by Cara Malone
The bed had about a dozen pillows strewn all over it, and to the right of the desk there was a small bookshelf packed with a surprising number of pulp fiction romances. She cocked an eyebrow at Megan when she saw them—Alex hadn’t taken her for a romance reader—but she didn’t tease her about them. Instead, she headed back to Megan’s side and said, “Not as messy as I was expecting.”
“Thanks,” Megan said. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”
Then she wrapped her arms around Alex’s waist and squeezed, just tight enough for Alex to know that the gesture was one of ownership. It sent a thrill through her, and she put her arms around Megan’s neck, pulling her into a kiss. They stood in the center of the room for a few minutes longer, their tongues dancing in each other’s mouths and their bodies inching closer and closer, and then Alex started walking backward to the bed, pulling Megan with her.
When they got there, Alex’s calves pressing up against the mattress, Megan paused and asked quietly, “Are you sure you’re ready?”
“Yes,” Alex said, and the anticipation she felt was intense, as if this were her first time, instead of just her first time in a long while. She knew for certain that she wanted it though—she wanted Megan.
She sat down on the bed, her hands still on the back of Megan’s neck and pulling her down to join her. Alex scooted further back onto the bed, kicking her shoes off in the process and watching eagerly as Megan crawled onto the mattress with her and took off her own shoes. She carefully guided Alex onto her back, shoving the excess of pillows away and letting a few of them fall onto the floor as she settled beside Alex and they kissed again.
Megan put one hand on Alex’s side, running her palm up and down over the soft plaid of her dress, and just as her thumb brushed over the side of Alex’s breast, she paused one more time to say, “Just let me know if it’s too much.”
“Put your hands on me,” Alex begged, taking Megan’s hand and holding it firmly against her breast. It was nice of Megan to be so cautious, but they’d been teasing each other for hours—weeks if she counted all of the tense moments in coffee shops and library stacks and hospital call rooms—and she just wanted this moment to come.
Thankfully, Megan didn’t need any further encouragement. She squeezed Alex’s curves in her hands, running her thumbs over her nipples through several layers of fabric and only managing to increase Alex’s sense of urgency. She could feel her body coming back to life, responding in all the right ways to Megan’s touch, and she felt relief.
They undressed each other, pausing with each new bit of exposed skin to taste and kiss each other. Alex’s hands found the clasp of Megan’s bra, popping it open and pulling the straps down over her shoulders as Megan shimmied out of it, and Alex put her hands on her. Her skin was warm and soft, her curves inviting under Alex’s hands, just as she had imagined.
“You’re beautiful,” Alex whispered, her whole body already on fire and goosebumps standing up all over her skin. She wasn’t cold—she was electrified in Megan’s presence.
Megan kissed Alex, her tongue swirling briefly through her mouth, and then as she kissed her way down Alex’s neck, she murmured into her skin, like a secret she was whispering to Alex’s body, “So are you.”
Her lips inched down over Alex’s chest, taking lengthy detours over each of her breasts, learning the contours of her curves. She traced a finger down the center of Alex’s stomach and then, skipping over her panties, ran her hand along the inside of Alex’s thigh.
She kissed Alex just above the tiny satin bow stitched to the waistband of her underwear, and her breath was hot against Alex’s skin. Her fingers played at the elastic and teased her while Alex craved Megan’s touch. She just wanted to arch her hips, bring them up to meet Megan’s body, but instead she waited patiently, running her hands through Megan’s wild hair and closing her eyes in anticipation.
She felt Megan’s fingers hook under the waistband of her panties, and Alex raised her hips to help her pull them down. Then Megan’s hands were on her legs, and her lips were kissing a trail up from her knee to the inside of her thighs. Her breath caught as Megan’s mouth found her, and her tongue glided through the wetness between her legs.
They moaned in unison the moment her tongue made contact, and Alex reached down to take Megan’s hand from where it lay on her stomach. It felt every bit as good as she’d been hoping for, and Alex relaxed, enjoying the sensations of Megan’s lips and tongue as they explored every inch of her and made her body fill with tingling, hot desire.
