Brides of Penhally Bay - Vol 4

by Various Authors

  ‘Because you believed it once before and she betrayed you,’Annie said, unable to bear the self-reproach in his eyes. ‘I can understand.’

  ‘I know I don’t deserve you. I am full of mistakes…’ Annie hid a smile. His English only ever suffered when his feelings ran high. ‘But if you marry me, I will spend the rest of my life proving I am worthy of you. If you want to adopt a little brother or sister for our sweet daughter, I would be happy too.’

  Annie still wasn’t sure. He might mean it now, but later, in years to come, he might come to regret having married her, and that was one thing she would never allow. She would rather let him go—even if it broke her heart—than see him become resentful of her. But before she could formulate the words there was the sound of an alarm going off at Angela’s cot. Within seconds the incubator was surrounded. Annie looked at Raphael, terrified.

  Quickly the paediatrician attached Angela to a machine again and after a few agonising minutes the monitor stopped bleeping as Angela’s breathing returned to normal.

  After listening to Angela’s chest, the paediatrician turned to Annie and Raphael.

  ‘I think your daughter has patent ductus arteriosus, or PDA as we call it. As you both are probably aware, the blood circulating in the foetus doesn’t go through the lungs but bypasses the lungs via an artery. Normally this artery closes itself soon after birth, but in pre-term babies such as yours, it sometimes fails to close.’

  Raphael nodded. ‘I’ve seen it before.’

  ‘We’ve been giving her drugs for a day or two to try and close it that way, but that doesn’t seem to have worked…’

  ‘So you’ll need to do it surgically,’ Raphael finished for him.

  ‘But she’s so small,’ Annie interjected.

  Raphael turned to Annie and took both of her hands in his. He looked at her steadily, his brown eyes calm.

  ‘It’s her best chance,’ he said. ‘The surgeons are used to operating on babies of Angela’s size. We have to trust them to do what’s best for her.’

  Annie looked at her daughter. Lying in her cot, all alone attached to tubes and wires. Her child was totally dependent on her parents making the right decision. Annie felt so helpless. What if they made the wrong one? ‘But what if…?’ Annie couldn’t bring herself to finish the sentence.

  ‘Look at me, Annie,’ Raphael demanded. Annie dragged her eyes away from her baby. Raphael’s eyes burned with his need to convince her. ‘Only you have the right to make the decision. I can’t. But I love her, too. You have to trust me about this. Please.’

  There was no doubting his pain. There was no doubting his love for their daughter. And she did trust him. They were together in this and would always be. Annie realised that never again would she be alone. She would always have Raphael to share impossible decisions with.

  ‘Okay,’ she whispered, ‘I’ll sign the consents.’

  Annie and Raphael passed what seemed like hours while their daughter was in surgery, in almost complete silence. Annie laid her head on Raphael’s lap and he gently stroked her hair. They waited in the relatives’ room just along the corridor from theatre. Every now and again Raphael would ask Annie if he could get her anything. Water? Coffee? But she always shook her head. She knew she couldn’t possibly swallow anything until she knew Angela was out of surgery. Eventually they heard footsteps coming down the corridor. Annie sat up, her heart in her throat, knowing that the moment of truth had arrived.

  Raphael got to his feet and pulled Annie up and into his embrace. ‘Whatever it is, be strong, my love. I am with you.’

  The surgeon stepped into the family waiting room, a broad grin lighting up his face. It was the news they had both been desperately longing for. The paediatric surgeon explained that Angela had come through the surgery well and he expected her to make a full recovery. She was currently in Intensive Care but they could see her if they wanted. If they wanted!

