The Marriage Mistake

by Natalie Knight

  I lift my head and pull my shoulders back. “Appearance is everything,” my ballet teacher used to say. If you look confident, you will feel confident and ooze confidence.

  “Not as sorry as you and your lousy acting career,” I yell at his retreating figure. “You may be pretending to be an actor, but I’m still the writer.”

  I’m not sure if he can hear me. I don’t care. Someone will tell him what I said, I’m sure of it.

  Without taking any notice of the other people in the room, most of whom are not quite sure where to look, I turn to Derrick.

  “I’m going home,” I say and pick up my device. “There’s some major rewriting I’ll need to be doing whilst it is fresh in my mind.”

  I leave the set quickly. I don’t want anyone talking to me.

  Brad

  I drive to Scott’s house.

  I was hoping to avoid this moment, but it can’t be fucking helped; Shauna has warned me that a few more articles are circulating online, some of which seem to point to the fact that someone knows about what happened between me, Scott, and Kayla.

  I have to let him know all. Maybe he has some insight—maybe he knows who is releasing information to these stupid celebrity blogs.

  But what if he’s the one behind it? I wonder for a moment, but then I just dismiss that thought. Nah, no, it couldn’t be. He wouldn’t hurt Kayla.

  He must have heard my car pulling into his driveway as he is looking out the window when I put my car in park. I glance at him for half a second, and something in his expression immediately tells me he knows I’m not coming as a bearer of good news.

  “Hey, Scott,” I say as he opens his front door.

  He steps out.

  “Brad.”

  “Hey. I want to talk to you about something. You got a minute?”

  Scott is clearly uncomfortable; his face tells a tale of stress and worry.

  “I got a few minutes, and I think I already know what you want to talk about too.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Okay…” I leave a pause for him to fill in.

  “These fucking articles, man...they’re making the rounds.”

  Oh shit. He does know. If he’s seen it, who else has?

  How far spread is this stupid thing? “The fucking articles.” I nod. “Yeah. That.”

  “Fucking bloggers. Nothing better to do.”

  I chime in. “Fucking bloggers. Sitting at home on their fat asses…”

  “Kayla hasn’t seen any of these articles yet?” he asks.

  “As far as I know. She knows something is up, but she never reads those filthy gossip sites.”

  “Thank god for that.” Scott sighs. I can see that at least that info relaxed him some.

  “We are going to have to tell her, Brad,” I add. “And soon.”

  “We?”

  He puts his serious face on to answer. “Yes. We.”

  “Shit, Scott. I was hoping to clear this all up before having to tell her. You know. Dodge the fucking bullet.”

  “Clear this up? What have you done? Have you found out anything?” he says while grasping my shoulder.

  “I put my assistant on it. She’s a stone-cold killer. For real. There are bodies. I don’t know where they are buried. But I know there are bodies.”

  “Seriously, Brad?”

  “Yeah.” I don´t like his tone. “Well…what have you done?”

  “I visited a private investigator who handles these types of things,” Scott explains. “Hollywood things. Just like I told you. I had him investigating Ed and Ian, but I told him to keep an eye out for something that might reveal who’s leaking all this fucking information.”

  I can’t believe we’re now working with PIs. Soon enough, we’ll be running some shady black-ops thing.

  “And what did you find out? Anything?”

  “Well, clearly someone knows about the three of us. I mean they know-know us. Know us personally. Most likely, it is someone who is working on the show.”

  “No shit.” I have to repeat it to believe it. “Knows us. Works at the show. Fuck. That’s kinda creepy, Scott.”

  “Very creepy.”

  “If it is someone who is involved with the show, then they must hate one of us.”

  “Or all three.”

  “Seems more likely that it’s just one of us. You know, like they are holding a grudge or…” It suddenly hits me, and I can see Scott is thinking the same thing.

  “They want Kayla’s job.”

  “Another writer. Shit! They are the jealous types. It’s gotta be, right?”

