by Kyra Lennon
Saying goodbye was awful. We’d had so little time together and although I was grateful for what we'd had, I wished it could have been more. Jamie cried again as I said goodbye to him, asking me to stay, which obviously, I couldn't. I hated the thought of leaving him. I'd felt like myself again when I'd been with my family. It was all so easy, so simple.
I cried all the way to the airport, and most of the way home.
I entered the training ground weighted down with unhappiness. I wanted to be with Josh, Christina, Jamie and Grace. I thought I'd be all light and happy after being with them, but the reality was, I hated having to be away from them when I knew they were still in the country. If they’d gone home again it may have been marginally easier.
Ironically, I was looking forward to seeing Radleigh. I never thought that day would come. Only a few hours had passed since I’d seen him, but he’d been there with me and my family. It made me want to be around him, if only to help me hold on to the memories for a bit longer.
He spotted me as I walked around the edge of the pitch on my way to check in with Richard, and he jogged over to me. Had he been waiting for me? No, of course not, why would he? However, he smiled as he approached and my bleakness lifted a little.
“Hey,” he said. “You’re back. How was the rest of your morning?”
“Good, thanks. Jamie talked about you non-stop.”
“That must’ve been annoying for you.”
I nodded. “It was.”
“Did you miss me, Leah?”
“You wish,” I laughed. “How about you? Did you get here on time?”
“Only just. I’d rather have had the extra couple of hours in Florida though.”
“Jamie would have loved that.”
I would have loved it.
I wasn't sure where all this soppiness was coming from, but it startled me. My over-emotional state was really messing with my head.
“Are you okay?” Radleigh asked.
Clearly my inner turmoil showed on my face.
“Yeah. I just don't want to be here today. If you thought Jamie reacted badly when you left, it was nothing compared to how he reacted when I had to go.”
“I can imagine. He really misses you, huh?”
“Leah!” I heard Bree’s voice, and turned to see her bounding towards me, followed by Freya.
Seeing my girls distracted me from my confused thoughts about Radleigh, and I smiled as they bundled me into a hug as if I’d been gone for years instead of days.
“Hi,” I said, hugging them back.
“We figured you’d be sad after leaving your peeps behind in Florida,” Bree said. “So I’m here to take your mind off it!”
“Aww, that’s sweet, but you do know I have to work now I’m here?”
“Yes, but first, a coffee break!”
As they began to drag me towards the restaurant, I paused for a second to glance back at Radleigh. There was an unreadable expression on his face but he smiled when I turned to him. I gave him a quick wave, then let my friends do what they intended to do.
The happiness of my break lasted precisely thirty minutes. On my way to the office to find out who my first patient of the day would be, I was stopped by Jesse and yanked back up the steps, and into the spa’s male changing rooms.
“Bloody hell, Jesse,” I said, catching my breath from the speed he’d dragged me up the two flights of stairs. “What are you doing?”
“I’m sorry,” he said, his face serious. “But there’s something you need to see and I didn’t think you’d want to do it with too many people around.”
I’d never seen him so worried and my heart began to thud in my chest as he handed me his mobile phone. My eyes widened in shock. I hadn’t expected to be presented with a text message from Taylor. The body of the message read, “You still think your precious Leah is so innocent?” Underneath was a black and white photo of me and Radleigh. It had been taken early that morning, when Radleigh handed me my gift. The shot was snapped from a sideways angle and whoever took it had obviously taken full advantage of their zoom lens because both of our expressions could be seen clearly.
If anyone who didn't know better saw the photograph, they would think something was going on between us. For the briefest moment, a look had passed between Radleigh and I. We looked like … a couple.
There was a link to a website underneath the photo. I didn’t want to see, but I clicked anyway to find out exactly what I was dealing with. It took me to a soccer fan site, and listed on the main page were the top ten topics people were discussing in the site’s forum. One of the headings read, “McCoy's mystery woman.” I clicked again, and found the same photo had been posted as the introduction to the topic, along with a photo of us hugging. Underneath, it said, “Who do you think she is? Secret girlfriend or quick fling? Post your thoughts here.”
As I read on, some of the replies were shocking. Some wished him luck, some said I was ‘obviously’ a one night stand, and several said I looked like a whore and was probably using him. With each response I felt worse and worse.
“I’m sorry,” Jesse said again, and my head snapped up in surprise. I was so freaked out I’d forgotten he was there.
“Where did she find this stuff?” I asked, my hands shaking.
He shrugged. “I guess she did some kind of internet search for McCoy and this came up.”
“You don’t think … I mean, she couldn’t have taken these herself, right? This happened this morning. In Florida.”
Jesse’s eyebrows knitted in confusion. “Wait, that’s why he was late this morning? Because he was with you in Florida?”
“He wasn’t with me. Well, obviously he was with me, but not in the way these pictures make it look.”
“Man, what is it with that guy?”
If the situation hadn’t been so serious I’d have laughed at his expression. Seemed like every woman he knew had a link to McCoy in some way.
“Jesse. Focus.”
