The Renegade

by J. R. Ward

  She tilted her head up and looked at him. His eyes were closed.

  God, his lips were so close. And so perfect. The lower one more full; the upper curved at the top.

  Even though she knew it was a bad idea, she leaned in and kissed him softly. His lids flipped open and he jerked back.

  He stared at her with hooded eyes, the midnight blue of his irises giving nothing away. Then he smoothed her hair back, pressed his lips to her forehead, and tucked her face into his chest.

  Well, if that wasn’t just about the nicest refusal she’d ever had.

  A moment later, Alex got up from the bed. He kept his back to her as he walked over to the door. He opened it, stepped outside and shut it partway.

  “Good night, Cassandra. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

  She put her arm across her eyes. “Of course. Sure.”

  How could she have forgotten that his Miracle was downstairs?

  * * *

  “Captain?”

  Alex looked across the interior of the Viper. He hoped Mad didn’t want to talk about the dinner party. He didn’t remember what he’d eaten, and had no idea what the bunch of them might have talked about.

  “Captain?”

  He shook himself. Evidently, his memory wasn’t the only thing he’d lost. His hearing had also checked out for the evening.

  “Sorry?”

  “I asked, what’s doing?” She parked in front of the shop.

  He shrugged and opened the door. “Nada.”

  Palming his cane, he levered himself out. Snow was falling yet again and he wondered how in the hell she was going to get back to Manhattan in the sports car. His next thought was that he didn’t have to worry. Mad could handle herself in any situation.

  They went inside together and Mad took first crack at the bathroom. While she hummed that Star Wars theme and brushed her teeth, Alex stoked the potbellied stove and then waited at the desk, stewing.

  No, he thought, wrong cooking parallel. He was steaming.

  Alex was royally pissed. Angry enough to chew tin and spit nails.

  If Reese had been alive, he would have done whatever he had to to get to the man—car, train, boat—and then he would have called his partner a bastard to the guy’s face.

  Would have been tempted to haul off and hit him.

  It wasn’t just that Reese had violated his marriage oaths and shamed Cassandra, although that alone was enough to shoot Alex into orbit. The sheer stupidity of the infidelity was offensive. If you had gold in your hands, why the hell would you go looking for stone?

  “Captain, bathroom’s free.”

  Alex nodded. And didn’t get up.

  Mad walked over and propped her hip against the desk. “You want to talk about it now?”

  “No, I don’t.” But then the words just popped out. “Did you know Reese was cheating on his wife?”

  “Yes.”

  Alex felt his eyes stretch. “God…damn. Why didn’t I know?”

  “You never went to the parties, Captain. That’s when it happened. Everyone knew it. We assumed that’s why he never brought her along and why she never met any of us. He wanted his lives separate, obviously needed to keep them that way.”

  Alex rubbed his palm over his face.

  “There something going on between you and her?” Mad asked.

  “No.”

  “You lying to me or yourself right now?”

  “You.”

  “I won’t say anything to the boys.”

  He got up, not trusting himself to say anything more. He was liable to spill his guts and he didn’t want Mad having to keep so much from the rest of the crew.

  “Thanks, Mad.”

  He went into the bathroom and tried to do a scrub job on his brain as he brushed his teeth. The former didn’t work, but he was so furious his chompers were gleaming by the time he was finished.

  Probably had stripped off half his enamel in the process.

  When he came out, Mad was getting into her sleeping bag. She was wearing that sports bra and underwear combination again only this time the two halves were navy blue.

  He thought of Spike that morning, looking so completely overwhelmed when the two of them had met. The guy’s struck-stupids had persisted throughout the evening. He’d watched Mad the whole time, his lips zipped and his eyes super-focused. It was a total social reversal. At the New Year’s Eve party, Spike had been full of the yakkies around women. But with her, he was about as talkative as a ficus.

  “So, Mad, I think you have an admirer,” Alex said as he got into bed.