  Scott is silent for a moment. I can see his brain at work. “Maybe? I’m not sure. But it doesn’t matter anyway. Whoever they are, they are going to regret messing with us. And they are really going to regret messing with Kayla.”

  “Fuck with Kayla and get the horns,” I say. “All four of them.” I then look at Scott and grin. “Four, right? Shauna normally does my math.”

  “Self-deprecating humor? That’s impressive, coming from you. But four’s right, Brad.”

  “Good.” I nod. “’Cause I’m pissed. And cowardly little bloggers won’t like me when I’m pissed.”

  Scott nods and pats my back. “Let’s go. We got work to do.”

  Kayla

  Can my day get any worse? The freezer is empty, and there’s no ice cream left. The cupboards are bare, and there’s no chocolate.

  I frown. How did I forget to stock up on the essential food groups? What’s a girl to do when there’s no sugar in the house?

  Briefly, I toy with the idea of having a glass of wine. But I know drowning my sorrows will not solve anything.

  What will solve my problems?

  The answer is obvious, sort of. I know once upon a time the sensible me, the one who never stepped out of line, would say the way forward is to break it off with Scott and Brad and then bow to Ed’s demands and write one of them out of the show.

  Everyone’s replaceable, I know that.

  But something is changing in me. I don’t want to dump Scott and Brad. I can’t explain it, but I love them both.

  I want them both.

  So the other option is to work on Ed and Ian.

  The niggling feeling deep inside with respect to Ed and Ian is intensifying. There’s something not quite right about the two of them. I’m sure there’s some kind of secret—a secret I need to discover.

  A knock on the door is a welcome distraction.

  When my eyes feast on my visitors, my bad mood vanishes for a little while.

  “Come in.” I step back and hold out my cheek to receive a kiss.

  Both oblige.

  As soon as our skins touch, there’s an explosion of desire. Perhaps I won’t need sugar or fat today to make myself feel better.

  Scott produces three large cups of coffee.

  “Strong and black.” He holds out a cup for me. “Just the way you like it.”

  I grin.

  Our fingers touch. “You know me too well,” I purr.

  Brad clears his throat.

  “And something fatty and full of sugar.”

  I wink at him.

  “Did you bring cream as well?” As I ask the question, I lick my lips. “There’s so much one can do with cream.”

  Brad chuckles.

  “We forgot the cream.” He turns to Scott and gives him a playful slap on the shoulder.

  Scott shrugs.

  “Never mind. I’m sure next time we can try the cream.”

  We laugh.

  I walk to the kitchen to get plates and a knife.

  Several minutes later, we are seating on the floor of my living room, backs to the couch.

  Mmm, this is nice. I grin inwardly. Pity about the other problem in my life, the one called Ed and Ian.

  By my third mouthful of chocolate cake, I decide I better fess up.

  “I know you’re both worried about all these articles. I’ve read them.”

  Sc
ott and Brad exchange a quick glance.

  Before I say more on the subject, I take a sip of coffee and stuff more cake into my face. Boy, this feels good.

  “I can’t understand why the gossip columnist is going after us,” I say with my mouth full.

  Neither Brad nor Scott say anything.

  “All this gossip, innuendo, and hinting is making me sick. Why do journos need to write this crap?”

  I take another piece of cake. I’m sure later I’ll regret it, but right now I crave more.

  “People want to read that shit,” Brad answers my question.

  Scott has gone into the kitchen. I’m not sure what he’s doing, but it feels right he treats the place as his own. It shows commitment on his part.

  I lean my head against the back of the couch.

  “Do people really want to read about what I have for breakfast, who I fuck, and when I fart?”

  Brad laughs.

  Scott returns with three tall glasses and a bottle of sparkling red.

  “It’s low alcohol,” he announces and deposits his goodies on the coffee table. Then he’s gone again.

  “I mean, I don’t really want to know what Ed gets up.”

  “You’re not Ed. You’re Kayla, head writer of a successful television show. People want to read your gossip.”

