Accidental Texting: Finding Love despite the Spotlight

by Kimberly Montague

  "They were grabbing at each other and shoving each other into me, and I lost my balance. It was practically a riot. I barely—"

  Everything was darkening around me, and I couldn't breathe. I knew I wasn't having a heart attack—I'd had panic attacks before—but it sure as hell felt like a heart attack.

  "Morgan?" I could feel his arms around me, but I shoved them away. I couldn't breathe. "Hey, it's okay. I'm okay, sweetie. Calm down. Take deep breaths. Put your head down."

  He was rubbing my back, and I could feel tears streaming down my face. The idea of him in the middle of a mob of people who were all trying to get to him just made me freak out on an epic scale. I couldn't handle the thought of something happening to him, and there were thousands of people—millions even—who wanted to get a picture with Sean Wilder, get an autograph from Sean Wilder, touch Sean Wilder—it was too much to think about it.

  "Morgan, listen to me. I can take care of myself. If I'd wanted to, I would have knocked out every one of those idiots. Rudy would have too. I just did it a polite way is all. And airport security came in and stopped it. It was fine, love."

  "But what if—" I couldn't even get my words out. I couldn't suck air into my lungs fast enough, and it felt like it was too fast all at the same time.

  "No. No what ifs, Morgan. I'm fine. I'll always be fine. They just annoyed me, harassed me a little, and made me afraid that I would have to resort to violence. I was never afraid I would get hurt, love. It's why I was telling you about it—I can fight, I can handle myself. Please don't worry about me."

  He put his arms around me and held me close to him, and I let him. I was still shaking, but my heartbeat started to slow down, and I stopped crying. It took several minutes for my breathing to even out. I was still incredibly shaky, but I always was after a panic attack.

  Sean stood up and walked across the room. He handed me a box of tissues. When I'd dried my eyes, he sat on the floor in front of me. "My mom has panic attacks—" I looked up at him, surprised to have something in common with her. "Sometimes it's about my dad's health—she can't handle seeing him in pain at all. Sometimes it's about my sister's asshole husband. Most of the time it's about me." He wrapped his hands around my calves, and I put my elbows on my knees, letting my head drop. "How often do you have them?"

  I suddenly felt like in invalid. I was pretty healthy, really. I didn't have asthma or suffer from allergies too much. I caught the occasional cold, but beyond that, I had no real health issues—except the panic attacks. I was sort of embarrassed about it. I shrugged instead of responding.

  "Morgan, look at me, love." Reluctantly, I did as he asked. "I'm yours for good, no matter what. But I need you to talk to me about this, so I don't freak out when you have one."

  "You—" I took a deep breath, my lungs still burned a bit, "never freak out."

  He gave a short laugh. "I freak out about you so much the guys are ready to kill me." I rolled my eyes at him. It so wasn't the same thing. "Morgan, this isn't gonna work if you won't talk to me."

  I leaned back and let my head fall back. "I had my first one when Brent left me. They got really bad when my mom got sick and for months after she passed away. I thought I was over them." I tried to keep my tone neutral, but it all came out pretty rushed. It left me a little depressed that worrying about Sean's safety brought one on. If that was a trigger, I was bound to be enjoying them a lot more in the future.

  He sat in the chair beside me again and pulled me against him. "Tomorrow, the guys and I are going to workout. I want you to watch. I want to teach you, too, but I really want you to just watch. I think you'll feel a little better. Remember when Stewie took care of Alvin?" I nodded against his chest. "He said you looked impressed." I nodded again. "I taught him everything he knows."

  "I have no problem believing you can take care of yourself. But all those people that—"

  "They're not all against me. A lot of people push the photographers away from me. Some of them cuss them out and tell them to leave me alone. There are decent people out there. And there's a reason I live in L.A.. It's a little safer. They have restrictions against the paparazzi there that don't exist in most states. It's not great, but it's at least better. Living here in this house is safe too, now that we're getting all the equipment up. I'll be happier when the ground thaws and we can put up a serious fence and gate, but with the guys here, we're completely safe."

