I found a lounge chair close to the water and took a seat, then reached for the book I brought with me. I hoped reading about someone else’s drama would be a great escape from my own pathetic life.
“Good morning, ma’am. You’re looking mighty healthy. Would the pretty lady like another Long Island iced tea?”
I glanced over the top of my sunglasses at the dark-skinned Jamaican brother with a pair of sexy legs standing beside me. After three days at Sandals Montego Bay all-inclusive resort, he knew my drink of choice. “That would be wonderful.” I figured the drunker I was, the less time I had to think. A few minutes later he returned, singing a happy little tune. “What are you so happy about?” I snapped, wanting everyone to feel as miserable as I did.
“Every ting is irie. What’s there to be unhappy about?”
“A whole helluva lot, so take all that cheeriness somewhere else.” I shooed him away from me like a pesky old fly. I wanted to wallow in self-pity, and his smiling and singing was making that impossible.
He laughed like I had just told him a joke, then had the nerve to hold out his hand. I thought he was waiting on a tip or something. “My name is Baughn, pronounced like James Bond. Can I ask you your name?” He then had the audacity to take a seat in the chair beside me. It was then with him sitting too close for comfort that I noticed just how attractive he really was. He was wearing shorts and a uniform polo, but even in that monkey suit he was gorgeous with smooth chocolate skin and large dark brown eyes. But what I couldn’t miss were his pearly whites since he was grinning so hard you would have thought he was auditioning for a toothpaste commercial. He was just too damn happy for me.
I turned my nose up at him. “Uhhhh, excuse me, but aren’t you supposed to be working?”
Baughn gave me a devilish grin. “Yes, mon. I’m taking a break. Now, answer my question.”
It was obvious he wasn’t leaving until I told him. “Tiffany, now go away.” I dismissed him with a wave, but he totally ignored me.
“Tiffany, what I would like to know is why a woman as beautiful as you is so bitter?”
He actually looked like he was interested and not just being nosy. I don’t know why, but I guess I needed someone to talk to who wasn’t going to be biased. I told him about finding my fiancé screwing another woman the night before our wedding. I left out the part about him having herpes and me possibly contracting it. “This trip was supposed to be our honeymoon.”
As soon as I was done talking, Baughn started shaking his head. “What a bumbaclot your man is. No worries. Be happy, because you deserve better. There is no way I would do tat to you. My mudda raised me to cherish a woman,” he said with a heavy accent that the longer I listened to it the more I liked it.
Maybe that’s the problem. Kimbel’s dad was a womanizer. Had been for years. Everyone knew it, even his wife; but there was no way she was giving up the lifestyle she had grown accustomed to.
Baughn rose. “Well, I better get back to work. It was nice talking to you.”
After he left, I thought about what he said. Yeah, I didn’t deserve the way he treated me, but that didn’t stop me from sitting there thinking about him and that Shakira wannabe stripper he had bent over, touching her toes. As I thought about how Kimbel had made me look like such a fool, I watched Baughn move around the beach, smiling and serving guests. What a carefree life.
I was getting ready to go back to my room when he returned. “Hey,” he began, then looked around like he was making sure no one was listening. “I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with me tonight?”
That was the last thing I had expected to hear out of him. “Isn’t there some rule about you dating the guests?”
“Yes, but I won’t tell if you don’t.” He was cocky, and I liked that in him. He was willing to risk his job to go out with me. Baughn gave me a beautiful smile that caused me to give him one of my own. His joyfulness was starting to be contagious.
“I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t be good company.”
“Why don’t you let me be the judge of tat. Come wit me and I will take your mind off your problem.”
Sure, might as well. I guess anything was better than sitting in my room feeling sorry for myself. “I guess so.”
“No, you either want to go or not.”
“I said . . .”
“Pretty lady . . . yes or no? It’s that simple . . . Tiffany.”
I felt a tingle in my tummy. I liked the way my name sounds with his Jamaican accent. He was standing there looking all sexy and shit, who could resist. “Okay.”
