Secret Curves (Dangerous Curves Book 5)

by Marysol James

  At last, Curtis ran his hands through her wet hair. “C’mon, baby. I want to dry you off, then get that incredible body in to my bed.”

  She giggled, reluctantly released her grip on his hard, large muscles. “Sounds good.”

  He turned off the shower, grabbed a towel from the hook right next to the sliding glass door. Tenderly, as if she was made of porcelain, as if she was the most precious thing he’d ever touched, he toweled her off, being especially gentle between her legs. Tessa stood still, her body loose and almost boneless under his ministrations.

  When he’d wrapped her securely in the towel, he snagged another one, draped it around his lower body. He helped her out of the shower and hand-in-hand, they walked to his bedroom. He went over to his dresser, slid the drawer open, took out a t-shirt and a pair of boxers.

  He handed her the shirt. “Put this on, sweetness.”

  She took it, her smile sunny. “Thanks.”

  She tugged it down over her curves, and he sighed in disappointment. She cocked her head, let the towel drop to the floor. Now he groaned, and her smile widened.

  “Oh, you’ll see me again soon enough,” she teased him.

  “Yeah?” he said hopefully, pulling on the boxers.

  “Yeah.” She glanced down at him, and now she sighed. “And I’ll see you too, right?”

  “Ummm-hmmm,” he growled. “I can’t wait, actually.”

  “Me either.”

  He drew back the bed sheets and she climbed in. Curtis joined her in the bed and right away, she moved in to his arms. Her damp curls were spread across his naked chest, her fingers traced his strong collarbone. He rested his chin on the top of her head, and he just held her.

  “You need a rest, baby?” he asked softly.

  “Maybe.” She snuggled closer. “I’ve been so tired lately.”

  “I guess your body needs lots of time to recover from what it’s been through, huh?” His hands made small circles on her lower back, skimmed her hips. “It’s probably been in shock, and I mean for a long, long time.”

  She nodded. “I really hurt myself, Curtis.”

  His hands stilled. “I know. But that’s all over now.”

  “Yeah.” Tessa thought about what Curtis had made her feel that day, how he’d looked at her body as she stood naked and vulnerable in front of him. For the first time in years – maybe for the first time ever – Tessa started to feel at home in her own skin. “It is.”

  Chapter Ten

  “Curtis?”

  “Hmmm?” He ran his hands over her face, stared at her in the evening gloom. “You doing OK, baby?”

  Tessa propped herself up on one elbow. She’d dozed off-and-on for the entire afternoon, just relaxing in his embrace. Now her curls fell over her shoulders, loose and lovely, and his heart beat double-time. God, she was every single thing he’d ever thought she’d be – and she was far, far more, too. How she’d ended up in his bed like this was a mystery that a part of him was still trying to solve.

  “Yeah, I’m good,” she said.

  “Me too.” His smile was almost unbearably gorgeous, and she reached for him. She ran a fingertip over his cheek, loved how his eyes shut, and his breath got shallow and tight. The thought that this fiercely strong man could be made so helpless at her smallest touch was a powerful and surprising one.

  “Can we – is it OK if we talk a bit?” she said, hesitant and unsure.

  He heard it in her voice, and he opened his eyes. She looked scared again, and he felt something sharp twist in his chest. He never wanted her to look or feel this way again; he’d do anything he needed to do to stop her from being afraid.

  “We can talk anytime you want to,” he said. “What do you want to talk about?”

  “About…” She bit her full lip. “About you. Is that – is that OK?”

  “Yeah.” He rested his large hand on her hip, possessive and steady. “Anything you want to know, you go on and ask.”

  “But that’s the thing,” Tessa said. “I don’t really know what I want to ask. I mean, I want to know you. All of you. Even the hard things, the things that you said you never tell anyone. The things that you said you’d trust me with. But I’m scared to push, or upset you. I want to know, but I don’t want to put you on the spot, I guess.”

  He regarded her. “You want to know about my childhood?”

  “I do.” She met his gaze. “If you want to tell me.”

