After a few moments, Nikki stirred. “I have to go, Jake. It’s a long way back. Please don’t get up. You’re in a warm bed. I’ll grab a cab or a ride share.”
He tried to process her words. And then it hit him. Nikki wasn’t free to spend the night. He knew that, of course, but the knowledge had been pushed to the back of his brain. “I’ll take you,” he said.
“No, really.” She climbed out of bed and scooped up her underwear and clothes, then went toward the bathroom, still wearing the garter belt and stockings. God help him. “Stay where you are,” she said. “I’ll text you when I get home.”
He stumbled after her, pulling up short in the doorway to the small en suite. The long mirror over the sink reflected a woman who looked like a weary angel...if angels had red hair and white skin and a stubborn tilt to their chins.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” he said. “I’m getting dressed.”
His clothing was scattered all over the floor and the furniture. He grabbed everything except his sport coat. When he was ready, he avoided looking at the bed. Would he be able to sleep there tonight?
Nikki wasn’t like the other women he had bedded. She never had been.
What was he supposed to do with that knowledge?
They made their way down to the car in silence. The snow had picked up, but it wasn’t sticking to the roads.
Nikki tried once again to convince him to let her leave without him. He shut her up by leaning her against the car and kissing her hard. Then he tucked her into the passenger seat and closed the door. Once the engine fired, he turned up the heat.
“You okay, Nik?”
She nodded. “I’m good.”
When she reached out and put a hand on this thigh, he felt like he had won the lottery. “What’s your schedule like this week?” he asked.
“On Wednesday, I only work half a day. I could fix dinner and you could have some time with Emma.”
“Any chance I might spend the night?” His hands gripped the steering wheel.
The long silence made his stomach curl. He heard his passenger sigh. She sounded conflicted. “I’ll have to think about it, Jake.”
“Is there a downside?” He asked the question lightly, as if he was merely curious instead of stung by her palpable reluctance.
“I want you, but I don’t want to get involved. My life and yours are both complicated. You’ve left me twice now. And both times nearly killed me. So I like to think I’m smarter than I used to be.”
“You don’t think much of my character, do you?”
“It’s not your character. It’s my self-control.”
The rest of the trip passed in silence. Jake chewed on her words, unable to put a positive spin on them. She cared about him, but she didn’t want to get hurt when he inevitably left again.
She wasn’t wrong. He wasn’t cut out for Falling Brook. Hell, he wasn’t cut out for anywhere permanent. That was why he wandered. But could he change? Did he want to?
“Will you still come to Joshua’s wedding with me?” he asked.
“Of course. I said I would. Besides, it will be fun. Your brother is a super guy. I’m so glad he and Sophie found each other.”
The snow was coming in heavier bands. Jake focused his attention on the road, glad of the excuse to drop the conversation. Talking about his brother’s happy nuptials made his own life seem empty and meaningless.
When they finally pulled up in front of Nikki’s modest house, she leaned over and kissed his check—a brief peck, nothing to get hot and bothered about.
“I enjoyed tonight, Jake. Thanks for dinner...and everything.”
“I’ll walk you to the door,” he said.
“No. Keep the car warm. I’ll talk to you soon.”
And then she was gone, though her scent lingered.
Jake waited for the front door to open and close. Then he put the car in gear and headed back to Falling Brook. The long drive gave him plenty of time to think. Too much time. Why were people so complicated?
As soon as Josh’s wedding was over, there would be no reason to stay. Except for the trial, of course. But even those legal proceedings didn’t demand Jake’s presence. He didn’t care what happened to his father.
Not at all...
But he couldn’t lie to himself. He was falling for Nikki all over again. Which scared the hell out of him...
Nikki spoke briefly with Nella, and then urged her to go home before the roads got any worse. She handed the girl an envelope with cash in it. “Thank you so much for staying late. I really appreciate it.”
“No problem, Ms. Reardon. She was a lot of fun, and she went to sleep as soon as I put her to bed. Call me again anytime.”
When the babysitter left, Nikki closed the front door and leaned her back against it. She had shed her coat when she walked in, but now her cashmere sweater and wool skirt felt too hot. Nella must have run up the thermostat.
It was fine, really. Emma sometimes tossed off her covers during the night. Nikki wanted her baby girl to be warm.
In the bathroom, she tried to avoid looking at herself in the mirror. She felt as if she was wearing a neon sign—I had sex tonight...with Jake Lowell.
Who really cared? If Nikki kept her head in the game and didn’t lose sight of the fact that Jake would leave New Jersey sooner than later, she couldn’t get hurt. Right?
After a long hot shower, she put on her oldest, comfiest pair of flannel pajamas and climbed into bed. When she closed her eyes, Jake was there in the bed with her. He had touched her hungrily but with such tender care. As if she was breakable.
She wasn’t. Not anymore. Life had knocked her down more than once, but she had picked herself up and kept going.
Though it was late, and her daughter would be up early, Nikki couldn’t sleep. She replayed the night with Jake over and over, stirring restlessly in her lonely bed.
No other guy she knew was as smart or as funny...or as dangerously masculine and attractive.
