Six Years

by Stephanie Witter

  One thing was certain though, I wouldn’t make the same mistake. Brooklyn and I? It meant more than any writing awards, contracts and author royalties I’ll ever receive. She’s my past and should be my present and future. She’s my best friend even though our friendship was everything but conventional.

  I wiggled closer to her warmth and let my bare arm touch hers. I ignored the goosebumps on my skin, the way my heart skipped a beat and I closed my eyes. I should go back to my hotel, I knew it, but I didn’t give a damn.

  * * *

  BROOKLYN

  I groaned. The sun was hitting me square in the face. I forgot to close the curtains last night. I moved a little and froze. My head wasn't plastered on my pillow like I first thought, but on a firm chest. A wave of panic washed over me before I relaxed. It could only be one person.

  I opened my eyes and watched Nolan sleep. We talked for a long time last night after we watched The Avengers on TV. At one point we probably fell asleep watching another movie. Why I was plastered against his body with my head on his chest and my hand on his hard stomach while one of his arms was around my hip was a complete mystery, but I didn’t sleep that well very often.

  His face was relaxed. His thin lips were slightly parted and the little loop on his lower lip was catching a ray of sun, making the silver blaze. His thick eyebrows weren't hiding the shape of his closed eyes. The scruff on his cheeks was darker today and I craved to run my fingers over it, or better yet, feel his scruff on my neck. His hair was everywhere, very sexy in this disarray. I knew I was biased, but in my eyes he was perfect.

  I didn't know how long I’d been watching him sleep, but when he opened his hazel eyes and locked them on my eyes, I tensed. With his free hand he rubbed his eyes hooded by sleep and smiled. "Good morning." His voice growled to my ears and I felt it everywhere.

  "'Morning." I put my chin on his chest and didn't look away from his gorgeous face. I wouldn't move until he asked me to. I needed this closeness with him and for the first time in years I felt good waking up. I wasn't dreading this new day. I was happy. It was so easy...

  "Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked, his hand tensing for a second on my hip.

  "No reason." I moved my hand up his chest and on the way his abs contracted.

  He pushed me away abruptly, forcing me to sit up with him. With the scruff hiding parts of his cheeks I wasn't sure, but he seemed to be blushing. "You shouldn't touch a man like that in the morning," he rasped, his hands hiding his crotch.

  I gaped at him for a second before I doubled over in laughter. But what he didn't know was that it had more to do with my excitement and giddiness than the humor of his predicament. I knew it wasn't just me, but knowing he was having a hard on in my room and had to push me away when my hand touched his chest lightly was enough to make me feel giddy.

  "It's not funny, Brooklyn. It's fucking embarrassing."

  I calmed down and took a few deep breath to force my breathing back to normal. "Chill, Nolan. It's not going to shock me, you know."

  "I'd prefer it if it did."

  "Why's that?"

  "Because when I think about Mike touching you I want to beat him to a pulp. That's why." His hazel eyes were serious and hiding nothing about his distaste of my sex life. Embarrassment filled me and I didn't know what to think anymore. Before Nolan came back in my life, I didn't care what other people thought about my life. I didn't even care what Mike did when I wasn't around but for the first time I was reconsidering everything.

  I had never been a brilliant student—probably because it seemed impossible to stay focused for that long every day—but I wasn't dumb either. It was easy to understand why I lived my life like I did and Nolan had always been good at reading people.

  I loved being under the spotlights, I loved attracting the attention and I loved to drive a man to his knees with desire for me. I needed all of that because I lacked any attention at home, so I looked elsewhere. Was it a good enough reason to sleep with someone I didn't even care about? No. Did that mean that I had parental issues? Certainly. Should I feel embarrassed? Not really because I didn't hate my life and it wasn't easy to have a life I felt at peace with. I was dealing with what I was given and even if Nolan had fought against the odds, I wasn't a fighter.

  "If it's because you're worried he’s going to make me suffer—"

  "That's not even the point," he cut me harshly. He breathed through his nose and exhaled. "Do you really know these guys? I remember some of the talks I had with them back in high school and I hate to think about..."

