Silver Lining

by Wanda B. Campbell

  “You really want to spend some time with me, huh?”

  She giggled. “Honey, I’m so excited I could turn cartwheels right here in the parking lot. God is answering my prayers. We can park at my complex and walk from there.”

  Seeing her giddy over him overwhelmed Kevin. He leaned down and lightly brushed his lips over hers. “I’ll follow you.” Kevin waited until she was securely inside before heading to his SUV. A second before he turned the ignition, his cell phone vibrated. It was his mother.

  “Hello, Mother.” Kevin started the vehicle and shifted into drive.

  Pastor Jennings didn’t bother with pleasantries. “Kevin, where have you been? Why haven’t you returned my calls? I could have been dying for all you knew!”

  “Mother, it’s late. Save the drama and get to the purpose of your call.”

  “Kevin Hezekiah Jennings, have you forgotten that I’m your mother?”

  Kevin sighed, and wondered if all female pastors were as dramatic as his mother. “How can I forget when you remind me on a regular basis?”

  Pastor Jennings ignored the sarcasm. “Why weren’t you at Bible Study last night? It’s one thing to be mad at me, but don’t take it out on the Lord.”

  He turned onto Piedmont Avenue. Kevin shook his head, although his mother couldn’t see him. It amazed him how his mother thought she could control every aspect of his life, including how he served the Lord. “Mother, I have to go now. I’m busy.”

  “What are you doing and why aren’t you at home?” Pastor Jennings questioned.

  “Mother, how do you know I’m not at home? I do answer my cell when I’m at home.” Kevin pulled the phone away from his ear, but that didn’t stop him from hearing the effects of his mother’s temper tantrum.

  “Kevin, you know good and well you’re not at home! I’ve been waiting here at your house all evening. Now, where are you?” She was still screaming when Kevin disconnected the call. Before exiting the SUV, he made a note to have his locks changed.

  Kevin waited in front of the complex while Marlissa parked her car in the underground garage. He debated if he was doing the right thing by spending time with her. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to remain married to her. Taking that into consideration, he didn’t think it wise. She had been very clear with her intentions, and he didn’t want to mislead her. Watching her approach him just then, he realized the person being misled was him.

  For just a moment, he entertained the truth. He enjoyed the new Marlissa, and, yes, he wanted to be her husband again. He didn’t trust her with his heart, but he still loved her.

  She held out her hand to him. “Ready?”

  He didn’t answer, just affectionately took her hand in his. The two walked quietly down Piedmont Avenue. On this trip, Marlissa didn’t window shop, and Kevin didn’t leave her behind.

  Seated at the same corner table they’d shared weeks before, Kevin sipped hot apple cider while Marlissa enjoyed her usual chai tea.

  Kevin took a sip and placed the cup on the round table. “Marlissa, can you explain something to me?”

  Marlissa covered his hand with hers. “Go ahead.”

  Kevin took mental note of her effort to express affection. “I don’t understand how attending one church service, drunk, changed your life. You spent many Sundays and Tuesday nights at church with me and you weren’t moved at all. I prayed for you all the time, but the more I prayed, the more you resisted. I would have given anything to see you interested in church like you are now. I guess what I’m asking is, why did you have to leave me to find the Lord?”

  Marlissa sipped her tea before answering. “Kevin, I’ll be straight with you. I couldn’t relate to the God your mother preached about. I didn’t understand her God.” She paused for him to respond; when he didn’t, Marlissa continued. “The God your mother presented was condemning and judgmental. Her God was full of rules and regulations, and He didn’t love you unless you followed this long list of rules. You couldn’t make any mistakes; you had to be perfect to serve her God. Your mother preached about a loving God, but her God didn’t require her to love sinners like me. I was never good enough for her. I’m still not. To be completely honest, I didn’t want the God she was selling.”

  “But I wasn’t like that with you,” Kevin spoke up. Marlissa heard the depth of his pain, and saw the turbulence as anger and hurt collided together in his eyes. “I was always there for you even after . . . after you rejected me.”