  She cocked an eyebrow while punching her pillow into shape. “Yeah?”

  “Spike likes you.”

  Mad grinned and settled herself on her side. Her eyes twinkled. “Oh, God, I really like him. He’s got such a terrific edge to him…you know, that slightly dangerous thing. Too bad he’s so shy.”

  Shy? Spike wasn’t shy, he was enthralled. “I don’t think that’s why he’s quiet.”

  “You know, it’s too bad we don’t need a cook. The rest of the boys would get a kick out of him. He’d fit right in with us.”

  Alex shook his head ruefully. How could she be so clueless?

  “Mad, you’re missing my point. He likes you. He’s attracted to you.”

  She stared at him for a moment, the merry grin leaving her face. Then she slashed her hand through the air. “Yeah, whatever.”

  Mad turned on her back. Shut him out.

  “Mind if I ask you something?” he said.

  “Anything, Captain.”

  “It’s personal.”

  “So.”

  “Do you like men?”

  She looked over her shoulder at him and laughed. “All my friends are men, I work with men, I live with men. Of course I like them.”

  “I mean, sexually.”

  “Oh.” Her eyes shifted away from his. “I—ah, I don’t know. I’ve never had one before.”

  He smiled. “Don’t feel awkward about it, for God’s sake.”

  “Well, I guess I figure I’m a little unusual.”

  “You aren’t. And I sure as hell don’t care that you’re a lesbian.”

  Her eyes shot back to his. She cleared her throat. Good Lord, was Mad Dog Maguire blushing?

  “Captain, I’m not—I don’t like women like that.”

  Alex frowned. “So if you’ve never been with a man and you’re not a lesbian, what—”

  “I’m a virgin, okay? I’m a professional athlete who’s one of the best navigators in our sport who just happens to have never had sex. It’s no big deal, you know.” She grimaced and put her hands to her face. “God, are we really having this conversation? ’Cause I kind of hope this is a bad dream.”

  Alex could only stare at her.

  “Stop staring at me, Captain.”

  “Sorry, it’s just…a little bit of a surprise, that’s all.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m not contagious or anything. You can’t catch inexperience from me,” she muttered.

  “Jeez, Mad. I just figured…I mean, you’re so comfortable with your body, so confident in yourself—”

  “And you think I can’t be all that and a virgin, too?”

  “You’re absolutely right.”

  “Look, just don’t tell the boys. I don’t have anything to hide, but there’s no need to broadcast this kind of private stuff.”

  “It’s no one’s business but yours, Mad.”

  She laughed a little. “Thanks, Captain. Guess we’re even, aren’t we? One secret for another.”

  “Yeah. We’re even,” he murmured.

  Alex eased onto his back, thinking of the other reason why he’d been so distracted over dinner. His one-time-only vow had been on the verge of disintegration the moment Cassandra had kissed him with such delicate inquiry. When he’d left her room, his body had been humming with sex. So much so, he’d had to wait a little before he could rejoin the party. It was either that or show off an obscenely prominent erection. />
  Never had his self-control been so fallible than with Cassandra.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Cass woke up the next morning and couldn’t get out of bed. She was queasy and feverish and teetering on the brink of a decision she wished she didn’t have to entertain. Even in the hypothetical.

  She glanced at the clock to see what time it was, saw the congealed soup Alex had left on the bedside table and barely made it to the bathroom in time.

  When she got back, a quick phone call to her office in New York was all it took. Jay Dobbs-Whyte, one of their younger associates, was going to come up and relieve her from the White Caps renovation.

  She’d never had to leave in the middle of a project for personal reasons before. Ever. Once she started something, she finished it.

  But after last night she needed some time to herself. She wasn’t concentrating at the site. Her health was suffering. And even if she forced herself to work, she was going to be next to useless if her stomach wouldn’t let her get out of the bathroom.

