by Kyra Lennon
“A few weeks ago, when I was back in Boston, McCoy showed up. He was in trouble with work and he wanted me to help him. I told him there was no way but, in true McCoy style, he wormed his way in and got himself an invite to the party I was going to. I got absolutely smashed. I … well, we …” Christina nodded in understanding and I continued, “After that, I couldn’t stay with Miguel. I really, really hurt him. You think I'm a terrible person, don't you?”
“No, not at all. Everyone makes mistakes, and I can see how you’d be tempted by him. I think you should be careful though. Looking at Radleigh today and having talked to him a bit, I would never have thought he was the type to sleep around. That makes me wary of him. I guess he's a good liar.”
“He's not being fake today,” I said. “And he doesn't lie about relationships. He doesn't promise the world to the women he sleeps with, and most of them don't want it anyway. All they want is to say that they slept with Radleigh McCoy.”
“What did you want when you slept with him?”
“I wanted to end the tension. I wanted it to be out of the way so he'd stop hitting on me and I'd stop wanting him. That was the worst part for me. I loved being with Miguel but it still wasn’t enough to stop me-” I trailed off with a sigh. “I don’t know if anyone will ever be enough, and that scares the hell out of me.”
Christina rested her hand on my arm. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to bring you down by talking about this. But you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. You got it wrong with Miguel, but it doesn’t mean you’ll never find someone who has everything you’re looking for.”
“Or maybe I’m looking for something that doesn’t exist.”
“It exists. Trust me.”
She smiled, but I didn’t get the chance to respond. Josh, Jamie and McCoy were approaching and the sound of Jamie’s giggles woke Grace up.
We left the aquarium at four, then went back to the hotel so we could change before dinner. As Radleigh was sharing my room, I didn't have a chance to be away from him to think about the things Christina said. We met up with Josh and the others later to go out to a restaurant, and once again, Jamie chose to sit next to Radleigh. The fact that Radleigh was a famous soccer player was now inconsequential. It was more like Jamie saw him as a cool older brother.
Or uncle...
After dinner, the kids were exhausted. I was pretty tired myself but being the kind, generous sister I am, I offered to watch Jamie and Grace so Josh and Christina could have some time to themselves. They leapt at the opportunity, and after putting Grace to bed in their huge two bedroom hotel suite they went down to the bar. Naturally, Jamie wanted Radleigh to be his babysitter so he joined us. Jamie snuggled in between Radleigh and me on his parents’ bed. A kids’ movie played on the TV and while the colourful cartoon characters caused mischief, I zoned out, allowing myself to absorb the events of the day.
Cuddled up with Jamie and Radleigh was not quite how I’d expected the day to end. The more likely scenario saw me in bed in my room, and Radleigh in the hotel bar searching for alternative sleeping arrangements. I liked the reality a lot more. For a day I’d been dreading, it had turned out pretty well. I’d never forget the joy on Jamie’s face when he watched the sharks with awe, and the shriek he let out as Josh snuck up on him while he was engrossed causing him to run to me for comfort from his dad’s prank. The image of Radleigh holding Grace, and the way Christina had listened while I explained the stupid mistakes I’d made were all memories I’d hold on to forever.
I should have hated that Radleigh had wangled an invite, but how could I be angry when his presence made Jamie’s smile so big? ‘Rebel’ pushed his reputation aside and allowed my nephew to hold his hand, sit on his shoulders and play like they’d known each other forever.
“Leah,” Radleigh whispered. “Jamie’s asleep.”
I glanced down at him. His head rested against Radleigh’s arm, his hair falling across his closed eyes.
“Well that didn’t take long,” I said with a laugh. “Do you think you could carry him into the other room?”
Radleigh nodded. “Sure.”
