Slow Burn

by Janice Maynard

It was better not to know. It was better to call time of death on this relationship.

  She huddled into her coat and listened to her stomach growl. The original plan with Jake had been to go out to dinner after the wedding. As it was, Nikki was destined to eat peanut butter and jelly with Emma.

  Finally, the ride ended.

  Roberta lifted an eyebrow when her daughter walked into the house. “Was that a limo, Nicole Marie Reardon?”

  “Yes, Mom.” Nikki squatted and hugged her daughter. “Hi, baby. I missed you. But I brought you some bubbles from the wedding reception. And some M&M’s.” The candy was imprinted with the bride’s name and the groom’s. Yellow for Sophie. Navy for Josh.

  “How was it?” Roberta asked.

  “The ceremony was lovely,” Nikki said.

  “I hear the reception took an exciting turn.”

  Nikki shot her mom a startled glance. “You know?”

  Roberta nodded. “It’s all over the internet.”

  “Oh, lordy. Did you find out any details?”

  “No. The story I read said they think he must have paid off one of the guards. The feds are investigating.”

  “Great. Just great.”

  “How did Jake react?”

  “Not well, Mom. He and Oliver went haring off to try to find Vernon.”

  “Oh. I’m sorry.”

  “Yeah, me, too. That was the final straw for me. I can’t wait forever for Jake to get his life together. I can handle the future on my own. I don’t need a man who spooks like a skittish horse. I wanted him to share my world, but that’s not going to happen.”

  Emma looked up, clearly not interested in the conversation. “I’m hungry. Can we eat now? And is Mr. Man coming over?”

  Sunday evening, Nikki sat on the end of her bed and checked her texts...again. Nothing but yawning silence from Jake. Why was she surprised? Though she had hoped against hope that he might lean on her in the midst of his crisis, Jake was on his own...again.

  If they’d had any chance at being a couple, it was gone. His silence said louder than words that he didn’t need her.

  It hurt, far worse than she could have imagined.

  In the hours since law-enforcement officials had apprehended Vernon at the Canadian border—midday today—the judge had issued a statement. On Tuesday morning at 10:00 a.m., anyone who had been wronged by Vernon Lowell and his partner, Nikki’s father, would be given the opportunity to address the defendant directly. To state their grievances. To bear witness to the misery and pain Vernon and Everett had caused.

  The only caveat was that in order for anyone to speak, he or she must first notify the judge via email and receive a confirmation.

  Nikki was torn. She called her mother and posed the question. Roberta refused flat out. “I have no interest in going,” she said firmly. “Anyone in that room will probably still assume I knew what my husband was doing. They’ll hate me for what happened. My being there will solve nothing.”

  “Are you sure, Mom? Don’t you even want to ask Vernon the questions you can’t ask Dad? Aren’t you curious?”

  There was a brief silence, and then Nikki heard her mother sigh. “I can’t change the past, Nikki. Go if you want to. I know you’re worried about Jake.”

  “I’m not positive he’ll be there. He was pretty insistent about leaving right after the wedding.”

  “Things have changed in the last two days. It’s hard for me to believe he would simply walk away. I’ll keep Emma. If it will make you feel better, go. Go see Vernon. Go speak to him. Ask what you want to ask.”

  “Maybe I will.”

  “When you sign up with the judge, you can always drop out if you change your mind.”

  “True.”

  “Do you want to speak to Vernon?”

  “Maybe. Mostly, I just want to be in the room and see what happens.”

  “Then do it. There’s not a downside. Judges are leaning more and more toward giving victims the right to face their abusers. Vernon hurt a lot of people and abused their trust. That pain runs deep. You’ve seen it in dear Jake. Go, Nikki. Be there to support the Lowell boys if nothing else. It will make you feel better, and maybe you’ll get a few of the answers you’ve wanted for fifteen years.”

  Nikki slipped into the courtroom at twenty minutes before the hour. It had taken longer than she anticipated to get through security. The chamber was crowded, but she found a seat in the back corner. Many of the faces she recognized. Some she didn’t.

