King of Campus

by Jennifer Sucevic

I can only roll my eyes. Yeah… I’m sure that’s exactly how it went down. More like Dylan was crawling on his hands and knees, begging her to take him back. If anyone has been out of their mind, it’s that guy. Talk about mopey... “I’m glad you got your shit settled.”

  Sobering, he agrees, “Yeah, being without her was driving me bat shit crazy.”

  He’s not kidding either. I snort. “What are you talking about? You’re always bat shit crazy. Don’t blame it on Lexie breaking you’re heart.”

  Dylan looks just about ready to retaliate when someone shouts my name.

  “Roan King?”

  It’s not difficult finding who the voice belongs to. There are people dotting the stands watching practice but this guy is leaning against the cement wall of the tunnel that leads inside to the locker rooms. As I hold his stare, it occurs to me that he looks vaguely familiar but I can’t place where I know him from. Which honestly, isn’t all that unusual. People are constantly talking to me or introducing themselves. I meet hundreds of people a week.

  Not really in the mood to shoot the shit with some dude after the punishing two hour practice coach just put us through, I say, “Yeah, that’s me.”

  As his eyes continue holding mine, I suddenly get the feeling that he’s not here because he’s a fan. Nor has he shown up to yap at me about the Bulldogs or the outstanding season we’re in the midst of. “You have a minute to talk?”

  My gaze slides to Dylan, who promptly rolls his eyes before picking up his pace and disappearing inside the tunnel. “Catch you later, man,” he hollers over his shoulder.

  Running my fingers through my drenched hair, the guy lifts himself from the wall before moving towards me. Finally he sticks out his hand. I’m still sweaty and kind of dirty. So I wipe my palm on my white pants before reaching to shake his.

  “Eric Wexler, I’m one of Ivy’s professors.”

  That’s when recognition hits me. I give him just a bit of a chin nod. “Yeah, right. You teach dance.” I shift my helmet from one hand to the other wondering what the hell this guy is doing here on the football field.

  Even though he smiles, it’s tight as if he doesn’t really want to be here talking to me. Which makes two of us, I guess. I’m sweaty and tired. I just want to hit the showers, shovel some food into my mouth, study for a couple of hours, and then curl up with Ivy for the night. I need a little one on one time with my girl. I almost snort because I seriously love the way that sounds. Who would have ever thought I’d enjoy being tied down?

  I know… totally crazy.

  “Yes, I do.” For just a moment he shifts uncomfortably under my stare. Like he’s not quite sure how to broach what needs to be said. Which is definitely weird…

  Before he can say anything, I ask, “Is something wrong with Ivy?” Even I can hear the threads of concern weaving their way through my words. I mean, why the hell else would this guy be here? “Is she in trouble or something?” The thought leaves me stone cold and just a bit panicky.

  After a long silent moment, he finally shakes his head. His shoulders sag just a bit before he sighs. He looks even more uncomfortable. “Look, she not going to be happy that I’m here talking to you. But you need to know what’s going on-”

  Again I shift before cutting him off. “But Ivy’s okay, right?”

  Almost instantly his face softens as the words spill from my lips. “She’s fine but there’s something she hasn’t told you.”

  I wish this guy would just spit out what he’s come here to say. Because right now it feels like he’s messing with my head. If there’s something wrong with Ivy, I want to know what it is. I honestly can’t imagine what he’s come all the way over here to tell me. Nor can I imagine what Ivy could possibly be keeping from me. But it must be pretty big if he felt the need to seek me out at the stadium.

  His eyes skitter away for a long moment before he finally mutters, “She’s going to be pissed that I said anything to you.”

  Feeling suddenly aggravated that he won’t get to it, I snap, “Dude, just tell me what the hell is going on.”

  Straightening to his full height, he finally says, “You know the Cincinnati audition?”

  Why the hell is he bringing that up? “Yeah, she was passed over for it.”

  Silently Eric stares at me before slowly shaking his head. “No, she wasn’t.”