  "But you have to stay here, trapped in your home."

  I felt awful for him. How could you handle not being able to do normal things like go shopping or go get an ice cream cone?

  "I'm not trapped. I don't feel trapped. It's sometimes annoying to not be able to take you out to a nice dinner without having our every move watched, but like today, I have ways around all that."

  "Will people be recognizing me? Will I have to stay in the house at all times?"

  He kissed the top of my head and held me tighter. "I don't know to what extent they will recognize you. Right now, they'll watch everything you do because they're looking for me. But once they know they won't get to me through you, they'll back off. It'll take time. It won't be easy, Morgan. I don't want to downplay it. I feel like we've been through a lot though, and I know we can get through whatever else they throw at us. And if not, I'll kidnap you and take you away to my house in the Caribbean until they forget who I am."

  I wanted to see his eyes as I asked him my next question. I wanted to know he was being completely honest with me. "It's okay either way, Sean, really, but I need to know. Would you really be okay with giving it all up?"

  He put his hand on my cheek, and his gray eyes seemed so clear and sharp. "I would miss it, Morgan, but nowhere near as much as I would miss you. No. That's not even accurate. I would miss acting, but you—" His eyebrows pulled together, and he looked sad and scared. "I don't want to live without you, Morgan. Are you asking me to give it up?"

  I shook my head. "I won't ever ask that of you. But if I hit a point where all of this becomes too much to take, I'll tell you I need to walk away."

  "And I'll walk with you." His soft lips touched mine as he whispered, "I'll always choose you, Morgan."

  Back to Work

  A couple days later, as I got up and pulled on my clothes to go upstairs and shower, Sean gave me this incredibly angry look. Before I knew what he was doing, he climbed out of bed, threw on some sweats and stormed out of the room. I followed him all the way to my room upstairs where he pulled out my suitcase and threw a bunch of my things inside. He didn't even say anything, just piled as much as he could into the suitcase, grabbed my things from the bathroom and carried it all back to his room. I smiled as I grabbed my clothes from the closet and followed him. He was already unpacking everything in the closet, putting my things into the empty space he had never filled. It was very sweet, and so was the content smile on his face as he moved me into his room.

  The next several days were so much more carefree. Sean and I spent hours on Amazon.com picking out Christmas decorations for the house. He spent a fortune, but insisted it was necessary for a festive environment. Mel arrived, and we spent a lot of time chatting and getting to know each other. The easy way Mel and Sean talked to each other made me love Sean even more. The way Mel told Anthony he was being stupid, annoying, or to just flat-out shut up made me love Mel even more. Watching the two of them battle as head chef of the house made me laugh. Apparently, it was a hobby they both loved. Everything they made was delicious.

  Anthony steered pretty clear of me as he helped Troy hook up the electronics in the house. I'd never seen a house with so many screens and things before. They brought in some equipment and dug up the ground a bit to install special cable all the way to the gate. Cameras were everywhere, but I only knew that because Sean showed them to me. Once they were up and running, we went out on the snowmobiles across the seven acres Sean owned.

  As promised, we spent the afternoons training in the garage-gym. I just watched for the first couple days, and as S
ean had promised, I did feel better. He was incredible. With a white tank-top on and loose black sweats, he was hot like you just couldn't describe. His muscles were insanely sexy, and the way he took down guys like Rudy who easily outweighed him by 50 lbs. was something to see. The way he moved around so lithely and reacted so quickly made him deadly. But then he would laugh and tease the guys as they talked trash to one another the whole time. It looked like he was having fun, and that was nice to see.

  When he got around to training me, I was super self-conscious. The first day was awful. He had me in the center of the room as the guys were sparring against each other around us, but I could feel their eyes on me. It only took him about five minutes to figure out it just wasn't going to work. I couldn't concentrate on any of the instructions he was giving me. Instead, he took my hand and we went back to our bedroom.

