“You’re lying!” There was no way he was going to get me to believe she was the reason why he had not been a part of my life.
“Son, it’s true. She refused to let me see you. Luckily, Ms. Hattie was nice enough to let me sneak by and see you every day, but once she died . . . I had no way to see you. Your mama still refused to let me be in your life, and I didn’t have the money to try and fight her in court. I would call her from time to time, drop by on your birthday and Christmas with gifts, and beg her to let me see you, but she refused.”
I couldn’t breathe. No way was this happening. “Quit lying!” I got all up in his face ready to punch him in his mouth for lying about my mama. Yet, I couldn’t do it.
“Son, it’s the truth.” I studied his face and watched his bottom lip quiver. I didn’t even know this man, but I couldn’t deny what I saw right dead in front of me. He wasn’t lying, but yet and still, I wasn’t ready to believe it.
Tears glistened in his eyes and his expression struck a nerve. “That’s why I came to you the day after you graduated eighth grade, hoping that I would finally have a chance to be a part of your life, but before I could explain, you stormed off.”
I remembered that day. The second he walked up and told me how proud he was, I spit on the ground and walked away.
“Chauncey, you are my son and I’ve always loved you. I figured the only chance I ever had was by you getting to know your sister. She wrote the letters and I made sure you always had money on your books and magazines to read. I hoped that in time you would welcome me into your life again.”
I kept shaking my head. I couldn’t believe it had been him making sure I always had toiletries and reading materials. I never had to beg or want for anything. For five years, I had thought all that time it had been Linda sending me those things, yet it had been him.
“If you cared that much, why didn’t you try to write me or come see me?”
“Would you have put me on the visitor’s list? Would you have returned any of my letters?”
“No, I wouldn’t.”
My father tried to resist a smile and so did I. I guess he knew me better than I knew myself.
“Son, all I want to do is start over. All I ask for is a chance.” He was pleading, and it was his own fault our relationship was the way it was.
I looked through the glass doors and spotted Elaine and Candace, making it no secret they were watching and waiting to see what would happen. I then looked over at all my aunts, uncles, and cousins, people I had never gotten a chance to know, and the little boy inside wanted so badly to feel part of something. Unfortunately, the man in me wasn’t that easy to convince. “I’ll think about it.”
He nodded and looked pleased with my answer. “That’s all I ask for.”
I turned and walked away and signaled to Candace it was time to go. If I didn’t get away from there, I was going to grab that man and cry like a baby. Deep down I was happy to have a father again.
25
Noelle
“Hello. Is this Rianna?”
“Yeah, who’s this?”
“This is Scott Gordon’s mother. I’m calling to see if you gave birth to a child and left her on my doorstep.”
Click.
No, she didn’t hang up on me. All I did was ask her a question. I dialed her phone back and she answered after three rings.
“I guess I should take that as a no.”
“A baby? Are you for real? I couldn’t even stand him kissing me. Scott liked to slob in my mouth.” Click.
When she hung up, I didn’t bother calling her back. Instead, I scratched her name off the list. This was ridiculous. If my son hadn’t been sleeping with almost every girl at his high school, I wouldn’t have to be working so hard. I spent the last week trying to track down every girl my son’s been involved with and had yet to find one person who has had a baby or knows of a female who did. I turned the page of the yearbook. So far I had gone through all the graduating seniors in the book. Now it was time to start calling the former juniors. Someone knew something, and I was determined to find out what it was.
Regardless of what the outcome was, there was no denying I had fallen in love with my granddaughter. Every time she looked up at me I saw so much of my son. It was amazing how much they looked alike. Which was why I was determined to find out who the mother was so we could decide how to proceed. Scott didn’t have any luck finding the girl he knocked up. However, he promised to be home after finals, then together we could find Sierra’s mother. In the meantime, I was going to continue to look for her on my own.
I left the salon around three, picked up Sierra, and headed home. Grant was leaving in four days and the tension was still heavy between us. Every day was the same thing. We stepped around each other and barely spoke. Often I found him staring and watching, like he wanted to say something but nothing came out. I didn’t know what was bothering him and what had caused our marriage to sour, but I was tired of worrying myself to death about the whole thing. I decided to just leave it in God’s hands.
I stepped inside the house, carrying Sierra in her car seat. Grant was sitting on the couch in the living room.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey,” he said, and didn’t bother looking up from the television.
I went to our bedroom feeling frustrated as I asked myself, was this what my marriage had come to? My husband spent more time hanging out in the streets with his friends than he did with his wife. I knew in the past I had neglected my husband’s needs and had put the salon first, but I thought our marriage was strong enough to survive anything. I guess that’s what I get for thinking.
I fed Sierra, burped her, then rocked her to sleep. The second I lay her in her crib, I decided to take advantage of the opportunity and jump in the shower. Grant was still downstairs watching television. I was hoping that since we had only four days left together, he might feel like talking this evening.
I was in the shower for what felt like forever, thinking about my failed marriage and trying to decide what it was going to take to get it back on track after Grant got back. One thing was for sure. I could no longer go on like this. Either he was ready to seek marriage counseling or I was ready for him to find another place to live. I’m sure one of his drinking buddies would be more than happy to let him move in. Under the spray of water, I bowed my head and prayed to God to help me save my marriage.
