A Heart of Shame

by Kristen Banet

  “You know what? No. This discussion is over,” Sawyer choked out, holding up a hand to stop Quinn. “No, I don’t want a woman. I’ll just handle it all myself. I have stuff for that.”

  “What else do you want to talk about?” Quinn asked, seeming unperturbed by her discomfort. She groaned and looked up to the sky.

  “I’ve been meaning to ask you something, and please don’t kill me. Your English is good, like very good. Are you good with all languages?” It had been bugging her. Quinn’s speech was a little broken sometimes, and normally he had this strange cadence, but for the most part, he spoke like a normal person. What came out of his mouth was weird, but the language was correct.

  “My mother was an English speaker. Other Druids near us spoke several languages. I picked them up so I could communicate. My mother thought teaching me to read and write was worthless, though.” Quinn’s posture grew a bit tense. “Don’t ask me more about them, please.”

  “Okay,” Sawyer agreed, holding up her hands. “I don’t mean to pry… well, I’m just really curious actually.”

  “Curiosity killed the cat,” Quinn mumbled, leaning down to scratch Scout behind the ears. “And someone’s animal bond can say a lot about a person.” He looked back up to her, and she grew a little cold. “You definitely deserved a feline. Midnight was her name?”

  “Don’t ask me about her,” Sawyer warned softly. They both had topics that weren’t approachable.

  “Okay.”

  They stayed silent for a little while as Quinn went to work on something. She watched, deciding she would rather stay out in this little patch of wild chaos than go back to the house. He had several notebooks, now, and she watched him write in them. She also saw he had a collection of encyclopedias and a dictionary.

  “What are you working on?” she asked softly, approaching him in the lean to.

  “I said I wanted to write down things I knew,” Quinn told her, “so, I am, but I don’t know how to spell the words, so I look them up. Sometimes I find them, but many times I can’t.” He sighed.

  “It might be that these are English books, and you are thinking in other languages,” Sawyer offered, kneeling next to him. “I’m not sure how to spell words in some of the languages you know because the rules are different. Sometimes even the characters or letters used can differ. I’m sure we can find out, though.”

  “Are you saying I’m only learning to read and write English, and it’s this hard?” Quinn’s nostrils flared in annoyance, and she nodded sympathetically. One of the guys was going to get strangled for not realizing Quinn needed to learn to read and write in several languages if he wanted to clearly put down his thoughts. Then again, they had only been worried about him getting some sort of piece of paper to prove he was educated. She just wanted him to be happy with reading and writing. If that meant he needed to learn every Native American dialect and language’s alphabet, she was going to try and make that work.

  “Yeah,” she said and sighed.

  The string of what she assumed were curses were in a language, or maybe several, that she didn’t understand. He glared at the books around him, and she put a hand gently on his forearm.

  “Quinn, we’ll find a way,” she murmured. “Maybe you should think of English words that mean something similar for now.” Maybe that would do until something better could be figured out.

  “Many of the words I want to use don’t have English words to describe the same thing,” Quinn growled softly.

  Never mind, she thought to herself. She hadn’t considered that, and she knew enough languages to understand that problem.

  “Don’t lose your temper. Things like this take time,” she continued softly. She needed him to remain calm and know it was just going to be hard work, not impossible. She understood the frustration, but it didn’t help them.

  “Okay,” he grunted. “We’ll work on this together?”

  “We will, though I might get the help of the team on it.” Sawyer chuckled.

  “Not Elijah,” Quinn growled. “Not him. We can’t tell him. Make sure they all know.”

  “Why?” Sawyer frowned. “You and Elijah are like… connected at the hip.”

  “I want to show him I can do it,” Quinn whispered. “Without him looking over my shoulder.”

  “Ah, well… I may have yelled at him about that,” Sawyer revealed to him.

  “So did I,” Quinn offered, giving her a small smile.

  She snorted and then started to laugh. Quinn joined her, and they spent the rest of the afternoon and evening together in the lean-to, talking about what he was trying to do. With dinner fast-approaching, she finally got up.