  "I can't train you if you can't pay attention to me. Since you don't seem to have any trouble giving me your undivided attention in here, this is where we'll start." His eyes were sparkling, and I had the suspicion that this could become less of training and more of um, exercise.

  I was pleasantly surprised to find that I had some skills. I think Sean was happy to find it out as well. I wasn't doing crazy kicks or sparring, but the moves he taught me were things I could remember. It still took me over a week to really get to where I could counter his attacks, but I felt pretty satisfied with my own progress.

  After I finished moving all my things into Sean's room, Sean rearranged my room, turning it into a cozy office and studio for me. He set up a beautiful wooden desk by the window with a speedy computer system. He put in a phone line, so I could conduct all the inn's business from the office. Petey called almost every day with financial updates. We were really doing well. I didn't know if that was in spite of the added attention—the paparazzi still hung out around the inn—or if it was because of the added attention. Either way, the restaurant and inn were pulling their own weight for once. That went a long way to make me feel at ease—that I was keeping Mom's dream alive.

  Cerise and Annalisa spent a lot of time at the house when they weren't working at the inn. Cerise brought paperwork and mail for me, but always ended up having marathon conversations with Nathan on the couch then crashing in one of the guest bedrooms. Annalisa spent some nights with Stewie at our house, but mostly, Stewie stayed with her. It was so nice to see them so in love.

  All in all, life seemed to settle down for us. When Sean declared me capable of defending myself—to an extent—I told him it was time I head to the inn. I had responsibilities I needed to attend to, and I just really missed the feeling of warmth and home that the inn always gave me. I hadn't had enough time to develop that for Sean's house yet.

  As I stood drying my hair that morning, he pouted, watching me. "I just don't understand why you need to go there. You have everything you need here."

  "We've been through this, Sean. It's important to me that I check-in with my employees, remind them I still exist."

  "But I just don't—"

  "Sean. I appreciate your concern for me. I like that you look out for me and want to protect me, but I'm my own person. I've told you where I'm going, and I've explained why. I've shared that with you, but I will not share the decision with you. I'm going."

  He nodded. "Anthony's going with you."

  I'd been waiting for this fight. I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, but I knew it was inevitable. "No," I said very firmly.

  "Morgan, he is going with you."

  "I said no, Sean. I'm still not comfortable with him."

  "The past week has been fine. You've even talked with him a bit more." He threw his hands out. "What's the big deal?"

  "I'm really trying, Sean. I'm trying not to hate him, but it's just taking time. I'm not comfortable around him. You've taught me to defend myself, and Nathan will go with me—"

  "Nathan will be all over Cerise instead of watching you."

  "And Cerise will be with me the whole time, so this argument is silly. Nathan is more than capable. He's not the lovesick teenager you want to make him out to be."

  "You don't know Nathan very well."

  I turned with my hands on my hips. "Are you really going to sulk about this and fight me on every move? Are you trying to piss me off?"

  His shoulders fell, and he walked over to me, placing his hands on my upper arms. "I just want to know you'll be safe."

  "You can't. You know that just as well as I do. All we can ever do is be prepared. You've trained me to defend myself, you've put in cameras and a new security system at the inn, you're sending Nathan with me, and that's as prepared as we can be."

  "No, Anthony would—"

  "Sean!" I ground my teeth together.

  "Okay. Fine but not Nathan. I'm just staying around the house today, so Rudy can go with you. You like Rudy."

  I nodded. It was a compromise I was willing to accept. "Okay."

  "Good!" His face brightened, and I went back to getting ready.

  I'd been in jeans and T-shirts most of the time. Aside from the lingerie I'd very briefly modeled for him the past few nights, he hadn't seen me in much else. I chose a maroon pencil skirt that had a subtle ruffle at the hem, a white dress shirt tucked in at the waist, and a thin black belt. My fishnet-stocking-covered-feet were a little unhappy about being shoved into the black suede heels I chose, but I felt sexy in them with their chunky heel and buckle at the ankle. When I came out of the closet, that familiar devouring look came across his face.

  "What are the chances of you actually making it out of this room looking like that?"

