by Kyra Lennon
“Don’t get too excited yet. I might still wimp out!”
“You won’t. It’s easy when you already know she feels the same way.”
“Oh sure, why don’t you go and tell Radleigh you love him?”
“Because he’s an arse. Freya is a sweetheart and she deserves for you to tell her the truth.”
He nodded. “I know. I will.”
We left Slinky's at one-thirty, which was relatively early for us but everyone was pretty tired so we decided to call it a night. Both Bree - who took full advantage of the fact that she could legally drink - and Freya were smashed, so Will, Miguel, Jude and I took it upon ourselves to take them back to the hotel. Everyone else stayed at the bar, and after saying goodbye to them, we fell into a cab.
“I wish I was drunk,” I said to Miguel as we got out at the hotel.
“You could always go and attack the mini bar in your room.”
“Don't think I haven't considered it.”
Miguel put his arm around my shoulders. “There are better answers than drinking.”
“I know, but look at them,” I said, jerking my head in the direction of Freya and Bree who were giggling uncontrollably as they tried to make their way up the steps to the hotel. “I wish the only thing I had to think about was getting back to my room without falling over.”
“You need some sleep. If having a drink is what it takes to help, than have one. But don't get drunk. It's not worth it.”
I let out a groan and rested my head on his shoulder, more lonely and unhappy than I’d felt in a long while.
I’d faked having fun for the rest of the evening, and I'd really tried to be enthusiastic but it was difficult when my mind was elsewhere. I kept thinking that if being apart from Radleigh was so difficult, then I should just speak to him and put an end to it. But every time I looked at him he either glared or feigned disinterest and that only served to make me angry with him.
“I don't think I'll meet up with you guys next time you're here,” I said. “If it's going to be like this, I … I'd rather be at home with my parents.”
“No, no, no, no, no,” Miguel insisted as we began to make our way up the steps. “There is no way in hell McCoy will come between you and your friends. Besides, in a few months, you might even be over him!”
As much as I wished Miguel’s words were true, I knew my feelings wouldn’t fade so quickly. It had already been a couple of months and Radleigh was still the last person I thought of every night, and the first person I thought of every morning.
Seeing him had set me back even further, and my mind wouldn’t relax. I tried watching TV, reading, staring at the ceiling, but nothing worked. At a little after three a.m I was startled by the sound of my mobile alerting me to a new text message. I reached to pick it up with a grin, thinking it was probably Freya complaining that she had thrown up in her hair.
When I checked, it was Radleigh's name on the screen and I clicked to open the message. Are you awake?
For a second, I contemplated ignoring it. After all, he’d been ignoring me all evening. I shook my head, telling myself to stop being so stupid. One of us had to be the first to stop playing stupid mind games, so I simply typed back, Yes.
Good. I'm outside your room. Let me in?
He was outside my room? At three fifteen in the morning?
I heard a gentle knock and swore to myself under my breath as I climbed out of bed. Pulling on my dressing gown to cover my underwear, I ran to the door.
.
Chapter 24: Would You Like A Shovel?
“What are you doing here, Radleigh?”
It was the only question I could think of. His call had surprised me and his appearance hadn't given me time to think. I knew my hair was sticking out at weird angles from where I’d been tossing and turning, trying to fall asleep, but it was too late to worry about vanity.
“Are you going to let me in?”
I opened the door a little wider, allowing him to step inside. A shiver ran through me at being disturbed from the comfort of my bed, and I wrapped by dressing gown more tightly around me, then stopped to fully take in his appearance.
In spite of it being the early hours of the morning, he looked kind of … gorgeous. He wasn't groomed to within an inch of his life like usual. His jeans were crumpled, and his hair was tousled from being in bed. It made him look vulnerable.
“I want to show you something,” Radleigh said.
He put his hand in his pocket, pulled out a small rectangular piece of paper and dropped it on the bed.
“Take a look.”
When I realised what it was, my mouth dropped open.
A plane ticket from London to Newquay, departing on Friday morning.
I looked up at him, astounded.
“You … you were coming to see me?”
“Yes,” he answered coldly. “But like always, you were one step ahead of me.”
Weird. I’d always felt like he was the one who was one step ahead.
“Why didn't you say so earlier?” I asked.
“Because you wouldn't stop yelling.”
A blush began to creep over my cheeks. “I'm sorry.”
He shrugged. “It doesn't matter. I just wanted you to know.”
The idea that he, Radleigh McCoy, had intended to get on a plane to Cornwall and attempt to find me was huge. He had been thinking about me.
My softer side wanted to go to him and erase the look of unhappiness on his face, but a meaner, more antagonistic part of me still didn't think he’d suffered enough yet.
“Leah, please say something.”
“Why is it always me that has to do all the talking? You were coming to see me for a reason. I'd like to know what it is.”
Antagonistic, it is!
“Why are you making this so hard?”
“Because,” I said, placing the ticket on the bed, “for the last eight weeks I’ve been tormenting myself over my feelings for you, thinking I was stupid for believing that you cared about me, and trying to get you out of my head.”