By the time I stepped out the shower, I heard Sierra crying and groaned. There was no telling how long she had been awake, crying her eyes out. I quickly reached for a towel and wrapped it around my body. As I stepped out the bathroom, I suddenly halted. Sierra had stopped crying. I moved down the hall and when I heard Grant’s voice, I froze.
“Little lady, what’s all that noise for? You want someone to talk to?” He was speaking in a soothing voice that I hadn’t heard him use in years.
“Hey? How’s it going? Do you know I’m your grandpa?”
I stood outside the bedroom door and watched my husband sitting in the rocking chair, cradling his granddaughter gently in his arms. I was so choked up at the sight of the two of them, I didn’t know what to say. Not once since she had moved into our house had he held her. Now he was holding her like she was the most precious thing and talking to her like they’d known each other for years.
I stood there for what felt like forever, with him rocking in the chair until she finally went back to sleep. Grant carried her over to the crib and lay her gently on her back. When he swung around our eyes met and I swore his were cloudy with tears.
“She looks just like Scott,” he replied.
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.
“Come’re,” he commanded, and I didn’t waste any time moving into his outstretched arms. “I am so sorry. So very sorry.” He kept saying it over and over as he held me tightly.
“For what?” I finally asked, because I needed to make sure he was apologizing for the right thing.
“For my behavior the l
ast couple of months.” I was just glad to have him holding me. He brought his lips to mine and I kissed him back, loving the way it felt just to be touched by my husband. “I’ve been so stupid.” He backed me slowly out the room and down the hall to our bedroom, where we helped each other out of our clothes and I wasted no time getting under the covers. Not once did my eyes leave his body.
“Noelle,” he said, and crawled on the bed beside me. I couldn’t stop looking at him. My nipples hardened. Moisture gathered between my thighs. “Baby, I’m going to warn you. The first time’s going to be quick. I promise the second one I will take my time.” He put his hands between my thighs and rubbed his finger along my kitty. I arched my back anticipating what he was about to do. I was breathless with anticipation.
Slowly, Grant slid inside. I sighed and lifted my hips off the bed. It felt so good having him make love to me again. I moaned as he rocked, and before long his strokes became stronger. I wrapped my legs around his waist and tried to control the rhythm, but he lowered my thighs back to the bed so he could move as deep and hard as he wanted.
“Yes, baby,” I moaned. Grant grabbed my hips, holding me in place, and pumped wildly. My back bowed as his thumb found my clit and pressed against it. He rubbed while he stroked. “Yessss!” I screamed, and he covered his mouth with mine, silencing me so I wouldn’t wake Sierra. I came hard. His breathing increased and then he came. I don’t think we lay there more than fifteen minutes before he was inside of me again. It went on and on and I swore my husband couldn’t get enough of me. I lost count of my orgasms and half lost my mind, crying and shaking for the next two hours until he finally cried out and collapsed on top of me. We lay there holding each other until our hearts slowed; then Grant raised up in the bed and stared down at me.
“Baby, there is no excuse for my behavior,” he said by way of an apology.
There was no way I was letting him off the hook that easily. Not after everything he put me through. “Why? Why were you acting that way?”
“I was scared.”
I didn’t have a clue what he was talking about. “Scared of what?”
He bowed his head, then breathed, “Of getting old.”
“Getting old?” I totally didn’t understand what the hell he was getting at.
Grant rolled onto his back with his hands behind his head, staring up at the ceiling as he spoke. “I guess I’m scared of getting old. I looked in the mirror one morning and realized I was forty. We spent years struggling to make ends meet and raising kids. Now that we’re in a better position financially and can enjoy life a little, there’s another baby in the house. Having a grandchild scared me, because it means that I’m getting old and time is running out.” He sighed heavily. “I know now that sounds crazy, but I don’t want to sit back one day and see that life has passed us by. We never got to do anything or go anywhere because all we ever did was raise kids and work hard. It wasn’t until I held that little girl I realized that we are truly blessed enough that we can open up our home and offer her a good life. She’s a Gordon. I can see it in her face and her eyes, and we Gordons stick together.”
I felt like a heavy weight had been lifted from my chest. My husband was going through a midlife crisis and I hadn’t seen it coming. “I’m so glad to hear that. I was so afraid, I didn’t know what else to do.”
“I’m sorry, baby. You forgive me?” he asked, turning on his side and facing me.
“Yes, I forgive you.” I was just glad that we were talking again. I was confident that in time things would be back to normal.
“The whole teaching overseas was because it was something I had always wanted to do and I was afraid I might not get another chance. But if you don’t want me to go, I understand.” His mouth said one thing, but his eyes said another. The opportunity was important to him.
I would rather he stay here than be in another country for a month with other teachers from around the world. I guarantee there will be females. I bet the first chance one of them gets, they’re gonna try and make a pass at my husband. But as much as I wanted to say no, I knew it wasn’t fair of me. I needed to trust him. “No, you go. I know how much this experience means to you.”