  The Lowell men were sitting in the front row with their mother, Eve. Sophie was there, too. And Samantha. Just looking at the back of Jake’s head made Nikki tense and weepy. What was he thinking? How was he holding up?

  The bailiff instructed everyone to stand. The judge entered. Then came Vernon Lowell in handcuffs, his gaze downcast. He was wearing a standard-issue orange jumpsuit. His scruffy beard and longish hair were a mix of gray and white. With his stooped shoulders and weary air, it was almost impossible to reconcile this version of the man with his past self.

  At one time, Vernon had been one of the richest men in the tristate area. The boutique hedge fund he created from scratch had been wildly successful. It was rumored years ago that there was a waiting list of would-be clients hoping for a chance to “get in.”

  Nikki didn’t know if that was true or not, but it made sense. The very elite reputation of Black Crescent had made it all the more attractive to the high-profile citizens of Falling Brook. Those lucky enough to have their millions in Vernon’s care had seen those millions multiply.

  But then everything went south. The fiscal dreams rotted on the vine.

  Vernon and Everett absconded with money that wasn’t theirs.

  The judge banged a gavel and made opening remarks, explaining why he had allowed this somewhat unprecedented hearing. Still, Vernon stared at the floor.

  Nikki’s stomach tightened as the first name on the list was read aloud. The judge instructed Vernon to lift his head and face his accusers. Nikki wondered if there was any particular order. The first person to stand and walk toward the front of the room was Zane Patterson. There was a small podium for the Falling Brook visitors. Zane’s words were calm but held an underlying bitterness as he laid out for Vernon a litany of what had happened when the Pattersons lost everything.

  Each person on the judge’s list was allotted ten minutes. Some took the entire time. Some ended abruptly. Though the wounds were fifteen years old, the stories sounded fresh. Raw.

  It was painful to hear. Jessie Acosta was on the list. Like Zane, her father had been a client of Black Crescent.

  Nikki was shocked when Chase Hargrove stood. As far as she knew, his family hadn’t entrusted their money to Black Crescent. But, apparently, Vernon had involved Chase’s father with some scheme that ended with Chase’s dad going to prison for fraud.

  One after another, the people spoke. Many of them had been in their teens and twenties when the tragedy happened. Their lives had been shaped, broken, damaged by Vernon’s actions.

  Nikki held her breath, feeling waves of guilt for something that hadn’t been her fault at all. But her father had been deeply involved.

  Evidently, the judge was saving Vernon’s immediate family for last.

  Suddenly, the name read aloud was Nicole Reardon. She flinched. Why had she signed up? Why hadn’t she had them strike her name when she first arrived?

  “Ms. Reardon?” The judge repeated her name.

  Nikki stood slowly, her heart thumping wildly in her chest. Dozens of people stared at her. Not Jake. He still faced straight ahead. Nikki swallowed, her mouth dry. “You can skip me, sir.”

  The judge frowned. “This is your moment, Ms. Reardon. I assume it’s been a long fifteen years. I’m giving you a chance to speak your piece.”

  There was no backing out now. Nikki walked on shaky leg
s to the front of the courtroom. Not once did she cast her gaze sideways to see Jake. She stood at the podium and faced Vernon.

  Until this very instant, she hadn’t known what she was going to say to him. But the words came tumbling out as if she had rehearsed them for five thousand empty days. Not a single other person had asked Vernon a question. They had vented, accused, mourned. Now it was Nikki’s turn.

  “Mr. Lowell...” She paused, feeling overwhelmed. Hopefully, she wasn’t going to keel over. “Mr. Lowell. You and my father were best friends, colleagues, business partners. Clearly, you both were involved with the destruction of Black Crescent. But tell me this. You got away scot-free. My father crashed his car fleeing the police. Why wasn’t he with you?”

  For a moment, emotion broke the stoic expression on Vernon’s face.

  The judge addressed him. “Please answer Ms. Reardon’s question. She deserves to know the truth.”

