From Fling to Wedding Ring

by Karin Baine

  ‘I’m so sorry to ruin your night but he’s been behaving very oddly. Even more so than usual.’ Amy rushed to meet them as they entered the apartment and ushered them towards Ben’s grandfather sitting quietly in the living room.

  ‘You were just right to call me. Grandad, how are you feeling?’ There was no way of knowing from one minute to the next if he would recognise him so Ben approached with caution. He’d also asked Mollie to hang back for the time being. While he appreciated her support, he still wanted to keep her safe as well as prevent his grandfather any more distress. It reinforced the reality of the situation and what a juggling act it was going to become for all involved, but if Mollie was willing to risk it all for love then so was he.

  His grandfather stared at him, unblinking.

  ‘He’d complained of a headache earlier and feeling a bit dizzy.’ Amy came to sit next to him on the settee and primped the cushions around him to make him more comfortable.

  Ben had seen him confused and sometimes uncoordinated on many occasions now, but the trouble he seemed to be having focusing on what Ben was saying suggested a new sinister element to add to his health concerns.

  ‘Are you still dizzy? Do you have any pain anywhere?’ Ben knelt beside him and waved a finger in front of his eyes to see if he could follow it. There was no initial response then, suddenly, an odd gurgling sound as his grandfather tried to form words. The right side of his mouth began to droop and the glass of water in his hand fell to the ground.

  ‘Amy, perhaps you could go get a blanket so we can keep Hugh warm and I’ll clean up the mess.’ Mollie guided the only non-medical professional from the room so they could deal with what was obviously a medical emergency. His grandfather was showing all the signs of having a stroke.

  ‘I’m going to call an ambulance, Grandad. We need to get you to hospital right away.’ The loss of blood supply to the brain could be ischemic—due to a blood clot obstructing flow or haemorrhagic bleeding in or around the brain tissue—but immediate treatment was necessary as a stroke could lead to permanent disability or even death.

  ‘I think I have some aspirin in my bag.’ Mollie rifled through the pockets of her satchel bag until she found what she was looking for and popped the little white pill under Hugh’s tongue. As well as a painkiller, the anti-platelet would also reduce the chances of another blood clot forming. They wouldn’t know until he’d been given brain scans at the hospital if medication would be enough to dissolve any clots or he would require surgery.

  The professional confidence with which she took control of proceedings gave him the space to make the emergency phone call for help without causing his grandfather any further distress. She kept his grandfather reassured and made him as comfortable as possible while they waited for the ambulance and Ben hoped this was a sign that she was on board with him come what may. Finally it seemed he had someone he could rely on.

  Ben locked the door behind them as they trooped out into the entrance hall, having already dispatched Amy home with the promise to keep her up to date with his grandfather’s progress.

  ‘Are you coming with us?’ he asked her as the paramedics stretchered their patient out to the ambulance.

  * * *

  Mollie could only watch with a growing sense of dread as they loaded the ambulance. This was a glimpse into the future if she chose to follow but her head and her feet refused to move. She loved Ben but they were yet to make a commitment to one another and here they were already in the midst of another crisis; a worrying sign of what was to come. One that could have life-changing consequences. A stroke could leave his grandfather with even greater needs than before, and as a result greater demands of those around him.

  She hadn’t wanted to come in the first place and get caught up in the drama again and had only conceded when she’d seen that defeated look on Ben’s face when he’d left her apartment alone. His grandfather was unpredictable and there was always that possibility of him kicking off at any given moment. She didn’t want to live in the shadow of fear any more, nor of that guilt that had brought her this far.

  It would only be a matter of time before the idea of love would be overtaken by a sense of duty preventing escape and she couldn’t put herself in that position again. She had to get out now before it was too late. Even though her heart was breaking.

  ‘No. This is family business, Ben.’

  ‘Don’t do this to me, Mollie. Just get in the damn ambulance.’ He shouted at her, demanded she do as she was told and gave her another glimpse of that temper she was afraid was lurking, waiting until she was in too deep before it made itself truly known. Without even knowing it he’d made the decision for her.

  ‘I’m sorry, Ben. I just can’t.’

  ‘Why are you here then? Why did you let me believe you were different...?’

  The last thing she saw in that fraction of a second before they closed the ambulance doors was the haunting look of betrayal across Ben’s face. She knew the timing was atrocious when he was at the lowest point already with his grandfather’s health hanging in the balance, but she had to do whatever it took to protect herself. There was no one else to do it for her. Except this didn’t feel any better than if they’d never slept together. If anything it was worse. She’d let them both believe they could have something more.

  Mollie watched the ambulance drive away, trailing her heart along behind it and leaving nothing but shredded bloodied remains in the middle of the road. She knew his grandfather was in a bad way and naturally took precedence in Ben’s thoughts. She knew it was a bad idea to tie herself down to more domestic drama after finally making her bid for independence from it. That didn’t prevent her from pining for an existence with him in it.

  It took every ounce of dignity and strength for her not to jump in a taxi and follow them to the hospital, but she knew this was the only way she could ever move forward in her own life.

