Darker Water

by Lauren Stewart

So I kissed her. Lightly. For now. “We’re talking about the naked and horny part, right?”

  “Right.”

  “If only I had a friend around here to try it out on. Hey, wait a second! You’re my friend. Think you could help me out?” When she jumped, I caught her under her ass and took her into the bedroom.

  “I guess I could try. If you really need the help.”

  “Oh yeah, I really need it.” I laid her down on the bed and started to pull her jeans down while she fought with her shirt. It was halfway off, covering most of her face, showing off her breasts. When we met, I’d told her a woman should love her body at least as much as I do. Completely untrue—she couldn’t possibly love hers more than I did.

  It was so easy to forget about everything outside this room, outside of her. As soon as I’d shaken her out of her jeans, I moved my hands to her hips, then to her waist, then to those gorgeous breasts. I pulled the cup of her bra down so I could get my tongue on her while I helped her take her shirt all the way off.

  “So far, so good,” she said. “Now all you have to do is get me totally naked.” As soon as I pulled her panties off, she wrapped her legs around my hips and pulled me down on top of her. “I’m glad I can help.”

  “Me, too. Because I really, really need it.” Just like I really, really needed to keep my lips on her skin as I slid down her body.

  “Carson?” She tapped me on the shoulder while I focused on her belly button.

  “Uh huh?” I’d never taken the time to truly appreciate how sexy a woman’s belly button was. When I kissed it, part of my lip went into the little dip, got me closer to her. Great things, belly bu—

  “Carson?” She grabbed my hair and pulled until I looked her in the eyes. “I don’t mean to be weird, and it’s fine either way, but did you mean it about other women not being on the menu tonight?”

  “What?” It took a second for her words to sink in. “Oh, yeah. No women. There’s only so much a man can take. Now, can I get back to what I was doing?”

  When she let go of my hair, I forgot all about her belly button and went straight to a part I liked even more.

  I wish I had three hands. One would hold her still and keep her hips down, the second would stop her thighs from squeezing the shit out of my head when she’s close to coming, and the third would get to join in with my mouth to do the fun parts.

  As soon as I put my tongue on her, her legs flopped open and her hips pressed up. My beautiful bedmate gets a little impatient when I go down on her. She wants me to make her come right away, and that is exactly why it’s so much more enjoyable to take my time. Getting her really close and then backing off a few times frustrates the crap out of her but it also makes her orgasm stronger. Even better than that, it makes her want to have another, preferably with me deep inside her. But I wasn’t in a hurry.

  “I want your cock now, Carson.”

  Fuck it. I’ll take my time tomorrow.

  Chapter 25 - Laney

  Obsessed with the idea that Hillary was right about Carson and me spending too much time together, I’d been working with an unofficial schedule. No more than three nights at his place. I chose three because it was the most I could do and still be able to say I was spending less than half the week there.

  I’d stuck to it, more or less. But no city is truly safe and they’re all more dangerous at night, so after it got dark, I couldn’t leave. It was for my own safety. And that was the only reason. Kind of.

  Okay, fine. It was a lame excuse, but sex makes me sleepy. Plus, I liked Carson’s bed and while he was a terrible pillow, he was a very good blanket.

  Oh shit. I was getting too comfortable.

  That’s why I was almost happy he was going out with his friends—his other friends, the male ones. Before I left his place, he assured me, without provocation, that he was going to get drunk but not falling-down drunk, possibly get another tattoo, and probably do something that might land him in jail. But women weren’t on the menu. I wished that didn’t mean as much to me as it did.

  Hillary and Eric were off doing something boring together, so I had the apartment all to myself. Not that I was doing anything exciting. Most of the evening was spent wondering what I should do for the evening.

  It’s not as if I’d never been alone. In fact, after breaking up with Kevin, I liked going solo. I’d been part of a couple pretty steadily from fifteen until a few months ago, always having to consider another person’s feelings or opinions. Now I wasn’t part of a couple and didn’t have to worry about those things, but I had someone’s body to use whenever I wanted. Except tonight.

