A Cry For Hope (ARC)

by Beth Rinyu

  My mind began to shift once again to the look on Jamie’s face and the sadness in his eyes when I told him that I was leaving. The stomach-churning sickness began to overtake me when I thought of him with another woman. My Jamie. The love of my life, making love to another woman. I squeezed my eyes tightly and shook my head, trying to erase that vision from my mind. Today was his birthday. I wondered if he had gotten the card that I left him. I wondered how he was spending it, or who he was spending it with. And, most of all, I wondered if he was feeling as alone and miserable as I was right now.

  I finally got up when my ears became numb. I walked back to my car, sat in the driver’s seat, and held my hands over the heating vent in an effort to warm them up. I pulled out onto the main road, still unable to shake the cold. I smiled when I saw the sign, “John’s Diner Grand Opening”. Underneath it read, “The Best Hot Chocolate Around”. Hot Chocolate. That’s exactly what I need.

  I walked into the newly-remodeled diner that used to be a hole-in-the-wall greasy spoon. It was apparent that the new owners took pride in it because it had been lovingly restored. I immediately got a homey, comfortable feeling when I walked in the door. The huge burning fireplace only added to that feeling. I waited at the counter to place my to-go hot chocolate order. My eyes widened when I saw the familiar stranger that I had seen running on the beach earlier walk out from the back. The ski cap that he had on his head while he was running was gone and, even with his super short buzz cut, I knew that face instantly…Nick Abate, my best friend all throughout elementary school and middle school. We had lost touch once we started high school because his parents divorced and he moved to Massachusetts to live with his mother and stepdad.

  “Nick?!” I couldn’t contain the smile on my face.

  His brown eyes widened. “Hope?” He instantly displayed that double-dimpled smile that I remembered from so long ago. He threw his arms around me and I instinctively hugged him back. He placed his hands on my shoulders and looked me up and down. “You have not changed a bit, girl!”

  “Oh, you are much too kind!” I joked.

  He motioned for me to sit down at one of the stools at the counter, then sat down next to me. “Are you living back here now?” I asked.

  “Oh, no. I’m home on leave and I’m just helping my dad out with his new place,” he said, looking around the small cozy diner.

  “Your dad owns this now?” I smiled.

  “Yup.” He smiled back.

  “You’re on leave? From where? Army, Air Force?”

  “Marines.”

  I raised my eyebrows. “The Marines? Wow, Abate, I’m impressed!’

  He chuckled and shook his head. “So, how you been, Hopie?”

  I shrugged my shoulders instead of lying. “I heard about your dad. I’m really sorry.” I nodded in appreciation. “I saw him the last time I was here four years ago, as a matter of fact. He was with your little boy.” My whole body tensed up. I closed my eyes to chase away the blow to my heart. “Beautiful kid but, then again, look at his mom.” I bit my lip and tears streamed down my face. His smile was quickly replaced with worry. “Hope, are you okay?” he asked, handing me a napkin.

  I nodded and wiped away the tears, trying to pull it together. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have mentioned your dad. I know how close you guys were.”

  I shook my head. “No, that’s okay. It’s my son.”

  He creased his forehead. “What about him?” he asked with concern.

  “He passed away eight months ago,” I said, finally looking into his eyes.

  “Oh, my god, Hope. I am so sorry.” He took a deep breath and looked away.

  “It’s just still really…”

  He took my hand in his. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Hope.”

  I smiled, wiping away another tear. I looked up when I heard someone approaching the counter. “Hey, Dad, you remember Hope Foley…I mean - what’s your married name?” He laughed.

  “McAdams,” I responded.

  “Oh, Hope! Of course I remember you! How can I forget you and Nick setting the woods on fire with your little campfire that you had going.” He laughed.

  A smile stretched across my face. “Oh, my god. I remember that! I was grounded for a month!”

  “See, Dad, I told you it was all her fault.”

  His dad laughed and shook his head. “I remember you two kids getting on the bus together on the first day of kindergarten.”