After a minute of slow, teasing licks, Megan slid a finger between Alex’s thighs, moving in and out of her wetness and ratcheting up the pleasurable sensations that washed over Alex with every thrust and swipe. She moved her hips in rhythm with Megan’s movements and pulled one of Megan’s numerous pillows over her face, sighing and moaning into it as Megan brought her closer to the edge.
All of her fears and insecurities faded away, along with every other thought in her mind, and Alex focused entirely on the way Megan was making her feel. She wanted to live in this moment forever, and she wanted to commit every stroke and every lick to memory. Before long, Megan had her teetering on the edge, squeezing her eyes shut and letting out a tortured moan into the pillow before finally, she felt relief wash over her and her thighs shivered against Megan’s shoulders as she climaxed.
Alex and Megan laid together in her bed after they’d both been satisfied, neither one of them willing to leave that moment. Megan leaned over the edge of the bed and snatched a couple of pillows off the floor. They were both still breathing heavily, their hair wet with sweat and their bodies still thrumming out the rhythm of their pleasure. Megan tucked one of the pillows under Alex’s head, but she didn’t use it. Instead, Alex wanted to be as close to her as possible, nestling her head into the crook of Megan’s arm and enjoying the rise and fall of Megan’s breathing.
“So, was that okay?” Megan asked, kissing the top of Alex’s head and pulling one of her many blankets on top of them when Alex began to shiver from the cool air in the room.
Alex looked up at her, and she couldn’t decide whether to come up with something snarky or just be honest for once. The truth was that she had no words for how good it had felt to be with Megan—not just because she’d given Alex her first orgasm in over a year. She’d also given her the courage to go on with her life after an extended mourning period. In the end, Alex decided on the honest answer, saying, “That’s the best I’ve felt in a long time.”
“Good,” Megan said, giving her a quick kiss and then grinning. “But to be more explicit, the sex was incredible, right? That had to be the most mind-blowing orgasm you’ve ever had, right?”
Alex laughed and playfully pushed Megan. She was grateful to her for always knowing when to lighten the mood with her unique brand of bragging humor. Alex said, “It was a solid top five performance.”
“Top five?” Megan exclaimed. “I’m offended.”
Alex laughed and said, “Oh please, I know you like a challenge. You’re so competitive, I bet you’ll take every opportunity to climb the ranks.”
“Challenge accepted,” Megan said, wrapping her arms tighter around Alex. She kissed her, and before long, her mouth was beginning to stray lower, over Alex’s jaw and then down her neck. Megan flipped the blanket up over her head and kissed a line down over Alex’s stomach, and Alex closed her eyes again, focusing on the sensations coming from beneath the covers. This was the most peaceful she had felt in a long time, and it wasn’t just the physical release. There was something comforting about Megan, and Alex wondered if this was what falling in love felt like.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Megan
Megan realized only when she heard her phone vibrating that she’d dozed off. She had laid down next to Alex, arms wrapped around her, and closed her eyes for a moment. Now as she opened them and zeroed in on the source of the noise, she saw that it had gotten dark outside the streetlights had come on outside her w
indow.
She separated herself reluctantly from Alex, who was just waking up again too, and Megan wondered how much time had passed. She shivered as she walked naked across the room and dug her phone out of the pocket of her pants, where they’d ended up on the floor. The screen said it was past eight o’clock, and the call she was receiving was from Chloe. Megan glanced longingly back at Alex, still curled up beneath the blankets and watching her, and she thought about ignoring the call. She’d already pushed aside her responsibilities for most of the afternoon, though, and it was probably time to come back to reality.
Megan answered the call, “Hey Chlo, what’s up?”
“I just got out of the study group,” Chloe said. “I was going to stop for food on the way home and I just called to see if you’d eaten yet.”
“Thanks,” Megan said. She hadn’t even begun to think of food tonight, having been far too distracted with Alex. “I’m good, but I appreciate it.”