Carefully, Radleigh shuffled to the edge of the bed and I held the back of Jamie’s head to stop it thudding against the mattress. When he was up, Radleigh gently lifted Jamie and took him into the second bedroom. My heart did another flip as I watched Radleigh tuck him in to bed, and brush Jamie’s hair out of his eyes. To distract myself from having another lame girly moment, I checked on Grace who was still sleeping soundly.
“Back to the movie?” Radleigh asked.
“Sure, why not?”
It felt weird sitting on Josh and Christina’s bed without having Jamie between us as a buffer. Everything in me wanted to touch him. To hold his hand, to move closer and rest my head on his chest. We’d never held hands before. Any time we’d touched each other, it was always leading to something more. Something that would make me giddy with lust, but wouldn’t mean anything beyond the desperate fumbling of two people who had no plans for anything more serious than hot sex. I knew if I turned my head in his direction, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself reaching for him so I forced myself to stare at the television instead.
You’re just tired. You had a good day and it’s making you think and feel things that aren’t really there. In the morning, you’ll wake up and you’ll go back to remembering all the reasons you despise him.
No matter how hard I tried to believe that, the same question kept returning to me. Why did McCoy come to the aquarium with us? I still didn't buy Christina's theory that he'd wanted to be with me but doubts were beginning to bubble in my brain. I had to let them out.
“Radleigh, can I ask you something?” I said, before I had chance to wimp out.
“Sure.”
“Why did you come out with us today?”
I hadn't expected to see surprise on Radleigh's face, and for a second or two he looked as though he genuinely didn't know the answer.
“Well,” he said after a while, “I didn't want to disappoint anyone.”
“You could have made an excuse. Sure, Jamie would have been a little upset, but he'd have got over it.”
“Maybe Jamie wasn't the person I was worried about disappointing.”
I watched him for a sign that he was joking. His face stayed serious.
Round One to McCoy.
“You arrogant berk. You don't think I would have cried myself to sleep because you said you couldn’t come?”
“Oh, you wouldn't have cared?”
“No,” I answered, honestly. “You were never involved in my plans today, you just got invited along. Strange as this may seem to you, I don't spend every minute of the day wishing you were with me.”
He smirked at my insult. “Okay, I'm sorry. I came because I wanted to. I thought it would be fun. And it was. Your family’s really nice, Leah.”
“You sound surprised,” I teased. “What would you expect relatives of mine to be like?”
“I knew they’d be nice but I didn't expect your nephew would want to hold my hand, and I didn't expect your brother to be so laid back.”
“Why not? I'm laid back.”
“Right,” Radleigh said, laughing. “Sure you are.”
“I am!” I said, punctuating my point by whipping a pillow from behind my head and hitting him with it. “You just don't know because you’re the one who winds me up!”
Radleigh laughed harder, taking the pillow from my hands. “You were laid back today.”
“Well I knew you wouldn't try to bug me today. You wouldn't want to look bad in front of your adoring fans.”
“Leah, come on, cut me some slack. I know how much you missed them. I didn’t want to ruin your day.”
He smoothed the pillowcase out before handing it back to me. “Can I ask you something?”
“Go ahead.”
“A few times you've mentioned your past relationships. And once you said you'd had one night stands.”
Amazed
that he ever listened, and not only listened but remembered, I said, “What's the question?”
“I was just wondering … how you changed so much.”
“Why do you ask?” I said, buying myself some more time while debating whether or not to tell him the truth.
“I'm interested. You said you’ve met men like me before, and you fell for some of them.”
“Are you looking for tips?”
“I don't need tips. I just want to know.”
“Okay,” I said. “I grew up in a town where the entertainment level was zero. It really is the stereotypical English village. It's beautiful, but for a teenager, it's dull. As soon as I was old enough to be let into pubs, my friends and I started hanging out in them at the weekends. I was young, confident, horny and stupid. Not necessarily in that order.”
“And you had one night stands.”
I nodded. “Yeah. A lot. Having sex was my favourite way of easing the boredom.”
“Why did you stop?”