He shook his head. “I don’t think Taylor took them but she won’t waste any time making sure people see them. Even if she doesn’t, the photos will be all over the news tomorrow.”
He was right. Those photos had been published on the fan site several hours ago, and with the speed of social media, they had probably found their way to several news sites already.
“Oh hell.”
Still holding Jesse’s phone, I walked as fast as my wobbly legs would carry me, in search of Radleigh. I needed to know if he already knew about the photos, and if he did, how we were going to stomp out the rumours. I found him in my office reading a newspaper.
“Surprise,” he said, closing the newspaper and placing it on my desk. “I’m booked in for a … you okay?”
Without a word, I thrust Jesse’s phone at him and watched as he looked at the pictures.
“Where did these come from?” he asked.
“Taylor sent this to Jesse. Someone posted them on a website and now they’re all over the place.”
“Huh. I should think about getting a restraining order for her.”
His calmness only served to make my temper flare, and I snapped, “You should see what people are saying about me, Radleigh! There are comments from strangers who think I’m a prostitute you hired for the night!”
“Precisely,” he said. “Strangers. Who cares what they say?”
“I do! My family might see this. I don't want anyone thinking those things about me! Half the people who work here have still got it in for me after the last incident, and we didn't even do anything this time!”
Radleigh stopped staring at the photos and surveyed my face. The intensity with which he was looking at me made my heart race again.
He really was beautiful.
“Is it so bad if people think we’re dating?” he asked.
“Yes, I’ll get fired! And we're not dating!”
“Do you wanna?” He grinned.
“What?” I spluttered. “You … I … No, I don't wanna! Do you?�
��
“No,” he answered, after a slight hesitation. “I like things as they are.”
I hadn't expected to feel his words so strongly, and more than that, I hadn't expected them to hurt.
“Fine,” I said, somehow functioning even though my heart was sinking into my stomach. “So what are we going to do?”
“The same as always,” Radleigh said, seemingly unaware of the pain he’d inflicted. “We wait it out. And if anyone says anything, tell me. I'll set them straight.”
Slowly, I nodded. “Okay.”
How could that have hurt?
Amongst weeks of bickering, something had happened. At least for me, anyway. After we'd slept together, everything changed. We still fought and annoyed each other, but it was different. I'd felt something between us. Despite my denial, I'd felt something. My mistake was thinking that he felt it too.
“I thought I might find you two together.”
Richard's voice made me jump and I looked up at him in surprise. Even though Radleigh had been about to tell me I was supposed to treat him for … something, the last thing I needed was to be found with him by Richard.
“Leah, I want to see you in my office. Now.”
I didn’t even look back at Radleigh, I just followed Richard, the ache in my chest getting worse with every step. There wasn’t enough time to process my feelings. I wanted to freeze the world for a while so my brain could catch up. All I could think about was that I’d just been rejected by the man I’d been slowly falling for. I barely even noticed when I'd reached Richard's office, I'd been so lost in my own little world.
“Sit down,” Richard said, taking his place behind the desk.
I sat and waited for him to begin.
“Is there anything you want to tell me, Leah?”
“Actually, no.”
“So, you don't want to explain this?” he asked, placing his phone in front of me, the image of McCoy and me piercing another hole in my chest.
“Again, no.”
“Are you dating him?”
“No,” I said. “I don't think there is anything more to say.”
“How about telling me how you came to be photographed with him early this morning.”
“We stayed in the same hotel last night. This morning, when that photo was taken, he’d just said goodbye to my family. There’s nothing more to it than that.”
Richard’s eyebrows almost shot off his forehead. “You introduced him to your family?”
“My nephew is a fan. Radleigh was just being nice.”
“There was a time when you wouldn't have thought that was possible,” Richard pointed out.
That seemed like an eternity ago.
“Things change.”
“Leah, if you and Radleigh are-”
“We're not!” I erupted. “We're not a couple, we aren't anything!”
“Leah -”
“Don't tell me to calm down! I’ve been branded as the team slut and I haven’t even done anything wrong. I’m tired, okay? I’m tired of fighting to get people to respect me, and I’m tired of wondering how long it will take before people forgive me for making one mistake! It's like being back in high school! I'm sick of it!”
All the anger and pain flooded out of me. I couldn't seem to stop it. I didn't want to. I wanted to yell in rage at how hurt I was. As the tears began to fall from my eyes, I said, “I didn't deserve any of this.”
Richard watched me for a moment and I wiped my eyes as he stood up and walked around the desk towards me. I looked up at him defiantly and he said, “You knew how people viewed McCoy before you started hanging out with him. Whatever kind of relationship you have with him, people were always going to talk.”
“How they view him is one thing. Making rash judgements about me based only on circumstance and rumours is quite another.”
There was a long, desperately uncomfortable pause, then Richard said, “We need to talk about your future here. I understand that you didn’t ask to be placed in a situation that made you sacrifice your own reputation to get McCoy out of trouble, and as angry and disappointed as I was with your actions, I always respected the fact that you saved his career. But this can’t keep happening. I don’t care that McCoy’s photo is all over the internet because he gets photographed with women all the time. It’s the fact that it’s you, the team physiotherapist that makes it a problem.”