  “I want to tell you everything about me, baby.” He kissed her now, so incredibly tender. “And anyway, fair’s fair, Tessa, just like I said. The deal here is that you open up and trust me, and I do the same with you.”

  She smiled, touched and moved. Curtis was the ultimate vault of a man: hard and closed. The fact that he’d crack wide open for her was amazing. It was even a bit intimidating, the faith that he was showing in her, and she hoped that she was worthy of it.

  Also? She suspected that whatever he had stored and locked away deep inside was awful. Like, legitimately awful. She hated to think what he might have gone through as a child, but if there was one thing she knew, it was that they couldn’t have secrets between them. She needed to know Curtis, as much of him as possible.

  “OK,” she said. “Everything about you it is.”

  Curtis grinned, then sobered up a bit. Yeah, he wanted Tessa to know him, but he wished thought osmosis was humanly possible. He wasn’t a big talker at the best of times, and talking about emotional stuff was definitely not his strong suit. He’d give it his best shot for her, though. He’d do anything for her.

  “Alright.” He paused, gathered his thoughts. “Well, you know I’m from Denver, yeah?”

  She nodded, cuddled closer to him.

  “We lived in a pretty shit area. Westwood. Run-down house, the thinnest walls imaginable, no insulation so we damn near froze in the winter. But it was the best we could do, ‘cause my father was a fucking abusive loser.”

  Tessa was stunned at the venom and hatred in his voice; suddenly she was in bed with a stranger. He felt her tense up, and right away, he softened next to her. He stroked her hair and she relaxed, feeling like she knew him again.

  “Anyway,” Curtis said. “I was an accident, and he never let me forget it. According to him, if I’d never been born, he’d have been a pro baseball player, but I held him back. Ruined his career, ruined his whole damn life. It was utter bullshit, of course, and even as a small kid, I knew it. No way a man who couldn’t even hold down a goddamn job had the discipline to make it in sports. But I was a convenient excuse and a scapegoat, and that made me his favorite punching bag.”

  “Curtis…” She kissed his chest, her lips lingering on his scars. “I’m sorry.”

  “Oh, Mom was a close second in the punching bag pecking order, so he spread the misery around pretty well. An equal-opportunity abuser, that was my sperm donor.” He was quiet now, keeping his rage in check. No need for her to see how deep and dark it went, after all. “We were fucking terrified all the time, and the only time we ever felt safe was when he was in jail for something.”

  “He was in jail a lot?”

  “Hell, yeah. Petty crap, like bar fights and public drunkenness, but he also did dumb shit like holding up convenience stores with a toy gun.” Curtis shook his head. “He was a goddamn moron, no two ways about it, but he was an alcoholic and had a temper and he was huge, and all of that’s a bad combination. Especially for a woman and kid trapped in his personal space, and with no choices or ways out.”

  Tessa nodded, her throat tight. She knew all about being at the mercy of an unstable parent’s whims, and she knew exactly how powerless it made you. It was nothing short of nightmare-inducing, and she hadn’t even experienced violence. Insecurity and uncertainty, yes. But not beatings or physical abuse. Not ever, not even once.

  “So that’s why I never had a birthday cake or p
resents or a party,” Curtis said. “Why the hell would he celebrate the birth and existence of the worst thing that had ever happened to him?”

  Tessa felt tears stinging. She was actually hurting for Curtis, physically hurting. The thought that this decent, loving man had spent most of his life feeling so damn unwanted made her ache.

  “Where is he now?” Tessa said, hoping to hell that Curtis responded ‘jail’ or ‘Timbuktu’. “And your Mom? Where’s she?”

  Curtis’s arms tightened around her, and she winced a bit. God, he was so strong with those arms like iron, and even though she knew he didn’t mean to hurt her, he was holding her tight enough for it to be uncomfortable. But the next thing that he said made her forget her discomfort, made her understand why he was gripping her so damn close.

  “He’s hanging around Denver working odd jobs and gambling and running scams,” Curtis told her. “And Mom’s dead.”