  Jay was going to drive up from the city tomorrow. She would take him through the house and then she would leave. All she had to do was tell Frankie and Joy. Which was going to kill her.

  But she couldn’t go on like this.

  Cass got up, took a shower and was dismayed to learn that Frankie and Joy and their husbands had left already. She called their cell phones, got voice mail and left messages to the effect that she was turning the project over to a trusted colleague because she had health issues. She urged them to call her so she could explain the situation in greater detail.

  Such detail not to include how she felt about Alex.

  While she drove over to White Caps, she braced herself for seeing the shop. And she did a good job not dwelling on it as she went by, though she couldn’t help looking at the glossy black Viper nestled up tight to the barn. The thing looked like part of a car ad in a magazine, so sleek and flashy against all the pristine snow.

  Parking the Range Rover in her usual space, she got out and heard the men talking.

  “Hey, boss!” Ted called over to her. “Glad you’re here. We got a problem with the upstairs bath.”

  Getting swept up in the work actually helped, and except for a revulsion to lunch, she kept herself together. When three o’clock rolled around, she told the men what to expect from Jay and was touched as they seemed sorry she was leaving. After the crew had pulled out, she went back to Gray’s and headed straight for her tub.

  Her body was achy, and she ran the water as hot as she could make it. Sinking into the claw-footed thing of beauty made her moan with relief. Muscles that had been screaming tight all day long relaxed in a rush as she sank into the warmth. When there was a knock on her bedroom door, she was frustrated by the interruption.

  “Cass? It’s Libby, may I come in?”

  “Sure, let me get out of the tub.”

  Except her body wanted to stay right where it was so negotiating her way free of the bath was a project. As she drew on a terry-cloth bathrobe, she couldn’t wait to get back in.

  Walking through her room, she had a wonderful feeling of dislocation, as if she were floating, a buoy in calm water.

  “Hi, Libby,” she murmured as she opened the door.

  “I just wanted—” The woman frowned. “Are you okay? You look awfully pale.”

  “I feel fine.” Cass swayed, that gentle, billowing sensation surging throughout her body. “I feel…lovely.”

  Then she fainted.

  * * *

  Alex and Spike left the nursing home together, and both of them were quiet as they got into the Honda. Actually, neither of them had said much since they’d left the shop about an hour before.

  “You want to get something to eat?” Spike asked.

  “Sure.”

  “Silver Diner?”

  “Yeah.” Alex stretched his arms, feeling the burn in his pecs. “I could use a blue-plate special or two after that workout we had this morning. You were a hard driver.”

  Spike shrugged and started the car. “No more than you were.”

  “Or Mad.”

  “Yeah, she’s, ah, strong.” Spike eased the Honda out of their parking spot. “How long is she staying?”

  “She’s left.”

  Spike’s head jerked, as if he’d wanted to flip the thing around and had fought the impulse. “When?”

  “After we finished this morning.”

  “Oh. Cool.”

  They were on the other side of town, closing in on the diner, when the man cleared his throat.

  “Can I ask you something about her?”

  Alex looked over. “Yeah, sure.”

  “Is it true that she’s some kind of heiress or something? I mean, that’s what Gray said.”

  “Val-U-Mart Supermarkets.”

  Spike whistled under his breath. “Wow.”

  “She’s really down-to-earth, though. Viper notwithstanding.” Alex frowned. God, Spike was so tense, he was about to snap the steering wheel right off the damn drive shaft. “Hey, buddy, what—”

  “Listen, Lex, about heading to Blue Mountain Lake. I’d like to drive you. You free tomorrow?”

  Nice evasive maneuver, Alex thought. And since he didn’t appreciate it when people crawled up into his business, he let the subject stay changed.

  Even though where their conversation had landed was an awkward spot for him. He wasn’t sure why he’d even put the idea of the trip out there. He knew he wasn’t going to end up building boats, for God’s sake. He’d promised Mad he was coming back. He wanted to come back.