  Marlissa didn’t bother wiping away the tears that moistened her cheeks. She hurt for Kevin and all they had lost. “Kevin, you’re right. It’s like I told you before: I didn’t love myself. Therefore, I couldn’t accept the love you offered. I don’t know how to make you understand, but my leaving had nothing to do with you. You were a wonderful husband; I was the one all twisted up. It’s like you said the first day we met: I was crazy. I had to be crazy to leave you.” Marlissa smiled and that seemed to lighten his mood. “I’m not crazy anymore, and I know what I want. I want us, Kevin.”

  Kevin wanted to tell her he wanted the same, but his heart wasn’t ready. Instead, he asked, “When can I see you again?” He figured it wasn’t the response she wanted, but it was the best he could offer.

  “When do you want to see me?”

  Kevin finished his cider. “Tomorrow for dinner.”

  Marlissa pouted. “I’m sorry, but I’m working at Macy’s every night this week. This is my only night off.” The sound of Marlissa’s cell phone startled them both. “Excuse me.”

  Kevin listened as Marlissa tried to convince the caller she wasn’t in any kind of trouble. Giving up, she handed the phone to Kevin. “Will you tell Leon that I am with you?”

  He received the phone and leaned back in the chair. “That’s right, Leon, she hasn’t left my sight all evening. And, by the way, I met your mother this evening. She’s a character. I’m going to see her on Friday.”

  Marlissa leaned back with her arms folded as Kevin and Leon talked on and on about what she considered unnecessary jibber jabber. “I’d better go, someone’s getting jealous . . . Thanks for looking out . . . I’ll make sure she gets home safely.”

  Marlissa defended herself after he handed her back the phone and she secured it on the waist clip. “I’m not jealous, but I don’t get to spend much time with you. I don’t want to share what little time I have.”

  Kevin smiled and tightened his grip. It pleased him that Marlissa really wanted to spend more time with him. “’Lissa, if I ask you to quit your night job, would you?”

  “I haven’t heard that in a long time,” Marlissa said in reference to Kevin’s pet name for her.

  “It’s been a long time since I’ve wanted to call you that.” Kevin broke the uneasy silence that followed. “Well, would you?”

  “Why would you want me to do that?”

  “It’s like you said, with you working two jobs, that doesn’t leave much time for us to work on building a relationship. If it’s money you’re worried about, I’ll make up the difference. But if we’re going to give this a serious try, spending time together is extremely critical.”

  Marlissa thought for a long moment. “What if we don’t work out and Leon moves back home?”

  “Then I’ll assist you in securing a place. I’ll even cosign for you.”

  Marlissa quietly evaluated his proposal. In his subtle way, Kevin was expressing his desire to provide for her. It was never his desire for his wife to work one job; two was completely out of the question. Kevin was also conveying how much he wanted to be with her; he just wasn’t ready to totally commit. She had to regain his trust, and this was Kevin’s way of testing her level of commitment.

  “All right, I’ll quit tomorrow morning.”

  “Does that mean you’ll be free for dinner tomorrow?” he asked, squeezing her hand.

  “Where do you have in mind?”

  “Elephant Bar, then a movie.”

  “It’s a date, Dr. Jennings.” Marlissa smiled, then looked d
own at her watch. “It’s past my bedtime, I still have a day job, remember?”

  “And I have two surgeries in the morning,” Kevin added, rising to his feet.

  The walk back to the complex was quiet, but it was a different tranquility than they’d experienced on the walk down. The night sky appeared clearer and the stars more brilliant. This stillness was one of understanding, and, in a small way, acceptance. This round Kevin didn’t hold her hand, opting instead to relax his arm around her shoulder.

  “I enjoyed being with you tonight,” he said once they reached the complex. “I really enjoyed Bible Study, and I even enjoyed meeting your nosey church members.” They shared a stiff laugh.

  “They just love me, that’s all.”

  So do I, he thought, but didn’t voice it.

  Marlissa took the initiative and settled the nervous silence that followed. “Can I have a good night kiss?”

  Kevin smiled and moved closer to her. “I thought you’d never ask.”

  “Just for future reference, don’t wait for me to ask. Since when does a man need permission to kiss his wife?”

