Murder Machine and the Catastrophic Athletic Festival

by Mizuki Mizushiro

  Tomomi continued in a boastful tone, as if she was reciting a speech she had prepared earlier: “See, it’s like, I’m actually really, super-incredibly gutsy. Maybe you might recognize my screen name, Li’l Tomo? I was doing live broadcasts on a video site, but I hardly had any followers. And it was sooooo boring! Some bitch who was like a hundred times uglier than me was getting a thousand times more likes just for singing karaoke, and it was such a bummer that I thought about giving it up… And that’s when the thought hit me! It would be hella cool to live broadcast a murder, right? Just like that!”

  “Ah—” Ayaka, who had been eating her lunch to Kyousuke’s left, spoke up. “I know this story! It was about a year ago, I think. A high school cam girl posted a video of herself stabbing a classmate to death with a knife, and there was a big uproar, right? It was all over social media and everything.”

  “Yeah, yeah, that’s it—that was totally me!” Evidently very happy that someone had heard about her, Tomomi raised her voice in excitement. “I was super psyched when it happened! In an instant the rumors spread, and I got sooo many followers… At first I had viewers in the double digits, but by the end I was up in, like, the thousands! It was totally cuh-razy! It felt good, so good! Kyah-ha-ha! The comments and stuff were really angry, but I ignored all the haters and did it anyway! I was so excited, and I stabbed her so many times, and her insides all came out! I was such an amaaazing hit!! Right?! It’s the best, even just remembering it now. Does that sound psycho? Kyah-ha-ha-ha-ha!”

  ““…………””

  Eiri and Kyousuke stared in silence at Tomomi, who was doubled over in laughter.

  …That’s right. I can’t believe I forgot. There are a huge number of people like this here. Psychopaths who will snatch away strangers’ lives without question, hesitation, or complication…

  And it wasn’t just the first-years. There were many among the second-and third-years as well.

  How did we end up having to compete against that lot…? This is too awful.

  Kyousuke, who was genuinely a normal person, trembled as he recognized anew the terror of the upcoming athletic festival. However, his murderous classmate had no way of knowing his true thoughts.

  “Heh-heh, that’s just like you, Tomomi!” Shinji laughed. “Full of cruelty that belies your outward appearance. However, in our class, we have the ace known as Mr. Kamiya, who killed twelve people, the most in our grade, right? To Mr. Kamiya, homicidal killers are just like tiny babies, so he’ll take them all out for us in five seconds flat!”

  “Huh? Wait, I’ll do nothing of the—”

  “Ha-ha-ha, right on! We’re counting on ya, Kamiya! You may have laid a world of hurt on me before, but at the athletic festival, we’re on the same team. So really cut loose and wreck ’em all for us!!”

  “H-hee-hee-hee… Anticipating a great showing by Mr. Kyousuke Kamiya, the insane invincible homicidal killer…hee-hee-hee…”

  Even Oonogi and Usami, who were lined up to Shinji’s right, started to fawn over Kyousuke.

  In reality, Kyousuke hadn’t even killed one person, but thanks to his faulty criminal record, the expectations were high.

  A chant of “““Ka-mi-ya! Ka-mi-ya!””” had even started up.

  “Wait… S-stop it! It’s great that you all feel that way, but—”

  “Ka-mi-ya! Ka-mi-ya! A’right! Ka-mi-ya!”

  “Ayaka?! You were the one stirring this uuuppp?!” Kyousuke looked dejected as he tried to force his little sister to stop clapping to the beat.

  Eiri mumbled, “…Don’t let it get to you.”

  “…Oh no.”

  In the midst of the commotion, a female student sat alone at the edge of the table, restlessly picking at her breakfast. With chestnut-colored hair and flax-colored eyes, it was Maina, who had been scolded harshly by Kurumiya that morning. Sitting to the left of Ayaka, Maina stayed quiet, her eyes cast downward as she squeezed her small body into an even smaller ball, doing her very best not to draw any attention—

  “But the problem is what to do with Maina, you know.”

  “Fweeeh?!”

  At Shinji’s words, Maina jumped. She upset the dish in her hand and splashed Usami, who was sitting across from her, with miso soup.

  “Hee-hee?!”