“I met a guy I really liked. Luke. He didn't feel the same way though. He was using me, but I thought we'd eventually get together so I stopped seeing other people. I turned into one of those idiotic girls who thought great sex equalled love.”
“Did you get together?”
“No. I got pregnant.”
I’d never told anyone that before. Not my friends, not my boyfriends. No one. Maybe Radleigh wasn’t the right person to confess to but he was the first person who’d attempted to delve so far into my past. I couldn’t look at him, but his silence seemed to be asking me to continue so I did.
“When I told him I was pregnant, he said I wasn’t pinning it on him. That I’d slept with so many men the baby could be anyone’s. In the past that was true. But since I met him, he was the only one. I had an abortion, and it made me realise how stupid I’d been.”
I didn’t need to tell him the whole truth. But I wanted to. The memory of it all made tears prick my eyes. Having an abortion had changed everything in the world as I knew it. The disappointment from my parents had crippled me almost as much as my decision to end my pregnancy. I couldn’t have a baby, not at eighteen. I didn’t want to be the girl with the illegitimate child, and I didn’t want any reminders of the way Luke treated me. It was a horrible time in my life, one I never let myself think about. From then on, I never slept with another man before getting to know him first.
Not until I moved to Westberg anyway.
“Wow,” Radleigh said, letting out a breath. “I wasn't expecting that.”
“I'm full of surprises,” I answered with a weak smile. “One of the reasons I'm here in America is because the memories of my hometown are not exactly fond ones.”
“I'm sorry, Leah.”
“Thanks. You know,” I said, thoughtfully, “when I first met you, you reminded me of him a bit. That's probably why I was so tense around you. Maybe I owe you an apology.”
Radleigh shook his head. “You don't. I don't think I'm much like him though. Would he have spent the whole day with you and your family?”
“He would if he thought he’d have sex at the end of it.”
“I wasn't thinking about sex.”
“I know. If I thought you were, I would never have agreed to you being with us today.”
“I'm thinking about sex now though.” He grinned.
“I suppose it was too much to ask that you lasted the whole day.”
“It's still different though. He would have gone out for the day with you for sex. I went out with you and had fun. Sex would just be … a bonus.”
I burst out laughing. “A bonus?”
“Yeah. A bonus. Not an expectation.”
“Radleigh,” I said, with a slight tone of teasing in my voice, “was this an example of you being genuine?”
“Yes. Make the most of it, it doesn't happen very often.”
“I know.”
“I don't like you. You always know when I'm lying.”
“I don't like you either. Way too self-assured.”
He grinned. “Business as usual.”
.
Chapter 17: A Tacky Souvenir From Florida
The next morning, Radleigh had to leave for the airport at eight-thirty to catch his plane home. Because he had stayed an extra night, he’d had to book an early flight to get back to L.A for training. Lucky for him, the time difference worked in his favour. We’d debated whether or not he should have taken an overnight flight but he insisted on staying which meant Monday morning was one gigantic rush. My plane wasn’t due for a couple of hours after Radleigh’s. Richard had, generously considering recent events, allowed me to arrive at training a little later than normal so I could enjoy a long breakfast with my family before heading home.
Naturally, Jamie wanted to say goodbye to Radleigh so everyone got up super early to make it happen.
In the lobby, Christina was combing Grace’s hair. Josh had been reading a newspaper but he set it down when Radleigh and I arrived. Jamie was sulking.
“Do you have to go already?” Jamie asked Radleigh, sticking out his lower lip into a pout.
Radleigh crouched down to be at eye level with Jamie. “Yeah, I need to catch my flight home so I’m not late for work. But you still get to spend a couple more hours with Auntie Leah.”
The look on Jamie's face said he would happily have swapped me for Radleigh and I had to suppress a laugh. I should have been offended, but I could see his point. Compared to his hero, I was a nobody. At his age, if someone had dangled He-Man in front of me and said it was him or my aunt, I know which one I would have chosen.