  Dr Nick Tremayne sat deep in thought. Something was up with Kate. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but something was worrying her, he would bet his life on it. He crossed over to his consulting-room window and looked out. The perfect weather had turned again. The rain was falling in thick slabs, perfectly matching his gloomy mood. He didn’t know why, but seeing Kate with her new partner made him feel uncomfortable. Not that it was any of his business. He should be glad she had found someone who could offer her a life free of complications. But, damn it, he hated seeing the way Jem responded to Rob. The way the growing boy seemed to look up to him, almost as if he had accepted that Rob was the father he had never known. And why should that bother him? Shouldn’t he be glad that his son had a good man as a role model in his life? Rob was a decent man. Nick knew that. And it wasn’t as if he could offer the child anything, no matter how much Kate had tried to convince him. Perhaps if he’d known that Jem was his son much much earlier. Perhaps then he could have found a way to be a father to him. But it was too late now. Every time he looked at the child he remembered that he had been unfaithful to his beloved wife, Annabel. What kind of man was he?

  He sighed with exasperation. How had he managed to make such a mess of it all? He couldn’t see a way to make things right.

  A soft tap on the door and then Kate popped her head around. She was still beautiful, he thought. The years had been kind to her. Why couldn’t he let her go and make a proper life for herself? Why did the thought of her being with someone else drive him crazy? It wasn’t as if he had anything to offer her.

  ‘Just to let you know that Chloe is doing the antenatal clinic on her own this afternoon and I’m taking the afternoon off. So she might need some help from you.’

  Nick was surprised. It was unlike Kate to take time off, especially when she knew it would leave her colleagues short-handed.

  ‘Is everything all right, Kate? There’s nothing up with Jem, is there?’

  ‘No, Jem’s fine. He’s at school. It’s just I have something I need to do this afternoon.’

  ‘Can’t it wait?’

  He could see the exasperation in Kate’s eyes.

  ‘It’s not as if I ever ask for time off, Nick,’ she said frostily.

  Of course, she was right. If anything, she had put the patients’ needs before her own for years. He knew that. It was just that he sensed she was keeping something from him. And he wanted to know what it was. But one look at the determined set of her mouth told him it would be useless to pry. He had given up all rights to Kate’s personal life and they both knew it.

  ‘Of course,’ he said. ‘Forgive me.’ He thought he saw a flicker of disappointment in her eyes, but just as quickly it was gone. It seemed that he was forever destined to disappoint this woman.

  ‘I’ll see you tomorrow, then,’ she said before closing the door behind her.

  Kate perched on her chair, trying not to show how nervous she was. In the seat next to her, Rob looked as ill at ease as Kate felt. He had insisted on coming with her to St Piran’s. At first Kate had tried to dissuade him, she was so used to doing everything on her own, but then relented. Rob cared about her. Why face something so difficult on her own when he so clearly wanted to be there to support her? He had waited outside while Dr Bower had performed a fine needle biopsy and then waited some more while Kate had a mammogram. The hour they had waited to be called into see the surgeon for the results was the one of the longest in Kate’s life.

  The surgeon, Dr Bower, an older woman Kate had met before through work, seemed to take her time looking through Kate’s notes before removing her glasses and placing them carefully on the table. Kate was dimly aware of Rob reaching across and taking her hand. He gave it a reassuring squeeze and she was thankful she had let him come with her.

  ‘I’m sorry, Kate,’ Dr Bower was saying, ‘but the tests have come back positive. The lump is cancerous. The good news is that the mammogram suggests that we have caught it at a very early stage. I’m fairly confident that we can get away with removing the lump without having to resort to a
mastectomy, but I won’t be sure until we have you on the table. If there is any sign that the cancer has invaded the lymph nodes then we might be facing a different scenario. In that case, a mastectomy may still be an option, followed by chemotherapy and radiotherapy. As I said, I don’t think that’s what we are facing here, but I think it’s best that you know the worst possible outcome. One way or another, I suggest we get you in for the procedure as soon as possible.’

  Kate felt her world tip and slide. Of course she had known that it could be cancer, but she hadn’t allowed herself to believe it. The pressure of Rob’s hand on hers grew stronger but she was barely aware of it. She had cancer. She could die. Her son could be left motherless, and—a sick feeling washed over her—fatherless. How could life be so unfair?

  ‘Are you sure?’ she managed through a mouth that felt as if it was stuffed with pebbles, it was so dry. ‘I mean—I’m sorry, of course you’re sure. We wouldn’t be having this conversation if you weren’t.’

