by Cara Malone
Now, because the idea of sitting alone on the couch was unappealing and because the caffeine boost from her coffee was beginning to kick in, Chloe went into her bedroom and changed into a pair of Spandex shorts and a tank top. She stepped out of the flats she wore to and from the hospital, then changed into a pair of sneakers and grabbed her gym bag before heading back out the door. There was a small, twenty-four-hour gym at the end of the block and she went there a lot when she needed to burn excess energy, or when she had a slice of chocolate cake sitting heavy in her belly. At least Ivy had helped her by eating half of it.
There were quite a few people at the gym when Chloe arrived. A lot of them were regulars. She smiled and waved at a guy doing bicep curls in front of the mirror and counting his reps out loud – this was the after-dinner crowd that Chloe’s schedule most often aligned with.
“Hey, Chloe.” A red-faced girl on an elliptical machine nodded at her without breaking stride. Her name was Becca and she had only started coming to the gym a few weeks ago but Chloe had already begun thinking of her as a friend. They encouraged each other whenever they happened to be at the gym together, and sometimes made plans to meet here when Chloe’s schedule allowed.
“Hey,” Chloe answered, waving. Becca had sweat trickling down her temples, turning her brown hair black, and she gave a quick wave back. Sometimes Chloe would hop on the machine next to her, but today she had something else in mind.
She pulled her phone out of her bag and unwound a set of headphones, then popped them in her ears and headed over to a heavy bag in one corner of the gym. She tuned into a good, up-tempo radio station, then pulled a pair of gloves out of her gym bag and put them on, getting up on her toes and floating from foot to foot to get her blood flowing.
Then she threw the first punch of the day, connecting solidly with the heavy bag as Becca called just audibly over her headphones, “Yeah, girl. Get it.”
The next morning when Chloe walked into the hospital, she had a slight ache in the muscles of her arms and legs that told her she had challenged herself at the gym. She felt good, ready to take on day two of her new assignment with Ivy and hopeful that Ivy would remain in good spirits after their talk in the cafeteria.
She went in through the ambulance bay doors. She still needed to go to the locker room to change into scrubs and her work sneakers, but this was a nice way to find out what condition the ER was in. If it was busy, she could mentally prepare while she got changed. Most of the time, the early morning hours before people woke up and started deciding whether they felt bad enough to come here were relatively quiet. Today seemed to be average - a half-dozen people were in the waiting area and a few more were being seen in the row of beds - with one big exception.
Chloe had to jump out of the way almost as soon as she got in the door because Veronica and a couple other people rushed past her with a gurney, almost running over Chloe’s toes. Megan was chasing them, opening an intubation kit as she went and yelling for someone to call Dr. Stevens.
One of the nurses sprinted out of the room to find her and Ivy came over to Chloe as they watched Megan work. Veronica directed the gurney to the first open spot along the wall and they didn’t even bother transferring the patient to the bed – with all the other residents occupied, Megan wasted no time in tilting the unconscious man’s head back and skillfully inserting the laryngoscope that would restore his airway.
She did it like it was her thousandth time, like it was nothing, and Chloe watched in awe. Megan inserted a breathing tube and then attached it to a ventilator, and she didn’t look the slightest bit nervous as she took life-saving measures for her patient in Dr. Stevens’ absence. Chloe felt shaken just watching it.
Then Dr. Stevens rushed into the room, stripping off a used pair of gloves and reaching for new ones before shoving Megan out of the way to see to the patient. Even in the chaos, she had time to bark at Ivy and Chloe, “Standing around with your mouths open isn’t what I meant when I told you to work together.”
Then a nurse pulled the curtain shut and Chloe heard Dr. Stevens say, “Good work, Callahan.”
Chloe’s heart was racing and she hadn’t even been a part of the action. She glanced over at Ivy, who was already wearing scrubs and looking ready to go. If Chloe knew anything about the way her mind worked, she’d probably showed up an hour early for her shift just to make sure she got as much face time with patients as she wanted despite Chloe’s slower style.