“What do you think I've been through over the last few weeks?”
“Knowing you, I'd say, several fan girls and any remaining staff members you hadn't already screwed!”
Something changed in his eyes, like he’d shut down from the conversation. “Forget it.”
He turned to leave and I let out a mocking laugh. “How typical. I hit a nerve and you walk out on me!”
Turning back, he snarled, “I haven't so much as looked at another woman since you left! And that's not because of a lack of offers, it's because I wasn't interested!”
“Oh, that's why you were coming to see me? In the hope I might 'do you a favour?’”
“Give me a break! I'm not here to have sex with you. I wanted to talk but you obviously don't want to so I'm going back to bed.”
He started to walk away again and I knew that if I let him go this time, it really would be over.
“I'm sorry,” I said, as he reached the door, and he stopped without turning around. “I don't want you to go, but if you stay you'll have to deal with my anger. I can't pretend not to be angry when I am.”
He turned to face me again. I gave him an apologetic smile and sat down on the bed.
“Leah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry about the last time I saw you in America. I have a lot to apologise for, but that was the worst.”
At the mere thought of that night, my chest began to ache with suppressed grief. Tears formed in my eyes as I remembered the humiliation of being undressed, then rejected.
“You won't hear any arguments from me about that. I’ve never felt so cheap and used.”
He hung his head, and the way his shoulders sagged told me that it had been just as painful for him. He came towards me, and sat beside me on the bed.
“I wasn't using you. If all I’d wanted was to sleep with you, I would have.”
“If you weren't going to, why did you even …” I couldn't bring myself to finish the sentence.
“I don't know how to explain it. I didn't want to be at your leaving party, so when you came into the bar and you looked so incredible, it surprised me. I didn't think you'd want to see me.”
“You must’ve known I'd want to say goodbye.”
“How? We weren't speaking.”
I took a moment to process his words. For all his bravado, and his enormous ego, did he really not understand how I felt about him? I forced myself to look into his eyes for just a second, but it was enough. Enough to tell me that he hadn't understood. Sure, he understood the physical attraction – but that was as far as his comprehension went.
Or maybe as far as he would allow it to go.
“Why didn't you talk to me?” I asked. “You could have bought me a drink and we could have talked.”
“Leah, I was drunk out of my mind. I couldn't have had a conversation with you without hurting you. I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I wanted you so much, but I knew you were leaving the next morning and I-” he trailed off.
“What?”
“I didn't want to wake up and find that you weren't there.”
Slowly, I raised my head again and this time I didn't look away. I fixed my eyes on his as the first tear slid down my face. “You're so stupid. All this pain, and feeling so … empty. All you had to do was tell me the truth.”
He shook his head. “That's not fair. You weren't so honest yourself. I asked you if you wanted to be with me and you said no.”
“I thought you were trying to wind me up! I didn't think you were serious!”
“I didn't know I was serious until you said no.”
I furiously wiped the tears from my cheeks, but I wasn't angry with Radleigh. I was angry with myself. Because of our own fears and stubbornness, we’d ruined our relationship before it had even begun.
He reached for my hand. “I don't wanna fight.”
I was getting tired, and the amount of revelations I’d discovered were beginning to make my head ache. An hour ago I’d been trying to force myself to accept that Radleigh and I were not meant to be together, and now I was hearing that I hadn't been in it alone.
And he was holding my hand.
“Come back to L.A. with me.”
“I don't know,” I said, even though my stomach flipped with excitement at the idea. “Too much has happened.”
Gently, he pulled me onto his lap and looked into my eyes. “Please don't make me go back without you.”
I knew for sure that he meant it. But I wasn't ready to take him up on the offer. I needed to sleep, clear my head before I could make the decision to uproot my entire life again for him.
“I need to think,” I told him. “It's nearly four a.m, I have to meet my brother and nephew for breakfast in a few hours and I haven't been to sleep yet. Can we please pick this up again tomorrow?”
“Aren't you supposed to be going home tomorrow?”
Amazed at how he seemed to know so much without actually having asked me, I said. “Yeah, I'm supposed to.”
“But you're gonna stay?”
I nodded. “There’s still a lot to talk about.”
He gently brushed my hair from my face and I shivered as his hand touched my cheek. After a slight hesitation, I put my arms around his neck, finally allowing myself to breathe in the familiar, freshly showered scent I’d missed while we were apart. “Will you stay here with me tonight?”
Just in case this all goes wrong again, I need you to stay with me tonight. I want that night you threw away.
“I didn't bring my pyjamas,” Radleigh said, facetiously.
“Me neither.”
Radleigh let out a small groan of frustration. “Don't be such a tease.”
I laughed. “I'm actually not kidding, but I can throw something on if you can’t control yourself!”
“I can barely control myself when you're fully dressed. But I'll risk it.”
Rolling my eyes, I stood up but the beginning of something resembling happiness started to consume me. Things were far from being sorted out, but this was more than I’d ever expected.