  “So-so-so-so-so-sowwy! I-IIII-I, I—”

  “Hush, Crafty Cat. Just try to calm down.” Ayaka’s words poured over Maina like cool water.

  With wide eyes, Maina said, “…I-I’m sorry,” and stiffly sat back down.

  Ayaka and Shinji sighed together.

  “Are you really that timid? That’s why you’re going to fail!”

  “Still acting like this at such a crucial moment… It makes my head hurt. What a troublemaker you are.”

  “O-oh dear…” Maina hung her head, tears welling up in the corners of her eyes.

  Usami, now covered in miso soup, stared at her with soupy eyes through the gaps in his bangs.

  Maina squeezed her eyelids shut tightly and raised her head earnestly. “R-really, I’m sorry! I’m clumsy and a coward, an idiot and a total crybaby. I’ll probably just get in everyone’s way! But I’ll try my hardest and keep—”

  “Just give it a rest already!” Tomomi interrupted. “It’s so pointless to even try—you’ll just get in the way.”

  “…Huuuh?” Maina gaped.

  Winding her hair around her fingers, Tomomi continued in an exasperated tone, “You practically killed Arata and Kagerou, yeah? And at the Summer Death Camp you even, like, almost bumped off some upperclassmen. You’re totally terrifying! So just…do whatever. It’s cool—nobody cares. But if you get the rest of us tangled up in your shit like you did this morning, we’ll be totally screwed. Get it, you unbelievable moron?!”

  “Eeek?! Y-yeeeeees! Oh gosh…” Maina’s body trembled at the merciless browbeating.

  Kyousuke finally couldn’t stand it any longer and struck the table as he stood up. “Hey!” he shouted. “Don’t talk to her that way—”

  “Ah, I’m pooped! I’m completely exhausted, really!”

  A succession of new students shuffled into the cafeteria. Leading them was—

  “You’d think he could cut us some slack and not go over time on the first day of practice, right?! That’s why Mr. Busujima is so unpopular… You guys think so, too, right?”

  —a girl wearing a jet-black gas mask and headphones. Following behind this girl, who stood out conspicuously even at this school with its many strange students, were—

  “Oh-ho-ho. Yes, you’re right. I hate men who are careless about the time.”

  “…No way. The important thing about men is the flavor. Aside from that, nothing else really matters.”

  “Nay, what should be required of men is strength! Isn’t that right, Azrael? Heh-heh-heh.”

  —a huge girl with a flour sack on her head, a little girl with glittering canines, and a boy talking to his right arm, smiling boldly—in other words, more weirdos.

  “What’s this?” Shinji said in a quiet voice. “It appears our ‘enemies’ have arrived…”

  The new students were affiliated with first-year Class B, one of the classes that Kyousuke’s first-year Class A would encounter at the athletic festival. The appearance of their closest rivals kindled new hostility in the students.

  “We’re all the same—freshies, I mean—so at the very least I won’t lose to them, even if I die! I’ll crush ’em!”

  “H-hee-hee… Yesterday’s enemies are today’s friends, and yesterday’s friends are today’s enemies… Hee-hee-hee.”

  “…Oh yeah. I’m totally getting fired up! I’m gonna go all out.”

  “…Let’s see. Even though they’re people that we’re always close with, at the athletic festival they become our mutual enemies. In that case, there’s nothing to do but eliminate them! I’m hardening my heart toward you, Renko!”

  “Ohh, for GMK to be our enemy, that sucks. Why did I have to be in Class A…?” “You’re wron
g, Kousaka. Think about it the other way! You can do anything you want to your enemies. In other words—” “All-you-can-grab boobies?!”

  “Yes. We. Can!”

  “Woooooooooooooooooo!”

  “……The worst.”

  “Oh dear…”

  The students of Class B glared back as the Class A students got more and more worked up. A dangerous atmosphere filled the room, the rules of the class-versus-class battle athletic festival giving rise to tension and discord between the groups.

  The athletic festival held by the Purgatorium Remedial Academy was a genuine, serious smashup.

  And as far as people trying to get on good terms with their opponents—

  “Morning, Kyousuke! Morning, Eiri, Maina, and Ayaka!”

  —there was just one person. Wearing a black gas mask, she completely ignored the atmosphere of the room and, bounding up to Kyousuke, embraced him from behind with a squish.