“I still need to get changed,” Chloe said, apologizing even though her shift didn’t start for ten more minutes.
“Okay,” Ivy said. “I’ll take a look at the charts and find an interesting patient.”
Chloe didn’t bother to point out the very Ivy-ness of that statement. She just headed through the department and down the hall to the locker room to change.
9
Ivy
There were six or seven people sitting in the waiting area and the best thing to do in light of Ivy’s new arrangement with Chloe was to find the most interesting case to start the day with. If they had to slow down and see fewer patients, then she would have to make every one count.
But then her feet started taking her in a different direction. Instead of going to the waiting area, she went on an unexpected detour down the hall to the locker room. Maybe it was the strange familiarity that had arisen over her meal with Chloe last night, but Ivy was feeling out of sorts this morning – that much was obvious by her willingness to leave the Emergency Room when Dr. Stevens was busy with Megan’s emergent patient. If Ivy stayed, anyone could come through those ambulance bay doors - she might get a chance to intubate someone of her own, or do something even more impressive.
But instead, she followed Chloe.
Ivy lingered in the hallway for just a minute, remembering how Chloe had walked in on her with her shirt over her head in the call room a few weeks ago. It was a silly thing to worry about – this was a locker room, where the sole activity was changing into and out of scrubs, and one of the first things she learned as a medical student was that modesty was a luxury reserved for people who had time on their hands.
Ivy still counted to ten in her head before going in, though, and when she opened the door, Chloe was sitting on one of three benches arranged in a horseshoe shape around the lockers that lined the walls. She had already changed into her green emergency department scrubs and was tying the laces of her sneakers.
“Hey,” she said, looking up as Ivy entered. “I’m almost ready.”
“Take your time,” Ivy said, slowly crossing the room as the door swung shut behind her. The locker room was empty except for the two of them and now that she was here, she realized she had no idea why she’d followed Chloe in the first place – something inside her just wanted to.
“What?” Chloe asked with a small smirk as she did up the laces of her other shoe and Ivy continued to linger in the middle of the room.
“Nothing,” she said. She had to come up with something, though, so she said, “I had to leave abruptly last night and because we’re going to be working closely together, I just wanted to make sure everything is okay between us before we begin our shift.”
That sounded downright sensible and Ivy was proud of herself for thinking of it. Who knew – maybe that was the reason why she’d followed Chloe after all.
But then Chloe gave her a side eye and said, “Are you feeling okay?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve been acting strange,” Chloe said. “Since when do you buy me cake or ask me what my favorite band is or care about how I feel?”
“Ouch,” Ivy said, but there was more than a little truth to Chloe’s words. She was right – Ivy wasn’t herself lately and she wasn’t sure why. Maybe it’s a brain tumor, she thought, but immediately dismissed the idea as nothing more than an excess of medical licensing exam case studies. She didn’t have a real answer, but she was grateful that she was talking to Chloe about this. Anyone else would have made the same words soun
d like an accusation rather than mere curiosity. Instead of answering Chloe’s question, Ivy asked, “Do you think I’m self-centered?”
“Yes,” Chloe answered, but then she gracefully added, “but that’s not a bad character trait for a future surgeon. You have to be that way to be good at your job.”
“Can I sit?” Ivy asked, pointing at the bench. Chloe finished lacing her shoe and put her foot on the ground, then Ivy sat down beside her. She suddenly had a strong urge to explain herself to Chloe – it was important that she understand Ivy’s motivations. “I’ve always felt a lot of pressure to excel. A lot of it is internally motivated, but it comes from my family as well. I have a younger brother, Victor, who just finished law school and even though we’re in completely different fields, our parents are always comparing us. It’s hard feeling like you don’t stack up and I’ve had to fight for every bit of recognition I’ve ever gotten.”
“Wow,” Chloe said. “I didn’t even know you had a brother. How long have we known each other?”