  When Vernon spoke, his voice was almost defiant. “Everett wanted to say goodbye to you and your mother. I told him he was a fool. Partway back to the house, the chase started. He had to turn around. He never made it.”

  “Oh. Thank you.” Why was she thanking Vernon Lowell? How stupid. She turned to go back to her seat. As she moved, Jake looked at her across the small distance that separated them. He didn’t smile. He was visibly ashen.

  Nikki kept on walking, comforted in the smallest possible way that her father had wanted to say goodbye.

  Next up was Eve Lowell, Vernon’s wife. When the judge read her name, she shook her head. Like Nikki, she must have changed her mind. The judge didn’t press her. He went on. Oliver Lowell.

  Oliver stood and shrugged. “I learned in recovery not to blame other people for my addiction,” he said. “You’re a wretched bastard of a father, and I’ll spend the rest of my life trying not to be like you. End of story.”

  Joshua Lowell. Joshua went to the podium and spoke quietly about his regrets. Mostly, he mentioned his mother and his two brothers. He sat down.

  Then came the name Nikki had dreaded hearing. Jacob Lowell. Surely, Jake was the last one. It was almost noon.

  Jake walked to the podium, his shoulders stiff, his eyes blazing with strong emotion. When he reached the designated spot, he stood there for a moment. The courtroom was completely silent. Hushed. Waiting.

  Outside, the noise of New York City was audible, but muted by the thick walls and closed windows.

  Even Vernon seemed affected by the somber atmosphere.

  Jake shoved his hands in his pockets as if he didn’t know what to do with them. “I’m not going to address you as Father or Dad,” he said. “You gave up that right long ago. But I will say that I have hated you for far too long. I’ve let your shadow hang over my life, blighting it. Constraining it. I told myself I traveled the world because I loved the freedom and the adventure. The truth is that I’ve been afraid to come home. What you did nearly destroyed me. Not because I was destitute or on the run from the law. But because you convinced me that my DNA carried some sort of poison. If you could do what you did, maybe I was doomed to be as black-hearted a person as you.”

  Jake paused, maybe to catch his breath, and then continued. “I’m not a perfect human being. I have my faults, plenty of them. But from this day forward, I will no longer let your treachery determine the course of my life. I don’t hate you. I don’t love you. You are nothing to me at all...”

  The gathered crowd exhaled almost in unison as Jake returned to his seat.

  Moments later, the judge tapped the piece of paper in front of him, shook his head slowly and gave the bailiff a nod.

  “All rise,” the uniformed officer instructed the gathering.

  Another set of officers stepped forward, helped Vernon to his feet and led him away.

  When the judge and the prisoner were out of sight, the bailiff said, “You’re dismissed.”

  Nikki was sitting in the back corner. No one needed to climb over her. She wasn’t in anyone’s way. She remained as the room emptied. At last, Oliver and Samantha walked out. Then Joshua and Sophie and Eve.

  Jake never stood up. She watched from the back corner of the room as he leaned forward, elbows on his knees, and stared at the ground. His posture suggested that he was unapproachable.

  Suddenly, Nikki couldn’t bear the thought that he might speak to her or think she had been waiting for him.

  She jumped to her feet and slid around the back of the last bench, escaping into the crowded hallway. When she saw the nearest stairwell, she made a beeline for it, not willing to wait for an elevator.

  Six flights of steps. The courtroom had been higher up in the building than she had realized. At last, she popped out onto the street. The crisp, cool air felt good on her hot cheeks. She felt weird. Sad. Depleted. It had been an emotional morning.

  But maybe there was closure now. Maybe everyone could move on.

  She set off down the street, feeling tiny icy pellets of snow land on her face. Nothing that would amount to much. At least the weather felt Christmassy. Every shop she passed was fully decorated. Though Thanksgiving was still two days away, hardly anyone waited for that marker to get ready for the December season.

  Behind her, someone called her name. “Nikki. Nikki. Stop. Wait up.”

  When she turned, she saw that it was Jake. She shivered, a combination of the cold and the way she always reacted in his presence. He’d had plenty of opportunity to speak to her in the courthouse. Why had he followed her now?