  I smiled seductively. "Excellent if you want to have any hope of taking it off me when I come back." He growled in response and followed me as I left the bedroom.

  In the living room, I grabbed my blue purse from the closet and proceeded to switch my items over to a small black clutch. I could feel Sean's eyes on me, but I looked up to find Craig and Anthony staring at me too.

  I looked around behind me to see if there was something else they were staring at so intently. "What?"

  Craig elbowed Anthony. "We were wrong."

  I probably shouldn't have let my curiosity get the better of me, but I couldn't help it. "Wrong about what?" I asked as I continued to arrange my purse.

  "We thought you were a tomboy." Anthony was shaking his head as the words left his mouth.

  I rolled my eyes at them. The guys were always teasing me about one thing or another. They'd become older brothers to me—well, except Anthony who always seemed to be doing it more out of spite than as a show of affection.

  "You're both idiots," Rudy said as he walked into the living room. "Didn't you see her picture from the premiere?"

  Craig stuck his nose in the air as if he was better than this discussion. "I don't read tabloids, Rudy." He did a pretty good British accent.

  Rudy walked back to the kitchen as Sean came in with Nathan. I just finished switching purses when I saw Rudy hand a camera to Craig.

  "Holy shit! Anthony, you seen this?" It finally dawned on me that the camera was Sean's, and there were pictures from the premiere on it.

  Anthony's eyes bulged as he looked at it. "Damn, she's hot."

  I could feel my face turn bright red. Rudy turned to Sean. "They thought she was a tomboy." I loved how he rolled his eyes and looked annoyed. Rudy laughed. "I showed them the pictures from the premiere."

  Sean nodded tersely, walked over to me, and whispered in my ear. "You are sexy as hell, you know that right?"

  I smiled at him, blushing again as he kissed my neck. I couldn't help but close my eyes at the feel of his lips on my skin. I pulled away though, and put my finger to his lips. "Later," I whispered. But he pulled me roughly into him and kissed me senseless before finally letting go. When I regained my balance, I wiped the lip gloss from his lips as he winked at me.

  "Nathan and Rudy are coming with you." I started to scowl at him, but he barely shook his head and winked at me. "Nathan insist
ed you need the protection."

  Oh. Nathan wanted to come along. That was sweet. He wanted to see Cerise. "Okay. I'll see you later?" It was odd how anxious I felt at leaving him. My only justification was that I had been around him 24/7 for weeks, but that only showed me how important it was that I go. I needed to have time to myself instead of being so wrapped up in Sean.

  He kissed my forehead. "Be safe."

  "I will. Come on boys, time to get to work."

  When we arrived at the inn, there were two photographers across the street. Rudy pulled up next to the door, and Nathan and I got out without being seen. Stepping foot in the inn was really like coming home. The smell of Annalisa's cooking and the familiarity of it all was so peaceful.

  "Morgan!" Jake came running out from behind the lobby desk and threw his arms around me. "How have you been? Why didn't you tell us you were coming? I've been so worried about you."

  "Jake, I just talked to you the day before yesterday. Why would you be worrying about me?"

  "Cerise said something was up with you today. I thought—I don't know—I thought something was wrong."

  I chuckled. "No. I'm fine. What's up is I'm here for a visit. Things have started to calm down. If everything goes okay, maybe I can come in more often."

  He helped me pull off my coat and walked with me into the office. I put my purse in the drawer and sat down at my desk. It was odd. My things had been moved, which I knew was likely since Cerise had been using the office to send me things. Nathan sat in the chair across from me.

  "So what's new?" I asked.

  He sat on the edge of my desk like always. "Well we've been pretty steady on business. We almost have a full house right now—"

  "I know all that stuff. I mean what's new with you? Are you still seeing Christana? How did that meeting go with her dad?"

  He smiled and leaned closer to me. "Yeah, she's incredible. Her dad was intimidating as hell, though. I don't know about him."

  "It's his job to be intimidating. Do you think you handled yourself well?"