by Kaylee, Katy
She turned onto her side, putting her hand over his like it was a stuffed animal. “Will you stay until I’m asleep?”
He looked up at me, his eyes filled with emotion and I knew he’d figured it out. “Yes.”
I motioned that I’d go downstairs and give him a moment. My heart was racing as I entered the kitchen and started the coffee.
My hands shook as I poured the brew into the mugs and waited.
Finally, he entered the kitchen, his emotions raw on his face. “She’s mine, isn’t she?”
25
Ash – Sunday
I studied Beth as I waited for the answer I was pretty sure I already knew. I was Hannah’s father. I had a child I never knew about. The woman I loved, that I was so sure would never keep something this significant from me, had done just that.
Tears welled in her eyes. “Yes.”
The one word sent me reeling. I put my hand out on the door jamb to steady myself. I couldn’t quite pick out what emotion I was feeling as there were too many. There was a joy at being a father I never expected. But that was quickly buried by hurt, anger, confusion.
“Why did you keep this from me?”
She swallowed and looked down. “You left.”
I ground my teeth together. “There are phones in Europe, Beth. Mail. Email.”
She looked up. “I did mail you. You sent my letter back unopened.”
“Bullshit. I never got anything from you except silence when I tried to contact you.”
She shook her head, tears streaming down her face, but I wouldn’t let myself be swayed. “I never knew you tried to reach me.”
“I don’t believe you.”
There was a slight flash of anger in her blue eyes. “But you want me to believe that you didn’t get my letter? The one you took one look at, probably rolled your eyes at because you wanted to be rid of this teenager that you fucked and then left—”
“It wasn’t like that I told you.”
“Why should I believe you if you don’t believe me?” She rushed from the room.
“Where are you going?” I wasn’t done yet.
“Just wait.”
I heard her going up the stairs and for a moment I wondered if something was wrong with Hannah. But then she came back down.
She thrust a worn envelope at me. “Here. There’s proof.”
I took the envelope and noted her flowery handwriting of the address of my father’s home where I’d lived while I worked with Ben to open the club. Separate handwriting in dark ink said “Return to Sender.” Was that my father’s writing?
I looked at her. “Can I open it?”
“I wish you would.” She turned from me as if she couldn’t stand to look at me.
I opened the envelope and read the letter dated October six years ago.
Dear Ash,
Don’t worry. I get it now that what we had was just a summer fling. That all those things you said weren’t true. I like to think your interest in me was more than just trying to get into my pants, but considering you left without a word right after that, it’s time I faced the truth.
My gaze jerked to hers. “I meant everything I said that summer.”
She only shrugged.
I turned my attention back to the letter.
I suppose this will be an annoyance beyond having to deal with my teenage crush, but I feel like you need to know.
I’m pregnant. You don’t have to do anything. I’m living with my mother in Europe and she and my father will take care of everything. But in case, you cared, I wanted to let you know.
“In case I cared? What the fuck, Beth?”
“What was I supposed to think?” she cried.
She was right. In her shoes, I might have thought the same thing. But what about now? “Why didn’t you tell me now? When we reconnected?”
She simply stared at me and that was when I realized that she never had any intention of telling me. She put the house on the market and was going to move. She was going to cut her losses with her father’s business and with me, and take my daughter away.
Anger like I’d never felt before erupted. A barrage of spiteful heinous words rattled around on my tongue, but I was able to keep them inside my mouth knowing that a child, my child, was asleep upstairs.
“You’ve completely destroyed me,” I finally managed. “I’ve missed so much. Her birth. Her first smile. Her first step. All of it you stole from me.”
“Ash, please.”
“Does Ben know? Is that why he tried to kick my ass?”
“He found out when I moved back. He hated that you and I were together, but he did feel like you should know the truth.”
I laughed derisively. “So, the guy who hates my guts at least had the decency to think I should know about my child, but the woman I’ve loved for six years planned to steal my child away from me.”
“I…” She looked down because what could she say? Finally, she looked up. “You said that we could overcome anything.”
I stared at her, wondering if I ever really knew her. “Not this, Beth.” I had to get out, but then I remembered Hannah. And then Ben and his drinking. “Where’s Ben?”
“I don’t know. He often sleeps at the office a lot.”
“I don’t want his drunken ass anywhere near my daughter.”
“Ben loves Hannah. He’d never hurt—”
“He tried to kick my ass, Beth. He’s violent and I don’t want him around her.”
She nodded, although I knew now I couldn’t trust her.
I felt completely broken inside. “Why Beth? Why would you do this?”
“I didn’t think you cared after I couldn’t reach you. And now, I worried you’d take her from me.”
I tilted my head up to the ceiling as a new wave of pain washed through me. I finally looked at her. “You never knew me at all, did you? Did it occur to you that I might just want to be a father? Fuck Beth, standing in the hospital all I could think about was the three of us being a family. At that time I thought she was some other man’s child.”
Her expression looked stricken and filled with guilt. “I’m sorry. I just… I was too afraid to take the risk.”