  What the fuck is this guy saying?

  Rearing back, I fold my arms across my chest. My red and white helmet dangles from my fingers. “Yeah, she told me she was…” as soon as I bite out the words, the implication of what he’s saying finally sinks in. Feeling confused and caught off guard, I slowly shake my head. “Are you telling me that Ivy lied about the audition?” I can’t believe she would do that.

  “That’s exactly what I’m saying,” he replies softly.

  “But why?” My brows pinch together. She wanted this so badly. “Why would she do that? She’s been working her entire life for a shot like this.” What he’s saying doesn’t make the least bit of sense. Ivy wouldn’t lie about something like that. It’s all she’s ever wanted. It’s her dream to dance for a company.

  Slowly he nods his head in agreement. “Yeah, she has.”

  Again I ask, “Why?” My lips slide down at the corners. Because I finally understand the look in his eyes. It’s as if he’s silently accusing me of sabotaging her budding career before it ever has a chance to take off. Shifting my hips, I point to my chest right before narrowing my eyes. “You think this has something to do with me?”

  Looking decidedly unhappy, Eric sighs. “I think it has everything to do with you. A few months ago, Ivy never would have turned down an opportunity like this. She was with that other guy for far longer than she’s been with you and she didn’t think twice about studying in Paris for almost a year and a half.”

  He cocks his head to the side as if he’s trying to take my measure. It has me unconsciously drawing up to my full height. Which is, by the way, considerably taller than this guy.

  Professor or not.

  It’s as if he’s trying to figure out exactly what Ivy sees in me. Even though I’m pissed off she kept this from me, my chest swells with love for her. Because this dude can’t possibly see what Ivy does. She’s one of the few people who has ever taken the time to get to know the real me.

  “Look, Roan,” he finally says, “you can’t just let her walk away from this.”

  Like I want her to do that? Of course I don’t. Feeling surly, I suddenly ask, “What am I supposed to do?”

  “Don’t stand in her way. You’ve seen her dance, she belongs on a stage performing. She may not regret her decision right away, but she will. Eventually. Especially if she’s not able to get in anywhere else. Or, god forbid, she injures herself and isn’t able to dance at a professional level.”

  The salvia in my mouth dries even thinking about it. I only want the best for Ivy. She deserves it. The last thing I want is to stand in the way of her achieving everything she possibly can. I don’t ever want to be the reason she doesn’t chase down a dream. And I sure as hell don’t want her resenting me for holding her back.

  I like Ivy… hell, I love her… but who knows what’s going to happen in the future. We haven’t been together all that long. It almost defies logic that she would give up this kind of opportunity… for me.

  Me.

  Again something surges in my chest to the point of cracking wide open right here on the football field.

  “Roan.”

  His voice snaps me back to the conversation we’re in the middle of having. “If you truly care about Ivy, you won’t stand in her way. She needs to do this and time is running out. She hasn’t officially turned it down yet. If she does, she’ll never get another chance to dance with Cincinnati again. They won’t look at her. It’s as simple as that.”

  Slowly I mutter, “But I told her if she got this, we’d make it work. What more do you want me to do?” What else can I do? I don’t want to hold her back but I don’t want
to lose her either. It took me way too fucking long to find her. To find someone who sees me for who I am.

  He eyes me for just a moment and what I see there instantly puts me on edge. “Look, it’s obvious your future is just getting ready to unfold as well. Do you even know where you’ll be after this year?”

  It’s slowly that I shake my head. I don’t think I like where this conversation is going. “No. I won’t know anything until April.”

  “I think Ivy realizes that if she leaves Barnett, the chances of your relationship surviving are slim. She’ll be busting her ass in Cincinnati and won’t have much in the way of free time and you’ll be god knows where, also busting your ass without much free time.” He allows those words to sink in for just a moment before continuing, “Do you realize just how difficult that’ll be? You’ll both be starting high pressure, intensely physical careers in different cities. Trying to make a name for yourselves…”

  My heart actually constricts at his words. Because, damn him, he’s right.