“Three years and one month,” Ivy said. “My point is that competition is my default setting. I do care about you and I’m sorry if I get too focused on work to show it.”
“It’s okay,” Chloe said. She put her hand on Ivy’s shoulder and it intensified the strangeness of the moment. Something tingly was growing in Ivy’s stomach, like adrenaline but not quite. Chloe added, “At least you know what you want. I don’t even know what specialty I’m going to pursue next year.”
“You don’t?” Ivy asked, shaken out of the moment with a touch of alarm. “We only have three more rotations left.”
Chloe laughed and took her hand away from Ivy’s shoulder as she said, “And that’s why I haven’t told anyone. Isn’t it terrible? I’ve spent my whole life knowing I want to help people, and yet I still don’t have a clue how.”
“You haven’t found any rotations that you had a particular aptitude for?” Ivy asked.
“I’ve been proficient at all of them so far,” Chloe said. “I liked internal medicine and obstetrics, but practically everyone who’s ever met me has told me I should be a pediatrician… or a nurse.”
She rolled her eyes at this last bit and Ivy showed her own outrage a little more verbally, muttering, “Screw the detractors. You’re a good doctor.”
“I just never found anything that clicked,” Chloe said. “Not like you and surgery or Megan and pathology. Meanwhile I see the two of you being rock stars every day and I feel lost.”
“I wouldn’t say rock star,” Ivy said. “ER savant, maybe.”
Chloe laughed and nudged Ivy with her shoulder. Then Ivy got serious. She turned to face her and now she was looking into Chloe’s big blue eyes. There was a faint dimple on the right side of her mouth when she smiled, but not on the left, and Ivy was beginning to feel warm around the collar from being so close to her. She could practically feel the warmth coming off Chloe’s skin and the tingling in her stomach intensified.
“You’ll find where you belong,” she said.
She thought about getting up. They really ought to get back to the ER before Dr. Stevens noticed their absence. Ivy needed to walk off the feeling building in her belly and think about what interesting patients might be waiting for her in the ER instead.
She didn’t move a muscle though, because for all her practical thinking, there was something deep in her subconscious that had been waiting a very long time for this moment. The only thing left now was to find out whether she had the guts to go for it.
“I bet you know what you want, deep down,” Ivy said, more quietly than last time. The words sounded like something that came out of someone else’s mouth, but she waited for Chloe’s response.
“Maybe,” she said, looking deeper into Ivy’s eyes than usual. “I’m not so sure.”
Her blue eyes trailed down to Ivy’s lips, then flicked back up to her eyes so fast Ivy couldn’t be sure it had happened at all. She wondered how red her face was and how obvious her desires were. Her heart was pounding so hard she could barely hear anything.
“You should follow your heart,” she said, and then before she had time to question her own advice, she put her hand on top of Chloe’s on the bench and kissed her.
Ivy felt every point of contact in sharp relief.
Chloe’s lips were soft and full, and they tasted like honey from her lip balm. It was a scent that Ivy had gotten wisps of over the years when Chloe walked past or when they leaned over a table where they’d laid out their study notes. She’d never been able to pinpoint it before, whether it was shampoo or perfume or something else, but it was always distinctly Chloe.
Her hair fell in golden tendrils over her face and brushed against Ivy’s cheeks, and her breath against Ivy’s lips was warm and somehow intoxicating. It made her want to sink deeper into the kiss. Chloe moved her hand beneath Ivy’s, using her thumb to stroke Ivy’s hand as the tingling in Ivy’s belly reached a crescendo.
She’d wanted this for three years and one month without actually going so far as to admit it to herself. For her entire life, education came first and everything else was pushed aside or delayed for some undetermined time in the future. But in this unexpected moment, Ivy got a taste of what she’d been denying herself.
It was incredible.
Then the locker room door swung open and they both pulled away. Ivy took her hand off Chloe’s as a couple of nurses came in and went to their lockers, then Chloe said, “We should get back to the ER before Dr. Stevens comes looking for us.”