“Okay, be home soon,” Chloe said, and then she hung up.
“Anything important?” Alex asked from the bed.
“No, just my roommate telling me she’s on her way home,” Megan said, coming over and leaning on the mattress to give Alex a kiss but resisting the urge to crawl back into bed with her. “I didn’t realize how late it had gotten.”
“What time is it?” Alex asked as Megan turned on the overhead light and then went back over to the pile of clothes on the floor and picked up her jeans to put them back on. Megan told her, and Alex got out of bed, too. “I should go—my mom’s going to be wondering where I am.”
Megan handed Alex her dress, then her bra, and finally her panties after she’d found them tangled in the sheets. They both got dressed, stealing shy glances at each other. Tonight’s events had far surpassed Megan’s expectations and she’d had a lot of fun, but getting dressed in the harsh artificial light, she couldn’t help but be reminded that they still hadn’t defined their relationship, and that the odds were good that Alex wanted more from it than Megan did. She wondered briefly if she’d made a mistake in letting her desires get the best of her.
She walked Alex back through the living room and kissed her at the door, her mind already turning to the readings she’d need to complete for the next day’s lecture, and Alex asked, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” Megan said, wondering again if tonight had been a bad idea. It certainly seemed like something had shifted in their dynamic, and she wished there was a way to delicately remind Alex that nothing about their arrangement had changed. She was still too busy for a girlfriend, and too damaged.
Instead, she let her go, and Megan headed back toward her room to start studying.
She didn’t make it far—she hadn’t even left the living room before the door swung open again, and Megan expected it to be Alex, saying she’d forgotten something. Instead, it was Chloe—they must have passed each other in the stairwell, and Megan wondered with a smirk if either of them realized it.
“Hey,” Chloe said, neatly hanging her coat from a hook near the door and setting down her backpack along with a take-out bag on the dining table.
“How was the study group?” Megan asked.
“We did a pretty thorough review of the respiratory system,” Chloe said. “You should join us sometime.”
“Studying with Satan?” Megan asked. “As much as that sounds like a whimsical YouTube channel, I think I’ll pass.”
“Ivy’s not Satan,” Chloe chastised, going over to the kitchen to get a plate. “She’s just really focused on her school work and determined to be the best doctor she can be.”
“I just wish she didn’t have to step on my back to get there,” Megan said. She could never see the good in Ivy the way that Chloe did. Then again, Chloe could see the good in a big, hairy spider scuttling across their floor, so her opinion didn’t count for much. Chloe sat down at the table, taking a burger and fries out of the take-out bag, and Megan snatched one of the fries off her plate.
“I thought you said you weren’t hungry,” Chloe objected.
“I’m not,” Megan answered around a mouthful of deep-fried goodness. In truth, she was beginning to feel a little bit peckish, but it was a feeling that was easily ignored—she had too much work to catch up on to worry about food, and Alex was still swimming through her mind. For the second time, she wondered if she might have made a mistake tonight, promising Alex more than she could deliver.
“What did you do tonight?” Chloe asked while she ate, pushing the plate toward Megan to offer her another French fry.
They smelled so good and Megan hadn’t eaten since breakfast. Giving in, she sat down and took a couple, then without even really thinking about it, she continued the lie that she’d been feeding Chloe, omitting Alex from her life. “Nothing. Just went to my afternoon lab and then spent the afternoon making progress on my research paper. The end of the module is coming up fast.”
That much was true, but Megan had been neglecting her paper, and she knew that getting it done on time would be a photo finish. With a snort, she thought that Ivy had probably already turned hers in, and Megan was willing to bet that Chloe was close to done with hers, too. How could she let a pretty girl distract her so much?
“You should have come to the study session with us,” Chloe said again. “We spent about an hour critiquing each other’s papers. I bet you would have appreciated that.”
If I had anything to critique, Megan thought, a sense of dread settling in her chest. She had a couple of interviews with Dr. Stevens and a loose stack of scholarly articles laying on her desk, but nothing to critique. She really was falling behind.