  “Waah?! S-stop that, you idiot… You’re heavy!”

  “Kksshh. It’s because they’re so big. Isn’t it nice? Go ahead and get your fill! Here, here.” The female student laughed lewdly and pressed her breasts into his back.

  It was a sensation that surprised him no matter how many times he experienced it. With the blended scents of sweat and soap added in, Kyousuke’s power of reason was starting to shake loose.

  “Aaaaaahhh, geez! Enough already, get off me, Renko. You don’t have to hug me every time we meet. And stop pressing your boobs against me!”

  “I told you. If I stop doing that, I’ll lose my defining character trait, won’t I?”

  “Don’t worry about it. You’d have plenty to stand on as a character even if your boobs disappeared. How many times are you gonna make me say that?!”

  “If it’ll stand up just fine even if my boobs disappear, then go ahead and get me pregnant! How many times are you gonna leave me unsatisfied?!”

  “Don’t say that!”

  “““…………”””

  Lots of eyes were glued to Kyousuke and Renko, who were yelling and making a scene.

  “…Hahh,” Eiri sighed and pressed on her temple. “You really can’t read the room, can you? Don’t you understand the situation we’re in?”

  “Of course I do! This is the time when we all enjoy breakfast together while I tease Eiri with boob jokes, right? Wowww, your rack is fantastic today, as always! It hasn’t grown a bit.”

  “Ah, right, right. You don’t understand at all… Your head hasn’t grown a bit.”

  “Ehh?! Did you say head?!”

  “—Miss Renko Hikawa.” A quiet voice called out to Renko as she bantered with Eiri in their usual way. She turned to see Shinji standing with his hand on his chest.

  “Good morning. This is the first time that we have spoken directly like this, is it not? I am Shinji Saotome. Truthfully, I have been curious about you for a long time… I was thinking I would love to speak with you sometime. My, what a charming gas mask!”

  “……Huh?”

  Kyousuke and Eiri were shocked as Shinji began making a pass at Renko.

  “For a long time… What are you spitting out convenient phrases like that for, you faker.”

  “Seriously. Isn’t this the guy who called her ‘the crazy bitch in a black gas mask’? What kind of turnabout is this?”

  “Heh-heh-heh. Come now, you two. I’m not the kind of small-minded man who judges a girl only on her outward appearance, you know! At the outset, I was shaken by her incredible getup, but…I was enchanted by the beauty of the private face hidden beneath the mask—”

  “Ah. You saw my bare face, did you?”

  “……I did.”

  “Isn’t that still part of my outward appearance?”

  Come to think of it… Before summer vacation, when Renko had used brute force to stop Ayaka’s rampage, she had, sure enough, let the curious onlookers see her bare face. That peerlessly beautiful visage that ordinarily could not be seen due to the gas mask…

  “Oh dear, have I exposed your secret? …I’m terribly sorry,” Shinji continued. “But I had never dreamt that you could possibly be so beautiful.”

  “Right on! Me too, I was really shocked back then!” Oonogi, breathing wildly and leaning forward, shoved his way into the conversation. “To be honest, I thoughtcha were just a big-boobed pervert, but after the veil was lifted, yer a top-class beauty, aren’tcha! With that style ’n’ those looks, and an amazing rapper to boot. It’s too much—I’m even thinkin’ of cheatin’ on Eiri with you. What about you, Usami?”

  “…………”

  Usami, who had been pulled into the conversation, stood up and swept aside his long bangs. “That’s right. I appreciate a great pair of legs, but I love enormous breasts even more. Until now, I’ve been all in over Eiri because of her cute features, but I’m compelled to change my preference now that I’ve seen your bare face. I adore you, Renko—I’ve become a fan. Please allow me to lick your cleavage.”

  “Fwa?! That’s the first time I’ve heard you talk normally, Kagerou!! But you’re so nasty! The stuff you’re saying is seriously gross!” Tomomi was disgusted.

  Across from her, “…Tch,” Eiri clicked her tongue. “You can all just die. And anyway, aren’t you forgetting? She’s affiliated with Class B, our sworn enemies. What are you doing, trying to make ties with her?”

  “Eeeeeehh?!” Renko let out a hysterical cry in response to being forsaken. “What the hell, it’s fine, isn’t it?! The competition hasn’t even started yet!”