I watched his shoulders sag with relief and a smile curl his succulent lips. “I love you, baby,” he replied with a kiss.
“And I love you.”
I put in a movie and we cuddled under the covers until Sierra started screaming, then Grant went and got her and she joined us. I couldn’t help but smile because this was the way it was supposed to be.
26
Candace
“What’s that smell?” I stepped into the apartment to find Tiffany sitting on the couch and my apartment smelling like burnt paper. “Tiffany, did you hear what I said. What’s that smell?”
She looked at me long enough to say, “Oh, I was burning Kimbel’s pictures on the patio.”
“What?” I hurried through the kitchen and out the sliding door to find my barbecue grill lit on my small patio. The blaze was roaring. Right beside it was a bag of charcoal and lighter fluid. Was that chick crazy or what?
The day after Tiffany got back from Jamaica, I made the mistake of inviting her to stay with me. Her mama can be a straight bitch, and I knew she was getting tired of hearing how she had made a big mistake by giving it up so soon, so I suggested she come and stay with me and Miasha while she got herself together and found another place to live. Ever since, she’s been half going to work, canceling her hair appointments, and spending the day lying around the house, listening to sad love songs and crying over that infected fool. I honestly didn’t know how much more I could take.
I went and grabbed the fire extinguisher from the pantry and put the fire out. “You’ve got to get yourself together,” I replied when I stepped into the living room to find her staring at the television screen. She had no idea what she was watching. The local news was on and I knew she didn’t watch the news. “You got to quit tripping over that dude. He ain’t worth it.”
“It’s not that,” she finally said, then trained sad eyes in my directions. “I’m now damaged goods. Nobody else is ever gonna want me.”
“You don’t even know if you have it yet. Why don’t you wait until after you’ve been tested before you start jumping to conclusions?” She was acting like a CD on repeat. I’ve been hearing this same song all week and I had it up to here.
“I know I’ve got it. I have this gut feeling,” Tiffany whined.
“You are starting to sound crazy.”
She cut her eyes in my direction. “Okay, so what would you do in my situation?”
“I would go get tested instead of sitting around moping over that fool.”
“That’s easy for you to say; you’re not in this situation. I’m just scared.”
“Scared of what?”
“What I might find out.”
“You act like you got AIDS or something. That’s when you need to be tripping.”
“Who knows? I go get tested and I might discover that herpes is the least of my worries. There ain’t no telling what else that bastard might have.” She hopped up from the couch and was pacing back and forth across the length of the room. “I don’t know how I was ever in love with that grimy muthafucka.” She looked like she was itching to punch someone.
“Love is blind. Trust me, I know.”
“But this was supposed to be my one and only. He knew the rules from day one, and yet he manipulated my ass into giving him my most precious gift. This is so fucking unbelievable.” She flopped back down on the couch and started crying again. I didn’t know what to say at this point.
“Listen, Tiffany, everything is going to be all right.” I took the seat beside her.
“I might have sores growing in my mouth at any moment. I can’t believe I went down on him. I had his tainted penis in my mouth. Dammit! How could I be so stupid?”
“Girl, I’m sick of listening to you talking about this. Just bring your behind down to the clinic and g
et tested.”
“Hell no! I’m not coming down to no freakin’ free clinic. Every broke bitch in town goes there, and Thursday night is dirty dick night. I don’t think so. I’ll make an appointment and go see my own gynecologist.”
“Good. As long as you take the test and get this mess over with, ’cause you’re starting to get on my damn nerves. I already told you Chauncey said he could hook you up with one of his boys.”
She rolled her eyes at me, then curled up in a ball on the couch again.
“No, thank you. I don’t think I’m ready yet to start dating again.”
I’d be damned before I sit around moping over some muthafucka. “Why don’t you come to my company picnic with me and Chauncey?”
She shook her head. “I don’t think so.”
I was through trying to talk to her. Just as long as she didn’t burn down my apartment, she could lie on my couch all day and mope if she wanted to. I went into the room and changed out of my work clothes and got ready for my afternoon, but I could hear her in the other room, crying again. I think it was time for me to find Tiffany another place to live. Even Chauncey was starting to get annoyed by her behavior. Whenever he came over, Tiffany wasn’t even respectable enough to go in the spare bedroom; instead, she would sit out on the couch with us and want to talk about Kimbel. When she wasn’t talking about him, she was crying. I had hoped five days in Jamaica would have made her feel better. I had even hoped she would have met some Mandingo who fucked her brains out; but if that happened she sure hadn’t told me. All she talked about was that fool Kimbel. Whatever! I pushed my friend’s problems aside and got ready for the afternoon.
“Park over there.”
Chauncey pulled into the parking space at the end of the park and turned off the car. I took a deep breath and stared across the seat at his fine ass. I was still amazed how far we had come in such a short time. We had been seeing each other almost every evening I didn’t have class, and the days that I did, after I got Miasha to bed Chauncey and I would talk on the phone until we both fell asleep. It was amazing how in such a short time Chauncey had become such an important part of my life. So important that I had invited him to my company picnic.
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