  So, while Carson was out getting drunk, I fell asleep wondering where he was and how much fun he was having. When I woke up in the morning feeling refreshed, I smiled, knowing he was at his place right now, nursing a hell of a hangover.

  I got coffee and bagel sandwiches and headed over to wake his ass up and talk really loudly. Fortunately, he’d never asked for his key back and I’d never offered to give it back, so I could let myself in and make sure he truly enjoyed his hangover. He was going to be so pissed—I couldn’t wait.

  When I opened the door to his building, I jerked to a stop. Anna did the same thing. “Morning.” And wasn’t she looking smug this morning? More so than usual, anyway.

  “I’m so glad to see you, Laney. I’m supposed to meet someone in twenty minutes, but can we talk a sec?”

  I was always on edge when I was around her, but the sticky, feigned sweetness in her voice made the edge that much thinner.

  “About what?”

  Anna leaned against the wall, her head tipped in fake sympathy. “I think it’s time you moved on.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Carson doesn’t do long term.” Her tone was one she might use with a child…that she didn’t like.

  “Yeah, I know.” If my hands weren’t full, I would’ve crossed my arms over my chest.

  “Then why are you still hanging around?”

  “We’re fine, Anna. Thanks for your concern.” I didn’t have any siblings, but Anna’s animosity didn’t seem normal. What was she so afraid of?

  “Carson has a short attention span when it comes to women. It’s even shorter with women he has nothing in common with.”

  I lost it—Anna didn’t know anything about me or what I had in common with Carson. Because Anna had never bothered to do anything but be a bitch.

  “What the hell is your problem? You’ve treated me like trash from the second we met.” Carson hadn’t told me much about her, but it wasn’t hard to pick up things from what he didn’t say. Anna had problems—financial, personal, emotional. So, yeah, I felt bad for her. But no one was forcing her to be a bitch.

  “Whatever your holding a grudge about,” I said, “I didn’t do it.”

  “I’m just trying to stop you from getting hurt—woman to woman.” Yeah, right. “Believe me, I know how it feels to have the guy I’m with move on to other people.”

  “That’s”—the word stuck in my throat but it was a lot better than any of the other ones I could’ve used—“nice of you. And when that happens—”

  “It’s already happened.”

  All sound stopped. “What?”

  “What do you think Carson was doing last night?”

  I didn’t respond because Anna needed to mind her own business and stand down. After taking a deep breath and lowering my shoulders, I went around her and headed for the elevator, grinding my teeth instead of speaking. Unfortunately, I didn’t do anything to slow my heartbeat.

  “He told you he went out with friends, right? Friends. You’re his friend aren’t you, Laney? Carson has always been really good at making friends. But I don’t think the friend he made last night will last long—his friends never do.” She gasped dramatically. “Oh! I didn’t mean you. I’m sure you’re the exception.”

  I smacked the elevator call button over and over, refusing to think of how close it emulated the shaking of my body. I should take the st
airs, anything to get away from Anna. But I couldn’t. It was a moment of flashback—the same heat in my chest, tension in my shoulders. It was all coming back, as if the last six months hadn’t existed, as if none of my wounds had healed at all.

  But why did he make a point of telling me women weren’t on the menu if they were?

  Maybe she’d read my mind, maybe she’d read my facial expression, but she said, “He probably didn’t mention it because he didn’t want to hurt your feelings. But you guys are casual, right? So it’s not a big deal. Not to him, at least.”

  Wait, this was Carson. “He’s not a frog,” I whispered, poking the stupid elevator call button harder. “He’s not.”

  “Last night I saw him at a club downtown,” Anna said. I didn’t need to look at her to know she was smiling, enjoying the damage she was doing. “I didn’t say hello though because I hate the girl he had up against the wall, and if I said hello to him, I’d have to say hello to her. Plus, they looked…busy. The next thing I knew both of them were gone, so it was a non-issue anyway.”