  I stood up and walked to my dresser. I opened it and turned around to see Nolan frowning at me. "What did they tell you about me so far?"

  He paled slightly, but I remembered that was when he's very angry or about to lose it. He didn't go red in the face, no, instead he paled. "Nothing you need to know."

  I closed the few feet separating us and put my hands on his tensed shoulders. "They told you that I enjoyed sex, mostly rough sex, that I didn't have many taboos and that I wasn't clingy. The other girls..." I patted his left shoulder. "The difference with the other girls is that I'm truly their friend. They’re not going to spread some BS about me."

  He chewed on his pierced lip and shook his head. "And it doesn't bother you what they say?"

  "They're telling the truth. I don't see why I should be offended. It's not like they're describing anything graphic."

  His frown deepened. He pulled away from me, avoiding to look me in the eye. Was I disgusting him? "We shouldn't talk about sex."

  "Sex is part of life, Nolan."

  He groaned and walked to my window. "But we don't have to talk about it." He opened the window. "When a guy talks about sex he often gets a vision in his mind and with you in front of me it's... wrong."

  "Wrong? Just because you can't forget the fucking twelve year old I was? Don't worry, Nolan, I'm not going to jump your bones," I bit back. I shouldn't be surprised or pained, but I was. It's ridiculous of me, but I hoped that upon waking up in each other's arms he'd see me like a man sees a woman for once. Just this one time.

  "What? You'd prefer it if I tried to fuck you, Brooklyn? Shit!" He held up his hands. "I’ve got to go, see you later."

  I stared at him as he climbed out of the window and sprinted to his shiny SUV parked two houses down the street. He didn't look back once before he drove away and I didn't know how we went from laughing to fighting in less than ten minutes after he opened his beautiful eyes and gazed at me with a softness I had missed.

  Above everything, it was difficult to be rejected by the only man who was important to me. I never laid it all on the table, but I knew it wouldn't change a thing besides bringing more awkwardness to this old-new friendship. We were on shaky ground and it was going to be damn hard to discover each other again.

  * * *

  NOLAN

  I paced in my hotel room. It only took five steps to go to the window and five back to reach the door, skirting around the bed. But I saw nothing at all, nothing other than my feet pounding on the floor.

  But what I felt was another story. My heart seemed too big for my chest, my lungs on fire, but the worse was in my pants. I was still hard as fuck. I left Brooklyn’s bedroom half an hour ago and I was still hard. At this point, I couldn’t ignore the fact that it’s beyond simple morning wood and that’s why I couldn’t do a thing. Damn, if I jerked off…

  I stopped right in the middle of the room, just in front of the bathroom door and I swore under my breath. I needed my dick to go back into submission and there’s only one thing left; a cold shower.

  I stripped quickly, keeping my eyes away from my crotch and I walked to the shower. As soon as the icy cold water hit my head and cascaded down my back, I growled, closing my eyes tightly.

  “Fuck me,’’ I mumbled and ignored my cell phone ringing from my pants that I left on the floor just outside the bathroom. I knew that particular ringtone, a ringtone that was picked especially for this caller.<
br />
  What the water hadn’t already cooled off, that ringtone, that call, finished the job.

  I was all sweaty. I hated being ill. My throat was so painful that I could barely drink the glass of water my mother brought an hour ago, just before she left with my father. They didn't care that my fever was still strong and my headache so painful that I couldn't fall asleep. And I was so tired.

  I snuggled in my bed and pressed play on the remote to start Beauty and the Beast for the third time in a row. I loved that Disney movie. And the castle. And the huge library. And the songs.

  I sniffled and let a few tears fall. Anna, a girl from school, had been ill last week and when she came back on Monday she told us how her parents had taken care of her, snuggling with her on the couch, putting a cold face wash on her forehead, kissing her on the cheeks. My parents drove me to the doctor, bought my medicines, gave them to me with a glass of water and left to go out. It was Friday night, after all.