“You know what,” I said, my eyes burning with tears. “I can save you the trouble of firing me. First thing tomorrow morning, I’ll be handing in my notice.”
Chapter 18: Numb
The decision to leave the Warriors was a spur of the moment one, made while over-emotional and angry. After leaving Richard's office and getting on with the rest of my day, I knew it was right.
I didn't care what anyone would think, I just wanted to be away from all the drama. Working at Westberg seemed like the perfect job on the surface, but I hadn’t signed on to deal with media speculation and psychotic stalkers.
The one thing resounding in my head was Radleigh saying he was happy with the way things were between us. That he didn't want anything more. If it had hurt at the time, it was nothing compared to how excruciating it got as the day wore on. Like a spider spinning a web of misery inside me, it grew bigger and stronger, trapping every negative thought and letting them hang there, ugly and painful until they were all I could see.
How stupid of me to think he cared.
It's not so easy to tame a ladies' man, and Radleigh was never going to be tamed.
Or maybe I just wasn't good enough.
As predicted, the photographs made it into the newspapers and I was only saved from the gossip-hungry journalists outside the stadium by Freya, who parked directly by the stadium entrance and bundled me into her car in a blur of blinding, flashing lights.
She drove me home in silence. We hadn’t had a chance to talk much that afternoon but I knew she’d seen the photos too. I could tell by the disappointment in her eyes. It made me furious that she didn’t even ask me about it. Like everyone else, she assumed the worst.
It wasn’t until we got into the apartment that she threw her bag down on the floor in the hallway and shouted, “When were you going to tell me, Leah?”
I stopped in my tracks. She was angry, but that wasn’t all. Her words were tinged with hurt that I hadn’t told her I’d been with Radleigh. I was so used to the stabbing guilt pains, I should have been prepared, but I wasn’t. Not at all.
“Freya,” I began as I turned to her, and she held up her hands to stop me.
“Didn’t I deserve to hear it from you? You had the whole weekend to tell me! We talked on the phone, and you still said nothing!”
“It’s not what you think. It’s not what anyone thinks.”
“Oh, it’s not? You didn’t see Radleigh yesterday? You didn’t wake up with him this morning in Florida? How many more secrets do you have?”
“Yeah, both of those things happened. We spent yesterday with my family, and we stayed in the same hotel room last night. What people don’t seem to understand is that those things can happen and still be completely innocent.”
“Innocent? You already slept with him once and now you’re introducing him to your family? How is that innocent?”
It’s innocent because he doesn’t want me! I had to fight back tears as the thought ripped through me, tearing at my insides.
“I didn’t expect to go through this with you,” I said, more calmly than I felt. “I thought you’d believe me.”
“I believed you before. Now … I don’t know.”
I shrugged. “Then I guess there’s nothing else to say.”
“There’s one more thing,” she said, and this time, her voice wobbled, “I went to see Richard this afternoon. I told him that whatever was happening between you and Radleigh was nothing more than friendship because I was sure he was on the verge of firing you. He told me you’re handing in your notice.”
It was like I’d knocked her to t
he ground, then kicked her in the gut. Tears glistened in her eyes, and suddenly, I understood.
Her outburst wasn’t about Radleigh at all.
“Freya.”
“You should have told me.”
“I know, but it’s been a hell of a day. I was hoping to get through it without any more pain.”
Freya sighed. “I’m sorry for yelling. But all of this stuff with Radleigh, it'll blow over soon and then everything will be okay again.”
“No, it won't,” I said. “According to everyone here, I committed the ultimate sin by sleeping with him. People won't forget.”
“It won't matter,” she insisted. “It will all calm down, and people will stop talking about it.”
“I can't change their opinions of me though, Freya. They’ve labelled me as something I'm not. I won't put up with being treated that way. I'm going home.”
“Home,” she repeated. “To England?”
The words slipped out of my mouth before I’d thought them through, but I knew they were right. What was left for me in America?
“Yeah. If being with my brother this week taught me anything, it's how much I miss my family. If I'm not working here anymore, I may as well be back with them.”
Freya took a moment to process what I'd said, and I felt bad for springing it on her so abruptly.
“I don’t want you to go.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want things to end up this way.”
“Have you told Radleigh you’re leaving?”
I shook my head, my stomach clenching at the sound of his name. “Not yet. I don’t think he’ll care though.”
“No? He spent the weekend with you. I don’t think he’d do that if he didn’t care.”
Her words almost exactly echoed Christina’s, but I knew better. He didn’t want me, and if he cared about me at all, he hadn’t ever given me a clue. We were friends at best. Even that felt like an exaggeration.
****
It took less than two hours for the news of my resignation to become public knowledge once I’d given my official resignation letter to Richard. I knew he was disappointed but he didn’t try to change my mind. The team always came first, and I understood. That didn’t stop it hurting though. Honestly, even if he had begged me to reconsider, I probably wouldn’t have. It would have been nice to be asked though.