Baughn looked pleased with my answer. “Good. I’ll meet you near the gate at eight PM.”
“I’ll be there.”
I turned on my heels and headed back to my room with a little pep in my step and a smile. This would be the first time in almost eight months that I went out with someone other than Kimbel. Get used to it, because it definitely won’t be the last.
“That shit was hilarious!” I was laughing so hard my side hurt. Baughn had taken me to Frank’s, a jerk chicken restaurant on the beach. I ain’t gonna lie; I had a fabulous time talking to him and listening to him talk about his country with calypso music playing in the background. We had just finished our dinner when this woman came in and walked over to this table in the corner where this dude was snuggled up with this female. Next thing you know she was screaming and going off. You didn’t have to be a genius to know that was her man and he was stepping out with another female. Before the hostess could tell them to keep it down, the old girl grabbed the chick’s wig and flung it across the room. It landed on the next table in this dude’s soup.
“Yes, mon. I do not know which to feel more sorry for. It was pretty funny.”
I didn’t mind when Baughn reached down and took my hand and we swung our arms back and forth as we moved to his Toyota Corolla.
“What would you like to do now?” he asked.
“This is your world, not mine,” I said with a shrug of my left shoulder.
Baughn swung me around in his arms. “What I would like to do is make love to you.” He pressed his lips to mine. The kiss was nice. Really nice.
I looked into Baughn’s eyes and saw the desire burning there. “Then lead the way.” The old Tiffany wouldn’t even dream of going off and being alone with a man she just met, but that person no longer existed. The new me was going to be spontaneous and daring.
Baughn took me to a smaller hotel in the heart of the Montego Bay. “I live wit my mudda,” he said by way of an explanation. I didn’t believe him. Men were liars as far as I was concerned, but it didn’t matter. Obviously he already had the evening planned, because he didn’t even stop at the desk. He took my hand and led me up to the room. He was confident, that was a given. And I’d have to admit that I liked it in him. As soon as the door was shut, he pulled me close to him and I pressed my lips to his and kissed him like a starving woman. His lips were soft and gentle, and his kisses were wet and deep.
“For an American, you are an excellent kisser,” he murmured.
“For an American?” I laughed, then leaned back and gazed up at his face. “I guess that’s supposed to be some kind of compliment?”
“Absolutely, pretty lady.” He swooped down and captured my mouth again. I closed my eyes and gave in to what I was feeling. I tried to block Kimbel from my mind, yet he kept popping up in my head. I pretended it was him I was kissing. That it was him who was gently removing my clothes and had carried me to bed. But when Baughn reached inside his pocket and removed a condom, I couldn’t pretend any longer because Kimbel and I never used condoms. I didn’t make him because I didn’t think he had to. I had planned to spend the rest of my life with him. I had trusted him with all my heart. Baughn parted my thighs and slid inside, and the tears started to fall. This was not at all how I was supposed to remember Jamaica.
“Hey, you all right?” He stopped and stared down at me. I nodded, not at all trusting myself to speak. Baugh started kissing
one cheek, then my eyes and all my tears away. “It’s going to be irie. Time heals all wounds,” he murmured close to my ear. I wanted so desperately to believe that everything was going to be all right. But right now I couldn’t see past the hurt or the pain. He continued to shower kisses along my face and when he brought his lips back to mine, I wrapped my arms around him. This time when he moved, I rocked my hips with him, matching his rhythm. Eventually, his strokes became longer and deeper.
“Oh, yes,” I cried out. He felt wonderful inside of me. For the next few minutes, I couldn’t think of anything except how good he was making me feel.
“You like, mon?”
“Yes, I like, mon.”
It was different. It wasn’t at all the way it had felt with Kimbel. Baughn’s strokes were smooth and controlled, like he had all the time in the world. He had skills and the sex was great, but what was missing was the emotional attachment that Kimbel and I had. Without my heart being involved, it was just sex. At least it was good sex.