“Did you end up booking your plane ticket home?” she asked, trying to change the subject in order to clear her conscience.
“Not yet,” Chloe said. “I’m thinking about taking a bus. The tickets are way cheaper and there are always such interesting people on the bus.”
Megan laughed. Only Chloe…
“You can’t take a bus,” Megan quipped. “Do you want to be murdered, or molested?”
“The bus is not that bad,” Chloe said, rolling her eyes. “Besides, what choice do I have if I want to get home and still have money for Christmas presents?”
“You’re right,” Megan said. “Sacrifices must be made. Just bring a can of mace with you.”
Megan made quick work of Chloe’s fries, which she didn’t complain about as she ate her burger, and then she took her plate over to the dishwasher and Megan stood up from the table. She really should try to get some work done before bed.
“Hey, wait,” Chloe said, coming back from the kitchen.
“Yeah?”
“Remember my pretend dating idea?” Chloe asked as she came back over to the table. “Do you think it could work?”
“Pretending to date during the holidays?” Megan asked, furrowing her brow.
“Med school just gets kind of lonely sometimes, don’t you think?” Chloe asked. “I know you don’t date and I’m annoying, but wouldn’t it be nice to come home to someone?”
“Whoa,” Megan said, her heart starting to beat a little faster as she realized a moment too late what was happening.
Chloe leaned in abruptly and kissed Megan. She put her hands on Megan’s cheeks and planted her lips against her mouth, and a dozen thoughts flashed through Megan’s head. Every single one of them had to do with Alex, but the one that was the most prominent—the one that screamed at the forefront of her mind—was that getting involved with Alex, with anyone was a bad idea. And then something ugly reared its head, bringing Megan’s hands to Chloe’s hips and sinking into the kiss.
“What the hell?”
It felt almost exactly like the dream that Megan had about Ruby. The voice came from the doorway, and when Megan pulled out of the kiss, she saw Alex standing there, her face slack with shock. Megan yanked her hands off Chloe’s hips, but it was too little, too late, and Alex had already seen them deep in a kiss. It was like snapping out of a
moment of insanity, and Megan was surprised at the taste of Chloe’s lip balm on her mouth.
“Alex—”
“Who?” Chloe asked, narrowing her eyes at the source of the interruption. “Is that the paramedic?”
“I got all the way to my car before I realized my keys had fallen out of my pocket,” Alex said, her voice stony.
Megan should have gone to her, apologized, or said anything to try to explain that stupid, impulsive, and illogical kiss. Instead, she just stood there while Alex marched through the apartment and into her bedroom, refusing to look at Megan along the way. She emerged a minute later, car keys in her hand, and Megan was still glued to the spot where she stood. She’d just done exactly what she’d spent the last few months trying to avoid, and become the monster that she always knew she was. It seemed like an exceptionally cruel act to chase after Alex and beg for forgiveness, so she let her go.
Alex slammed the door, and Chloe looked at Megan with surprise. “What’s going on?”
“Fuck,” Megan muttered, putting her hand to her forehead as she felt a headache coming on. “I’m sorry.”
It was easier to say to Chloe, because she didn’t mean anything to Megan—at least not romantically. Megan sighed deeply and went down the hall to shut herself in her room.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Alex
Alex could barely see the road on her way home—the tears that fell involuntarily down her cheeks were obscuring her vision, and she had to keep blinking them furiously away. She could still feel Megan’s hands on her body, and her lips, and she could feel the fireworks that went off all over her body beneath Megan’s fingertips. And to balance all of that, there was a sourness forming in her stomach, and she couldn’t erase the sight of Megan kissing her roommate.
Alex didn’t know who to be angrier at—Megan for being so brutal, or herself for letting it happen. Megan had told her that she wanted to keep things casual, and that she had baggage, but Alex never imagined in all the time they’d spent with each other in the past few months that there was someone else. To discover her the same night that they’d made love so tenderly made Alex want to be sick.