Running on Empty (Mending Hearts, #1)

by L. B. Simmons

  She watches me closely as she walks across the room. When she’s directly in front of me, she puts her face right in front of mine and narrows her eyes, like she is trying to figure something out. “Well, aren’t you defensive all of a sudden? Interesting.” She turns and walks out of the room making her way to the girls’ rooms.

  What? I’m getting really tired of her and these freakin’ obscure messages. What the hell does that even mean? I make my move to follow her when I hear a gentle knock at the door. Knowing who it is, I put a fake smile on my face before I answer the door.

  Hello fake smile. I wasn’t planning on using you ever again…

  “Hey John! Hey Nancy! Come on in!” I give them both a quick hug. I can’t help but smile when a couple of Rylie’s friends from down the street also make their way to my door. I usher everyone into the living room after closing the door behind them. I hold my finger in front of my lips, silencing the hyperactive children. “Listen – Rylie’s in her room. She has no idea about the party so we need to be super quiet. Okay?” They all put their fingers to their lips, following my lead. “Good. Now, go ahead and head out back. I’ll get everyone else out there and then I’ll bring her out.” Nodding their heads, Nancy and John lead the pack, tiptoeing with huge grins on their faces. I don’t know who finds these parties more exciting…the girls or John and Nancy.

  Once they’re safely outside, I dart into the kitchen to get Blake. He’s standing by the refrigerator, glass in hand, staring at the floor. I think Harlow’s reaction really upset him.

  “Blake – its fine. I’ll take care of Harlow.” I try to sound as sympathetic as I can while grabbing his arm. “Listen, don’t let her ruin all of our hard work.” I open the door and force him outside. “Oh yeah, you know Mrs. Meyer, right? Go say hi!”

  I shut the door and pick up the pace to the girls’ rooms, where I hear clinking tea cups in Rylie’s room. I slow down as I approach the room, taking in a deep breath before I open the door. I immediately have to suppress a giggle. If I wasn’t so upset with Harlow and her dumb undecipherable code, I would’ve laughed at seeing her with the pink boa wrapped around her neck and huge tea hat on her head. She twists her body around in the kiddie sized chair and I jerk my head toward the party. She nods in response.

  “Whew! Alright girls, it’s too hot for tea in here.” Standing up and taking off her boa, she fans herself dramatically. “Let’s go out back for some fresh air.” Nycole and Kyndall jump up and shriek loudly, running out of the room. Rylie attempts to go as well, but Harlow reaches out and catches her before she can escape. Maintaining her hold, she takes off her hat and puts it on the table. Before passing me, she pauses. “I’m sorry Alex. I need to talk to you. Come see me when things settle down.” I nod my head and let her move by me. Rylie lets go of Harlow’s hand and gives me a quick hug before skipping down the hall after her.

  When they reach the door, Harlow stalls Rylie until I meet up with them. I look at Harlow and we both nod to each other, signaling “party time”. I open the door and guide Rylie outside.

  “Surprise!” Everyone yells together. Rylie looks at the set up and turns to hug my leg. “Oh – thank you Mommy!” Holding her fist in the air she adds, “Turtle Power!”

  There’s a collective laugh among everyone and we watch as she runs to her cake. She grabs the stuffed turtles and holds them in her arms. “Thank you all for coming to my party!” She giggles, eyeing her presents. “Are all of these for me?” My little actress. I shake my head at her theatrics and look to Blake as he does the same. When our eyes meet, I melt.

  An hour into the party and it’s an absolute success. The best part? Presents, of course.

  Harlow gives Rylie a make-up kit. I attempt my first use of “mommy death glare 2.0” on Harlow when I watch her open it. She just laughs. Seriously…this glare needs a lot of work.

  John and Nancy give her this annoying mini-ATV that has an obnoxious police siren.

  I give her useful and educational things like clothes and books. She always hates my presents. It’s nothing new.

  But Blake’s present? His present takes the cake, of course. When she opens it, her eyes double in size and she claps her hands together excitedly. It’s the perfect present for her…a trunk full of Disney dress-up clothes. Every Princess outfit is accounted for. From Cinderella to Ariel to Rapunzel…they’re all there with all the accessories. She runs to him and jumps in his arms. He holds her tightly and then places her on the ground.