“I thought I felt pain six years ago when I was forced to leave you, but that was nothing compared to this,” I rubbed my hand over my chest as if that would help make my heart stop hurting.
“I’m sorry. I was wrong.”
“Yes. You were.” I wanted to lay into her but didn’t want Hannah to wake up and find me yelling at her mother. “I have to get out of here, but this isn’t over Beth. I will be a part of her life, so you better not be planning to leave New York.”
The surprise in her eyes told me that was exactly what she planned to do.
“I won’t take her from you,” I assured her, “But I sure as hell won’t let you take her from me either. I will fight for my rights.”
She nodded. “You don’t have to fight with me, Ash. I won’t try to keep her from you.”
I stared at her again, trying to figure out how I could have been so wrong about her. “I’ll be in touch tomorrow. But if she needs anything tonight, you call me.”
“Yes. Of course.”
Unable to look at her any longer, I turned and strode out of the house. I decided to walk a bit before going home. I’d hoped the walk would calm me down, but with each step, my anger grew. All this time, I’d blamed my father and Beth’s father for getting between us. I bore my share of responsibility by admitting I should have stood up to them, damn the consequences, but that didn’t mean I didn’t deserve to know about my own child?
Now, I had to blame Beth too. I could let her off the hook about the letter, but she had five years to try again. And if not that, she had the last few weeks to tell me. All those times I was inside her, bringing her pleasure and not one fucking word about a child.
Ben knew too and didn’t say anything. Beth said he told her I should know, but he didn’t tell me. Was that my punishment from him f
or fucking her in the first place? Then a new thought came, and my anger ratcheted up to nuclear levels.
I strode back to my car and drove to the building where my father owned a penthouse apartment. The whole way, I seethed, anger brewing as I wove through the traffic like a maniac.
I parked outside his building, not caring if it was a legitimate spot or not.
I was allowed in by the doorman and I made my way up to the top floor.
When the door opened, I immediately gripped my father’s shirt and pushed him back into a wall.
“Did you know!?” I roared at him.
“What’s got into you, son?” my father's eyes flashed with surprise.
“What the hell, Ash,” I heard Kade say. He came over and tried to pull me off my father.
But I held on tight. “About Beth’s child. Did you know? Did you know she was mine?”
“What the fuck?” Kade said under his breath.
My father’s brows lifted, but then lowered and I saw guilt. “I knew she had a child. I didn’t know it was yours.”
“You’re a businessman. You understand how math works. How did you not know?”
“I didn’t know there was a child until a year or so ago. I just figured she married or had a man in Europe.”
I’d thought the same thing at first. I was going to let him go and then I remembered the letter she sent. “Did you intercept our attempts to contact each other?”
A flash in my father’s eyes confirmed my suspicion. “The point was for you two go on with your lives. That’s what McAdams wanted. As far as I’m aware, she only sent the one, so she didn’t try very hard.”
“Don’t!” I pressed against him, feeling my anger heat up my skin. “Don’t put this all on her.” I shook my head. “What did I ever do to any of you to deserve this?”
I gave my father a light shove and then let him go. I strode to his bar, wondering how much booze it would take to knock me out so I could stop feeling if only just for a moment. Then I remembered Ben. Was that how he’d gotten started on the path to his self-destruction?
“You okay, Ash? Can I get you a drink?” Kade said in a rare showing of concern.
“No.”
“No as in not okay or no as you don’t want a drink?” he asked.
“Both.” I dug the heels of my hands into my eye socketed. “She totally betrayed me. She never planned to tell me. Even now when we’ve been spending time together. I fucking loved her and she kept my child from me.”
I turned to see my father and Kade staring at me. Of all the people in my family to break down in front of, these two were the worst. Neither was known for warmth or caring. And yet, they both stared at me like they felt bad for me. That was worse. I didn’t want their pity.
“I’m leaving.”
“Why don’t you stay?” my father said.
I pointed my finger at him. “I’m done. You can keep my inheritance. I forfeit it because I’m not going to meet your stupid terms.”
“You already have. You have a child.”
“I’m out.” I owned Jet and had my own investments. I wouldn’t be as rich as I was as a part of Raven Industries, but I was still plenty rich. Hannah would go to the best schools. Travel. Go to any college she wanted.
“Ash, why don’t you stay a little longer,” Kade said. “I know we’re not the best people to help you through this, but we can listen.”
I shook my head. “I’m going home. Thanks, anyway.”
Once out of my father’s building, I went to my car, which hadn’t been towed or ticketed. At home, I took a shower, feeling the need to wash the day off me. To wash Beth off me. The task was a waste when I realized her scent was all over my sheets.
“Fuck!” I strode to a guest room to sleep, assuming I’d ever get to sleep. I took deep breaths like I often saw Hunter take when he was getting agitated. Then I turned my focus away from Beth’s betrayal, to my daughter.
I was a father. Fucking hell. My mind filled with all the things I wanted to do with her, and at the same time, sadness that I’d missed so much already. And that she didn’t know me. What if she didn’t want me to take her to the park or zoo? I wanted to be in her life, but I didn’t want to force myself on her if she didn’t want me. Would she be mad that I hadn’t been in her life?