  “I think I have known you my whole life, Nick,” I said.

  He nodded. “Yeah, it seems that way.”

  “Hey, Nick, would you mind keeping an eye on the place. I have to run to the bank, then check out another bakery for desserts.”

  Suddenly my ears perked up. “Oh, have you tried Mary’s Sweet Tooth on Columbia Avenue? She makes the best desserts around and she’s an awesome lady,” I chimed in with a smile.

  “No, I haven’t,” he said, smiling. “That just happens to be right up the street from the bank. I’ll stop in.”

  “Make sure you tell her that her daughter sent you,” I smiled.

  “I sure will!” he said, walking out the door, leaving Nick and me alone.

  “So what can I get you, Hope?” he asked.

  “Actually, I’m dying for some hot chocolate! It’s freezing out on that beach!”

  “Ah….wimp!” Nick said as he got up and began to make the drink. “I just did my five mile run. It’s not bad at all!” he said, squirting on an extra dollop of whip cream. “Taste that.” He placed the oversized mug in front of me.

  I took a sip. “Perfect.” I smiled, licking the whip cream from my lips.

  He smiled back. “So are you here visiting your mom for the day?” he asked.

  I looked away, not knowing how to answer that question. “Umm, kind of indefinitely, trying to figure some stuff out.”

  He gave me a sympathetic smile and nodded as if he was reading my thoughts. “Got ya’,” he said.

  “So what about you, Abate? What’s your story, besides being a big bad Marine?” I said, playfully punching him in the arm.

  “Not much to tell.”

  “Oh, come on. I’m sure you’ve seen a lot of different places in this world. I would love to hear about them.”

  He shook his head and looked away. “Trust me, Hope. You don’t want to hear about any of the places that I’ve seen.” I could hear the anguish in his voice.

  I looked up at the couple that had just walked in. Nick had a look of alarm on his face. Clearly, he wasn’t comfortable with the restaurant scene. “Allow me to put my waitressing skills from back in high school to use.” Nick smiled at me with gratitude. I walked them to their table and they declined menus, both ordering burgers.

  “Two burgers, medium-rare,” I said to Nick.

  “Umm….are you a good cook?” Nick asked, pleading.

  “I’ve been known to cook a mean burger,” I said, following him into the kitchen. He looked around for the patties and I placed them on the hot, flat top grill. “The thing is to keep flipping so they don’t get like hockey pucks.”

  “Whatever you say,” Nick said.

  I waited for them to cook, then removed them from the grill, garnishing them with lettuce, a tomato slice, and an onion.

  Nick brought out their burgers while I got their drinks. “Did you guys need anything else?” I asked.

  “Nope, we’re good!” the woman smiled.

  “I owe ya’ big time!” Nick said when I walked back up to the counter.

  I waved my hand at him as if it were no big deal.

  A look of relief washed over his face when his dad walked through the door. “Sorry, I tried to get back before the lunch crowd started packing in. You can blame Hope’s mom and all of her delicious desserts, which will now be on the menu.”

  “Wow! That’s awesome, Mr. Abate! You will love her baking!”

  “Oh, I already do. She was letting me sample
everything. What do you think took so long?” he laughed.

  “Well, Hope took over while you were gone,” Nick said.

  “Thank you very much, Hope.”

  “You are very welcome.” Suddenly, the lunch crowd began pouring in.

  “Of all days for Janet to have called out,” Mr. Abate said.

  “Well, I can help out. It’s not like I have anything else to do today.”

  “Oh, Hope, you are an angel,” he said, giving me a hug.

  I grabbed an order pad and went to work. I was on the go for two hours until the lunch crowd finally started dwindling down.

  “Look at you go, girl,” Nick joked.

  “Hope, you were a lifesaver!” Mr. Abate said, taking a break from the kitchen.

  “It was fun! Are you going to need help for dinner?” I asked.

  “Oh no, we don’t do dinner here. Just the best breakfast and lunch around.”

