Accidental Texting: Finding Love despite the Spotlight

by Kimberly Montague

  "Bullshit." His soft voice would have been a caress if the message had been different. I closed my eyes, and he grabbed my hand again. I knew he could feel it trembling. "The guys can go out and get the security equipment we need. I want to stay here with you."

  "No." I pulled my hand free. "I'm not a baby, damn it. Let me handle this how I need to handle it, and go do your thing."

  He stared at me for several moments before finally nodding. "I'll let you bury this and avoid it for now. I can see why you need that wall. But with me—no walls, Morgan. But we'll talk about that later when we're alone." I nodded, and he squeezed my hand before letting it go.

  I grabbed the two glasses of water I'd poured and found Alvin deep in a conversation with Nathan about football.

  Alvin smiled and said, "Thanks, babe," but I could tell it was more out of habit than anything else since he continued talking to Nathan. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Anthony's head turn toward Sean.

  Sean gave the smallest shake of his head and walked over to slap Stewie on the back. "Let's get going, Stew."

  Stewie nodded and got up, so did Craig, Rudy, and Nathan, leaving Anthony and Alvin on opposing sofas. I walked over to Sean, and he wrapped his arms around me.

  "If you leave the house, call me and let me know, please. Anthony will go with you wherever you need to go. I'd just like to know where you're at." I nodded, and he leaned close to my ear. "I love you, Morgan." He kissed my lips softly.

  "Be safe, please."

  He kissed me again. "Just for you, I will." He winked and left.

  When I came back to Alvin, he and Anthony immediately stopped talking. It was an obvious sign that they were talking about me or about Brent. Either way, I wasn't pleased. I narrowed my eyes on Anthony, and he stood up. "I've got some women to email." I rolled my eyes, and he went to the kitchen table with his laptop.

  I flopped down on the couch next to Alvin, and he handed me the remote. This was how we worked. I flipped through channels, and he would pick and complain about everything I chose. It sounds silly, but it was comfortable.

  "Isn't it weird to kiss him?"

  "Alvin," I warned.

  "No. I'm being serious. I mean, he's Sean Wilder. We saw him on SNL a few months ago. He's huge. How the hell did you even meet him?"

  I smiled. "It was really weird at first. But—it's a long story."

  "You got me 'til four when Lutz claims I promised to help him on the new bike. I didn't, by the way."

  I laughed a little, remembering the times he and Lutz had taken on a new vehicular project. "That'll be an hour or two of you guys arguing about who should do what."

  "I know," he sighed. "So spill."

  "Well I have to trust you not to tell anyone, especially the media."

  He looked a little angry. "You don't really think I would, do you?"

  "No." Alvin was loyal. He always had been. I didn't really think he would blab. "Okay. He texted me by accident." He looked angry at me again, and I knew he didn't believe me. "I'm serious. He was trying to text Michelle Stevens, but her personal assistant gave him the wrong number. Cerise thought it would be funny to respond. When I tried to tell him it was a wrong number, he wouldn't believe me. So I sent him to the inn's website and pointed him to my picture. The rest is history."

  "Sounds like the plot of one of his movies," he commented sullenly.

  "It is pretty unbelievable."

  "So when he texted you that he was Sean Wilder, what did you say?"

  I shook my head. "He didn't tell me that. He showed me. He appeared on my doorstep, actually. I freaked. I couldn't believe it. Then I was mad then I was okay with it. A lot has really happened—too much to talk about for today."

  "Alright. Well, I am not watching cooking shows again. Every time you see something remotely tasty, you want to try to cook it. And I don't know where the fire extinguishers are in this house, so change the channel."

  "Me? You're the one that thought you could use a regular blow torch on the Crème Brulee. Besides, Sean can cook—like really cook. We can just get him to make it for us."

  He rolled his eyes. "I doubt he'd make it for me, but he seems like he'd do pretty much anything for you."

  I patted him on the arm. "He'll see what a good guy you are."

  "Sean Wilder, Morgan. I just—change the channel and get my mind off of the fact that I'm sitting in Sean Wilder's living room."