  He’d said he wouldn’t, but it’s not as if he owed me anything. We weren’t even together, and I knew it would happen eventually. He’d promised he would tell me, so I’d let him tell me. I’d wait until I heard it come from his mouth. Not Anna’s.

  Right? Right. I took a deep breath and turned as the elevator door opened. “Thanks, Anna. It’s nice to know there are sincere and caring people left in the world.” Anna said something, but I’d already stopped listening. “Have a great day.”

  “Bitch,” I said, as soon as the elevator door closed. It was all bullshit—Carson didn’t even trust his stepsister, so why should I? The reasons didn’t matter and I refused to let Anna’s lies get to me. I came here to mess with Carson, and mess with him, I would.

  He wasn’t in his room. “Carson?” Or his bathroom or in the living room or kitchen or any other room.

  “Carson?” I called louder, knowing there was nowhere I hadn’t already checked. What Anna said flashed through my mind, but Carson said he wasn’t going to. He didn’t even know how to lie. Plus, he never spent the night with a woman because he couldn’t sleep and hated awkward morning afters. And the only reason he liked it when I stayed over was because our morning afters were as good as our night befores.

  Did I actually think I was the only exception? There was nothing overly special about me. Carson and I had sex—that was it.

  I pushed the paranoid thoughts away and replaced them with a bunch of possible reasons he wasn’t home, none of which involved a woman. But the tension in my body wasn’t as easy to release because I couldn’t make Anna’s voice go away.

  He would tell me. The next time I saw him, he would tell me, and I’d deal. Because he’d be honest.

  I left the coffee and bagel on his kitchen counter with a note.

  ‘Call me. I need to talk to you about something.’ Then I added, ‘Hope you had fun last night.’ Maybe since I’d written it down, I’d believe it.

  Chapter 26 - Carson

  There was no tension on my key as I turned it. I knew I’d locked it before going out last night, and I’d only ever given one person a key. Which meant I just might find Lane in my bed like I had when I got back from L.A. But this time she’d be naked.

  Excellent. I headed straight for my bedroom, flinching when I saw her walking out of the kitchen doorway, completely dressed and looking as if she was leaving. That wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. After the horror of last night, I needed a warm body to remind me there was still good in the world. Her warm body.

  “Is that for me?” I nodded to the coffee and bag she held.

  “Yours is on the counter.” She stood to the side so I could pass.

  “Much appreciated. And much necessary.”

  “How was last night?” she asked quietly.

  “Meh. The place was really loud and overcrowded. I’m already getting too old for that kind of shit.” I leaned against the counter and took the cover off my coffee to blow on it. “It’s sad actually. I think Hillary may have done some kind of voodoo spell on me because the best moment of the night was when I left the place.”

  “You left early?”

  That’s when I noticed the tension in her voice, the discomfort in her body. It was so obvious, I was surprised I hadn’t noticed before.

  “Is something going on that I should know about?” I asked.

  “No. I’m just curious.”

  “Okay,” I said slowly, having a tough time believing that. “Yeah, I left a little early. I’m not sure how it happened, but Marcus got so wasted he could barely stand. I had to hold his hand and listen to him whine about his ex all the way to his place.” God help me if I ever got that stupid over a woman. “I crashed on his couch.”

  “Oh.”

  I watched her for a minute, not understanding why she was being so weird. Only one way I was going to find out:

  “Why are you being so weird?”

  “I’m not,” she said quickly, trying to move her arms into a defensive position that was thwarted by the stuff she held.

  “Yeah, you are. And I can’t help feeling like it has something to do with me which doesn’t make sense because that’s not what we do.”

  “What do we do, Carson?” she snapped. “We fuck, we talk, we hang out. But evidently we aren’t as honest as I thought we were.”

  Whoa. She’d completely lost me. “We are honest with each other. Aren’t we?”

  “Well…you were honest when you said you were a prick and selfish and didn’t commit to anyone. But you also told me you weren’t a liar.”

  I drew back, confused. Where the fuck was this coming from? “What are you talking about?”