  “And what’s this bullshit blind gossip anyway?” I feel my insides bubble with anger.

  “Well, it leaves it open to speculation.” Scott has come back into the room. This time, he’s carrying a platter of cheese and biscuits.

  “Hardly,” I interject and grab some cheese. “I mean, whoever wrote yesterday’s piece may as well have used my name.” I try and recall the exact words. I’m sure the writer had referred to the hot new talented head writer from the show about the three brothers.

  As if that leaves people guessing about the identity.

  “Come, Kayla.” Scott has come to sit next to me. “It wasn’t that bad.” I see him glance at Brad. “And we’re taking care of it.”

  I roll my eyes. It’s not that I don’t appreciate what they’re trying to do, but the enormity just hits me.

  “At this rate, I’ll soon be more famous for my sex life than for my writing.”

  Don’t cry, I think to myself and bite my bottom lip. “I want to be known for my writing.”

  Life sucks, I decide. Sure, I know I should be grateful to have these two caring blokes by my side, but it still sucks.

  I’ve worked hard to become a writer, and here I was still trying to prove myself to some dickhead who shouldn’t be doing the job he was doing.

  “Kayla, listen to me.” Brad has taken a hold of my arm.

  At his touch, nerve endings tingle in anticipation. Brain activity changes to a different mode.

  “Scott and I are looking into it, and we will take care of it.”

  “We will Kayla. We won’t let anyone ruin your career.”

  I look at Scott and then at Brad.

  “And we will make sure we fix it before any major damage is done. Promise,” Brad adds and kisses me on the tip of my nose. The touch of his lips is light like a feather. A yearning manifests between my legs for his touch and his lips.

  They both sound so earnest and sincere.

  “Thank you,” I whisper, a smile dancing on my lips.

  Brad

  I’m watching Scott and Kayla discuss the gossip column and all the trouble it’s causing us. It’s maybe the fifth time they go through it all. I’m starting to get sick of the whole ordeal.

  I want it over. Now. I want to get back to my life, and I want to see where this thing with Kayla could go, without all this added drama.

  Truthfully, I’m feeling bad: bad for Scott, bad for Kayla, and bad for myself. I’m imagining all the crazy things this blogger’s story can say if we don’t stop the madness.

  Whoever it is, and whatever information she (or he) has, I know they won’t stop at the truth. Soon enough, the lies will start, and we’ll be accused of things—truly crazy things. Bat-shit crazy things.

  Then it hits me.

  Before I know it, I’m formulating a plan in my head that can possibly save the day.

  God damn, I’m fucking brilliant.

  “…that’s why Brad’s got his assistant out there trying to find out who is responsible. She’s tracking down sources, reaching out to the bloggers. Brad said she is putting on some serious heat, but I don’t—”

  “I got it,” I say, interrupting Scott. “I fucking got it.”

  “Got what, Brad?” Kayla asks.

  “I have a plan. One that should work. I mean, it works all the time. Why not work for us, right?”

  “What’s the plan?” Scott asks.

  I smile, beaming and nearly laughing. “You’ve all heard of fake news, right?”

  Kayla gives a nod and Scott says, “Of course.”

  “Well, what if we start leaking a ton of fake gossip? Some really crazy shit and some really weird shit. Like crazy, impossible-to-believe, fucked-up shit.”

  Scott’s nodding now. He smiles and adds, “We flood the blogs with all sorts of news. These articles, whatever they keep on saying, will be lost in a sea of other gossip items.”

  “People wouldn’t care. There would be so much fake shit out there that they would not know what is real or fake.”

  “And they would stop caring…” Kayla sees it too now. “Brilliant.”

  “Exactly!” I cheer. “Think about it. When you are on Facebook and click one of those links—the ones that say ‘15 reasons to and 10 reasons not to….blah, blah, blah’—what do you do when you are on the third item and an advertisement pops up and interrupts you?”