  “Oh, no. I’m sorry, Curtis.” Tessa paused, not sure if he was going to talk any more about his parents.

  “Me too.” Curtis’ voice was rough with hurt and anger now. “He killed her.”

  Tessa stared at him. “He what?”

  “He killed my mother.” Curtis sighed. “Beat her to death. I was six.”

  She was afraid to ask, but she did anyway. “Were you there when it happened?”

  “I was. I heard everything, saw everything.” He stopped, trying to get up the courage to utter the next two words. “Did nothing.”

  “What could you do, babe?” She touched his arm. “You were a child. You were six.”

  He shook his head. “I tell myself that, sweetness, but it doesn’t seem to make much difference most of the time. I wish that –” His voice trailed off.

  “What? What do you wish?”

  “I was stealing money from him,” Curtis said abruptly, and Tessa wondered at the sudden change in topic. “I’d wait until he was passed out drunk, then I’d take whatever he had in his pockets. I was hiding it away for me and Mom to run away, you see. I was trying to save her, save us. I was going to get us out of there. You know?”

  Tessa nodded quietly.

  “But this one night…” Curtis took a deep breath. “This one night, he’d been to the track, and he’d won big. Like, fucking huge. He got loaded, came home, passed out as usual. I waited, then went through his pockets. Found almost a thousand dollars.” He stopped again.

  “You took it?” Tessa prompted.

  “Yeah. Yeah, I took it.”

  “And?”

  “And he came to,” Curtis said slowly. “Went looking for the money, but it was gone. He – he accused Mom of taking it.”

  “Oh, no.” Terrified, Tessa suddenly knew every single thing that was coming. “Curtis. No.”

  His smile was twisted with regret. “Yeah. She had no idea that I’d been stealing the money, see. I hadn’t said a goddamn word to her about it, since my plan was to just present her with the cash when I thought we had enough to run. I actually… I planned to tell her the next day. I thought I finally had enough – that thousand bucks was like a godsend. Until it wasn’t.”

  Tessa sighed.

  “Anyway.” Curtis gripped her tight again, and this time she didn’t mind at all. “He burst in to their bedroom, where Mom was sleeping. Started shouting at her to give the fucking money back, but she didn’t have it. I did.” He swallowed hard. “I was in my bedroom, and I heard everything. I collected all the money from all the hiding places I’d stashed it – in my school bag, in my socks, buried in the backyard – but by the time I’d found it all and went to their room to give it back to him, it was all over.”

  “She – your mother…”

  “Yeah. He’d lost control, totally. She was dead.”

  “I’m sorry.” Tessa’s heart was breaking for him. “I’m sorry, babe.”

  “So he went to jail for eight years,” Curtis said, not able to talk about his Mom for one second longer. “And I moved in with my aunt and uncle. Stayed in school, just barely, started boxing. Got good enough to fight for money, so I did that for a while, but then I enlisted.” He ran his fingers over her back. “Didn’t shine in the army, but I made it through two tours in one piece, mostly by dumb luck. I came back to Denver, got the job at Curves. Bouncing and beating the crap out of drunk idiots – I think that’s the best I can do, really. I scraped through high school, but I wouldn’t last a damn minute at college. I’m good with my fists and I’m good with fighting, but I ain’t cut out for office work, or anything really professional.”

  “That’s true,” she said, teasing him a bit. “You don’t even have a tie, after all.”

  He grinned down at her, startled at her sweetness yet again. “Nope. Not in my wardrobe.”

  They kissed, a soft, lingering kiss. Tessa shut her eyes, and felt Curtis’ warmth and goodness just surround her. It was incredible to her that this man had come from such a monstrous, violent background, yet he held her like she was the finest, most delicate piece of china. She leaned back a bit, and he gazed at her. He knew she had more to ask, and he knew he had more to say, and he held her close.

  “What is it, baby?” he said softly. “You can ask me, whatever it is.”

  She bit her lip. “You don’t – do you… do you blame yourself? For your Mom?”

  Curtis sighed again, a huge, heavy sigh. “I do.”