  He crouches down to speak to her. “Okay Rylie, there are enough Sunday Breakfast Date clothes in there to last a while. I want to see you in all of them, okay?” She nods her head and gives him another huge hug. He watches her as she runs to John and Nancy to show them the Snow White tiara. When he glances my way, I mouth a small, thank you. He gives me a slight smile and a nod, and then goes back to watching her as she starts to pull everything out of the trunk.

  After presents, we sing the usual birthday song and Rylie blows out her candles, in her new and improved Sleeping Beauty dress I might add. I make her take it off before she eats cake. It’s funny how you can get kids to do anything for cake with no temper tantrums.

  Afterwards, we all mingle outside for a while, well…everyone except Blake and Harlow who seem to be going out of their way to avoid each other. After a couple of hours, Rylie’s friends leave and John and Nancy decide to head out. I walk them to the door and give them both an embrace before they leave, thanking them for coming. Closing the door, I turn to head back to the living room, when I hear voices coming from my bedroom. Switching to stealth mode, I quietly tip toe with the voices getting louder as I approach the room. I press my ear to the door.

  “Blake, this is ridiculous. When I called you here, it was to help her, as her friend. Not to sleep with her!”

  “She’s a grown woman capable of making her own decisions. This isn’t your call to make, Harlow. It’s hers.”

  “She can’t make any decisions in the state she’s in, not clear-headed ones. The woman you see is not the woman I helped through the tragedy of losing Derek. She isn’t ready yet. Not for this. You’re completely taking advantage of her vulnerability.”

  “Bullshit! She’s perfectly fine. She’s grieved enough. For God’s sakes…let her move on. You know, if I didn’t know better, I would almost say that you want her to need you. I would almost even say that you want her to remain miserable so that you have a reason for existence.”

  “Fuck you, Blake! You don’t know shit. You’ve been here for like, what, two seconds? You don’t know her. You know what she wants you to know. I called you because she wasn’t getting any better and I thought maybe you could get through to her. But if I knew this was going to happen, I would have dropped all communication with you a long time ago. Bastard!”

  Stepping back from the door, I feel the blood drain from my face. My hands are shaking. A lump starts forming in my throat and the tears start to flow from my eyes. But these tears are different from my usual ones. These tears are tears of anger. I can feel the walls building up around my heart, suffocating any emotion I previously felt for Blake. I’m completely void of anything but rage now. I keep running parts of what I just heard through my mind.

  “When I called you here, it was to help her.”

  “She can’t make any decisions in the state she is in.”

  “You’re completely taking advantage of her vulnerability.”

  “When I called you here.”

  “When I called you here.”

  “When I called you here.”

  I can’t believe it. He lied.

  Everything that Blake has said to me was a lie. Everything I thought I felt was a lie. Everything is a lie.

  Hand shaking, I reach out and throw the door open. I look right at Blake. He stares back at me, guilt radiating from his eyes. It makes me want to vomit.

  “Harlow, take the girls please.” My eyes don’t leave his.

  “Alex–”

  “
Now Harlow!” I break my glare from Blake to look at her. “Take them. They don’t need to hear this. Take them anywhere but here. We’ll talk later.”

  She bows her head in defeat and closes the door as she leaves the room. Blake and I continue to watch each other. I drum my fingertips anxiously against my armoire. Not a word is spoken until we hear the front door shut.

  “Alex –”

  My hand shoots straight up to his face, signaling him to be quiet. “I don’t want to hear anything but the answers to my questions right now.” Once I’m confident that he isn’t going to start rambling like a bumbling fool, I lower my hand.

  “Is your dad even retiring?” I watch him shift back and forth, apparently looking for an acceptable explanation. No answer.

  “Blake, is your dad even retiring?” I glare at him until I get an answer.

  “Eventually,” he finally manages.

  Is he serious with this shit?