All I could do was reach out to her and hope that Beth didn’t try to sabotage me and that Hannah would let me make up for all the time I missed.
26
Beth – Sunday
I was both stunned and completely distraught. What had I done?
You’ve completely destroyed me.
I had never felt like such a terrible person as when he uttered those words. I saw it on his face as well. He was in excruciating emotional pain because of me. I did that to him.
“Oh, God.” My knees went weak and I dropped the floor, my own pain and shame overwhelming me. I wept for what I foolishly lost. Why had I thought so poorly of him when he’d been nothing but gracious since our reunion? Yes, I’d been holding a grudge about how he left, but he explained that. As it turned out, he’d tried to contact me as I had him. Did that mean our families continued to keep us apart?
“Mommy?”
My head jerked up to see Hannah standing in the kitchen, her eyes wide with fear as she looked at me weeping on the floor.
I quickly wiped my tears and stood up. “You should be in bed, baby.”
“Why are you crying. Did that man hurt you?”
“No, honey. I hurt him and I’m feeling terrible about it.” I picked her up and carried her into the living room. I considered putting her to bed, but I figured now was the time to tell her the truth too. It would also give me something else to focus on besides my own stupidity.
“He seemed nice. Why did you hurt him?”
I sat on the couch with her on my lap. “Because I was being foolish.”
“You should say you’re sorry.”
God, if only it were that easy. “If I get the chance, I will. But there’s something else I’d like to talk to you about.”
She sat across my thighs and looked up at me. “What?”
I heard the rattle of the doorknob and cursed inwardly at Ben’s timing. He finally got the door opened and stood looking at us in the living room.
He was fairly lit, but not stumbling drunk. “What’s going on? Someone die?”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m having a talk with Hannah. About Ash.”
“He helped me at the hospital. He’s nice,” Hannah said.
Ben’s eyes narrowed. “Hospital?”
“She had an allergic reaction. She’s fine now. I’ll tell you about it later.”
“Why was Ash there?” He entered the room and stood in front of me with his arms crossed.
“Because I was spending the evening with him,” I said with my chin raised defiantly.
“So, you’re going to tell her. All that wanting to be free of him was bullshit?”
“Ummm. That’s a bad word.” Hannah said.
He closed his eyes. “Sorry Han.”
“It was wrong not to tell him. You said it yourself.”
“You’re going to tell her, so I’m assuming he knows?”
I nodded. “Yes.”
“And.” Ben prodded me.
“He didn’t take it well, as you might expect.”
Ben closed his eyes and when they opened, they looked pained. “We don’t have the resources to fight him, Beth.”
“We won’t have to. As it turns out, only you and I are the petty ones.” I laughed sadly. “He was truly hurt that I thought he’d try to take her.”
“He might say that now—”
“I trust him, Ben. And it’s done. It’s out. I’d like to talk to Hannah about it now.”
He nodded and sat in a chair across from the couch. I lifted a brow. “I’m here for support.” He said.
“Hannah-Banana, remember when you asked me about your daddy?”
“Yep.” She looked at me w
ith her sweet eyes.
“Well, I didn’t tell you the whole truth about that and I’m very sorry.”
Her brows knitted together. “Why?”
“I was worried and selfish. But I want to tell you now. Ash, the man that was with me at the hospital… ”
“He put me in my bed.”
“Yes. That’s right. Honey, Ash is your daddy.”
She stared at me for a moment. “Because you’re getting married?”
God if only. “No baby. He’s not going to be your stepdad, he’s your real dad.”
Her little lip quivered. “Why was he gone? Didn’t he want me?”
“Oh no, baby. He didn’t know about you just like you didn’t know about him until tonight.”
She looked around the room. “Where is he? He left because he doesn’t want me?”
My heart was breaking and I wondered what I’d been doing wrong as a mother for her to automatically assume he didn’t want her. “Oh baby, he does want you. He wanted you even before he knew he was your daddy.”
“Why’d he leave?”
I brushed a tear that fell on her plump cheek. “You were sleeping and he was upset. Remember I told you I hurt him. I hurt him by keeping the secret. He’s so sad that he’s missed so much of your life already. He needed some time to think.”
“Will he be back?”
“Yes, baby.” I pulled her close. “Oh honey, you’re going to have the best daddy ever.”
“Since he’s your boyfriend, will we be a real family?”
I heard Ben scoff, but luckily, he kept his mouth shut. Just to be sure I sent him a deadly glare.
“No honey. I don’t think so. But he’s going to be a great daddy. And the good news is, we’ll stay in New York. You want that don’t you?”
“So, he’s putting you up like some kept woman.”
“Keep quiet or leave,” I said tersely to Ben. “You and I have hurt the one ally we had. The one person who believed in us and would have helped us.”
“I don’t want or need his help.”
“That’s the thinking that has got us where we are. We were both selfish and cruel.” I laughed derisively. “We don’t deserve him. But Hannah does and I won’t let you speak ill of him. From now on, you keep your mouth shut or you can leave.”