  “You were six,” she said again. “And you were doing all you could to get you both out of that house. You knew that you needed money, you knew that the only person to get it from was him. You were being smart, Curtis, and amazingly practical. You were a survivor, and you wanted your Mom to survive too.”

  “Instead I got her killed.”

  “No.” Tessa was adamant. “No. You didn’t anything. He killed her. He made that choice, and if the abuse had been going on for years, then he was escalating. Situations like this, they just never get better, not unless and until the abuser wants them to. And it sounds like he had no interest whatsoever in stopping. It was working for him, and he was going to keep hitting you both until you ran or until someone died. That’s how these things always end, Curtis. Always.”

  He was silent, and she touched his face.

  “Hey,” she said. “Look at me.”

  He did, and she was stunned to see him totally vulnerable. No tears, no crying, but Curtis was shaken and hurting. He’d trusted her with his worst experience, with his personal unrelenting demon, with something that he’d carried around for almost thirty years. She looked in to his blue eyes and saw nothing but guilt and regret – and Tessa’s heart broke for him, just broke clean in two.

  “I love you,” she said. “You’re the best man I know.”

  The corner of his mouth quirked up. “You must not know many men, baby.”

  “Hey!” she said, mock-indignant. “I know plenty of men, big guy. Hundreds.”

  “Oh, yeah?” he said, amused. “Hundreds, huh?”

  “Thousands.” She smiled at him. “And you’re the kindest, gentlest, most loving of all of them. I trust you. I trust you with everything. My secrets, and my shame, and my body, and my heart.” Tessa traced his lips. “Everything, Curtis. You’ll take care of it all. You’ll take care of me. I know that.”

  “I will,” he said fiercely. “I’ll never let anyone hurt you, not even when that someone is you.”

  “I know.”

  “I’m not a small kid anymore,” he said suddenly, really needing to say this to her, to himself. “I can protect the people that I love now.”

  “I know.”

  He peered at her. “You really trust me? You think I’m worthy of your trust?”

  “Completely.”

  He fell silent again, thinking it all through, and she let him. Finally, he shook his head a bit, tucked her in to his side.

  “You need to know, Tessa,
I’m – I’m not awesome at relationships. Like, with women.” He considered. “Well, actually… with anybody, really. I’m just bad at relationships, full-stop.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean that I’ve spent my whole damn life thinking that I’d never feel love again. The only person I ever loved was my Mom, and after her, I just closed right up. As I got older and I got in to boxing and then the army and then bouncing, I thought that – that I was exactly like him. Violent, hard, unemotional.”

  Tessa disagreed with that with every inch of her being, but she stayed quiet for now, let him finish.

  “I’ve never hurt a woman, baby. Never raised my hand to one, never shouted at one, and I fucking never will. I’d die before I’d do to any woman what he did to Mom… but I haven’t been able to really let anyone in, either. Not until now. Not until you.”

  Curtis stroked her golden curls, still not totally able to believe that she was here with him. Safe and warm and naked under his t-shirt.

  “I’ve loved exactly two people in the whole of my life.” Curtis’ voice was shaking with emotion, and she started, knowing that he was totally wide open to her now. “One is dead, the other is here with me. And when I saw you hurting yourself so badly? I – I couldn’t stand it. I thought that I’d lose you, too. And if I had? I don’t think I’d be able to love again, sweetness. Not anyone, not ever.”

  “I’m not going anywhere, Curtis,” Tessa said firmly. “I promise you.”

  He nodded, started to say something, hesitated again. She waited, knowing that he’d tell her when he was ready.

  “I still hate him,” Curtis said softly. “I hate him like poison, baby, and the worst part is that I fucking look just like him. I look in the mirror some days, and there he is, staring right back at me.”

  Tessa shivered. She couldn’t imagine what that must do to Curtis’ head, and she felt a surge of protectiveness move through her body. This man had been through enough, fucking more than enough, and he deserved some peace. He deserved something good in his life, and she sent up a quick prayer that she could maybe be that good thing for him. If he’d let her, she’d work so damn hard to make him happy.