  ‘I know it’s a shock,’ Dr Bower said sympathetically. ‘But as I said before, it’s good news that we caught it so early. You’ll want some time to take it all in, but I really want to schedule you in for theatre, possibly the week after next.’ She consulted her diary. ‘I have a slot in my diary for a week on Monday. Would that suit you?’

  Kate could only manage a nod. Her mouth was still too dry to speak. What was she going to tell Jem?

  Kate managed to hold it together until she and Rob were back in his car. But when Rob silently put his arms around her and held her close, the tears came. Rob let her cry while he stroked her hair and murmured soothing words of comfort. He waited until her sobs subsided.

  Kate removed herself from his arms, miserably aware of her tear-stained cheeks and swollen eyes. She blew furiously on the handkerchief Rob held out for her.

  ‘I’m sorry, Rob, to land you in all this. I don’t think it’s what you expected when you took up with me.’

  ‘I took up with you, as you put it—’ Rob smiled ‘—because you are the most wonderful woman I have ever met. I would rather be with you than anywhere else in the world. But I want you to listen to me.’ He swivelled around in his seat and took Kate’s hands in his. She felt the warmth of his touch ease away some of the chill that had been seeping through her body since Dr Bower had given her the diagnosis.

  ‘Dr Bower said that they caught it very early and survival rates from breast cancer have improved enormously over the last few years. That is what you need to remember.’

  Kate looked at his dear, kind face. He always made her feel so protected and loved. Why couldn’t she feel about him the way he so obviously felt about her?

  ‘I know,’ she said. ‘But all I can think about is Jem. There is a chance when they do the biopsy at the time of surgery that they’ll find it’s more advanced. What will happen to him if…?’ She took an uneven breath. ‘If the worse comes to the worst? I have to think about that. I’m all he has…I can’t imagine what it would do to him to be left alone. He’s still so young.’ Her voice broke and she couldn’t help the tears from falling once more.

  Rob pulled her back into his arms. ‘It’s all right. You’ll see. Everything will work out fine.’

  But Kate knew it wasn’t all right. Bad things happened. And even Rob couldn’t promise her that everything would be all right. No matter how much she wanted to believe him.

  In the following days, as their daughter got gradually stronger, Annie let herself think about what Raphael had said. In the days after Angela’s surgery they hadn’t spoken much. When Raphael wasn’t with them he was back at work, putting in a full day before returning to the ward to sit with them both.

  Annie wondered if, now that their child was out of danger, he regretted his words the night of Angela’s surgery. But she wouldn’t be the one to speak of it. If he had changed his mind, or in the cold light of day realised he didn’t love her, she would accept that. In time the pain would ease and whatever happened she would always have her beloved daughter. It would be a few weeks yet before they would be able to take Angela home, but the nursery, with its sunshine-yellow walls and crib stuffed with soft toys, was ready and waiting for her.

  Kate had been to see Annie often, as had the other members of Penhally Bay Surgery, and Annie had been overwhelmed by their love and support.

  She leaned back in her chair as her child suckled. It had been a great joy to find that it was still possible and Annie revelled in the feel of her baby’s skin close against hers.

  Annie looked up to find Raphael standing looking down, his face filled with wonder. Her heart started racing. She knew without a shadow of doubt that she would never love anyone the way she loved him. When she had met him she had felt as if she had found the other half of her soul. And she still felt that way. She couldn’t imagine a life without him. Not seeing him. Perhaps one day hearing that he had met someone else? But she also knew that she loved him too much to wish anything for him except happiness. Even if that life didn’t include her. She loved him so much that she knew she could let him go. Even if it broke her heart.

  ‘You look beautiful,’ he said. ‘How can I ever thank you for giving me the most precious gift in the world?’

  He knelt by her side and touched her face with a gentle finger, before dropping his head and kissing the top of their child’s head.

  Annie felt her throat tighten. She wanted to imprint everything about him into her heart. Every facial feature, every expression, so in the months or years to come she would have her memories even if she didn’t have him.

  She replaced Angela in the incubator. She was only allowed to hold her for short periods, but she savoured every opportunity.

