Maybe see Jake when he came home to visit his mother and brothers.
Nikki yawned. “We’ve got a lot to think about. Thankfully, nothing has to be decided tonight.”
The more important questions surrounded Jake. Despite the changes happening all around her, Nikki was most conflicted about Jake. Fascinating, sexy, unpredictable Jake Lowell. What would tomorrow night bring?
Jake sipped his scotch and loosened his tie. Joshua’s bachelor party was proving to be a good distraction from thinking about Nikki. A friend of Joshua’s had reserved a large room on the top floor of one of Atlantic City’s glitziest casinos. Jake didn’t know the man. It was someone Josh had become friends with after college—a relationship that began after Jake had left Falling Brook.
The dress code tonight was upscale, but Jake noticed that several guys had already shed their jackets. Enormous flat-screen TVs covered the walls, tuned to various sports channels. The open bar was stocked with top-shelf booze. Three beautiful pool tables were busy. Half a dozen female servers wandered among the partygoers handing out delicious hors d’oeuvres and smiles.
At the far end of the room, elegant tables were set for the steak dinner to come. Jake sat in a bubble of quiet at the moment, observing. He knew most of the men in the room, or he had at one time. Many of them had greeted him cordially tonight. They were understandably curious about Joshua’s absent twin. When Jake left Falling Brook, he had cut all ties with surgical precision, preferring to look forward rather than dwell on the past.
That recollection brought him right back to Nikki. She, like Jake, had abdicated her place in Falling Brook society and had gone into hiding. Maybe that was a dramatic way of phrasing it, but the result was the same.
A waitress stopped at his elbow. “Would you like anything, sir?”
He looked up, noticing the woman’s surgically enhanced breasts and the flirtatious look in her eyes. At one time, he wouldn’t have thought twice about getting her number and hooking up after the party was over.
“Thanks, I’m good,” he said, giving the woman his best noncommittal smile. Despite the fact that he was in the midst of a dry spell, sexually speaking, he wasn’t interested. Nobody but Nikki pushed his buttons. Knowing that she was so close and yet so far away made him grumpy. Their brief text exchange had revved his motor to an embarrassing degree.
He found himself obsessing about tomorrow night’s date. Clearly, he and Nikki had to come to a decision about Emma. Maybe Jake was a total jerk to think so, but dealing with his small daughter wasn’t nearly as worrisome as understanding his feelings for Nikki.
Seeing her in Atlantic City five years ago had been both exhilarating and unsettling. He hadn’t stuck around long enough to find out what was going on in her world. Despite the incredible sex, he’d been afraid to hear that she had a life that didn’t include him, which was stupid, because of course she did.
His stomach tightened unpleasantly as he finally admitted the truth to himself. One reason he had stayed away from Falling Brook for so long—among many—was that he’d been afraid to come back and see that Nikki had moved on with another man.
And she had. By her own admission. She had married and divorced.
That was more of a relationship than Jake could claim. His hopscotching travels had, by design, left him little opportunity to get attached to any one place or person. He had anesthetized his pain over his father’s betrayal with new experiences, fresh vistas.
For a very long time, he had been satisfied with the status quo. Or, at least, he had convinced himself he was. When Joshua’s phone call came out of the blue saying that Vernon was alive, it had been an electric shock to the system.
The Jake who lived day by day and never worried about anything was suddenly jerked back into the truth that he was indeed tied to other people. Despite time and distance, he was still a son, a brother. And now, a father, too.
What he was to Nikki remained to be seen...
Oliver approached him and bumped his knee. “Play me some pool?”
Jake finished his drink and set it aside. “I’d be happy to kick your ass. Lead the way.”
It wasn’t as easy as he had imagined. Though Jake was a shark when it came to the pool table, his baby brother was a different kind of wizard. Jake lined up his shots with cool precision, sinking ball after ball.
Oliver, on the other hand, played wildly, taking dumb chances that paid off. After four games, they had each won twice. Both men had shed their sport coats and rolled up their shirtsleeves. Jake raised an eyebrow. “Best three out of five?”