  Kevin quickly pushed away the negative memory that rushed to the forefront of his mind. This was the new Marlissa, not the one who rejected him. He lifted her chin, then lowered his lips to hers, and, for the moment, savored the type of contentment a man could only find in his wife. Then, just when he thought the thrill would end, Marlissa parted her lips and sent him spiraling deeper into ecstasy.

  “I love you,” she whispered once they separated.

  “I know.” And he did know. Kevin felt the profundity of her emotions in her kiss. “Talk to you in the morning.” Tonight he waited until she was securely inside the elevator before heading to his car.

  Chapter 11

  “Baby, please try to understand my position.” Leon’s pleading wasn’t enough to convince Starla that her husband wasn’t hiding something from her. For the third consecutive time, Leon had cancelled his visit with the boys because of his changing work schedule. “I don’t make enough money as it is. I can’t just tell my employer I’m not coming to work because I want to take my kids to the movies.”

  “Why did you bother coming back into our lives if you weren’t ready to commit to us?” Starla quickly corrected the last word. “I mean, to the boys. It’s not fair to them. They look forward to seeing you, Leon.”

  Starla was being unreasonable. He sighed into the phone. “Starla, please—”

  “Please nothing!” Starla screamed so loudly that Leon’s ear started ringing. “It’s not the boys’ fault you drank away our stable home environment and now you have to work two jobs. It’s not fair to them that they can’t see their father. My boys deserve better than that. They deserve better than you!”

  “You’re right, baby, it is my fault. Please try to work with me on this. Once the business is restarted, everything will change.”

  “Tell it to someone who cares!”

  Leon stayed glued in the same spot long after Starla slammed the phone down in his ear. He was trying to understand what was happening in his life. Everything was suddenly spinning out of control. Three weeks ago, he and Starla were getting along almost like old times. Lately, for some unforeseen reason, all Leon and Starla could manage was arguing, and she constantly threw his past as a sucker punch. Last week, Starla accused him of drinking again, and today she said he wasn’t good enough for her boys. “God, I’m doing my best. How can I get her to see that this is only temporary? How can I convince her to have faith in me again? Even the thief crucified with Jesus received another chance.” He mumbled the prayer.

  Leon started to phone her back, but he knew his wife well enough to know that the sound of his voice would only make matters worse. Besides, Starla needed time to deal with whatever it was that really had her perturbed. Starla was a master at lashing out instead of dealing with the issue at hand. One of their biggest arguments outside of Leon’s drinking occurred in Starla’s eighth month of pregnancy with their first son, Montel.

  Starla had accused Leon of cheating with the checker at the local convenience store all because Leon stopped there almost every day. Never mind that he was purchasing watermelon and ice cream for Starla. It turned out that Starla didn’t really want the watermelon or the ice cream. What she wanted was for Leon to attend Lamaze classes with her but was afraid to ask, because of his busy schedule.

  Leon clipped his phone to his waist and went back inside the gas station. To encourage himself, Leon hummed one of his favorite songs, Yolanda Adam’s “The Battle Is The Lord’s.”

  “Girl, I don’t mean to be all up in your business, not all of it anyway, but are you crazy?” Vangie asked after Starla slammed down the phone receiver. “Did I just hear you dismiss your husband because he’s working?”

  Starla pulled back the two braids that had fallen in her face. “This is the third time that trifling, dim-witted husband of mine has cancelled on the boys. They deserve better than what he’s giving them.”

  Vangie pursed her lips. “Oh really? They deserve more than a father who’s working two jobs and studying for his contractor’s license so he can start his own business and provide a better life for them?” Starla didn’t answer. “Girlfriend, you’re absolutely right. Your boys deserve much better than that.”

  “Look, Vangie.” Starla’s attitude was evident as her neck rolled back and forth. “It’s Leon’s fault he has to work two jobs in the first place, not mine, and definitely not my boys’. We didn’t tell him to drink our lives away.”