  My window opened and Big No's head appeared. He smiled at me and ran a hand in his buzzed cut short hair where some snowflakes fast melted. "I heard you're ill, Little B. Can I come in?"

  And suddenly my sore throat, headache and fever were worth it. I nodded and brushed away my long brown hair sticking to my sweaty forehead. He climbed inside and sat on my bed. He put down a brown paper bag and focused all his attention on me. He brought a hand to my forehead. His palm felt icy cold on my hot skin. I sighed and closed my eyes.

  "Do you want me to let you sleep, Little B?"

  I opened my eyes and saw his worried face. "Can you stay a little? I don't want to be alone. Mom and Dad left," I croaked, my voice making him cringe.

  He leaned to my forehead and kissed it softly. It was the first time a boy kissed me on the forehead. I shivered and felt hotter. "I brought some DVDs. You told me that you want to watch the Disney Mulan."

  “Did you buy it for me?"

  He ran his cold hand from my temple to my cheek with a soft smile. "Of course. I'm not really into Disney movies anymore you know, but for you, Little B, I'd do it."

  He stood up, put away the DVD of Beauty and the Beast and put in Mulan. He walked back to the bed and laid down beside me. He opened one arm and brought me against his chest. I could hear his heart beating steadily, softly while mine was skyrocketing.

  "Thank you."

  He squeezed my arms and I snuggled closer. I didn't have my parents, but I had Big No and I wouldn't trade him for the world. "Next Friday night I'll chose the movie. Deal?"

  I smiled against his chest as the movie started. "Deal."

  BROOKLYN

  When you lived in a small town you realized early on that you could never be really alone and anyone could easily find you. Yet, that was all I craved for once; being alone. I didn't want people around here to wave at me or exchange a few words with me, but it was foolish of me to think it would happen.

  After Nolan left my bedroom, I went for a walk and ended up on a bench in the park, soaking up the hot rays of the sun. My skin was warm and tingled and just for a few minutes, I could forget everything and just enjoy the emptiness of my mind. Just a little bit.

  There were no parents ignoring me, no pathetic love life, no Nolan back in my life to mess with my head and my emotions. There was nothing but the warmth of the sun, the birds singing in the trees close by and the faint sound of the cars passing by not far from where I was sitting. It was relaxing.

  "At least, some things haven’t changed."

  I opened my eyes suddenly at his deep voice troubling my temporary peace. My heart took off and with it, the air in my lungs. Nolan was standing in front of me. Both of his hands in his pockets and his hazel eyes fixed on me. He was every bit the Nolan I remembered even if he was older and wore expensive clothes.

  "What do you mean?"

  He gazed around and sat beside me, careful not to touch me. I bit back the wave of words about to break free from the seal of my lips. It would be useless to point out that six years ago he'd sit close to me with his big arm draped around my shoulders.

  "You used to bike here after school when something bothered you." It was eerie to have him here today and still know these things about me. I waved a bee away from my face and sighed. "I'd love to know what you think, Brooklyn. You've got this deep frown on your face."

  I chuckled, but it sounded all wrong and I felt him tense beside me. His shoulder bumped into mine and just this tiny touch, very innocent in itself, stole my breath. And then, coming from the hurt and pain I felt all these years ago, anger took a hold of me.

  "You should get lost, Nolan. We fooled each other last night. We're not friends anymore, you have no right to judge me and my life and I'm not really sure that I want to catch up with you, not after the way you left."

  He grunted and bit on his lip ring, turning his fair skin into an angry red. "What do you want me to do to fix this? Damn it! I know I fucked up, Little B, but I was eighteen. My life was a mess, I hated my mother and all I could think about was to be finally free from all of this. The only drawback was you, but I knew you'd be strong enough to replace me. Tell me you understand. Last night was great, wasn’t it?’’

  I couldn't look away from his face. He wasn't the kind of guy, of man, to be open with people, but with me it had always been very different. Just now, his hazel eyes were bright, unyielding and pleading with me, begging me to accept him. His lip ring was jumping in and out of his mouth and even through my irritation, lust made an appearance to mess some more with my jumbled emotions.