I slipped my bathrobe down over my shoulders, and hung it over the back of the chair, fully aware that Radleigh's eyes were following me.
“Anyone would think you were expecting company,” he said, of my perfectly matched black lacy bra and knickers.
“Well, I was considering bringing Bryce back here after we'd finished at the club,” I teased. “So I thought I should be prepared. I didn't want him to see me in my grey granny pants.”
“Very funny,” he said as I climbed into the bed.
“Oh, come on. I wouldn't sleep with him, nor would he want to sleep with me. He's your friend, and he’s married.”
“Would you like a shovel?” he asked, looking over his shoulder at me. “Or are you okay digging that hole by yourself?”
“No, no,” I giggled. “I'm doing fine on my own.”
He stood up and took off his t-shirt but left his jeans on, then got into bed beside me.
“Radleigh, seriously. You know there’s nobody other than you who I-”
“Want to show your underwear to?” he finished with a grin.
“Right.”
His face became serious again and after a second or two, he said, “Come here.”
I flicked the switch to turn the lamp off and shuffled across the bed, closing the gap between us. His arms encircled me and my heart began to beat more quickly as I felt his muscular form pressed up against me.
I was tired, but not so tired that I didn't realise how perfect the moment was.
His lips brushed against mine, making me shiver. He'd never kissed me that way before. It had always been frantic, or teasing or urgent. The urgency was different now though. It wasn't a desperate need to be ripping each other's clothes off, although I was positive we were. It was simply the need to be close. It was better than any kiss I’d experienced before.
“I love you, Leah.”
I closed my eyes, letting the words hang in the air, letting them play in my mind before allowing myself to believe them.
“I love you too.”
With one final kiss, I snuggled closer to him and, almost immediately, fell asleep with a smile on my face.
Chapter 25: Return Of The Ego
The next morning, I awoke to the tantalising smell of bacon and coffee. It seemed to fill my senses while I slept, and gently coaxed me into opening my eyes.
The first sight that greeted me was Radleigh, sitting in the chair at the table by the window. As my eyes regained focus, I noticed that a little to the side of him was a tray with two enormous full English breakfasts on it, and two cups of coffee.
“Am I still asleep?” I asked, rubbing my eyes.
“No,” Radleigh answered, turning to look at me. “If this was a dream your breakfast wouldn't be cold.”
“It's cold?”
“I'm kidding. It hasn't been here for long. I was deciding on the best way to wake you up.”
Pushing a rogue dirty comment out of my head, I said, “Nothing short of an earthquake can wake me when I'm sleeping. I-”
I stopped abruptly, having seen the clock out of the corner of my eye.
“What's wrong?”
“I was meant to meet Josh and Jamie for breakfast fifteen minutes ago!”
I scrambled to free my arms from the warmth of the duvet and reached out for my mobile phone to send Josh an apologetic text message telling them to go on without me.
“Did you tell him you're with me?” Radleigh asked.
“Not yet. Some things are best done face to face. Besides, I don't want him storming up here before I’ve properly woken up.”
“I guess I shouldn't expect to be welcomed into your family then?”
With a small laugh I said, “First you have to win me over, then you can worry about Josh.”
“I've already won you over. Now I need to make you admit it.”
He was absolutely right. He had won me over. But a
longside all of the newly discovered happiness, I needed to think about what the next step was.
'That's what today is about,' I reminded myself. 'All you have you have to do today is talk to him and be honest.'
After we’d eaten breakfast, Radleigh went back to his room to get dressed. He took the majority of my things with him so I could check out of my room after I’d sorted things out with Josh, and when he was ready, we went down to face him.
Josh and Jamie were already waiting, and the difference in reactions on seeing us together was huge. While Jamie's face lit up, Josh's clouded over.
“I'd better handle this on my own,” I said nervously, looking up at Radleigh.
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay. I'll go and see if I can add you to my room for the night.”
I smiled up at him. “Okay. I'll see you in a minute.”
He winked at me, then headed over to the reception desk. I stared after him for a second, somewhere between excited and astounded that he was mine. All I had to do was give him the word and we would be together. I was still having trouble believing any of it was happening. I thought for sure this was all some elaborate prank and that at any second a camera crew were going to jump out from nowhere, proving I’d been well and truly “got”.
I took a deep breath before approaching Josh and Jamie. The expression on my brother’s face told me this wasn't about to be an easy conversation.
“Good morning,” I said, hoping my cheerfulness would make him a little easier on me.
“Please tell me you met him in the lift,” Josh said, without a hint of a smile.
“I didn't meet him in the lift.”
Jamie beamed up at me. “Are you and Radleigh friends again now?”
“Yes,” I told him. “We're friends.”
“Friends? It certainly looks like more than that.”
I was very aware that my nephew was eagerly listening to every word so I halted my response before I began. Although nothing had happened between us that would corrupt him, I didn't think he needed to hear the details.
I reached into my pocket and pulled out a five pound note. Handing it to Jamie, I said, “Why don't you go to the shop and buy yourself a magazine for the journey home?”