“That’s it. Just relax . . . be happy. Yes . . . all I want is to make you feel good.”
He was definitely doing that. Despite how wrong it was, he felt wonderful. It wasn’t long before I was crying out his name, and it was like he waited until he was certain I was satisfied before he came. I laid there in his arms thinking maybe having someone like Baughn in my life might make getting over Kimbel easier.
24
Chauncey
“I don’t know if I can do this.”
Candace took my hand. “Yes, you can. Just go in there with your head up high and show your father what he missed not being a part of your life.”
That was easy for her to say, her parents were still together, and she and her father had the type of relationship I would do anything to have. She also didn’t have to live with the fact she had done time in jail. It was a talk we still hadn’t had, but I was going to have to make the time. I was planning a romantic weekend for two in Wisconsin. I figured we’d see the sites after I told her about my past. I was hoping that it was a long enough drive that by the time we made it back to Chicago, she would have found it in her heart to forgive me for not being honest with her.
I turned off the ignition. “A’ight. Let’s do this.”
I saw my sister’s red Camry coming up the road. I waited until she parked at the end of the block before we climbed out. While Candace got Miasha out her car seat, I reached on the back seat for the cheesecake that Candace had made. I wouldn’t have brought anything if it hadn’t been for her. My mind had been consumed with thoughts about how this day would go down. I looked over at the two-story brick house located in Oak Park, Illinois. After working more than thirty years for the CTA, my father had done well.
I closed the car door just as Linda and her date got out. As soon as I saw him rise from the passenger’s side, my mouth dropped. “Are you for real?” No wonder she wanted me to come with her. Dude was white.
Candace moved beside me and looked equally surprised. “You didn’t tell me her boyfriend was white,” she murmured.
“That’s because she didn’t tell me.” I was certain my little sis purposely left out that piece of information. We had planned on getting together before the family reunion so she could meet my girl, but we could never work out a good time. But a white boy? I pictured her being open to all things, but this wasn’t one of them. The way they were holding hands and grinning at each other, it was obvious she was really feeling the dude.
“Hey, big brother,” she called, as she moved across the street to where we were standing.
“Whassup.” I met Linda halfway and immediately noticed she was avoiding eye contact. That’s okay, because the first chance I get her alone we were going to have a talk.
Linda leaned in close to the dude. “Well, this is the guy I’ve been telling you about.” She got this dreamy look in her eyes for a second, then said, “Tommy, this is my brother Chauncey.”
“It’s a pleasure meeting you,” he said by way of a greeting followed by a handshake.
“Same here.” For a white boy he wasn’t bad looking. He wasn’t one of those trying to fit in by acting black. He was a true all-American Caucasian kid with blond hair and blue eyes, exactly what one would picture as a doctor.
I introduced them to Candace; then we all headed up the sidewalk. Linda came around beside me and squeezed my hand. I glanced down at her pleading eyes. She knew how to get to me every time. “I’m so glad you came, Chauncey. This means a lot to me.”
“Anything for you.”
Miasha was holding her mother’s hand and I walked in front of them. Two men were standing in front of the house talking.
“Uncle Carl. You remember Chauncey?” Linda said after giving one of them a big hug.
The tall man rose slowly and removed his hat. “Well, I’ll be damned,” he said, smiling yet tearful. “I haven’t seen you since you were but that tall.” He lowered his hand to his knee.
“Yeah, it’s been a long long time,” I replied, embracing him. I never forgot all the shiny quarters he used to give me.
“Welcome home, son.” He made me feel at home and I got all misty eyed. I pulled it together before he released me.
I introduced him to my girls; then we followed Linda through the side gate and entered the backyard. There was music playing. Ribs could be smelled, cooking on the grill, and people were laughing, playing cards and having a good time. Linda led us around, introducing us to everyone, and I didn’t miss the look on everyone’s face at the mention that I was Fred’s son, especially since some had never seen me before. What blew my mind was that instead of people saying,“I didn’t know Fred had a son,” I heard, “I heard a lot about you.”