  “Well, since my services are no longer needed, I’m going to head out.”

  Nick’s dad reached into his pocket and tried handing me some money. “Oh, no. No payment needed. I had too much fun.”

  “Hope, I have to -.”

  “I’ll take her out to dinner as a form of payment,” Nick chimed in, cutting his dad off.

  I smiled. “Thanks, Nick, but that’s not necessary.”

  “I know it’s not, but I want to. Besides, we got a lot of catching up to do.”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “Okay.”

  “Tomorrow night at seven? I’ll pick you up at your mom’s.”

  “Sounds great,” I said, giving both him and his dad a warm smile before heading out the door.

  The wind had picked up and clouds had rolled in, making the temperature feel like it had dropped another twenty degrees. I got into my car and pulled out my phone. I pulled up Jamie’s name in my contacts and began to type. Happy Birthday. I stared at my phone. Don’t do it, Hope. If he wants to talk to you on his birthday, he will call you. I quickly hit the cancel button before sending it. The pain in my heart that had temporarily lifted for the past few hours slowly came creeping back in.

  The smell of my mother’s homemade meatballs and sauce immediately hit me in the face as I walked through the door.

  “There you are,” she said as I walked into the kitchen. “I was just about to call you.”

  “Oh, I stopped off at the new diner on Beach Street and ran into Nick Abate.”

  My mother smiled. “Yes, and thank you so much for sending his dad my way. He’s going to keep me very busy with his dessert orders.”

  “Well, I told him you were the best around,” I said.

  “Your brother, Patty, and Alexa are coming for dinner?”

  “Oh, okay,” I said, sounding a little indifferent.

  “What’s the matter?”

  “I just don’t want everyone feeling sorry for me again. You know, I’ve gone from ‘Poor Hope, she lost her child’ to ‘Poor, Hope, she lost her husband’.”

  “Oh, Hope, you know we don’t think that way. They just want to see you and spend time with you.” She rubbed my arm, trying to comfort me.

  “Well, did you need help with anything?” I asked.

  “Nope. The sauce and meatballs are cooking. So the only other thing to do is sit down and have a glass of wine.”

  “Sounds good.”

  She poured us each a glass of white zinfandel, and took the cheese and cracker tray that she had made out into the living room. We sat down on the couch and sipped our wine.

  “Today is Jamie’s birthday,” I blurted.

  She gave me a sympathetic smile. “I know. First time in twelve years that I actually remembered to get his card out on time.”

  “I miss him so much, Mom.”

  “I know you do, Hope, and I’m sure he’s feeling the same way…even if that’s not the way he’s acting. Just give it time. That’s all you can do.”

  I looked out the sliding glass door into the back yard and smiled when I saw the beautiful red cardinal on the railing of my mother’s deck, braving the torrential downpour that had started on my drive home and hadn’t let up since. I got up and walked to the door to get a closer look. He was just as beautiful as the one that I had seen on my patio the other day, and part of me foolishly wondered if he was the same one. “What are you looking at?” my mother asked.

  “The beautiful cardinal on your deck,” I answered, never taking my eyes off of him, until he spread his wings and flew up into the huge oak tree. I finally turned around once he was out of sight.

  “Oh, yeah, I saw him out there this morning. I’m wondering if there’s a nest up in that tree.”

  My attention was drawn to the front door as my brother, his wife, and my niece entered. My brother and sister-in-law were doing their familiar bickering that all of us were so used to from them. “Hopie!” my sister-in-law, Patty, said in her thick Brooklyn accent. She walked into the living room and threw her arms around me. “How are ya’, baby doll?” she asked.

  “I’m okay,” I said, being overpowered by the strong scent of her perfume. I loved my sister-in-law; we got along great. Patty was my brother’s “Italian princess”, as he referred to her. She and my brother met when she was down here vacationing with her family twenty-two years ago. They kept their long distance romance going for three long years before they finally got engaged and then married. She was the perfect big sister that I never had, and even though she could be a little overbearing sometimes, I knew that she meant well and I loved her for that.