  "I understand your reasons for leaving. That's not even the point." I sighed and looked away, not really seeing the little girl running around her mother who was on the phone laughing. All I could feel was that guy who had been my world once upon a time. For the last five years or so, I'd always felt like I had some control over my life, but that thing with Nolan made me feel like the twelve years old he left behind. "You have no idea what it did to me when I read your letter. You don’t have a fucking clue."

  I took a deep breath to calm down. My lungs were on fire, just like I was. I wanted to scream, yell and even slap him, but it was just my hurt talking.

  "Tell me." He put a tentative hand on my shoulder and I shivered. Even my body betrayed me. Fucking perfect.

  "You don't want to know, Nolan. It's all in the past."

  "It's not in the past if it's between us and a new friendship. Talk to me, Little B."

  I bit my tongue and blinked to chase away the tears fast coming at hearing him say my nickname. I've never been as emotional as I was since he came back. I was a mess of emotions and I hated feeling this weak, feeling so much at once. "I think you're the only one who doesn't know that I loved you back then." I looked at his face. He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. He shook his head and his hazel eyes bore into me. "I knew nothing could happen, but I was in love and when I read your letter it was like my world died or something. I had nobody who cared about me anymore, no movie nights to look forward to, no one to talk to if something was wrong. My heart was broken for the first time. The only time, really. And then, I punched my window." I turned my left palm up. His eyes trailed a hot path on my skin before his fingers brushed the jaded scar now more white than pink.

  "You did this to yourself?"

  I shrugged and pulled away. That day was the worst of my life and I kept a mark on myself to remember it. I traced the scar with my finger and blocked out the emotions tugging at me. My heart was beating fast enough as it was. Who would have thought that saying to a guy that you had been in love with him when you were a kid was so difficult?

  "I was angry and hurt, Nolan. I didn't know what I was doing until it was too late."

  A shy breeze shoved his shaggy hair into his hazel eyes and he didn't pushed it away. He welcomed the opportunity to hide his gaze that held a remorseful fire I wanted to extinguish. Remorse was useless. It was in the past and it was time for me to deal with it. Seeing him after all these years opened my ey
es in a way.

  "What happened then?" he asked, his voice low and a little strangled.

  I sighed and shrugged dismissively. "I don't remember much. My parents drove me to the hospital and I got stitches."

  He shook his head and ran a hand in his hair, pushing some locks away and they ended up sticking upward on top of his head. It made him look younger even if the light in his eyes and the way he held himself screamed older. "That's not what I meant." He put a hand on my forearm and squeezed very softly. "How was your life? Don't shut me out, please."

  "Why?" I kept my eyes locked on his. I wouldn't back down, wouldn't escape his scrutiny. I never did and I wouldn't start now. "I don't think..."

  "Stop this shit now," he snapped. His grip tightened on me before he pulled away and put some more space between us on the bench. His eyes narrowed on me. "I don't want to play cat and mouse with you. We're not kids and we can't ignore our past. I don't want to spend my time chasing you and you know I'm not the patient kind. I never chased anybody and it's not going to start now, so humor me and pretend that you want to spend some time with me while I'm here."

  "And when you're done here you will go back to your fancy New York life without a look back, right?" I crossed my arms over my chest. I tried to ease my breathing, but to no avail. He was infuriating!

  "I don't make the same mistake twice."

  I snorted. Unbelievable. "You're so full of yourself! I don't remember you being that way." My voice was softer and I felt it. I was mellowing. I wanted to believe that I could have him back in my life, even if it would be just for a couple of phone calls a year. It would be much more than I ever thought I could have.

  He smirked at me and chuckled. "You were too young. I tried to protect you from my asshole side."

  We fell silent, looking at each other. I don't know what he was seeing in me or what he was thinking, but I was trying to piece him back with the memory I had of him and I realized that I didn't do him justice. Or maybe he changed more than I ever thought he would.