“Nope.”
“Nope?”
Oliver wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. “I learned in recovery to be satisfied with ‘enough.’ That who I am is sufficient. Now, when those competitive rushes try to drag me into deep water, I step away.”
Jake frowned. “You know we weren’t playing for money, right?”
“Doesn’t matter. I still have that killer instinct. And it can get me in trouble. So I stop and take a breath and ask myself what’s really important. You should try it, Jake. It’s good for the soul.”
Oliver excused himself, leaving Jake a lot unsettled and a little bit pissed. He was damn glad his sibling had beaten addiction, but Jake didn’t have similar problems. He didn’t drink to excess. He’d never done drugs. Why did Oliver’s implication sound so judgmental?
Maybe Jake was making a big deal out of nothing. So Oliver didn’t want to play the tiebreaker. So what?
Jake was leaning against the momentarily empty pool table, brooding and watching the nearest TV screen, when the man of the hour crossed the room in his direction. Joshua looked relaxed and happy. For a split second, Jake was jealous. Jealous that his twin had found love and challenges and purpose in his life.
The truth was, if anybody deserved that trifecta, it was Josh.
Jake grinned at him. “I still can’t believe you’re getting married. And leaving Black Crescent.”
Joshua lifted an eyebrow. “The job is still yours if you want it.”
The urge to say yes came out of nowhere. Jake quaked inside. Here was an opportunity to fit back into the fabric of Falling Brook, to grow close to his family again, to build a bond with his daughter. To make Nikki proud. The temptation dangled. But it would require stepping up to the plate. Changing. Growing.
His gut clenched. Back away.
“Lord, no,” he said, managing a chuckle. “I’d be terrible at it. It’s one thing to take risks with my own cash. I wouldn’t want the responsibility of handling other people’s money, but I don’t mind helping you with the CEO search.”
“Then what do you want to do, Jake?”
The serious question caught Jake off guard. He hadn’t expected to be grilled in the middle of a party. “Same thing I always do, I guess. Be me.”
Joshua’s gaze showed concern. “We all have to move forward. Whether we want to or not. Don’t let Dad control your life.”
The expression in his twin’s eyes baffled and bothered Jake as much as Oliver’s pseudo lecture about being enough. “That’s bullshit,” Jake said angrily, keeping his voice low. “Dad doesn’t control me. I haven’t seen the man in fifteen years. Are you nuts?”
“He casts a long shadow. And now even more. He’s going to spend the rest of his life in prison, by all accounts. It would be foolish of us to let him affect our choices. I’ll admit that I’m being selfish. I lost you for a decade and a half. I don’t want to lose you again.”
Joshua bumped Jake’s shoulder with an affectionate fist and walked off, leaving Jake with the strongest urge to run out the door and keep on running. That’s what he did when things got tough. But this was his brother’s bachelor party. His twin. His other half. He couldn’t bail on Joshua. Not tonight. He’d done it too often already. He owed Josh.
He certainly didn’t deserve
Josh’s goodwill and forgiveness. Jake had left his brother holding the proverbial bag. When Vernon disappeared, Joshua had dealt with the feds and the insurance companies and their mother and everything else in the midst of panic and grief and confusion.
What had Jake done to help? Nothing. Nothing at all... He had disappeared, severing the ties that might have sustained him in his grief. He might be slow, but he was finally beginning to understand how much he had lost.
Eight
The bachelor party was a huge success. Even the guys who imbibed heavily were classy enough not to get falling-down drunk. Or maybe Joshua picked his friends carefully. Maybe he surrounded himself with men of depth.
Whatever the reason, the evening was going well.
When it was time for dinner, the men moved as one to the tables, where shrimp cocktails and Caesar salads sat waiting. As everyone dug in, Jake noted that Joshua had perhaps intentionally not set up a head table. In most families, the groom-to-be might be flanked by his two brothers. But the Lowell relationships, though cordial, were strained by the events of the past.