  The rest of the afternoon was really easygoing. We laughed and argued and talked about old times and new times. He didn't get mad or upset when I brought up Sean, which I seemed to do a lot without thinking about it. And I did my best not to gush or talk about my feelings for Sean, knowing it might hurt him. When we wound up downstairs playing pool, Anthony came down every once in a while. For the most part though, he left us alone.

  In the middle of our second game of pool, Alvin became serious. "So can I ask you something and you not get mad at me for it?" This didn't sound like a good line of questioning.

  "That depends." I walked over and chalked the end of my cue stick.

  "On what?" he asked.

  "On what it is you're about to ask me." I smiled at him.

  "Funny. Well… I just—how do you—what kind of future do you see with this guy?"

  I shrugged. "I don't know."

  "No, I'm serious. I mean—what? Dating? Marriage? Kids? Where do you see this going?"

  I wasn't really ready to answer the question. I didn't know where I wanted it to go—no, that wasn't true. I knew I wanted those things with Sean, but I wasn't sure if I could really see them happening, especially with what had happened in L.A..

  "Morgan." He stepped closer to me. "Do you really see yourself in this guy's future long-term? You can't even hang out with me without a bodyguard checking in on you every five minutes. How are you gonna have a life? Don't you want normal things?"

  "It changes things, I know that. But—you make sacrifices. Everyone makes some kind of sacrifice to be with the person they love."

  "I guess the real question is do you love him enough to give up your life as you know it."

  I just stared at him. I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to think about giving anything up, but he was right.

  "I just—you should be with someone that you can be yourself with," he said hopefully. "Someone you can enjoy life with, not have to hide from it."

  I stared blankly at the pool table for several minutes, trying to get my thoughts together enough to give Alvin an answer, but I just hadn't had enough time to sort through things like this yet. I knew I wanted to be with Sean, but I didn't have the words to explain to Alvin the lack of value I placed on the idea of a "normal" life. It just didn't factor in for me.

  "No," I said simply, and he stared at me with more intensity, like he was trying to figure me out. "I deserve to be with someone I'm completely in love with; someone who loves me and will do anything for me; someone I can't imagine a future—normal or otherwise—without."

  His face fell, and he dropped his chin to his chest. In that moment, I realized we wouldn't be able to be friends. Maybe I'd known it when we talked on the phone, I don't know, but it became clear to me in the defeated look on his face.

  When he brought his chin up again and pierced me with a stare of complete determination, I knew exactly where this was going to go. "Morgan, I love you. You know I love you. I can give you a happy life. We'd laugh and enjoy each other. Why can't you see that we'd be happy?" I shook my head sadly, but he still took the few steps separating us and reached out to me.

  "Alvin, it's not going to happen."

  "Please, Morgan, just imagine it for one moment. Just close your eyes and picture it. Please? Close your eyes and try then I'll leave you alone."

  The pleading in his voice tore at my heart. I should have never gotten involved with him. It hurt that I'd hurt him. I closed my eyes, having a good idea what was coming, but I wanted to give him the final piece of evidence to show him it wouldn't work. He p
laced his hands on my cheeks and pressed his lips to mine gently. He was always gentle. It was actually one of the things that made me continue any kind of relationship with him. After Brent, I needed someone who was kind and gentle and caring. He'd done a lot to help me move on after Brent. I felt awful that I was repaying him with pain.

  I just stood there, my arms at my sides and my eyes closed. He held me close for a few moments before pulling back and dropping his arms. I opened my eyes and tried to keep the pity out of them. "I'm sorry, Alvin."

  His shoulders fell, and he stepped back. He nodded slowly. "He doesn't deserve you."

  "He agrees with you, but that's not for him or you to decide." He nodded again and stared at the floor. My stomach burned with guilt and sadness. "I think you should go now." His sad nod made my heart break for him, and I felt like I had a good idea how Sean felt whenever I said "okay."