  “Like now? Is that why you came back?” My heart is pounding in my chest. I’m about two seconds away from having a full blown heart attack. There’s no way my heart can beat any faster.

  “No. That’s not why I came back.” Blake takes a step toward me and I automatically take a step back. “Stay right there. I don’t want you near me.”

  He stops. “You’ve got to hear me out Alex. This isn’t fair.”

  “Fair? Are you serious? You’ve got to be freakin’ kidding me.” I laugh at his audacity.

  “Really, Blake, you’re right. It’s not fair. How fair do you think it is that I let you into my life, into my heart, only to find out nothing you’ve said has been the truth? How fair do you think it is to give yourself completely to someone who was just using you to get laid? That doesn’t sound fair to me. But hey, at least you conquered your conquest. Right? Congratulations by the way. Would you like me to make you a t-shirt?”

  Blake slams his hand on the side of my armoire. I move back until I hit the wall.

  “You’ve got to be kidding me! You believe that? After all we’ve been through, after all we’ve shared, you honestly believe that shit?” He narrows his eyes and shakes his head. “No, I don’t think you do.”

  I angrily throw my hands up in the air. “I know that I don’t believe a goddamn word that comes out of your mouth! You’ve been lying to me since the day you got here. Our whole relationship has been rebuilt on lies!”

  “You want the God’s honest truth, Alex? I’ll give it to you. I contacted Harlow when I found out about Derek. I wanted to check on you, because no matter how upset I was, I still loved you and I wanted to make sure you were okay. From that day forward, Harlow and I stayed in touch. She would give me updates about how you were handling things. She made it sound like you were struggling, but you were getting through it. When you told me how bad it was, I had no idea. That’s why I was so pissed that night we discussed Derek’s death. I should have been there for you, and I wasn't. I wasn't ready to face you and I’ll never be able to take that back. That kills me.”

  His eyes hold mine as he continues.

  “Yes, Harlow asked me to come back. She was worried about you, Alex. She thought that if I came back here, somehow I might be able to get through to you. That you might be able to move forward in your life, learn to let go and live your life again. And even though I was obviously still upset at you...at myself, I came back. For you. To help you.”

  I shake my head. “Nope. Not good enough, Blake. Listen, I get that you were worried about me...which makes you no different than anyone else in my life. I get that you didn’t want to come here because you didn’t want to deal with my grief. I also get that you feel some ridiculous need to help me. Yes, I get all of that. But know this. I’m not your charity case. I don’t want you here and I don’t need you here. I’ve been doing it on my own, without you, for a while now. So, if you don’t mind, just get the hell out of my house!”

  Blake stalks toward me and, finding I have no route for escape, I stand my ground and throw my shoulders back. We both stare fiercely at each other, refusing to be the first to break. He finally lets out a defeated laugh. “So this is it, huh? This is where you push me away? This is where you just give up because you’re scared? This isn’t about the lies, is it, Alex? You want to yell at me, to hurt me by saying things you don’t even believe, in order to keep from getting hurt yourself. I get it. I do. But I’m not a punching bag, Alex. I love you, but I refuse to be treated like this. I’ve lived my entire life being hurt as a result of your thoughtless actions and I’m not going to do it anymore. I didn’t come back here for this.”

  His statement only fuels my anger. I hit that wall behind me with the palms of my hands.

  “I never asked for you to come back! You wanted to march in here and save me from my miserable life! Well, guess what? I can’t be saved! Get. It. Through. Your. Head.” I press my finger against my temple with each word.

  Blake watches me closely, then exhales a long breath. He rakes his hand through his hair in obvious frustration. He steps closer to me and leans down to look me directly in the eyes.

  “Well done, Alex. You’ve just managed to push me out of your life. I’m gone. But let me tell you something before I go. You want to live your life safe. You don’t want to feel anything for anyone. You don’t want to get hurt again…I understand all of that. But you can’t continue to live that way. Stop punishing yourself for something that was completely out of your control. Stop punishing your girls for God’s sake.”

  As soon as the statement leaves his mouth, I can’t control myself. The anger finally consumes my body. I feel nothing but adrenaline as I deliver the blow to his face with my open hand.

