by Kaylee, Katy
His room was dark, lit only by the moonlight coming in from the large windows. His bed was large and I couldn’t wait to feel his weight pressing me into the mattress. But first, he kissed me, long and slow, like we had all the time in the world. Again, I pushed away the thoughts of Ben and Hannah and all the reasons why being with Ash was a big mistake. Instead, I pretended like we did have all the time in the world. I snaked my hands around him, sliding my fingers along the back of his neck.
“I love how you make me feel, Ash.”
“How’s that?” He murmured against my neck, as his fingers undid the zipper of my dress.
“Safe. Sexy. Alive.”
He lifted his head and looked me in the eyes. “I want to make you feel like that always.” He pulled the shoulders of my dress down my arms, and I stepped out of it. His eyes registered the lacy bra and panty set I’d put on. “Did you wear that for me?”
I nodded. “Yes. Do you like it?”
He ran a finger along the lace of the bra cup. “It’s fucking sexy.”
“What about you?” I asked, undoing his pants. “Anything special under here?”
He grinned. “Why don’t you find out.”
Slowly we undressed each other, Ash distracting my efforts to get him naked with his kisses and caresses. Finally, he lifted me and laid me on the bed, and as I’d wanted, his body came over mine, pressing me into the deliciously soft mattress.
“I plan to use up all this space we have,” he said as his hands roamed my body.
“When will you start?” I was burning up with the need for him.
He laughed. “You’re impatient.”
“I’m worried your ability to hold back suggests you’re losing interest in me.”
His eyes narrowed. “Never, Beth.” His lips came down on mine, this time harder, more desperate, as he ground his hard cock against my belly.
The words ended then, and yet the way he kissed me and touched me told me that the things he said before were true. I devoured his love and at the same time, my heart was breaking that this wouldn’t last. It couldn’t last. I worked to push it away so I could focus on him and this moment. I tried to let him know through my kisses and caresses that I was with him, at least at this moment and that I loved him too.
After he touched every inch of my body, he reached over to his bedside drawer and pulled out a condom. He sheathed himself and he pulled me over him.
“Take what you want from me,” he said, his voice rough with desire.
I straddled him, marveling at the hard length of him. The six-pack of his abs. The chiseled lines of his chest. The ridiculously handsome face. I lowered myself over him, making him mine, even if it was just for this moment.
“Ah, Beth.” He levered up, wrapping his arms around me, and taking my lips in a passionate kiss that stole my breath away.
When he pulled away, our gazes held as I slowly rocked over him. His dick pulsed inside me. For a moment, I wished I could take off the condom and do it like we’d done the first time. I wanted him… all of him without any barriers. It wasn’t possible, of course. Not unless I wanted a second child. My heart cried out, yes, yes, a second child with this man. A family. A life. All with this man. If only I could have all that.
23
Ash – Sunday
I wished I could understand all the nuances of Beth’s expressions as she slowly rode me. Yes, I saw desire and passion, but sometimes there was such sadness. And then it would be gone, and she’d be with me one-hundred percent again. Was she worried about her financial situation? Ben? Us? I hated that whatever weighed on her mind, she had a hard time pushing it aside in this beautiful moment.
I wrapped my arms tighter around her and rolled us over until she was underneath me again. I pressed my hips to her, sinking as deeply into her as I could.
“I love you, Beth.”
Her breath hitched. “Show me.”
She didn’t say it back. She hadn’t before either. It stung, and yet I could see that something was holding her back. If I was patient and tenacious, I could push back whatever resistance she had and make her mine. All mine.
I rocked my hips, sliding in and out of her, watching her lovely face fill with pleasure, and the expression of sweet torture as I pushed her up and up.
I took her hands, gripping them in mind as I held them next to her head. “Come with me,” I whispered. “Together.”
I picked up the pace, thrusting more forcefully, going deeper and deeper, wanting desperately to be a part of her, as she was already a part of me. She’d always been a part of me since that summer six years ago, I realized.
“Ash.” My name escaped her lips in a sweet moan.
“Right here, baby.”
We moved in that perfect rhythm I’d only ever found with her. Our hands clasped tight. Our fingers entwined. Our bodies were one, moving in perfect harmony. Together we reached the apex and then with one final thrust, we leaped over the edge into sweet pleasure together, our cries of release echoing through the room.
We continued to move until the last wave of pleasure dissipated. I moved my weight off of her but pulled her close. I hoped beyond hope that now the orgasms had come and gone, she wasn’t going to start pulling away again as she’d done before.
She rested her head in the crook of my shoulder, and I had a moment to wish that I could go to bed and wake up every morning with her right there.
She pressed her hand on my chest, over my heart. “Ash?”
“Hmm?” I put my hand over hers, wanting to keep her there.
“Do you really think that we could overcome any obstacle?”
I looked down at her. “If we want each other enough, then everything else doesn’t matter. It’s just logistics.”
Her expression appeared torn. Like she wanted to tell me something, but couldn’t quite bring herself to do it.
“You can trust me, Beth. I’m here for you and Ben.”
