. The tone wasn’t his.

  He looked up. She’d left hers behind. Forgotten it along with the clipboard in her rush to leave.

  Dear Lord, what she must think of him. And how she must feel, to have been left on the bed like that. He should do something.

  Except, what were his options? What could he say to her to make things better?

  I stopped because you deserve so much better than a savage like me coming inside of you.

  The phone fell silent, only to ring again. On the fourth round of chiming, he went over and flipped it open.

  Before he could say a word, a male voice blasted into his ear.

  “Cass, what’s wrong? That message you just left sounded damned scary.”

  O’Banyon.

  Alex went cold.

  “Hello?” O’Banyon said.

  “She’s at Gray’s.”

  There was a long silence and then that male voice dropped down a register. “Why do you have Cass’s phone, Moorehouse?”

  “She left it at the site.” Which was technically true. “Do you have Gray’s number?”

  “Do you know why she was crying tonight?”

  Ah…hell. Alex dragged a hand through his hair.

  “What the hell did you do to her?” O’Banyon snarled.

  “Do you have Gray’s number?”

  “So help me God, Moorehouse, I’m not going to allow you to grind her up. I’ll come north tonight and drag her back to Manhattan if I have to.”

  “Suit yourself, O’Banyon. I won’t stand in your way. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to hang up on you and turn this phone off. Your voice in my ear is nothing I want to fall asleep to.”