  She stepped into the sheltered doorway of a large building and waited. This was not a confrontation she relished. Prior to this morning, the last she had seen of Jake was when she went to the ladies’ room at the wedding reception three days ago.

  He caught up to her, panting. “Where’s your car?” His hair was tousled, and his cheeks were ruddy with the cold. He looked like a male model in a winter catalog. Sophisticated. Gorgeous. Out of reach.

  “In the garage on the next block.”

  “We’ll take mine,” he said, sounding as arrogant as a man who thought he had all the answers. “I’ll get one of Joshua’s guys to drive yours home.”

  “No, thank you,” she said politely.

  She left the alcove and continued her journey.

  Jake took her arm. “Don’t be ridiculous, Nik. We need to talk. We’ll ride together. My car is more comfortable.”

  Anger swept over her, dissolving any squeamishness she had felt at facing him. “Don’t you dare call me ridiculous,” she said curtly, conscious of the many passersby. “I’m not the one who took a woman to his brother’s wedding and then slipped out like a thief in the night.”

  His jaw tightened. “Maybe a poor choice of words.”

  “Sorry,” she muttered.

  “You knew where I was.”

  “I knew that you and Oliver lost your minds. You hadn’t seen your father in fifteen years, and yet somehow you thought the two of you could track down Vernon better than the FBI? Sorry, Jake. That doesn’t cut it.”

  “I made a mistake,” he said. “I was running on shock and adrenaline.”

  “The mistake was mine,” Nikki replied, her throat clogged with tears.

  “Let me explain,” he said urgently.

  Nikki refused to be a pushover. “I know you’re Emma’s father. I won’t play the villain. But when you decide on a visitation schedule that fits your life, I’ll make plans for you to spend time with her in the company of either my mother or yours. I don’t want to see you again.”

  His face was frozen in tight planes. His eyes burned. “Give me a chance, Nik. I have things I need to say.”

  She shored up her resistance. “I’m cold, and I’m hungry. Goodbye, Jake.” She started walking again, blind to her surroundings. All she could think about was getting away. It hurt too much to be with him.

  He followed her,
took her arm in a gentle hold and spun her around, his eyes filled with anguish. “Don’t go.” He kissed her then, a kiss that held more desperation than passion. At first, his lips were cold against hers, but then the slow burn kindled again, and they were clinging to each other like survivors of a shipwreck.

  In a way, the comparison was apt. Fifteen years ago, their love had crashed on the rocks of tragedy, and they had been one step from drowning ever since.

  Jake’s kiss was achingly sweet one second and roughly possessive the next. Nikki went on her tiptoes, striving to get closer. She was courting more heartbreak. She knew that. But how could she be strong when everything inside her was melting with yearning for him?

  At last, he stepped back, but he kept her hands in his. “One hour,” he said hoarsely. “That’s all I’m asking. One hour.”

  “And you’ll feed me?”

  Not even a glimmer of humor lightened his face. “Yes.”

  They ended up at the same scruffy neighborhood grill where the two of them and Joshua had eaten after their abortive attempt to visit Vernon in jail. Jake asked for a booth in the back. As they took off their heavy coats, he tried to sit with Nikki like last time, but she waved him to the other side of the table. She needed a buffer zone.

  Jake didn’t ask her opinion about the meal. He motioned for a waitress. When the woman arrived, he ordered two burgers, medium, with no onions and extra pickles, plus a couple of Cokes. How many times as teenagers had they ordered that exact meal and then laughed that they were so perfectly matched?

  While they waited for the food, awkwardness loomed between them, filling the space, making conversation almost impossible. Finally, Nikki broke the silence. “Have you learned anything at all about the stolen money?”

  Jake scowled at his drink, poking his straw through it. “Mom spoke briefly to the lawyer this morning. According to him, Vernon claims there never was a theft. He told counsel that he and Everett were hoodwinked by an unscrupulous deal. They saw a chance to quadruple Black Crescent’s coffers and took it. But the investment went belly up, and they were too ashamed to admit the truth, so they fled.”