  There’s only one thing to do.

  And we both fucking know it.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Do you hear that? It’s the sound of thousands of Barnett women rejoicing that Roan King is once again single… Guess Ivy Kaster’s loss is our gain. KingOfCampus.com

  Roan

  “Hey, I didn’t expect to see you tonight. I thought you had- and I quote,” she holds her fingers up to make little bunny ears, “a shit ton of work to plow through.” Smiling just a bit, Ivy gives me a quick kiss. Now that Eric has filled me in, I see the heaviness of her decision weighing her down. I’d thought it was simply the pain of being rejected. But it’s not. Even she knows what she’s set on doing is wrong. It only reinforces what I need to do to make this right again.

  Knowing that Ivy is willing to sacrifice her dreams makes me feel completely unworthy.

  I don’t deserve that kind of love from her.

  I try hoisting a small smile but just can’t get the edges of my lips to tilt upwards. It’s too damn hard. My heart already aches from what I’m about to do. And I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that everything within me is screaming for me to turn around and leave.

  But I have to. I don’t have a choice in the matter.

  “Yeah, I do. So I can’t stay long.” I have to clear the thick emotion from my throat just so I can force the rest of the words out before I do something stupid… like swallow them back down and pull her into my arms where she belongs. “But we need to talk.”

  My words have her brows sliding together into a tight line. She purses her lips. Her eyes suddenly probing mine a little more carefully. Because she’s so attuned to me, she knows something isn’t right. I can see it in the way she’s holding herself. “We do?”

  A tidal wave of dread washes over me as I give her a curt nod. “Yeah.” Feeling jittery, I run a quick hand through my hair. God this sucks. Worse, I can’t just come out and tell her I know she’s lying to me. I don’t want her getting pissed off at Eric. She needs him in her life. He’s been her biggest champion in the dance world. I can’t take that away from her. Ivy’s already lost enough as it is. She can’t afford to lose him, too.

  “So, you know how I’ve been thinking about putting off the draft for another year and staying at Barnett…”

  It’s clear from the confused expression on her face that she doesn’t know where I’m going with this. What I’m about to say is going to blindside the fuck out of her but I don’t know any other way to do it. Sitting on her bed, with her legs crossed, she jerks her head into a nod.

  Of course she does. We’ve had many conversations about the ramifications of entering the draft this January or waiting another year and finishing up my degree. But after talking with Eric, I finally made a decision. And actually, it feels like the right thing to do. I just don’t think I can stay here at Barnett without her. The memories will end up killing me.

  “So, I’ve decided to go ahead and do it. I’m entering the draft in January.”

  A big bright smile lights up her face as she jumps gracefully off the bed and bounces right into my arms. “I’m so happy for you, Roan! If you think it’s the right decision, then it is.”

  I nod. As much as I want to wrap my arms around her and hold her long lean body close to mine, I don’t. Because if I do, I’m afraid I won’t be able to walk away from her when I’m done.

  “Yeah, I think so, too,” I add softly.

  Sensing that something still isn’t right, she pulls away until she’s able to meet my somber gaze. Any moment I’m going to crack. I can all but feel it.

  “Roan?”

  Again I have to clear my throat as my eyes slide away from hers. I can’t look at her as I recite the words. I just can’t. “So here’s the thing- I feel like I need to focus on football right now. I need to get bigger, stronger, faster. My agent thinks if I can improve my times at the combine, I’ll generate more interest with the scouts. Then I’ll have a better chance of going in the first or second round and securing a bigger signing bonus.”

  I let those words hang in the air.

  For a long painful heartbeat, she doesn’t say anything. Finally I force my eyes to fasten onto hers. Still she doesn’t make a sound. Not one single fucking sound. All she does is stare at me with big wide eyes that are swimming with both hurt and shock. Like she can’t quite believe those words just came tumbling out of my mouth.