  “You’re just as bad as the rest of them.”

  “Yeah.” What the fuck happened in the last twelve hours? “I told you I was. The first time we met, I told you who I am.”

  “You also told me that you couldn’t sleep with anyone in your bed and that you didn’t apologize or open doors or a bunch of other things.”

  “I wasn’t lying then. I didn’t do any of that stuff.” And I hadn’t really thought too much about why I was doing all of it now. Frustration filled my voice, something that happens when you find yourself in a fight about something you’re not privy to.

  “How am I supposed to know which ones are true and which ones aren’t?” She tossed her bag onto the counter and threw up her hand. “I don’t know about you, but I can’t keep track of it all.”

  “Tell me what the fuck you think I lied about, Lane. Right now.”

  Since when did I care more about what she thought of me than my pride? And why was I so fucking angry right now? If anyone else yelled at me like that…

  “What the fuck is going on?”

  “You said if we were going to sleep with someone else, we would tell the other person.” When her eyes filled with water, she looked away. “Because that was fair. That’s what you said. Because you knew…you knew how scared I was it would happen again. Why did you lie? I thought we were good for each other.”

  “We are good for each other. And I didn’t— I’m not sleeping with anyone else. I didn’t lie. Jesus, Lane. I didn’t lie.” I backed up a few steps, needing the space.

  That was all bullshit. She wasn’t upset because I lied—which I didn’t—she was upset because she thought I’d screwed someone else. And that upset her because she didn’t want me to be with anyone else. Just like I didn’t want her to be with anyone else. Just like I didn’t want anyone other than her in my bed and my mind and my life.

  Oh fuck. I needed to get out of this. Right now. But I couldn’t, not while she looked so hurt, so damaged by something she thought I did. I couldn’t leave her just like all the other assholes had, especially because it wasn’t true.

  “Lane, I didn’t—”

  “Stop lying to me!” She threw her cup into the sink. The top came off and coffee splashed everywhere, but she didn’t even flinch. She
put her hands on her hips, as if that gave her more strength. More strength to do what? “I heard what you were doing at the club last night.”

  “What? What was I doing at the club?” I’d spent the night leaning on a table, milking a beer, listening to Marcus bitch about his ex, and watching my other friends talk to women they didn’t give a shit about and whose names they would forget in less than forty-eight hours. Probably a lot less. Just like I used to do.

  “It’s not about you fucking someone else, Carson. It’s that you lied. Lying is disrespectful—like you think I’m too stupid to catch on.” She threw her hands up in the air. “Shit, maybe I am. Maybe I am too stupid. I mean I’ve fallen for it lots of other times. But I thought…this was different. I thought you were different and I was safe because you wouldn’t lie to me. But you’re exactly the same.”

  No. No, I wasn’t. “Stop comparing me to those other guys!” Even though I’d done it myself a minute ago, it had suddenly become very important that she not group me with the other assholes she’d been with. “I don’t lie to you, Lane. Ever.”

  “Maybe you didn’t use to but—” Her mouth stayed open while she backed up a step. “Oh my god, I did it again. I turned you into a frog.”

  “Enough with the stupid frog thing. I’m not another one of your frogs, and I’m not lying. I don’t know where you’re getting your info but it’s wrong.” Shit. I shut my eyes. There was only one person I knew who could and would lie that well. “It was Anna, wasn’t it? Anna told you whatever she told you, and you decided to believe her instead of me.”

  “It’s happened so many times, Carson.” Her tears came on so fast, she couldn’t catch them until they were at her jaw. “You don’t know how humiliating it is. I just started to trust my own judgment again. Please”—her jaw was shaking, softening her voice, weakening it—“if you are, then just please tell me the truth. I won’t be mad. I promise.”

  When I saw the disappointment and doubt on her face, it felt like I’d been stabbed in the gut. I’d done that. By bringing Anna into her life, by making Lane trust me, I’d made her feel like that. So I was the one who had to stop her from feeling like that.