  “I’m going to go eat. You want to come?” she asked him, and he closed his third notebook of the day. His handwriting was atrocious, and he crossed stuff out instead of erasing it, but that was something he just needed to practice. He would go through a lot of paper until he felt confident in his writing.

  “Yes. I caught dinner, actually. They are all probably waiting on me.” Quinn jumped up. “I told them yesterday that we would be having venison because a few bucks wandered onto the property recently. Shade and Scout needed the hunt to keep up their skills, and one was already injured, so we took him down. That way, healthier deer can have the resources and continue to be healthy. This buck has been aging for just over a week and should be ready.”

  “Everything is the circle of life to you,” she said with a chuckle.

  She followed him to a small clearing with a hut. He led her inside and she noted the cold inside. There was no floor and she felt the enchantments in the walls of the hut, blocking out heat and keeping the inside cool. Elijah must have helped him with this place. She wondered what other weird things, like this shed, were hiding all over the property.

  “It’s the natural order. The strong eliminate the weak. The strong breed and have stronger children. The strong protect their young to continue after they’re gone. The weakest of them become the sustenance of others, to continue the balance.” Quinn looked at her and nodded. “You are strong. Stronger now than you were, even as an assassin. You protect strong young, and they grow into strong adults. You evolved into something that could continue in the harsh world.”

  “You have a way with words, Quinn Judge,” she whispered as he pulled down the meat from a rack. There was so much of it. “We aren’t eating all of this, right?”

  “No. We won’t eat all of it tonight. Much of it will go into the box freezer for later meals. I dry age the meat here for up to two weeks then move it to the house.”

  “It’s not hunting season, is it? I don’t remember.” Sawyer frowned.

  “I don’t know. They once tried to get me in trouble for it, but I’ve never gone by hunting seasons before. I make sure not to take does with young and bucks that are healthy. I’m not here for trophies. Their antlers are for the boys to chew on, not the wall. The coat is dried and cleaned, and I keep them for gifts.”

  “Gifts?” she asked, curious again.

  “I make things. I enjoy it,” Quinn mumbled like a child trying to hide something. “It’s nothing.”

  She was positive that it wasn’t nothing, but she didn’t press. When Quinn deflected a topic, she now knew to not push it.

  They made their way back to the house with the meat. Sawyer was carrying nearly fifty pounds. So was Quinn. Sure enough, Shade and Scout each carried an antler to chew on once they were inside. The sun was setting quickly, and Sawyer could hear the world around them changing.

  They got inside, Elijah and Zander waiting on them to get all the meat to the kitchen. They all joked and talked as dinner was prepared. Elijah was making them venison steaks with help from Quinn, who obviously had a strong nose and taste for the right seasonings to use.

  Sawyer made eye contact with Vincent, who gave her a small nod in greeting. She remembered their afternoon together and felt the quick pulse of lust shoot through her. Zander walked around her, accidentally bumping her from behi
nd, and she ground her teeth.

  Too many of them. There were just too many of them. At least Quinn, in the weirdest way imaginable, was safe. Yeah, he admitted to thinking about it, but he didn’t actively try. Thank the heavens. She wouldn’t be able to convince him that it was a bad idea. He would hunt her like a rabbit until he claimed her, if he wanted to. That much was clear.

  She sat down at the table and pretended nothing was going on with her as they ate.

  In reality, this was one of the best lives she’d had in a long time. Fucking one or more of them was bound to fuck it all up.

  “James called me today,” Vincent said, looking at Elijah. “About that body in Texas.”

  “I’ve heard about that.” Elijah groaned. “I’m on the fence about whether its Magi or not. That area just doesn’t have any, but without tox screenings and stuff back, no one has any idea.”

  Sawyer listened with interest and noticed everyone at the table was doing the same.

  “He wants us to keep an eye on it. He has a feeling that if the locals call for the IMPO to assist, we’ll be the ones sent,” Vincent told him, but it felt like it was directed at the entire table.