  Instead of the light sensation she expected to experience every night she returned to her quiet little flat with no one to bother her, her chest was heavy with dread on the journey home. Even now she’d made the cruellest break imaginable she couldn’t help but wonder how Ben was coping or what the implications of Hugh’s suspected stroke would have for them both. Or what kind of woman could do the things for them that she couldn’t. She was heartbroken and alone but the tears refused to come. It wasn’t going to do her any good sitting here feeling sorry for herself when it had been her choice to push away the one person she’d ever truly loved to save herself.

  The Ice Queen had made her bed and now she’d have to lie in it. Alone.

  * * *

  Ben hoped they had enough charge in their defibrillator here for him because he was sure his heart had just stopped. He couldn’t believe Mollie had done this to him again.

  As they drove away, sirens blaring, the rage inside him was threatening to blow the doors out and send him running back to find her. He was angry at Mollie for not being the woman he’d imagined, but mostly he was ticked off at himself for believing he could have it all. It was unfair to ask her to take on his problems as well as her own, but he’d thought that this relationship meant more to her than either of them had admitted. He didn’t know if telling her he loved her would’ve made things any better and now it was too late to find out. She’d made her position very clear. She valued her independence more than a relationship with him and his baggage. He pictured the dress he’d hoped to surprise her with, still hanging in his wardrobe along with all his hopes and dreams for the future. If he’d been a vindictive man he’d be planning to take a pair of scissors to it, but it was more likely he’d leave it there as a reminder never to trust a woman, or his heart, again.

  He’d planned for the dance competition to be the start of something special between them, where he’d tell her how much he loved her, they’d wow the judges with their amazing chemistry and walk off into the sunset holding h
ands. Okay, so none of that was likely except for the part about telling her how he felt and hoping that was enough to win her heart. Now he knew it wasn’t. Neither was she the woman he thought he’d fallen in love with if she could walk away so easily when he needed her most.

  ‘Hang in there, Grandad.’ He reached across the pulley and squeezed Hugh’s hand but he knew they were both strong enough to get through this.

  The trouble was every blow they took made the heart a little weaker.

  CHAPTER TEN

  THE ONLY THING more agonising than a messy break-up was the prospect of seeing the ex you loved with all your heart again. The idea of having to make small talk while all the while you could picture those intimate moments together in each other’s arms was slow torture but Mollie knew she didn’t have a choice. She wasn’t going to leave the job she loved simply to save embarrassment and she was under no illusion Ben would either. Their jobs, their patients, depended on communication between them and as such she knew she had to tackle the problem head-on, speak to him before resentment set in and spoiled everything they’d been working towards here at the clinic.

  ‘Can I have a few moments of your time?’ She confronted him before they were due to have their first multidisciplinary meeting since she’d watched him and his grandfather leave in the ambulance. Her mouth was dry, her palms clammy, as she waited for his reaction to seeing her again.

  ‘I think we’ve said all we needed to say and we both have some place to be. Unless you’re thinking of ditching your responsibilities here, too?’ That harsh tone was still there, making her flinch and convincing her the chances of him ever forgiving her were probably slim.

  ‘I’m not leaving the clinic, neither are you, so I think it would be best all round if we could at least manage to be civil to each other at work.’ She was doing her best to keep emotion out of her tone and let her cool alter ego handle this, but it seemed as though Frosty Knickers had thawed around the edges lately.

  ‘Civil,’ he muttered under his breath and shook his head as if she’d said something outrageously funny.

  ‘I’m just trying to make things easier here.’ Although she was beginning to wish she hadn’t bothered if he was going to continue being infantile about it.

  ‘Really? My grandfather had a stroke and you left me. How easy do you think that’s been for me, Mollie?’

  ‘I’m sorry. How is he? I heard he’d been released.’ Actually, she’d gone out of her way to find out that snippet of information but it wasn’t going to help this situation to admit it.

  ‘A mild stroke. He’s recovering well but, as you know, that means there’s an increased risk of more in the future. You probably did the right thing in getting out when you did or you’d never have escaped that role of carer. Congratulations on your independence.’ He turned his back on her to walk away and, though she deserved it, she still felt the need to justify her actions.

  ‘That wasn’t the reason I couldn’t commit to you both.’ She grabbed his arm tight and forced him to look at her.

  ‘So if it wasn’t his illness, what was it? Were you just looking for somebody to make yourself feel better?’ Hurt oozed from every bitter word he threw at her and she hated that she’d caused him the same pain his parents and his ex had put him through. If all she could do was give him an explanation to aid the healing, she would gladly do it.

  ‘It’s the aggression I couldn’t handle, Ben. I told you my father had a nasty streak and he wasn’t afraid to show it, with his fists.’

  ‘Oh, Mollie...’

  ‘He didn’t hit me but in some ways that was worse, just waiting until he would explode, watching while he beat Talia and Mum. I can’t bring someone else like that back into our lives. I know it’s not Hugh’s fault, he doesn’t know what he’s doing, but I don’t want to live in fear for the rest of my life.’

  ‘I’ll get him help, I swear. I’ll do my best to keep him away from you. Whatever it takes we can sort it out.’ There was a hope back in his voice that pierced through that wall of ice she was doing her best to rebuild around her heart.