“It’s good to see you again.”
“It’s about time you came back home.”
My two aunts smothered me with kisses, then took the liberty of introducing me to dozens of cousins. I smiled, shook hands, and within minutes felt right at home, almost like I belonged, but I wasn’t trying to fool myself into believing that. This life had been taken away from me when I was too young to understand why. No matter how good they made me feel, I was still a stranger looking in.
It wasn’t until we reached the corner of the yard that a tall, butter brown man moved toward us. That face, although older, had been stuck in my head since I was a kid. For a moment it felt like time had stopped. It was like our entire life together flashed before my eyes. I saw him smiling down at me, pushing my swing, teaching me how to hold a bat. Those were the memories I had tried to hold on to for so long before Mama told me the truth about my father.
“Son, I’m glad you came.”
It was his home, yet he looked more out of place than I felt. I swore there were tears in his eyes, yet I simply nodded when what I wanted to do was punch him in his mouth and demand he tell me why he denied my existence all those years. I wanted to know why he turned his back on me and forgot he had a son when I so badly needed a father. Linda put her hand to my back. I knew she was trying to calm me down and some of my tension eased. Now was not the time. We had family and children around, along with my girl and Miasha. I took a deep breath and walked away, and didn’t realize until I reached the other side of the yard that my hands were balled in tight fists. I didn’t know if the anger would ever go away.
I’ll have to say, for the rest of the afternoon, I had a ball hanging with my cousins, playing basketball and shooting the shit. It felt good knowing the same blood ran through all our veins. Mama’s family was small and so spread out we rarely ever got together as a whole except for funerals. But the Colemans were a large group.
After I won the last game, I moved up behind Candace, who was talking to my stepmother, and wrapped my arms around her waist. I loved the way she leaned back against me, making me feel like I was her man and as long as we had each other, nothing else mattered.
“Chauncey, you’ve got a great girl.” Elaine smiled and looked so much like my sister, Linda. I lik
ed her right away. When I looked at her beautiful face with her strong Nigerian features and friendly eyes, not once did I think of her as the female who stole my father away from me and my mama. I’m a true believer that all’s fair in love and war. What I didn’t excuse was any man who turned his back on his children. “Don’t be a stranger. You’re welcome to our house any time.”
“Thanks, Elaine. Appreciate it.”
We were chatting, the three of us, when my father moved up beside me and tapped me on the shoulder. I jerked away from his touch.
“Sorry, I, uh, would like a chance to talk to you . . . alone . . . please,” he pleaded.
I was ready to tell him to go to hell, but the worried looks on Elaine’s and Candace’s faces made me think twice. There was no need for a scene.
“Be nice,” Candace warned under her breath.
I followed him inside the house away from the others so they couldn’t hear our conversation. Once he shut the sliding glass door, I swung around with my arms crossed. “What you wanna talk about?”
My father’s eyebrows bunched like he couldn’t believe I would ask such a thing. “Us. You’re my son and I would like a chance to get to know you.”
I gave him a look meant to squash any expectation of us ever having any type of relationship. “Why? You weren’t interested all this time, so what’s going to make now different?” I was pouting and knew it, especially since deep down I really wanted answers.
“Now that you’re grown, your mother is no longer standing in the way of me being around my son.”
“What?” I stepped to him, breathing fire now. There was no way I was going to let him talk bad about my mama. Maybe she and I didn’t have the best relationship, but she had been there when I needed her most. “What’s she gotta do with you turning your back on me?”
He tried to reach out to me, but I backed away, so instead, he put his hands in his front pockets. “Son, I’ll admit I did your mama dirty,” he began shamefully. “I was wrong for the way I treated her and I’ll have to answer to God someday; but even though she and I were no longer together, I still tried to be a part of your life, but your mother wouldn’t let me.”
Suspicions Page 17