Jake sat with Oliver to his right and a Black Crescent employee he had just met on his left. The meal was fabulous. And it must have cost a fortune. Again, Jake felt guilty. He should have been the one paying for this spread. He could certainly afford it. But, heck. He hadn’t even known his brother was getting married.
Jake had kept himself out of the loop.
When the steaks and potatoes were only a memory, and there was a brief lull before dessert was served, Jake seized the moment to say a few words. He stood and cleared his throat. “As the twin brother of the groom, I believe it’s my duty to make a toast.”
Joshua grinned, his expression a mixture of surprise and pleasure. “By all means,” he said. “But if you start telling childhood stories, I’ll plead the Fifth.”
Ignoring laughter and a few catcalls, Jake began his spiel. “Joshua...you were known as the good kid, and I was the bad apple. I guess some things never change.”
A titter of laughter went around the room.
Jake continued. “For a decade and a half, you’ve managed to find the best in a really crappy situation. Now, although I’ve only met Sophie briefly, I can already tell that the two of you are a perfect match.”
“Thanks,” Joshua said, his posture slightly guarded as if he didn’t know what was coming next.
Jake reached beneath the dinner table and picked up the small package that was loosely wrapped in brown butcher paper. “Oliver and I want to give you something to mark this occasion. It’s not exactly a wedding gift. It’s more of a thank-you for being a damn good human being, and our steady-as-a-rock brother. We love you, man.”
Jake walked past several people and handed over the small package, then returned to his seat.
Joshua stood and carefully peeled back the paper. He examined the painting intently, his fingers clenched on the frame. His face went pale. He looked up, startled, staring at his two brothers. “My God. Is this really a...” He trailed off, his expression gobsmacked.
“It’s a Matisse,” Jake said quietly. Joshua’s reaction made him damn glad he’d come up with this idea.
Oliver, shoulder-to-shoulder with Jake, spoke up. “We’re pumped as hell that you’re jump-starting your art career, and I hope you know we’ll both be first in line to hang a few Josh Lowell masterpieces on our walls.”
Jake lifted his glass of champagne. “To Josh. May your marriage be as long lasting as this old master.”
“To Josh.” The chorus rose around the tables.
Amid the laughter and applause, Joshua stood and hugged each of his brothers tightly, then pulled them both in for a triple embrace. “Thanks, guys. This means the world to me.”
Oliver held up his hands. “We’re heading for the mushy zone. Time for more red meat and male bonding.” He returned to his seat with a chuckle.
Joshua kept his hand firm on Jake’s shoulder. “I’m not letting you hold me at arm’s length ever again. You got that?”
The words were low, only loud enough for Jake to hear. But they packed a punch. Jake nodded, his throat tight. “Understood.”
The remainder of the evening passed in a haze for Jake. He was more of a watcher than an active participant. The men in this room admired Joshua. It was evident in the way they joked with him and laughed with him and thanked him for inviting them to be part of his bachelor celebration.
Oliver was equally popular and social, though he drank nothing stronger than sparkling water. Jake wondered how his brother felt being present at an event where the alcohol flowed freely, but Oliver never seemed tempted.
The room was booked until midnight. Gradually, the guests began making their goodbyes. Oliver had come with a trio of guys and was the designated driver. Eventually, quiet fell. Only Joshua and Jake remained.
Joshua yawned. “That was fun. But I sure as hell am glad the wedding is not tomorrow. I’m going to go home and crash hard.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Jake said. “You want me to drive you? I switched to coffee a couple of hours ago.”
“Sure. I’d like that. My driver is waiting, but I’ll send him on.”
In the car, Jake adjusted the heat and made his way out of the crowded parking garage. “This may take a while,” he said, grimacing at the line of cars.
Joshua took off his tie, reclined his seat a few inches and sighed deeply as he stretched out his legs. “If you had told me six months ago that I’d be getting married soon, I’d have said you were crazy.” He shook his head, but he seemed more smug than reflective.