  “They can’t send us out until they have an official ruling on Axel,” Jasper reminded them, “because we can still get called up there to present evidence again or testify.”

  “That’s going to be coming soon, he thinks,” Vincent murmured, staring down at his plate. “I’ll give it another week, maximum.”

  “Okay,” Jasper sighed. “I was hoping we would get a full month…”

  “So was I,” Zander groaned. Elijah was nodding in agreement.

  Sawyer just followed along. Apparently, they were going back to work sooner than they had originally guessed.

  9

  Sawyer

  She stood in one of the clearings on the property, shielded and ready. Vincent stood in front of her, holding a short sword, also shielded. The rest of the team waited to the side, and the silence over them was expectant and on the edge, as if it was ready for action to begin.

  Two days after the firearms training with Vincent, she’d qualified for a sidearm as an IMPO agent. That was in the morning. Now she needed to show them that she could handle herself with other weapons.

  “Remember, this is more of a technicality. We know you can use them, we just need to verify the skills you have. Since we were also fighting in that hangar bay, we didn’t get a clear view of what you can do,” Elijah called out. “Don’t kill Vincent.”

  “I’ll try not to,” she muttered with a smirk. Vincent narrowed his eyes on her, and her smirk turned into a real grin.

  “I’ve got him shielded. She won’t be able to break it. And you removed the enchantments from her daggers, so they won’t be helping her.” Zander laughed. “Let’s get this shit started so we can get out of the heat.”

  “I’ll call time,” Jasper sighed. “Ten minutes. Go!”

  Sawyer and Vincent didn’t move. Sawyer swung the daggers in her fingers and threw one up and caught it. Vincent stepped closer to her.

  “How do you want to play this, Sawyer?” he asked carefully. “Magic or no?” She eyed him and shrugged. They should have worked this out before the time was called.

  “Sublimation only, since we both can?” She chuckled as he nodded.

  “Our shields will drop off, though,” he reminded her.

  “That’s fine,” she said with another shrug.

  “Now wait a minute!” Zander called out, but it was too late.

  He came at her and the fight began. A quick-as-hell approach, since he sublimated and flew at her. He reformed right in front of her, but low, swinging upwards to try and gut her. She sublimated and moved around him to go at his back while he was solid.

  Gasps could be heard from the sidelines. Sawyer was only solid for a moment as Vincent dodged her attack with his own magic. It was a dance as they moved around the clearing, going solid only to attempt a swing as the other did. Blades clashed.

  He was right. Since they’d sublimated back and forth, there was no way for Zander to keep them shielded. She knew the others were probably pretty pissed at Vincent and her for doing it.

  As the sparring continued, Sawyer noticed an odd sensation in her mind and wondered if Vincent was doing it. She stayed in smoke form longer than she normally would have and felt his smoke bleed into hers. She jerked back at the sensation it created. She reformed, then blinked away.

  Vincent became solid again with a grin.

  “I thought we said only sublimation,” he commented.

  “What the hell?” she growled. “What the fuck was that?”

  “That feeling is what happens when two Magi meet in smoke form. It’s harmless, just…” Vincent shrugged.

  Intimate. Almost a violation, but not quite. Their minds had been directly next to each other. Her Source has been touching his in a way she’d never experienced. It did weird things to her and seriously distracted her.

  “You’ve never had it happen before?” Vincent asked, still smiling at her.

  “No,” she answered softly. “Back to the fight. All abilities.” She was suddenly pretty pissed. He’d known it would freak her out, and he had intended to use it against her.

  “Fine.” Vincent chuckled and approached her. Their blades clashed again, but neither of them sublimated. This time, Sawyer blinked behind him and sent a slash up his back. She’d barely nicked him, but it was a good warning shot.

  “If you two are going to draw blood, you keep that shit non-fatal!” Elijah roared from his spot. “You get three. Whoever takes three hits, loses! Follow the Old Ways, you two mother fuckers!”