  The look in her eyes is killing me. I feel like such an asshole right now because I don’t want her to believe for one fucking moment that football is more important than her.

  It’s not.

  And ball has always been more important than just about anything in my life.

  But not Ivy.

  Never Ivy.

  In the short time I’ve known her, Ivy has come to mean absolutely everything to me. No one knows me the way she does. And it’s doubtful anyone will ever know me like that again. She sees the person I am beneath all the hype, all the bullshit. It’s going to kill me to let her go. The only consolation I have is that it would slowly kill her to stay. To give up this opportunity to dance with the Cincinnati Ballet. I just can’t allow that to happen. It’s that knowledge alone that has me following through with this.

  “What are you saying?” Her words sound as if they’re being strangled from her body.

  Again I plow my hand through my hair in agitation as I glance away from her right before the words spill from my lips. “I think it’s best if we take a break right now so I can focus on the draft. I can’t afford to have any distractions right now.”

  She makes a hurt little noise deep in her throat that cuts me to the quick. “You’re saying I’m a… a distraction?” So much devastation packed into those six little words.

  No, god, no!

  It takes everything within me not to reach out and grab hold of her, to soothe her with words of love as I wrap my arms around her. The last thing I want is to push her away.

  “Right now- yeah. I have to give one hundred percent to this.” I shrug my shoulders. “All my focus and drive needs to be concentrated on the draft. On adding muscle and cutting down my times. And then there’s school…” I suck in a deep, painful breath of air before adding, “I need to finish strong. It’s important to me.”

  When she slowly untangles herself from me, I know it’ll be the last time I hold her in my arms. Already they ache from the loss of her.

  “How can you say that? I thought,” shaking her head, her slender shoulders slump before she turns away. Bowing her head, she buries her face her in hands. She doesn’t make a single sound. I really don’t think I could bear to hear her cry right now. I’m on the verge of crumbling as it is. One little heartbreaking sound from her and it’ll be over. I won’t be able to stop myself from yanking her back into my arms and telling her that I didn’t mean one damn word of what I said.

  This is so much harder than I thought it would be.

  Like a magnet, I feel the pull of her an
d can’t resist moving closer. Even though I’m the one bent on inflicting pain, I want to somehow make it better. Gently I lay a hand on her shoulder. As soon as I do, it goes rigid. I hate that what I’m doing will end up tainting our entire relationship.

  “It’s just bad timing.” I gulp, “Maybe after the draft is over and I know where I’m going…” My words trail off because I have no idea where I’m going. I could end up in Seattle or Green Bay or Florida, for fuck’s sake.

  And she’ll be in Cincinnati.

  Trying to make a name for herself. Just like Eric said. She sure as hell doesn’t need me anchoring her down. I don’t even know if we could make it work regardless. Eric filled my head with so many doubts.

  Inhaling a shaky breath, she says quietly, “No. I don’t think so, Roan. I think this is it for us.”

  Then she turns and I’m once again drowning in those liquid emerald depths of hers as she impales me with them. They feel like a sword going right through my fucking heart. “I’m really sorry, Ivy.” More sorry than she’ll ever know. I’m doing this for you, I want to say. Because you deserve this break. You deserve this chance to be out there lighting up the stage. And I can’t hold you back from that. You would end up hating me for it. And I would only end up hating myself for not being strong enough to let you go.

  But I don’t think she sees any of that lurking within my eyes.

  Nodding, her gaze never strays from mine. “I know how much you want this. And I would never stand in your way or do anything to hold you back from achieving your dreams.”

  Her words give me the much needed strength to walk away because she’s absolutely fucking right. She would never stand in my way.

  And I won’t be the one to stand in hers either.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Other than around campus, Roan King sightings have become a rarity… Apparently someone must be nursing a broken heart. Who would have thought that our very own campus player had a heart buried beneath all that sexy muscle? Trust me, I’m just as shocked as the rest of you. KingOfCampus.com