  Blake takes a step back and cups his jaw with his hand. His eyes reveal a flash of pain before they go vacant. His face is now completely void of any emotion…his walls rebuilding just as quickly as mine. After a second or two, he lets out a long breath and shakes his head in disbelief as he steps towards my door.

  “Well, it’s clear you’ve made your decision. There’s nothing left for me here now. Nothing I want anyway. I’m letting you go, Alex, but for your sake, I really do hope you find your way back to the Alex I once knew. Because what you’re doing now, just seems like such a lonely way to live the rest of your life.”

  With that said, Blake Morgan walks out of my bedroom, out of my house, and out of my life.

  And I remain alone in my room.

  Knowing deep down that I just made the biggest mistake of my life.

  It’s been three weeks.

  I miss Blake. I miss everything about him. I miss the way he makes me laugh, the way he holds me when I cry, the way I don’t have to pretend with him. I know the girls miss him too, especially Rylie, but they haven’t asked me about anything yet. And honestly, they’ve seen me cry enough this lifetime, so I prefer to avoid the conversation until they decide they want to have it.

  Missing him definitely isn’t easy…by any means. But missing him without Harlow to make me laugh, well, that just sucks.

  I’ve been attempting to avoid Harlow, which is pretty much impossible. I mean, we do work together, so for now my work days consist of walking through the front door of Prestige, mumbling a hello, darting into my office, and shutting my door. I stay in there until we have an appointment. I get into professional mode, conduct interviews with Harlow by my side, then walk back into my office and shut the door again. I’m not sure I can handle another dramatic exit from my life, so at this point I might as well be the first to cut the proverbial cord.

  At least that’s my plan until one day in the early afternoon Harlow storms into my office, dramatically throwing my door open and slamming it closed. Mouth wide open, my eyes follow her as she grabs one of my office chairs, moves it in front of the door, and parks herself in it. Crossing both her arms and legs, she doesn’t say a word. She just continues to bore her eyes into mine, waiting for me to ask her what’s going on. I refuse to give her the satisfaction, so I begin to whistle as I doodle on
my paper trying to look busy. When I have run out of room on my paper, I start straightening my desk. I open my drawer, still feigning a cleaning routine, only to see the note Blake left on my desk after our wonderful first exchange. My heart aches as memories play out in my mind. I shut the drawer pretending nothing’s wrong.

  Like a lion to the gazelle, Harlow evidently senses my weakened defenses when I opened that damn drawer, because as it shuts, she clears her throat. “So, how long is this going to continue? How long are we ignoring Harlow? Huh? It’s been three weeks, Alex. Would you mind sharing with me when you’re planning on ending this stupid ass tantrum!” She uncrosses her arms and leans forward. “I’m just asking because I would really like to put it on my calendar. Maybe even put together a celebration.” She pauses. “With a lot of alcohol.” After another brief pause she adds, “And strippers.”

  The stripper comment catches me by surprise, as I’m sure she intended, and a slight smile breaks across my face. I continue looking down, hoping she doesn’t notice. My pens are now in groups based on color.

  “Alex, seriously. This is ridiculous. Talk to me.” I look at her and tilt my head as I raise my left eyebrow at her. I’m so tired of being mad. Knowing I’m about to cave, I attempt to keep my mouth in as straight of a line as possible while speaking. “What would you like to talk about? My celebration? If so, I would like to go on the record as saying that if you’re going to have strippers…get that guy Tony…remember? The one from Australia. He was hot!”

  I watch her face as relief floods her features. She leans back in the chair. “Alex, I’m really sorry.”

  “You should’ve told me, Harlow,” I say, placing my elbows on my desk and folding my hands underneath my chin.

  “I was going to tell you, remember? But I didn’t want to upset you before Rylie’s big surprise, so I was waiting until after the party. Then I ran into dickhead and I decided to go off on him first. In retrospect, I should’ve probably discussed it with you first.” Her mouth moves to the side and looks down at her fingernails as she contemplates. “Yeah, that would’ve definitely been more advantageous for me in the long run.” She nods and continues her murmuring.