  I walked him to his truck while Anthony glared at me the entire time. I was pretty sure he'd heard or maybe even seen something that made him angry with me, but I didn't care. I didn't have to answer to Anthony, and if Sean was going to blow up at me over this, I'd have my answer on whether or not I could really put my heart in his hands.

  Alvin opened the door to his truck, but turned back to me. "We can't be friends can we?"

  I gave him a sympathetic frown and shook my head. Behind Alvin, I saw the black SUV Stewie had rented come up the driveway.

  "Can I hug you?" he asked, staring at the ground.

  I nodded, and he wrapped me in his arms tightly. I heard car doors open and close.

  After a few moments, Alvin pulled away and placed his hand on my cheek. His jaw was clenched, and he drew in a shaky breath. "Take care of yourself, Morgan."

  I gave him a very small, sad smile. "You too, Alvin."

  He kissed my forehead and got into his truck. Without looking back at me, he drove away.

  Between You and Me

  I walked back to the porch and sat down on the swing, watching the lake in the distance. It was really quiet, which suited my mood just fine. The sadness over losing Alvin as a friend really weighed on me. Silent tears fell down my cheeks over saying goodbye to him and because I'd hurt him. But the tears didn't last long, and I was left with a little relief. I knew Alvin, and I knew that he wouldn't give up on me after that conversation in my apartment where I told him it was over. I knew he wouldn't give up after that night at the restaurant and then at the club. But this had been a very final goodbye, and it was very bittersweet.

  When a vehicle I'd never seen before pulled up, I watched it curiously. It was a large black Land Rover—I'd seen enough of them to recognize it. But this was a high-end Land Rover and all shiny and new looking. As it pulled toward the back, I recognized Craig in the driver's seat. A few minutes later, Stewie walked around the side of the house in my direction.

  "Hey there." His voice sounded odd like he was trying to sound upbeat but didn't feel it.

  "How'd it go?" I asked politely.

  He climbed the steps and sat in the rocker across from me. "Smooth as ever. How was your afternoon?"

  The way his eyebrow lifted and his voice pitched a little higher told me he knew something. I started to wonder how long it would be before Sean came out to yell accusations at me.

  "Come inside and talk to him. He hasn't said a word to anyone, but they can't keep their mouths shut. Anthony told him he saw you kissing Alvin."

  I clenched my jaw and fisted my hands. I was not kissing Alvin. Alvin kissed me. There was a huge freaking difference. I glared at the lake, but refused to comment.

  "Talk to him, Morgan," Stewie practically begged.

  Why did they have a right to get involved in our love life? I knew they were looking out for him, but this was between him and me. If I was going to leave, I would have done it, so why with the high school-level talking behind my back? Heavily, I nodded and pulled myself up. My muscles protested, and I realized I'd stayed out in the cold a little too long with few too many layers protecting me.

  Inside, I was glad for the temperature since it was thawing out my muscles, but the overall feeling in the air was definitely as cold as it was outside. Anthony glared at me from a table beside the windows—probably watching my every move out there. Rudy and Nathan were quietly hooking up an even larger flat TV of some kind in the living room. Rudy didn't look up at me, but Nathan gave me a quick, sympathetic smile. I hung up my jacket and scarf and saw Troy messing with a computer monitor in the kitchen. He didn’t look up at me. As Stewie pushed me into the room, I heard Sean before I saw him.

  "She is not! You can just shut the fuck up, Craig. I'm not making the same mistake twice!" He stormed from the back of the house where his bedroom was and into the kitchen before he looked up and saw me. He didn't smile, but the anger drained from his face, and he looked a little relieved to see me.

  I processed his words to Craig. He said he wasn't going to make the same mistake twice. Did that mean he wasn't mad at me? He walked toward me, and I started moving toward him. We met where the living room joined the kitchen in full view of everyone present.

  He took my hand in his. "Damn, Morgan, your hands are freezing." He took my other hand and rubbed them in his, warming them up.

  "I was outside… thinking."

  He stepped closer to me and put his hand against my cheek. They weren't as warm as usual, probably because he'd sacrificed their warmth to the freezing temperature of my hands. Something about that coupled with the way he looked at me and what he'd said about not making the same mistake twice calmed my fears about him reacting the way he did in LA.