  He was about to tell Spike to forget it when his neck started tingling. He reached up and rubbed the damn thing.

  What the hell, he thought. It didn’t hurt to just go up and talk to the guys. Conversation didn’t mean anything.

  He glanced at Spike. “Tomorrow’s good for me. Thanks.”

  His cell phone went off.

  When he shut the thing, his hands were shaking. “Cassandra passed out. Take us to Doc John’s. Right now.”

  * * *

  As Cass sat on an exam table in a flimsy little cotton gown, she felt as though she was in good hands. Doc John was in his fifties and looked like the kind of person you’d want to have on the other end of a stethoscope. He was as calm and steady as a mountain. About the size of one, too, with his woodsman’s build. His clinic was housed in an old Victorian, and Cass was pretty sure she was being examined in what had once been a sitting parlor.

  He smiled as he wrote down her weight and temperature.

  “Is there any chance you could be pregnant?” he asked.

  The question shocked her. “Uh, no.”

  “Have you been intimate with anyone lately?” Evidently, the blush that hit her face answered his question. “Maybe I’ll just take some blood so we can rule it out, okay? I’ll also check some other things. Thyroid and liver functions, iron levels, that kind of stuff.”

  “Fine with me. But I’m telling you, I’m not pregnant. My husband and I tried for years.”

  “Did you ever get a fertility assessment done?”

  “No need to. He fathered two children with his first wife. It was me.”

  Doc John made a noncommittal noise and motioned across the room. “Have a seat in that chair, if you don’t mind. I’m going to draw the sample myself.”

  When he was finished taking the blood, he wrote her name on a label and wrapped it around the tube.

  There was a commotion outside, voices rising sharply.

  Doc John ignored the noise. “So here’s what I think. You’re exhausted. You haven’t been eating enough. And you overdid it with the hot water in the tub, which was why you passed out. How’s that for a diagnosis?”

  She smiled a little. “Nothing that I hadn’t guessed.”

  “Then I’m really going to knock your socks off with my prescription. Go home. Take some time off. Sleep until you can’t stand to have your eyes closed for a moment longer and then stay in
bed for another day. I’ll send the blood out. Results will be back in forty-eight hours. Sound good to you?”

  Cass nodded. “I was going to take a little break, anyway.”

  “And now you have a note from the doctor.”

  She smiled and gave him her cell phone number, thinking she’d be back in New York by the time the lab results came in.

  “Thanks, Doc John.”

  “My pleasure. Call me anytime if you have questions.” He shook her hand and left.

  As she got dressed, there were more raised voices in the hall. When she stepped outside, she was surprised to come face-to-face with Alex.

  And downright shocked when she got a look at him.

  He was white as the wall behind him, and he was being restrained from going into her exam room by Spike.

  Libby must have called him.

  “What’s wrong with you?” Alex demanded.

  “Nothing.”

  “You passed out.”

  “Because I was in the tub too long. It’s no big deal.”

  “You look like hell.”

  As Spike cursed, Cass felt the tickle of hysteria rise in her throat. “Well, thank you. How kind of you to point that out. Now, where is Libby?”

  “She left. I told her we’d take you home.”

  “Fine. Let’s go.”

  Cass turned and headed for the main door, wondering if she was ever going to feel like herself again.

  As soon as the three of them pulled up to the mansion, Libby came out of the house and embraced Cass.

  “Are you all right?”

  “Exhaustion. Nothing more,” Cass murmured as they went inside.

  Alex waited until she and Libby got caught up. Then he pointed at the stairs as if he had a right to. As if Cass were his responsibility.

  Which was absurd.

  Still, she wasn’t going to argue with him in front of Libby. In fact, she wasn’t going to argue with him at all. She knew for a fact her bedroom door had a lock on it, and she was going to use the damn thing.

  She quickly mounted the steps, but he was faster than usual, as if he knew what she was thinking. When she got to her room, she tried to shut her door in his face, but he stopped her easily.