  My brother pushed my hair from my face and looked me over. “You need to eat, Hope. You’re too thin.” He hugged me tightly and kissed me on the forehead. “Are you okay?” he whispered in my ear.

  I nodded, fighting back the tears. My brother and I were really close. He had always been overprotective of me. He looked at me sympathetically and shook his head.

  “I’m gonna be fine…really,” I said, trying to reassure him. I gave my best forced smile when I saw my niece, Alexa. “Hey, beautiful girl!” I said, giving her a huge hug.

  “Hey, Aunt Hopie! Where’s Uncle Jamie?” she asked.

  My brother looked at me apologetically. “Oh, he’s working,” I said, without skipping a beat.

  “Alexa, come here and show Grandma your teeth now that you got the braces off,” Patty called from the kitchen.

  As Alexa went running into the kitchen, my brother motioned for me to sit down on the couch. “So how’s business been?” I asked while taking a seat next to him. I was trying to talk about anything but the disaster that was known as my life.

  “Good,” my brother quickly said, brushing off my question. Normally, he would talk forever when you got him on the subject of his construction company. “Hope, what’s going on?”

  I sighed. “Nothing. Jamie and I just need some time apart.”

  “You don’t look good.”

  “Well, thank you!” I laughed.

  “No, I didn’t mean it that way. I’m just worried about you.”

  “Well, Bobby, what do you want me to say? My son is gone. My husband had an affair because he blames me for it. I don’t know how I’m supposed look, but I can tell you how I feel.”

  “He had an affair?”

  I nodded. “But, please, don’t say anything to Mom about it. I don’t want her holding a grudge. I need to work through this myself and I don’t want anyone else’s opinion to cloud my judgment.”

  “I won’t say anything. I promise,” he said.

  “Thanks, Bobby.”

  He pulled me close and hugged me. “If you need to talk, I’m here.”

  “I know. Thanks.”

  “Dinners ready!” my mom called from the kitchen.

  My brother stood up and took my hand, pulling me from the couch.

  We sat down and the crazy conversation began. You never knew what you would be in store for when you had dinner with my family. We would talk about
the oddest things. Patty began to tell us all about her co-worker who had to just gone back in for breast reduction surgery because they had messed up the first time and her boobs were now lopsided. I actually found myself laughing a genuine laugh, not the forced laughter that I typically displayed just to be polite when someone would say something funny. I thoroughly enjoyed myself, listening to my niece telling me about all of the boys that had asked her to her freshman social. I let some more laughter escape when I saw the look on my brother’s face. She was a beauty and my brother was going to have his hands full when it came to her and the boys.

  After everyone had left, my mother and I sat down and watched some television. We both decided to call it an early night when neither of us could keep our eyes open. I lay down in my bed, listening to the rain beating on the roof. I tossed and turned, suddenly feeling wide awake. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand, checking my messages - nothing. I flipped over and began to laugh out loud when I heard my bed squeak loudly. Funny how something so insignificant could trigger such happy memories, causing me to grab my phone and text those three little words that I had been dying to say all day:

  Happy Birthday, Jamie.

  Jamie held me tightly in his arms as we swayed back and forth to Eric Clapton’s Wonderful Tonight. He looked over at the bride, my friend Sheree, and looked back at me with a smile.

  “What?” I asked. He just shook his head and kissed me on the cheek. “What’s going on in that handsome little head of yours? I asked.

  “I was just thinking that she doesn’t look even one-tenth as beautiful as you did on our wedding day.”

  “Oh, stop. She looks amazing!”

  “Not as amazing as you.”

  “Mr. McAdams, if I didn’t know better, I would think that you are trying to butter me up to get me to do some wild and crazy things with you tonight.”

  A huge smile spread across his face, revealing the deep dimple in his left cheek. “Actually, I was being sincere, but now that you mention it…”

  I caressed his face with the back of my hand and whispered in his ear, “There’s just one little thing.”