The sex tonight had been revelatory. Nikki responded to Jake like no other partner she had ever known. Not that there was even a handful to compare.
He drew something from her. Some deep expression of her femininity. With Jake, she felt sexual, sensual, elementally human in the best possible way.
For the first time, she let herself wonder if there was a way forward that included the two of them as a couple. They shared a child. It wasn’t so far-fetched an idea. They certainly had sexual chemistry. And a deep history. Similar backgrounds. Shared values.
What if she allowed herself to open up to him? To drop her resentment and anger and disappointment? What if she took Jake into her bed and into her life with a blank slate? Was there any possibility she might really be able to love him again? Did there exist a part of her that never stopped loving him?
If she lowered her defenses and let her emotions run wild, would Jake be able to reciprocate? It was scary to think of saying “I love you” and then being rejected.
When he had suggested that she and Emma visit Switzerland, the invitation had been couched in very temporary terms. To say Jake was skittish about commitment was like saying a zebra had stripes.
Nikki wanted more from a man. She deserved more. A life partner. Someone who would encourage her to grow and flourish, and who would love and support her.
Being honest with herself about the current situation was getting harder and harder. She wanted to dream.
By the time Wednesday rolled around, she had second-guessed herself a million times. She picked up Emma after Mom’s Day Out, stopped by the store and then rushed home to throw together a homemade lasagna. Soon, the kitchen was all warm and cozy and filled with the wonderful smells of tomato sauce and cheese and garlic.
Jake had sent a text, offering to pay for a babysitter so they could go out to dinner again, but Nikki had declin
ed politely. Perhaps it was unfair, but she felt the need to test Jake’s reactions in a boring family setting. He couldn’t always splash his money around and expect to make problems go away.
Nikki liked being pampered as much as the next woman, but this relationship with Jake had three sides, not two. Tonight’s focus would be Emma. After Emma went to bed, all bets were off. Nikki hadn’t planned that far ahead. Some things were best left to chance.
Jake hadn’t asked again about staying over, and she hadn’t brought it up.
Unfortunately, the weather had taken a raw turn. The flurries they’d had for a few days were predicted to become accumulating snow sometime during the night. She wondered if Jake would cancel, and then felt sheepish when she realized how very much she dreaded that phone call.
She could tell herself all she wanted that she was keeping an emotional distance, but the truth was far different. Jake was deeply involved in her life already. She had allowed it, encouraged it and enjoyed it.
The real question was...did she want him to stay involved?
When the doorbell rang at five thirty on the dot, she dried her damp palms on her pants and took a deep breath. Emma was playing in her room, but she would soon be asking for dinner.
Nikki had decided to dress casually. Her stretchy black leggings and gold ballet flats were comfortable and cute. The off-the-shoulder sweater was turquoise. She looked like what she was—a middle-class suburban mom home for the evening.
The bell rang a second time. Evidently, she had dithered too long.
Scuttling through the house, she swept her fingers through her clean hair and checked her reflection in the hall mirror. Not bad. Her eyes were perhaps too bright, her smile too big. She inhaled sharply and let the air escape slowly. Calm, Nikki. Calm.
It took her two tries to grab the doorknob. At last, she flung open the door, letting in a rush of cold air and revealing the identity of her visitor, not that she’d had any doubt.
“Jake. Hi. Come on in.”
In a quick glance, she saw everything about him. Leather jacket unzipped over a tailored blue cotton shirt. Jeans that were just the right amount of worn. Jeans that hugged his legs and man parts in a very distracting fashion. And my gosh, were those...?
She blurted it out. “Are you wearing cowboy boots? Mr. Sophisticated World Traveler, Jake Lowell?”
“Let me in, Nik. It’s freezing.”
“Sorry.” She stepped back quickly.
He brushed past her, bringing in the scents of the outdoors. “These are for you.”
The large bouquet of deep yellow roses definitely didn’t come from a run-of-the-mill supermarket. The blossoms were huge and fragrant. She took them automatically. “You didn’t have to bring me flowers.”
He shot her a glance that included irritation and banked lust. “I know that. Put them in water, Nik.” He glanced down the hall. “I brought Emma something, too.”
“Honestly, Jake. Gifts aren’t necessary. She’d just a little kid.”
Without warning, he kissed her, his lips lingering, pressing, summoning memories of the night in his hotel room. “She’s more than just a little kid. She’s my daughter.”
Ten
Jake noted the stricken look on Nikki’s face, but he couldn’t quite pinpoint the cause. Was he being too abrupt about claiming his parental rights? Did his words sound like a threat? He hadn’t meant them that way.
Giving Nikki a chance to regain her composure, he shrugged out of his jacket and rolled up his sleeves. The little house was cheery and warm. “Dinner smells amazing.”
At last, Nikki’s posture thawed. “I hope you like lasagna.”
He followed her into the kitchen and watched as she rummaged under the sink for a vase. Her position gave him a tantalizing view of her perfect, heart-shaped ass.
Just as his libido began to carry him down a dangerous path, little Emma appeared in the doorway. “Is it time, Mommy? I’m hungry.” She turned to Jake. “Hi! Are you eating with us?”