  “I ‘x’ out. I hate that!” Kayla says, grumbling.

  “Me too.” Grinning ear to ear, I keep on, “I hate it, so I just quit and move to another post.”

  “Brad, you might have just saved all our careers. I see this as working, I really do. And I can think of a few crazy things to put out there that will make people realize this is all just…”

  “Whacky shit.”

  “Yeah. Whacky shit.”

  “I can write up maybe…forty or fifty items. But how do we distribute them?” Kayla asks.

  “Emails. All we need are some fake Gmail accounts to go with our fake gossip stories.”

  Scott pulls out his phone, waving it in the air. “I’ll start making email accounts.”

  Kayla rises from her chair and bounces up and down—a show, I, for one, am glad I do not miss. “I’ll get my laptop and start writing blind times and fake stories.”

  “Great,” I say, whispering to myself. “Damn, you look hot.”

  As she’s dashing out of the room, she yells back, “This could be fun.”

  “Hey, Kayla, write a story about me being abducted by aliens.”

  “And make sure you note how he was anally probed.” Scott’s laughing before he can finish the joke. “And loved it.”

  I run my fingers through my hair and then pick up my drink. After a sip, I reply. “Takes one to know one, Scott.”

  “Alien?”

  “Um, no,” I say, sneering. “Someone who loves being anally probed.”

  “Epic comeback, Brad. You’re stepping up your game.”

  “Thanks.”

  I text Shauna, wanting updates. She replies that she has none. Following up, I simply dial her number and call her.

  I explain to her the whole plan, and she just listens to it.

  “Brad,” she finally says when I’m done. “I have a list of all the blogs I was searching and looking into. These are the blogs you need to send your fake gossip to. These are the ones people visit the most.”

  “Excellent. Great work.”

  “I must say I’m proud of you, Brad. This is a great plan,” Shauna says over the phone.

  “Thanks. Sometimes I surprise even myself.”

  “Like I say all the time, all you need, Brad, is the right inspiration. And Kayla is just that.�
�

  Looking at Kayla, the smile on her face as she’s typing away, I cannot disagree with Shauna.

  She’s right.

  Scott

  There’s the same fucking cockroach staring at me again. What’s wrong with this dude?

  As I walk past him, I do a double take. Is this thing wearing armor? And boxing gloves?

  Without getting too close, I peer at it. I know I’ve not consumed any alcohol, so I can’t be drunk. Maybe the stress is getting to me, but I swear this bug is not normal.

  This time, Dick Burstfly is not there to open the door for me, but I’ve come prepared.

  I retrieve a tissue from my pocket and use it to first knock and then turn the door handle.

  “Come in,” calls Dick, and I wonder if he has any kind of filing system or if it simply pushes the papers from a finished case onto the floor.

  I walk in and trip over something soft and squishy. My insides turn as I imagine what it might be.

  “Get out,” yells Dick, and I’m shocked until I see the grey fur ball.

  With a hiss and a spit, the cat leaps up and disappears through a cat flap in a side door.

  I sneeze. I’m allergic to cats. Great, fucking fantastic.

  I don’t have my allergy medication on me. I sneeze again. My eyes are starting to water, and I resist the urge to rub them.

  “You got something?”

  I need to get out of here quickly.

  Dick rubs those sausage fingers together and grins.

  “Take a seat, Scotty. Take a seat.”

  I’d rather keep standing, but it seems the PI won’t part with any information unless I’m sitting.

  With a sigh and another sneeze, I perch on the edge of the seat.

  I look around and wonder if it is possible for this place to have gotten filthier and messier in such a short amount of time.

  “Now.” Dick’s voice stops me midthought.

  “Hope it’s good,” I mumble and keep an eye out for the mutant cockroach, who I suspect is planning a takeover of the apartment, office, and maybe even the business.

  “Let’s start with this one.”

  Sausage fingers fumble through a pile of papers and produce the photo of Ed.

  “He’s in real strive.”