She nodded and took a deep breath. She started to open her mouth, and I thought, Hallelujah, she’s going to open up to me.
But then a phone rang and her attention immediately went to that. Beth was out of my arms and my bed in a flash. I got up and followed her out to the living area where her purse was. I grabbed my robe for her, and my boxer briefs for me.
I helped her into the robe, as she put the phone to her ear. “Hello?”
I could hear a frantic female voice on the other end, as I tied off and tossed my condom in the garbage and put my underwear on.
“Where are you now?” Beth’s voice had a tinge of panic in it, that put me on edge. Did something happen to Ben?
There was more talking on the other end and then Beth said, “I’m on my way.” She hung up the phone tossing it in her purse. “I’m sorry. I have to go.” She hurried back into my room and started dressing.
“Of course. What’s wrong?” I asked as I picked up her shoes to help her dress.
“I have to go to the hospital.” She stopped for a moment. “Can you call me your driver?’
“I’ll take you.” I grabbed my pants slipping them on.
“You don’t need to do that. I’ve already ruined your night enough.”
“Jesus Christ Beth, when will you get it through your head that I care for you? I can see you’re worried and in pain. I want to be there for you.”
Her expression is a mixture of annoyance and worry. “Fine… okay.”
When were dressed, I lead her down to the garage and guided her to my sedan. In different circumstances, I’d put her in my two-seater Porsche. I had this fantasy of driving us back out to the beach someday and starting over with her. But now was not the time to try and impress her with a car.
I jumped in the driver’s side and pushed the car to move as fast as it could through the busy streets of Manhattan.
I had barely parked the car at the emergency room door, when she was out and rushing inside. Not caring if I got a ticket or towed, I left the car there and ran in behind her.
I caught up to her just as she reached the nurses’ station. “I’m looking for my daughter. Hannah McAdams.”
It took me a moment, and then I was staring at her. Did she say, daughter?
The nurse nodded to Beth. “I’ll take you back. Right now, only one parent at a time though,” she said to me.
“I’m not—”
Beth was already heading back leaving me waiting. I walked over to the waiting area, my brain in a whirl. Beth had a daughter? She was a mother? Was that what she was worried about telling me. Did she think I wouldn’t love her because she had a child?
I wondered who the father was. Where the father was. Then I had a flashback to six years ago when I’d failed to use a condom. Christ, was I the father? I immediately shook my head. There’s no way Beth would have kept that from me. Perhaps she’d gotten together with some man in Europe. The child had Beth’s surname, so I guessed that meant he wasn’t in the picture. What sort of douche abandoned a woman like Beth and their child? Okay, so I’d left her once when I was weak. But I wouldn’t have left if she was having my child. That was for damn sure.
It didn’t sit well with me that another man had touched her, but I recognized that as petty jealousy. She was mine now. And as far as I was concerned, her child was mine now too. I’d care for them both. Give them both everything they wanted and needed.
Feeling a bit calmer, I sat down in the waiting area. It was filled with people from all walks of life. A couple of children played and I watched them, wondering about Beth’s daughter. Hannah. It was a lovely name. I hoped she was going to be okay.
I stood and went to the nurse’s station again. “Listen, whatever Hannah McAdams needs to get well, I’ll cover it.”
She looked up at me like I was nuts. Then I remembered she thought I was the father. “Just… if she needs anything, give it to her.”
I laughed inwardly at myself as I went back to my chair to wait. Already I accepted this child as my own and I hadn’t even met her yet.
24
Beth – Sunday
I pushed Ash and what this all could mean out of my head. None of that mattered right now, anyway. All that mattered was Hannah. I rushed into the triage area and saw my little girl in a bed. She looked wiped out, but she was awake and not in distress as Morgan stood by her holding her hand.
“Oh God, Beth, I’m so sorry,” Morgan said when she saw me.
“What happened?” I took Morgan’s spot, gripping Hannah’s hand and leaning over to kiss her. “You okay baby?”
“Yes.” Her voice was soft like she was exhausted.
“Ah, Mrs. McAdams,” the doctor said as she entered.
I didn’t bother to correct her. “What happened?”
“It appears that little Hannah here has a seafood allergy. A fairly severe one, but she got here in time, and will be just fine.”
“Seafood allergy?” I looked over at Morgan.
“We were made shrimpies, mommy,” Hannah said.
“I’m sorry, Beth. I didn’t know.” Morgan looked distraught.
“I didn’t know either.” I looked back at the doctor. “How do I avoid this?”
“For one, don’t eat shellfish. But she should always have an epinephrine auto-injector with her. If she’s in school, you’ll want to talk to them about it and have some available there as well in case hers can’t be located.”
“Okay, yes. But she’ll be okay?”
The doctor smiled. “She’ll be absolutely fine. That’s not to say this isn’t serious. Allergic reactions can be fatal.”
“God Beth… I’m so sorry—” Morgan was crying and I could only imagine the guilt she was feeling.