Jake nodded. “Sure am. And I’m hungry, too. Maybe we should get out of the way for a bit and let Mommy get everything on the table.” He shot Nikki an inquiring look. “Unless you need help.”
Her cheeks were pink. “I’m good. Give me five minutes.”
In the living room, he handed Emma the gift that was wrapped in shiny red paper.
She cocked her head in a movement eerily reminiscent of her mother. “It’s too early for Christmas.”
“This isn’t a Christmas present. It’s just something your mom told me you liked.” He had wrestled with his conscience and finally decided he wasn’t above buying a child’s affection if it landed him a few extra points in a sticky situation.
Emma’s excited screech brought her mother running. Nikki stopped in the doorway, her expression frazzled. “What’s wrong?”
Emma beamed and held up the toy, not realizing she had scared her mother. “Look what Mr. Man got me!”
Nikki mouthed at Jake, Mr. Man?
He shrugged. “I thought you told her to call me that.”
“No.”
Emma demanded her mother’s attention. “Look, Mommy. It’s the special one.”
What Jake had procured at an appalling price was the princess from the latest animated movie. She was the deluxe edition with eyes that opened and closed and a fancy dress with two additional outfits. The doll had been advertised heavily on television and was out of stock in stores across the area despite the fact that Black Friday hadn’t even happened yet.
Nikki squatted to give the princess her required admiration. “She’s beautiful, Emma. Did you thank Mr. Jake?”
Without warning, Emma whirled and wrapped her arms around Jake’s knees. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
He touched her head, felt the long, soft golden hair. “You’re very welcome.” Emotions buzzed inside his chest. Alien emotions that weren’t particularly welcome. He had decided he wanted to know his daughter. But that had been a cerebral decision. He hadn’t anticipated actually feeling things.
Nikki rescued him. “Dinner’s ready,” she said calmly, rising to her feet. It almost seemed as if she could detect his internal agitation.
The meal could have been awkward. Emma’s nonstop chatter made it less so. The roses were displayed in an inexpensive glass container. They matched the yellow stripe in Nikki’s woven place mats.
Emma turned up her nose when her mom put a small serving of salad on her plate. It must have been a battle the two females had fought before, because the younger one sighed and gave in to the older.
The three of them ate in harmony, though Jake was unable to keep from imagining Nikki naked and at his mercy. Such inappropriate mental pictures probably reflected poorly on his qualifications to be a dad, but he couldn’t help it. Three entire days and most of a fourth had passed since he had seen his lover.
Though Jake had kept busy, the mental movie reel made him itchy and restless and disrupted his sleep. He’d brought an overnight case this trip and left it in the trunk of the car. He couldn’t read Nikki on this particular subject, but he wanted to be prepared.
Emma liked her mother’s lasagna and cleaned her plate.
Jake ate three helpings himself and groaned when he finally pushed back from the table. “I had no idea you could cook like that.”
“Thank you.” Nikki served her daughter a very small dollop of warm apple pie with ice cream.
When she offered some to Jake, he shook his head ruefully. “I overdid it with dinner. I’ll have to wait for some of this to shake down.”
“Of course.”
Emma asked to be excused and was given permission. Just like that, the atmosphere in the kitchen went from homey to horny. At least on his part.
Nikki’s face wasn’t giving away anything.
Jake finished his glass of wine a
nd poured himself another. “I’m glad she liked the doll.”
Nikki stiffened visibly. “Presents aren’t a substitute for quality time.”
He stared at her. “I only found out I was a father a short time ago. You could cut me some slack, Nik. Are you trying to pick a fight with me?”
All that wild red hair was caught back in a ponytail at her nape, but it didn’t take much effort to remember it fanned out across his sheets.
Her jaw jutted. “I want to make Christmas special for her. You just undercut me.”
He frowned. “Were you planning to give her that doll?”
“No. You know I can’t afford it. But now, whatever Santa brings will look paltry in comparison.”
“I doubt she knows the word paltry, and you’re her mom. She’s going to love whatever you and the jolly old man put under the tree.”
Nikki’s ire deflated visibly. “Whatever.” She chewed her lip. “You could make it up to me.”
He grinned. “I like the sound of that.”
“Get your mind out of the gutter, Lowell. I’m talking about actual useful work.”
He glanced around him at the dishes. “You want me to clean up the kitchen? Sure. I’d be happy to—”
“No. Not that. I need help with the Christmas tree.”
“What Christmas tree?”
She looked at him and rolled her eyes. “The one in the closet. I like to put up the tree the day after Thanksgiving. But since I’ve asked off for the wedding this coming Saturday, the diner has me down to work Friday and Saturday of Thanksgiving weekend. With you here tonight, we could put up the tree together in no time, and Emma could hang a few ornaments before she goes to bed.”
“If you want, I could buy you a tree, fully decorated, and have it delivered tomorrow.” Which would free up time for the two grown-ups to fool around later.
Nikki touched his arm briefly, making his skin hum. “Trimming the tree is part of the magic of Christmas,” she said. “I appreciate the thought, but I love decorating. It makes me feel good.”
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