  “It’s not fine. If we’re friendly before the games, it’ll be that much harder to fight when the time comes.”

  “Huh. I’m not worried about that, but…Eiri, aren’t you being even more confrontational than usual?”

  “Naturally. You are my enemy.”

  “……Enemy? Not of your class, but of you?”

  “I’m afraid so, Miss Renko…” Shinji looked sadly at Renko, who was staring at Eiri with her head tilted in confusion. “Me in Class A and you in Class B. It seems our love was never meant to be… Alas, it’s just like the tragedy Romeo and Juliet! Innocent, pure hearts rent asunder by the storm known as the athletic festival, ephemeral and fleeting—”

  “Hey, hey, Kyousuke.” Leaving Shinji alone in his excitement, Renko turned to Kyousuke. “The athletic festival is a class-versus-class battle, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “And all classes aside from your own are the enemy, right?”

  “That’s right.”

  “Hmm. Well, wanna join forces?”

  “Uh……”

  At Renko’s proposal, Kyousuke’s eyes widened.

  “Let’s form an alliance between your first-year Class A and our first-year Class B.”

  “……Seriously?”

  “Of course! What do you think, everyone?” Renko jumped up on the empty table and looked around at the students in the cafeteria. “The athletic festival is a ruthless competition between six classes in total. If you go into it the normal way, there are five rival classes you’re fighting against, four of which are upper classes, right? And all the upperclassmen have experienced the athletic festival before, but us first-years have not. Do you think we stand a chance, fighting with such a serious handicap? Past results should make the answer clear.”

  The number of past victories for first-years totaled exactly zero. This was the merciless, overwhelming fact.

  Renko paused a moment, allowing a faint uneasiness to arise in the chests of her audience, before continuing. “So let’s join forces. Let’s combine the strengths of two classes and make up for the difference in experience! That way, we’ll only be up against four rival classes, and with double the fighting potential! And after we do away with our biggest enemies in the upper classes, our two classes will be left to contend for victory…right? Don’t our chances of winning seem much better this way than if we try a direct assault? Okay, everyone—”

  Renko’s voice grew more and more passionate as sh
e replaced their anxiety with hope. She pumped her fist in the air and shouted, “Win the athletic festival with me! It doesn’t matter one bit whether you’re in Class A or Class B. Together as first-years, let’s get the better of the upperclassmen! And let’s carve a brilliant record of an unprecedented first-year victory into the history of Purgatorium Remedial Academy! YEAH, let’s concentrate our power! Let’s defeat all those bastards! Sorry, you’re not a winner! We, we’re a lot of winners!”

  “““”””

  After she was done yelling, the crowd fell silent as Renko broke into a rap. For a moment, everyone was quiet, and then—

  “““GMKaaaaaaaaaaaayyy!”””

  The crowd exploded into cheering. The cafeteria was filled with excitement. Students rushed forward, regardless of whether they were in Class A or Class B, and crowded around the table Renko was using as a stage.

  “So cooooool! That’s our GMK!” “That’s right! We can’t win against the upperclassman if we fight among ourselves!” “I love you. Please date me!” “Okaaay, let’s kill ’em!” “Let’s snatch total victory with our own hands!” “Bump off the upperclassmen!” “I love you. Please marry me!” “Renkoooooo, look over heeere!” “YO, YO—” “Hey, look, Flour Sack Bob is headed for the stage!” “Chika-chika-Chihiro is with her!” “And Kuuga Makyouin!” “Honestly, they didn’t need Michirou anyway.” And so on.

  Ayaka gaped at the improvised live show that Fuckin’ Park was about to begin right there in the cafeteria. “……What the hell is this?”

  “What do you mean? They’re super popular…”

  “Oh goodness, Renko sure is amazing!”

  Renko’s popularity had only been heightened by the revelation of her face, the directness she had shown with Ayaka as an opponent, and her impressive final exam grades. All around the astonished Kyousuke, students who had, just a few minutes prior, seethed with hostility now stood enjoying themselves together.

  “…Hmm. I wonder if it’s going to be that easy. It’ll be fine if the teachers permit it, but…” Eiri’s subdued comment evaporated in the face of GMK’s intense lyrics.