I gave her a hug. “It’s not your fault. And you got her help. You saved her.” I turned to the doctor. “Does she need to be admitted?”
“No. I do want to keep her here a little longer for observation, but if she continues to show no further signs of an allergic reaction, I’ll discharge her.”
“Thank you, doctor,” I said, feeling more grateful than I could find the words for.
“How you feeling Hannah?” the doctor asked.
“Can I have ice cream?”
We all laughed, and I felt the tension in my body vanish.
“Do you want me to send the father back?” the doctor asked.
Morgan’s eyes widened. “Is Ash here?”
I nodded, having forgotten about him. I turned to the doctor. “He’s not… he’s just a friend.”
“He’s her boyfriend,” Hannah piped up.
“Oh, well. If you’d like to have him come back—”
“No, thank you.”
When the doctor left, Morgan looked at me. “What are you going to tell him?”
I rubbed Hannah’s forehead, and she closed her eyes. “Take a rest sweetie.”
“I’m not tired.” But her voice was barely a whisper.
I kissed her and then turned to Morgan. “I’m so tired of carrying this burden. He has a sense I’m keeping something from him, I’m sure. He says we can overcome anything and I guess I need to test that out.”
“It’s the right thing to do, Beth.” Morgan patted my arm. “And you’re right, if he said you can overcome anything, then you can. He might be thrilled.”
“I’ve kept something from him as important as this from him for five years. I doubt he’ll be thrilled about that.”
She winced. “Well, he’ll probably be hurt and maybe angry, but you had a reason. He needs to accept that just as you accepted his reason for leaving you.”
I nodded. I had to trust in Ash’s words.
“Do you want me to stay? Be there when you tell him?”
I shook my head. “No. Thank you, Morgan. I need to do this on my own.” I reached into my purse and pulled out some money. “Here’s for watching Hannah, and please take a car home and not the subway.”
“I don’t need that.”
“Please. Take it.”
Reluctantly, she took the money. “Let me know how it goes, will you?”
“Yes.”
Then she grinned. “You’re gonna get your Prince Charming.”
I laughed, and could only hope she was right.
“I’ll let him know it will be a bit longer,” Morgan said.
“Thank you.”
After Morgan left, I sat with Hannah as she slept. I took in each blonde lash that lay on her cheeks. Watching each rise and fall of breath as she slept peacefully. Please God, let Ash be happy about this. Don’t let his hurt or anger cause him to try and take her from me.
It felt like an eternity that we waited, but finally, the doctor came back. She checked Hannah, who continued to sleep through it all and declared her fine to go home.
I picked her up and her little head rested on my shoulder.
“Where we going Mommy?” her tired voice asked.
“Home, baby.”
Her arms looped around me. “’K.”
I took a deep breath as I walked out of the triage area and to the waiting area. For a moment, I wondered if Ash would even be there but then chastised myself. Of course, he would. Ash was that type of man. I could only imagine what he was thinking. Did he have an inkling that Hannah was his?
As I entered the waiting area, he looked up from where he sat. He watched me for a moment. I guessed he was working to get used to the idea that I was a mom.
He smiled and stood. “Can I help?”
“I need to finish the discharge papers.” Taking a breath, I nodded to her. “Can you hold her?”
“Absolutely. Will she be okay with that?”
Hannah lifted her head to look at him, then reached her arms out. Ash took her, and Hannah settled her head on his shoulder. The beauty of seeing him hold his child stole my breath.
I finished with the paperwork and got the epinephrine pen, then walked with him out to the car.
“We’re over here.” He said, nodding to a different location than where he’d let me out.
I opened the back door and was surprised to find two car seats.
He smiled. “I didn’t hear how old she was so I got one for a baby and one for a small child.”
My heart was bursting with joy. Regardless of how he felt about me, he’d love Hannah. I put her in the child seat. “Thank you, Ash.”
“Of course.” He held the passenger side door open for me and I got in. Nerves threatened to choke me. Did I tell him on the drive? No. I should wait until Hannah was home and in her bed, away from whatever response he might have.
Still, I should probably say something. “I guess you’re wondering why I haven’t mentioned I had a child.”
He pulled out from the hospital parking lot into the street. He glanced at me as if he was waiting for me to elaborate. There was no mistaking the hurt in his eyes.
“I… ah… this isn’t easy for me. Each time I saw you, I kept thinking it would be the last time.”
His jaw tightened. “Even tonight?”
“No.” I reached out and put my hand on his thigh. “No. Tonight I was going to tell you everything.”
“There’s more?” He looked at me.
I nodded. “I’d like to get her home and into bed, and I’ll explain.”
He continued to drive. “How old is she?”
I guessed he was just making conversation, but I knew her age could also give away her paternity.
“She turned five in May.”
He didn’t say anything, and I couldn’t read if he was making the link or not. We rode the rest of the way in silence. When we arrived at my place, I knew I needed to worry about Ben, but couldn’t muster up the energy.
Ash carried Hannah inside and put her in her bed.
“I have mermaids,” she said sleepily as he pulled her covers up over her.
“They’re lovely.”