  Vangie shushed her. “Will you lower your voice before we both get fired?” Vangie grabbed her arm and led her over to the corner near the window where their voices wouldn’t be easily heard. “All I’m saying is, you can do a lot worst than Leon. True, the man made a major mistake, but at least he’s working to rectify his wrongs. So what if he has to work two jobs? It’s just for a little while. For goodness’ sake, the man practically hands over ever dime to you anyway.”

  “That still doesn’t make it any easier on me.” Starla pouted and rolled her eyes.

  “Oh,” Vangie said, backing out of the corner. “Now we’re getting to the meat. This is not about the boys. You’re mad because you wanted to see him.”

  Starla confirmed Vangie’s assessment by walking quietly back to her desk.

  “Girl, ain’t nothing wrong with wanting to see your husband, but you might get better results if you told him that instead of attacking him,” Vangie said, following close behind.

  Starla didn’t respond. She couldn’t. Expressing to Leon how much she really wanted and needed to see him would commit her to reconciliation. She wasn’t ready to do that just yet. A few weeks ago she’d played with the idea, but that was before Lewis stated his position. At first it was a no-brainer: she didn’t want Lewis; she loved Leon. But then Leon started canceling his time with them, and the fear of being alone again resurfaced.

  “Leon loves you, but there’s not one man on this earth who feels good when his woman belittles him.” With that said, Vangie walked away.

  Leon was in the middle of restocking twenty-ounce plastic bottles of soda when he felt a little hand touch his back. No sooner had he turned around than little Jaylen’s arms were around his waist.

  “Hey, son.” Leon tried to return his hug, but Montel quickly raced to his free arm. “What are you guys doing here?”

  The oldest, Montel, took the liberty of being the spokesperson. “Mommy said you couldn’t come see us today because you had to work. But we still wanted to see you, Daddy.”

  “I wanted to see you too. I miss you guys.” Leon kissed the boys’ foreheads, then looked up at Starla, who was standing back and watching the affectionate exchange. For the first time she realized that she was the one who was a dimwit when it came to how much Leon loved their boys.

  “You guys want something to drink?” The boys readily accepted Leon’s offer and followed him over to the soda fountain.

  “Hey, Dad, can
we have chips, too?” Jaylen asked.

  “And candy, too?” Montel added.

  Starla figured she’d better intervene before the boys talked Leon out of his week’s paycheck. “Boys, choose one item. Daddy has to get back to work.”

  “Okay.” The boys pouted, and like the firm, loving father he was, Leon bought the boys drinks and helped them make ice cream cones at the self-serve station.

  “Thank you for bringing the boys by,” Leon said to Starla after the boys were consumed with their treats.

  Starla bit her lower lip, and Leon waited for her to say what was on her mind. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said on the phone.”

  “Why don’t you tell me what’s really bothering you?” Leon said, and placed his arm around her.

  “I miss you.” Starla bundled the words together and Leon grinned from ear to ear.

  “You do?”

  “I was mad because I wanted to see you,” Starla finally admitted.

  “Come here.” Leon pulled Starla closer to him, and mumbled something in her ear that caused her to giggle uncontrollably.

  “Forgive me?”

  “Of course I do.” Leon held her face to his. “Baby, stop analyzing everything; just trust what you feel, trust me again.”

  Leon and Starla were so engrossed in the kiss that followed that they didn’t hear a customer enter the store. It was the boys’ teasing that finally broke the spell.

  “Look, Jaylen, Daddy is kissing Mommy.”

  “Uh-uh, Mommy is kissing Daddy,” Jaylen corrected.

  “I’ll call you later.” Leon gave Starla one final peck then rushed to assist the customer.

  Lewis’s eyes remained transfixed on the surveillance camera monitor in his office at the back of the gas station. He didn’t like the open display of affection that had transpired between Starla and Leon. In fact, he found it rather nauseating, but as long as he was Leon’s boss and controlled his schedule, he could live with it.

  “God sure does work in mysterious ways,” was what he said a month ago after taking ownership of the station on Telegraph and recognizing the name Leon Scott on his list of employees. Scheduling was something he no longer handled, being the owner of a major trucking company that ran from Death Valley to the tip of the Oregon border and employed over 300 people. But for Leon’s benefit, Lewis scheduled the Telegraph store personally.