  Vincent got a slice on her thigh, and she stumbled, but only for a millisecond.

  “Fuck. They might actually kill each other,” Jasper groaned.

  Sawyer got in a cut over his forearm as he did the same to her bicep.

  “Zander, get fucking shields back on them,” Elijah snapped.

  Sawyer and Vincent continued to fight, using every advantage they could. He was physically stronger than her, but she always had speed on her opponents. Shields reformed around them, but Sawyer didn’t care.

  Vincent’s smile had pissed her off. She hit him hard enough to shatter the shield on him and make him stagger back and fall. She blinked over, straddling him, and poked his chest gently with the blade, causing a single drop of blood to show.

  “I win, asshole,” she hissed. She got off him and brushed off, looking to the other members of the team. “That good enough?”

  “Yup! Never letting you spar again,” Elijah huffed, walking over to her. “I’ll take those. I’ll put new enchantments on them, so you can use them during missions.” She handed him the daggers and looked back down at Vincent.

  “Here,” she sighed, holding a hand out. He took it and got up as Zander put a hand on her. His touch was hot, and she felt the small cuts get healed. He did the same to Vincent after she was done. Then he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her into him before she realized what was happening. Her back was to Zander’s chest, and he chuckled.

  “That was the hottest thing I’ve seen in years,” he purred into her ear. Vincent was glaring at the hand on her abdomen, and she looked down at it. She grabbed Zander’s hand and twisted his wrist until he yelped. He had turned up the playboy act recently, and she was starting to lose patience with him because she was losing the willpower to say no; but she wasn’t some chick that was going to be an easy conquest for Zander’s smile and his playboy act.

  “Don’t do that,” she growled at him. “I’m not a plaything, Zander.”

  “I’m sorry, Sawyer,” Zander grunted after she released him. She glared at him and then glared at Vincent. She wasn’t going to deal with that jealous shit from him, and he knew it. She didn’t belong to anyone, definitely not to him.

  “I could have told you not to do that,” Jasper groaned, crutching over to them. “Sorry, Sawyer. Any sort of manners I’ve ever
tried to teach him…”

  “Yeah, I know.” Sawyer snorted, smiling at Jasper. “This is Zander we’re talking about. He just needs to realize that I’m not the easy lay he’s used to.”

  “Baby, that’s the best part,” Zander chuckled.

  “Gluttons for punishment, all of you,” she mumbled quietly and began to walk away. She caught up with Quinn and Elijah. She slid her arm through Quinn’s and he chuckled. “Save me from them, Quinn. You’re big and scary.”

  “No,” Quinn chuckled. “You’re scary enough without my help.”

  “I’ll protect you, little lady,” Elijah drawled playfully, and she pushed him away from her other side.

  “No, you are a member of the other team,” she reminded him. He was on the ‘get Sawyer horny all the time’ team.

  “I can play both sides,” he retorted with a wink. “I already do. Call me Double Agent Elijah.”

  Sawyer laughed, throwing her head back. Damn him, he was right.

  “Elijah, you might be able to answer this, but why are they all so pushy now?” She pointed a thumb over her shoulder and he chuckled.

  “Are you saying Zander wasn’t to begin with?” Elijah grinned. “I’m a flirt but I don’t expect anything. He expects something from you, and now he knows you’ll be around for a long time. He can up his game. Jasper follows him… and you have real history with them. That doesn’t just disappear because you don’t want to deal with it. You don’t lose your v-card to your best friend and expect everyone to just move on from that. Or kiss the other one on accident and think it’s normal.”

  “Ah, now everyone knows,” Sawyer realized. “Fantastic.”

  “What’s a v-card?” Quinn asked softly.

  Sawyer and Elijah quickly explained the concept to him, but he just shrugged as if it didn’t matter.

  “Humans make all of this so complicated,” he finally muttered.

  “So yeah,” Elijah continued on. “Then there’s Vincent. I’m not sure what his problem is. He’s got issues. You seem to make all of those more complicated than he can handle.”