Jake swiped his credit card and waited for the arm to raise. “What does it feel like?” he asked, easing out into the traffic. “Knowing that you’ve found someone for a life partner? Isn’t it scary? What if you’ve made a mistake?”
“I know the statistics. But I also know Sophie. I didn’t even realize I had been waiting for someone like her. She argues with me and pushes me and makes me a better person. Plus, she’s hot as hell. Not that I’m bragging.”
Jake horse laughed, wiping his eyes with one hand. “Of course you’re bragging. That’s what a groom is expected to do.”
“And what about you and Nikki and Emma?”
Josh shrugged, keeping his eyes on the road. “Nikki and I are having dinner tomorrow night to talk about the situation.”
“A date?”
“Not a date.” The clarification was irritating, mostly because he had asked himself the same question a dozen times.
“What are you going to say? About the daddy thing, I mean.”
Jake rotated his shoulders. He felt as tight as if he had been driving for hours. “I’m not sure. I don’t think I can walk away from my own flesh and blood.”
Several seconds passed. Long, suddenly awkward seconds.
Joshua ran a hand across the back of his neck. “Not to belabor the point, bro, but you did before. I can understand where Nikki is coming from. She wants to protect her daughter from getting hurt.”
Suddenly, all the warm fuzzies Jake had been feeling as he reconnected with his twin evaporated. Was he always going to be the bad guy? Was there nothing he could do to make up for his fifteen-year hiatus? Nikki insisted she had changed, but did no one entertain the possibility that Jake might be changing, too?
He reached for the radio and tuned it to a station that played current music. It wasn’t long before Joshua was snoring.
It was just as well. Jake knew where he stood now. He was always going to be on the outside looking in, wishing for something he couldn’t even name...
Nikki worked the eight-to-four shift on Saturday, then rushed home to shower and change. Emma was pouty because her mom was leaving again, but it couldn’t be helped. And, honestly, except for work, Nikki seldom left her daughter to go out. Mommies had needs, too.
She gave
herself a mental slap. Tonight wasn’t about a single mother’s needs. She and Jake were getting together to discuss his role in Emma’s life, her future.
The red sweater and black skirt, both newly mended, gave Nikki’s confidence a boost. She paired the outfit with spiky black heels and silver snowflake earrings. Her black wool coat was at least seven years old, but it had classic lines. The forecast called for spitting snow, so she had no choice but to dress for the cold.
Roberta had been with Emma during the day, but Nella came over at five thirty to help with Emma’s dinner and stay until Nikki returned.
“Enjoy yourself, Ms. Reardon,” she said. “I brought stuff to do when Emma is in bed. If you’re late, it won’t matter. I’ll doze on the sofa.”
“Thanks,” Nikki said, hoping her cheeks weren’t as red as her sweater. “Text me if you need anything. And I’ll check in with you a time or two.” When the doorbell rang, Nikki kissed her daughter. “Be good, sweetheart. You and I will spend the day together tomorrow, I promise. Bye, Emma.”
When she went through the house to the front door, she slipped her arms into her coat, then picked up her cell phone and purse. Jake wasn’t coming in. Not with a babysitter who might or might not gossip.
As she pulled open the door, she smoothed a flyaway strand of hair. “Hi, there. I’m ready.” Though she thought she was prepared, the sight of him made her weak. Those beautiful greenish-hazel eyes. The tousled hair. Broad shoulders. Flat belly. She felt the zing between them and forced herself not to react.
He blinked when he saw her, as if he, too, felt something. She saw the muscles in his throat work. “You look nice, Nik. I hope I didn’t rush you too much.”
“Not at all. Actually, I’m starving.” They were back to being polite again. She hated it. At least when they fought, they were honest with each other. Now she felt the need to guard her words to preserve the peace.
Jake had suggested eating at the restaurant in his hotel. Nikki looked it up online while she was getting ready. It was one of the top-rated eateries in Falling Brook. Upscale. Jackets and ties required.
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