“I don't want you to go!” Jamie wailed.
Radleigh looked up at me, not knowing what to do so I knelt down beside him and drew Jamie closer to me, giving him a hug.
“I know you don't,” I said gently. “But Radleigh has work to do.”
“It’s not fair!” he sobbed, clinging to me with one arm and wrapping the other around Radleigh. “I want to come with you.”
“You can’t, J,” I told him. “You’re going to have lots of fun with mummy and daddy and Grace though, and you can tell us all about it.”
“And,” Radleigh added, “we’ll be coming to England in a few months. Your daddy said he might bring you to a match if you’re good. So I'll see you then.”
There was a scheduled trip to the UK at the end of the season which I’d completely blocked out because I didn’t want to go. At least, not until I’d been reminded of just how much I missed my family. The Warriors had a five match tour which would see them playing friendlies against some of Britain’s top teams, as well as doing several television appearances.
“Really?” Jamie asked.
“Really.”
Jamie's tears began to fall more slowly, and I felt a surge of warmth rush through me at Radleigh's promise. Anyone who could make my nephew smile like that deserved a little credit.
We stood up, and Radleigh said goodbye to Josh, Christina and Grace, then ruffling Jamie's hair, he picked up his bag and the two of us headed outside to find him a cab. As we stood at the top of the steps to the hotel, I said, “That was really nice of you.”
Radleigh nodded, his face breaking into a smile. “You owe me now.”
I rolled my eyes. “Okay, you can go now, I've had enough of you anyway.”
“Sure you have.”
“Seriously,” I said. “Thank you. You didn't have to be so nice to Jamie. He'll never forget this.”
“It was no trouble, I told you. I had fun.”
“I did too.”
An awkwardness hung between us, one that had never, ever been there before and for once, I had no witty insults to toss at him.
“Well,” Radleigh said, breaking the silence, “I should go. I'll see you in a few hours.”
“Yeah.”
We stood for a moment or two longer, and I wished I was eight years old so I could legitimately break down and ask him to stay.
Jesus, Leah! What's wrong wi
th you? He was nice for one day, that does not make him a reformed character. Stop acting like such a girl!
He smiled. “See ya.”
He started to walk down the steps, then stopped and turned back. “Oh yeah, I almost forgot.”
Trying not to blush at the fact that I’d intended to watch him walk away instead of going back inside, I said, “What?”
Resting his bag down on the steps, he tugged the zipper open. As he straightened up, he pulled out a rectangular box.
“I bought you this yesterday,” he said, and I walked towards him as he held it out to me.
“What’s is it?”
“Open it.”
He grinned again as I lifted the lid. I put my hand inside and took out its contents. It was a small plastic dome filled with clear liquid, with a black top hat and tiny carrot floating inside. Along the edging at the bottom, were the words 'Florida Snowman'.
I laughed out loud and Radleigh said, “A tacky souvenir from Florida, just in case you haven't bought one yet.”
Looking up at him, I grinned. “It's perfect. Supreme tackiness.”
“I thought you'd like it.”
“I do,” I told him. “Thank you.”
With the snowman in one hand and the box in the other, I reached up and gave him a hug. The warmth of his arms around me was a little more than I could handle, but I didn't want to let go. He’d remembered that, all that time ago, I'd told him about my love for tacky keepsakes. As far as I was concerned, there was nothing nicer he could have done for me.
Throughout the morning I had to keep mentally shaking myself to stop from grinning like an idiot at the thought of Radleigh. His gift had completely thrown me because it was uncharacteristically sweet of him. I wasn’t ready to declare him a decent human being just yet, but he had selflessly entertained Jamie, been nice to my brother and sister-in-law and looked adorable every time he held Grace. He hadn’t faked a second of it, I knew it.
Of course, trying to figure him out had got me in a lot of trouble in the past, so I forced him out of my head and focused all of my attention on my last few hours with my loved ones.