  "Sweetie? Are you okay?"

  "Just sad," I mumbled. I was going to say more, but I could see Anthony stand up abruptly out of the corner of my eye.

  He shoved his hands in his pockets and turned his back to us. "This is bullshit."

  "Anth—" Sean's anger kicked back in, but it was aimed at Anthony.

  I stopped him though, by putting my finger to his warm lips. "Let me handle this," I said softly before turning and yelling, "Hey asshole!" Anthony looked back at me with disgust and hatred. "I realize you think you're the authority on kissing, but you might want to take notes. This is what it looks like when the kiss is mutual!"

  I barely took note of Sean's surprised face before I planted my hands on his cheeks and pulled him to me. The second he opened his mouth, my tongue darted in, and it was over from there. Lost to the craziness of Sean's skilled lips and tongue, the room started to fall away. Sean's arms went around my waist, pulling me into him. All I could do was wrap my arms around his neck and enjoy the intensity.

  I don't know how long we were wrapped in our little bubble of passion, but I was so intent on kissing the hell out of Sean that I didn't even notice Anthony get up or walk across the room to us. When Sean slowed our kiss, I heard Anthony's voice next to me. "Alright, point taken." I pulled my lips away from Sean in time to see Anthony stalk off toward the back door.

  Sean whispered huskily in my ear, "I think I'd like you to make that point again in my bedroom right now." He took my hand again and pulled me toward his room.

  I was still pretty keyed up from practically making out with Sean, so when he turned to lock the door, I pulled off my boots. My hands were undoing my sweater when he stopped me. "I want to talk first, love. Unless—if you need more time—to think."

  "I'm fine, Sean." But when he continued to stare at me, I dropped onto the bed and put my head in my hands.

  "You don't look fine. I'd like to know what happened, but if you need more time to—"

  "I'm okay, really. I'm just—sad."

  He went to the fireplace and spent several minutes getting a warm blaze going. He put his hand out to me and pulled me to the fire. "Your hands are still so cold."

  I put them toward the warmth, and it really did feel better. Everything felt better as I stood there with his arms wrapped around my waist and his cheek nuzzling my neck.

  "Anthony said you were kissin
g him." I rolled my eyes and felt the anger bubble up in me, but he interrupted my ascent to the pissed off level. "I screwed up once, love, I'm not doing it again. Can you just tell me what really happened?" He really was changing. Of course, in this situation, he didn't have Michelle or the blonde handler saying awful things to him.

  Still, I was beat. I needed to calm down. "Can you just hold me for a few minutes?"

  "How does forever sound?" he whispered. His tenderness and sincerity left me feeling so relieved and happy that we might actually make it as a couple. Yet I was still upset over Alvin and both feelings seemed to converge within me and made the tears fall again.

  "I hate seeing you upset, sweetie. What can I do?"

  I shook my head. "I won't see him again… I had to say goodbye… It just hurts."

  "Why can't you be friends?"

  "He said some things… he tried to make me see that you aren't good for me, that I'm sacrificing my shot at a normal life." I grabbed his hand and wove and unwove our fingers. "When that didn't work… he kissed me… I—I let him—I had to. It was like the last hope he had to sway me. I had to show him… I had to show him it wasn't going to work. I had to break his heart… and I feel… I feel so awful about that."

  He squeezed me tighter. "I saw you hug him at his truck. You looked just as heartbroken. It wasn't easy for me to watch."

  "I am." I closed my eyes. "He's been a good friend to me. He's helped me through a lot. And it's my fault he's gone, and my fault he's hurting."

  "You can't help how you feel, sweetie. He can't, you can't, I can't. It's just how life works. Someday, he'll find someone who loves him back. Then maybe you two can be friends again."

  I nodded, but I doubted that would happen. I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. I had to put it behind me and think about the present and my future with Sean. His reaction to the whole thing made me truly believe this could work between us. "We need to talk, Sean."