  ‘It’s not just Hugh.’ She cleared her throat, preparing to pinpoint a problem that he likely didn’t even know existed. ‘I’ve seen your temper, too, remember? That time in the meeting when you shouted at me and again in the back of the ambulance. I’m simply not prepared to take the risk of ending up in the same sort of relationship as my mum. I’d rather be alone than a prisoner in my own home.’

  ‘Seriously?’ He huffed out a breath, his eyes staring at her with incredulity. ‘That one time I raised my voice to you at work was after a long night with Hugh getting up every five minutes for a walkabout. I was tired and frustrated and I took it out on you. I apologise. As for being angry at you leaving me? Of course I was. I bloody loved you, Mollie, and you broke my heart. Maybe you’re hyperaware of people’s moods and intentions because of everything you’ve been through, but I am not a violent man. If you’re determined not to see that then I guess there’s not a lot I can do about it. The Ice Queen reigns supreme.’ He strode away as if he couldn’t even bear to be in the same building as her and left Mollie wondering if she would ever see him again.

  The truth did hurt. He loved her and she’d thrown it all away because she was still afraid of the past and the ghost of her father.

  * * *

  Mollie’s pulse was beating in time to the salsa beat marking the certain success of the couple currently shimmying on the dance floor who were all smiles, sequins and snake hips and looked as though they’d both been bred in some stage-school laboratory. If they hadn’t had professional training she was still a virgin, and that stirring passion every time she looked across at Ben in his tux proved that wasn’t true.

  It was one thing having a naïve crush on someone, but something altogether different when you were in love with a man whose body and mind you knew every inch of and that was exactly why she wanted to win him back. She’d had time to think about what he’d said and everything that had happened and she could see she’d been projecting her issues with her father onto him. Okay, so Ben had lost his cool on a couple of occasions but he was only human. Even she’d had moments when she’d acted without thinking and come to regret it. Such as the evening when Hugh had taken ill and she’d refused to get in the waiting ambulance.

  She knew Ben. Deep down, past her fears and insecurities, she knew in her heart he would never do anything to hurt anybody. He was the only man she could ever picture being with and she’d let him go without taking that chance of finding out if he was ‘the one.’ This was supposed to be her time of living dangerously, being free, no longer trapped in that cage of fear.

  She’d stuffed up but he’d still turned up for the competition and that left her with hope he would forgive her for how she’d behaved.

  ‘Nine.’

  ‘Nine.’

  ‘Ten.’

  The judges held up their paddles announcing the scores for the golden couple who should’ve quickstepped away with the tacky glittery trophy right now and saved her from going through with this farce. There was no way she and Ben had a hope in hell of following that display and managing to come away with a grain of respect from the assembled audience. Not when they hadn’t had a rehearsal together since Hugh’s stroke. There was no way they could deliver a polished performance with the little time they’d had together to choreograph a routine. At this point in time she’d settle for making it through until the end of the song without completely blanking. Or breaking down. It was difficult being in the arms of the man you loved when you were no longer granted access to his life at any other time.

  Their chemistry did not have to be faked for the sake of convincing spectators of their synchronicity. She was going to have more trouble pretending she wasn’t madly in love with her partner and that this wasn’t real.

  Although the hotel venue chosen for the event held m
ostly colleagues and friends, the spotlight and the noise of the expectant crowd made her heart hammer as though she were about to step onto the world’s stage. Not only was she going to have to find the strength to get through being pressed so close to Ben without being able to react, she was wearing her scars in public for the first time.

  The dancers hadn’t been required to purchase the expensive gowns normally required for formal competition, after all this was for charity, and Mollie had planned only to wear one of her own high-neck, tattoo-and scar-covering vintage dresses, which would probably be more suitable for the lindy-hop than a waltz. When the dress he’d bought for her had arrived by special delivery with a note that simply said ‘For Mollie,’ she’d been overwhelmed with love and regret.

  At first she’d hoped it was a sign of reconciliation and he was giving her a second chance to redeem herself. Sending a gift like that would have to prompt a woman into getting into contact but he’d rebuffed all her efforts to get in touch and refused her calls. She’d eventually had to accept there were no lines to read between, he’d probably already bought the dress long before they’d split and there was nothing else he could do with it than gift it to her. She would wear the dress, they would do the dance, earn the funding for The Shed and after that he was done with her. In the end she’d been forced to zip the dress back into its protective cover and hang it out of sight until the night of the competition before it became waterlogged with her tears and unfit for purpose.

  It was a stunning aqua-blue chiffon, split up the leg and with a plunging backline which would otherwise have made her very self-conscious had so much thought not gone into the choice. The embroidered pink cherry-blossom detail simply looked like an extension of the branches tattooed on her leg and from a distance probably looked as though she’d opted for body paint rather than a spray tan. The crystal pendant backdrop from the neck hung plumb against her spine and, more importantly, followed the line of her scars. While neither of these things hid those parts of her body she wasn’t particularly comfortable with, it showed he’d somehow found a beauty in those flaws she’d struggled to accept.