“Yeah,” Ivy agreed, taking a deep breath. “I’ll be there in a minute.”
“Okay,” Chloe said. When she left, Ivy put both her hands on the bench to brace herself as the world spun and her whole body was consumed with that fantastic tingling sensation.
“Are you okay?” one of the nurses asked.
“Yeah,” Ivy said without looking at her, a grin spreading across her face. “I’m great.”
Where had that come from and why couldn’t it wait eight more months until she was finished with medical school? Ivy’s pulse was racing and she had no idea how she was going to concentrate on her patients when she had to spend the entire day looking at Chloe and thinking about that kiss. She stood up and took another deep breath, then headed for the door, the taste of Chloe’s lip balm on her lips.
10
Chloe
Chloe went back to the Emergency Room, walking slower than usual in the hall so that she’d have enough time to take a few deep breaths and get that kiss out of her head. It had come out of nowhere and it had been surprisingly hot – she didn’t think Ivy Chan had ever had a non-academic desire in her life, but that kiss had been fire.
She couldn’t think about it right now, though, because there was work to do and distracted ER doctors made serious mistakes. Scott, one of the younger nurses, was on duty and he pointed Chloe toward an elderly man with symptoms of thyroid malfunction. She’d just finished guiding him to one of the beds when Ivy came back into the department. She looked flushed and Chloe was secretly glad to see that the kiss had affected her – Ivy was so unshakable under every other circumstance, Chloe would have been disappointed if it turned out not to mean anything to her.
“I’ll be right back, Mr. Carter,” Chloe said to her patient. “I just have to grab a tablet so I can access your chart.”
Ivy caught Chloe’s gaze, then met her at the nurses’ station. It was mercifully unoccupied for the time being and Chloe reached across the counter to grab a tablet off the charging dock while Ivy stood awkwardly beside her. She’d never known Ivy to stand in any way other than with complete self-assurance, and Chloe had to admit that she felt a certain sense of pride at being the reason Ivy had been shaken.
Emboldened, Chloe lowered her voice and said, “That was-”
“It was nothing,” Ivy interrupted. When she looked at Chloe, her eyes betrayed her – it was clearly something - but she said quietly, “I’m sorry. It was incredible, but I can’t allow mysel
f to get distracted right now. We’re so close to the end of school. You understand, right?”
“Uh, sure,” Chloe said, feeling like her feet had been knocked out from under her.
“Can we forget it happened?” Ivy asked, a pained look in her face telling Chloe that wasn’t what she really wanted. It wasn’t what Chloe wanted, either, but what could she say? It had been a five-second kiss and a complete anomaly when she considered everything else she knew about Ivy.
“Yeah,” she said. “Consider it forgotten.”
Ivy held her gaze for just a moment too long and Chloe wondered if she was already wishing she could take it back. Then she went over to Mr. Carter and with a little more bedside manner than she’d displayed in the past, smiled and asked, “What brings you in today, sir?”
Neither of them brought up the kiss again, although working together all week made for some tense moments. The ER was a crowded place and whenever Chloe found herself working in close proximity with Ivy, she could feel her cheeks growing warmer as she thought about her study buddy in a way that had never occurred to her before.
Ivy tried to go back to business as usual, focusing on the medicine and acting annoyed when Chloe slowed her down, but it was a ruse that Chloe could easily see through. That kiss had changed the way they saw each other and it wasn’t an easy thing to forget, no matter how much Ivy wanted to try. It was a long week full of self-conscious moments and at the end of it, Dr. Stevens brought Ivy and Chloe back into the office behind the nurses’ station.
“Well?” she asked in her usual straight-to-the-point manner. “How’d you get along together?”
Maybe a little too well… Chloe thought. Then Ivy stood tall like she was reporting to a drill sergeant and said, “I learned some valuable lessons about the doctor-patient relationship from Dr. Barnes.”