  Raphael remained kneeling and reached a hand up and pulled her back down into the chair. Annie was uncomfortably aware of curious heads turning in their direction as the nurses stopped what they were doing to watch.

  ‘I have something I want to ask you,’ he said hoarsely. ‘I was going to wait until we brought our baby home for good. But I can’t sleep for not knowing what your answer would be.’

  Annie studied him. He looked exhausted. The last few days of working while spending every moment with their child had taken their toll. There were dark shadows under his eyes and lines around his eyes that Annie hadn’t seen before.

  ‘I must know,’ he said his voice tense. ‘Do you think you could ever love me?’

  Annie looked at him in wonder. Didn’t he know? Hadn’t he guessed how she felt? Without waiting for a reply, Raphael continued. ‘From the moment I met you, I knew you were different. But I tried to tell myself it was impossible to fall in love with a woman I had only known so briefly. I couldn’t let myself believe it. I wanted to contact you. I thought about it often, but I didn’t. I thought it was better to keep my image of you alive and not risk having it smashed. And I still hoped there was a chance that I would win the court case for access to Sebastian on appeal. So I didn’t listen to my heart. I let you go.’

  Annie opened her mouth to speak, but he stopped her words with his finger. ‘Please. I have to say this. Whatever happens, I have to tell you.’

  Annie waited for him to continue, acutely aware of the tiny shivers of delight and hope darting through her.

  ‘Then when you told me you were pregnant, I thought that it was fate, but I couldn’t let myself hope. I needed to know that it was my child and if it was, I needed to know that I couldn’t lose her. The thought of losing another child drove me crazy. But when I saw you again, as I got to know you, I realised that I hadn’t made a mistake about you. You were everything I ever thought you were. Everything I had ever hoped to find in a woman. Kind, caring, beautiful and loyal.’ He looked a bit sheepish for a moment as he realised that the staff as well as most of the patients were riveted to every word he was saying. Annie felt a smile spread over her face.

  ‘I love you. I love you more than I thought it was possible to love a woman. I want to marry you. I want to spend the rest
of my life making you happy, making you smile. I want us, you me and Angela, to be a family. It doesn’t matter where. Here or Spain. All that matters is that I am with you.’

  ‘Can I speak now?’Annie asked when he came to a halt. Her heart was singing. She couldn’t wait to put him out of his misery.

  ‘I love you too, Raphael Castillo. I have loved you since the moment I saw you. And there is nothing that would make me happier than to marry you.’ She could see the triumph in his eyes as he took in her words. She let him pull her to her feet, dimly aware of the sound of clapping and cheering. But as she tilted her face to his she knew that finally she had everything she had ever dreamed of.

  EPILOGUE

  ANNIE walked down the aisle her hand on her father’s arm. The church where she had first met Raphael had seemed to them both to be the logical place for their wedding. She passed Raphael’s mother, who was holding Angela in her arms. Little Maria was pressed close to the older woman’s side. From the moment she and Raphael had returned to Spain with their daughter, Maria had become Angela’s self-appointed guardian. She and Raphael had decided to look into the possibility of adopting Maria. Although it was early days yet, the young girl’s father had raised no objections and it looked as if in time they would have two daughters. And maybe in a couple of years they would investigate the possibility of adopting another child. But all that was in the future, Annie thought as Raphael turned to watch her approach. His eyes darkened as he looked at her and Annie blushed, knowing that he was thinking of their wedding night.

  Since he had proposed they had taken it slowly, getting to know the little things about each other and falling deeper in love every day. They hadn’t made love, even though it had almost driven them both crazy. They had agreed to wait until they were married and Annie felt a heat low in her abdomen as she thought about the night to come. They had also agreed that they would live in Spain for the time being. It made sense. Annie had no plans to go back to work until Angela was a little older and the last thing little Maria needed was more disruption. They would go back to the UK often on holiday to see her parents and friends and, of course, they would come to Spain to see them too. She heard a little cry as Angela stirred from her nap. Annie caught Raphael’s eye as she stood beside him and prepared to make the vows that would bind them together for the rest of their lives. In his eyes she found just what she was looking for. Right now she had everything she had ever wanted. Right here in this church.